Joy the Baker

How to Make a Double Crusted Pie

July 30, 2010

You Can Do It Apple Pie

Hey… remember that time I made a giant mess of my kitchen counter, spilling water and flour and butter every where while making a pie crust?

What?  I wore my big ghetto hoop earrings!  I made a big ol’ mess!  You don’t remember?

Fine… lucky for you, Jill and I made a video of the whole extravaganza.

That’s right.  It’s Bake Out time again.

If you haven’t yet made a big fruity summer pie, might I suggest you do so pronto?  That means like… right now.  This weekend.  Get on it.

For you pie pleasure, I’d like to humbly offer you this Blueberry Blackberry Pie or the Strawberry Banana Cream Pie.  Equally lovely.  Please consider the goodness then get in the kitchen and.. go.

Ps.  I like you.

52 Comments

Spicy Cornmeal Parmesan Crackers

July 29, 2010

Spicy Cornmeal Parmesan Crackers

Since when are you the type of person to make your own crackers?

Since… today.

Spicy Cornmeal Parmesan Crackers

You’ll feel fancy.  You’ll feel accomplished.  You’ll want to show off.

… and all you did was whip up some crackers.  Kind of amazing.

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59 Comments

Sugar Cookie Ice Cream Sandwiches

July 27, 2010

Sugar Cookie Ice Cream Sandwiches

I shouldn’t have to use a lot of words to convince you that topping a sugar cookie with a scoop of your favorite ice cream and then smashing it all together with another sugar cookie is a good idea.

Huh?

That’s sort of a weird sentence.  Did that make sense?

What I’m trying to say is… please just make these and share them with the people around you.

I’m gonna go wash my hair and put on lipstick… that’s what girls do, right?

Sugar Cookie Ice Cream Sandwiches

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74 Comments

Notes from Seattle

July 26, 2010

Seattle Summer

This is a picture of me on a bridge, among the trees, wearing sporty shorts in Seattle.

This picture tells you a few things:

I’m not in a kitchen.  I’m really excited about not being in a kitchen.  My sister let me borrow her running shorts so I didn’t have to wear my bright purple yoga pants…. and I’m wearing a fashion scarf because I want to look cute even when I’m hiking four miles up a mountain.

Aaand.. I have several versions of this picture where my arms are raised too high, exposing a little belly.  I’ve spared myself the shame of sharing those.

Let me show you what my Seattle times look like.  Wanna see?  Rad.

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101 Comments

Rainier Cherry Brown Betty

July 22, 2010

Rainer Cherry Brown Betty

Were you wondering how many pounds of Rainier Cherries I’ve eaten in the four days I’ve been in Seattle?  Well… just about six.  Six pounds of cherries.

Were you wondering if you can get a terrible tummyache from too eating too many Ranier Cherries?  Well… yes.  Yes you can.

Rainer Cherry Brown Betty

Wait… I just realized that this recipe is similiar to the Banana Bourbon Bread Pudding I just made.  Yeesh.  I’m on a baked bread and fruit and sugar kick.  Bear with me.

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85 Comments

Banana Bourbon Bread Pudding

July 21, 2010

Banana Bourbon Bread Pudding

Imagine how glorious your day would be if you took plain old, super soft white bread and baked it with milk and sugar, bananas and bourbon.

Seriously… what are you doing right now?  Unless you’re shoe shopping or naked with someone you like… I think you should stop what you’re doing and at least think about making some bread pudding.

Or you could watch this video.

Bake Out with Jill and Joy.  We’re at it again.  We do a fair amount of giggling.  We eat piping hot bread pudding and try to pretend that we’re not burning our freaking faces off.  I also announce myself as the winner of the game of life… cause yea.

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113 Comments

Seriously, Frank!?

July 19, 2010

The Stupid Bachelorette

Last night was the night I nearly threw a television out of the window.

Here’s why:

Frank.  Seriously.  Frank and his stupid tank tops and his stupid rando ex-girlfriend and his stupid dramatic insecurities…. and man crying.  Stupid sad piano music should follow Frank around for the rest of his life.

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100 Comments

En Route to Seattle

July 18, 2010

Notes from the Road

Remember that time, earlier this year, when I drove my sister from Los Angeles to Seattle?

Remember… it was that time I ate my weight in Chex Mix and strawberry cheesecake.

Well!  I’m headed back up to Seattle this week!  There will be some serious sister time… and I’m dragging my Mom along too.  I think we’re going to laugh for three straight days… then be on each other’s nerves for a day and a half.  It happens that way sometimes.

Plans include:  introducing my mom and sister to The Bachelorette tonight, drinking more coffee than necessary at every possible moment, hugging my sister’s head, meeting her new kitty Charlesbear and…. I dunno… do you wanna hang out?  I’ll be at Top Pot… every Top Pot I can find.  I’ll be the girl with a giant doughnut in my face.  Keep your eyes peeled for that.

Notes from the Road

77 Comments

Honey and Beer Spice Cake

July 16, 2010

Honey and Beer Spice Cake

I want a hamburger.

with cheese and pickles and too much ketchup.

And chocolate milk.

This is not that… but this is still good.

Honey and Beer Spice Cake

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90 Comments

Joy the Baker: semi unplugged

July 15, 2010

iPhone.

From one to many: a list.

One: the number of iPhones I own.

Two: the number of computers I have in my posession.

Zero: the number of power sources I have for those computers.

One: dead computer.

One: out of battery computer.

One: attempted iPhone blog post.

13: the number of bottles of wine I wish to drink right now.

Four: the number of bags if Doritos I would like to eat right now.

Zero: the number of sit-ups I would like to do, ever.

One Thousand Seven Hundred Ninty Nine: the number of dollars needed to buy the MacBook Pro I love.

Three: the number of times I’ve told myself to shut-it and be thankful for what I have. Geeez.

One kabillion: the number used to represent my love for my fancy phone.

57: the number of text messages sent on that phone today.

Twenty two: the number of today’s text messages that were about The Bachelorette.

Honey beer cakin

1: the number of Honey and Beer Spice Cakes I’ve made today.

Tomorrow: when I’ll show you that dang cake instead of going on and on about my broken technology.

Almost two: the number if hours it took me to get this out.

19: the most likely number of typos in this post. I like you. My apologies.

Sent from my (douchey) iPhone.
Thank you Steve Jobs. Thank you.

76 Comments

And Then Everything Fell Apart

July 14, 2010

And then everything broke

Yesterday was one of those days.

Yesterday was one of those days where important things break, other things fall apart, and you’re compelled to self soothe with tuna melts, french fries and beer… and a prayer or two… or three, or four.

And then everything broke

The day started off with such promise.  I decided to take in the sweltering Los Angeles afternoon while reading these two new cookbooks….

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113 Comments

Blueberry Black and White Cookies

July 11, 2010

Blueberry Black and White Cookies

Baked pancakes with two kinds of frosting… that’s basically what I’m asking you to put into your face today.

But first… here are the three questions I have swirling around my brain this afternoon:

-  At what point in the dating process can I start shaving my legs less often?  I’d like to be prepared for that moment… you know, mark my calender.   If I am currently dating you… um… let’s just recognize that this moment is a little awkward.  Yea…

- Is it rude, when at a small dinner party, to eat three times as much as the hostess… then ask for more food?  If so… oops.

- How many of these downright sinful cookies can I eat between lunch and dinner.  Follow up question:  can I call these cookies dinner?

aaaand.  Cookies.

Blueberry Black and White Cookies

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99 Comments

Cardamom Rose Water Milkshake

July 8, 2010

Cardamom Rose Water Milk Shake

There’s a certain dress I put on when I want to feel pretty.  It shows lots of shoulder, cuts right at the skinny part of my body and maaaaybe there’s a tiny peak of side boob.  I heard that showing off a little side boob is totally in this summer.  Lucky us, ladies… lucky us.

There’s a certain coffee shop I go to when I want to feel pretty.  It’s decorated with chandeliers, gorgeous French-ish wallpaper, serves super swank coffee drinks, burrata with fresh tomatoes… and if I go there, I have a 1 in 371.45chance of sitting next to Jake Gyllenhaal.  So… there’s that.

I have shoes that make me feel pretty.  They’re silver, they have chains, and five inch heels.  I call them my “Get Em” shoes.

I have perfume that makes me smell expensive…. that’s pretty.

And… Well… This milkshake makes me feel pretty.  It’s spiced and fragrant, delicate and just dang beautiful.

Cardamom Rose Water Milk Shake

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85 Comments

The Single Lady Pancake

July 7, 2010

Single Lady Pancake

I sleep in the middle of the bed.  I think I might hog the pillows.  I read a book in bed with a headlamp on my head.  It’s dorky.  Sometimes I fall asleep with the light on… mostly because I’m scared of murderers and not because I just happen to fall asleep with the light on.

I want pancakes for breakfast in the morning… every morning.  But I just want one pancake.  One crazy good, indulgent, morning breakfast for one pancake… with chocolate.  Is that too much to ask?  Heck.  No.

Hush yo mouth.  This mess is good.

… I just wanted to say hushyomouth… you were probably sitting there politely… my bad.

Single Lady Pancake

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285 Comments

Bikinis are Stupid

July 5, 2010

Bikinis are Stupid

This might look like a pile of my unmentionables.  Wait… does anyone call underwear ‘unmentionables’ anymore?

Well… they’re not my unmentionables.  They’re bathing suits.  Underwear that you wear in public.  Downright horrifying.

I hate bikinis.

But I still want to look like a babe in one.  Wait… does anyone ever feel like a babe in a bikini!?  Who are these women?  I bet their thighs don’t rub together…. that’s weird.

My thighs rub together.  It’s because I love rice pudding.  Duh.

So… anyway… I wanna feel like I look like a babe in a bikini.

It’s true.  It’s stupid.  It might be impossible.  Deal with it.

This won’t help.  I know this with certainty.

This might help.  It’s green.

Lemon Poppy Seed Muffing

Wait…. is there such thing as  Lemon Poppy Seed Muffin Diet?  There should be.  Eat nothing but Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins and kale salads for seven days straight?  That’s sorta like a cleanse… right?

Exactly.  I thought so.  I’m on it.

101 Comments

Blueberry Blackberry Pie

July 2, 2010

Blueberry Blackberry Pie

Now that’s a pie.

Warm lemony berry filling that spills when sliced.   A crisp and flaky sugar topped crust.  Imperfect crust  crimping and slightly burned edges.

Let me tell you a few secrets about pies.  They’re a lot of work.  They’re never perfect.  Sometimes they burn.  Sometimes they bubble.  And somehow a slightly warm, homemade pie is always always always perfect, despite the burned bits and the spilled guts.

Blueberry Blackberry Pie

Another secret:  I licked these utensils.  Yea.. that happened.

Now… it’s a holiday weekend, right?  Are you going to parties?  Will there be barbecues?  Are you wearing a bathing suit?  Can I come?

Pie for your parties?  You should.  I know.  I know.. I just told you this pie was a lot of work.  What kind of jerk am I?  I think you’re up for the task.  If you aren’t feeling brave enough for pie baking this weekend, here are a few other festive treats you might want to share.  Yea… I’m giving you an easy way out.

Blackberry Pie Bars.

Strawberry Blackberry Shortcakes.

Strawberry Coffee Cake

Raspberry Almond Cupcakes

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88 Comments

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