Bikinis are Stupid

Bikinis are Stupid

This might look like a pile of my unmentionables.  Wait… does anyone call underwear ‘unmentionables’ anymore?

Well… they’re not my unmentionables.  They’re bathing suits.  Underwear that you wear in public.  Downright horrifying.

I hate bikinis.

But I still want to look like a babe in one.  Wait… does anyone ever feel like a babe in a bikini!?  Who are these women?  I bet their thighs don’t rub together…. that’s weird.

My thighs rub together.  It’s because I love rice pudding.  Duh.

So… anyway… I wanna feel like I look like a babe in a bikini.

It’s true.  It’s stupid.  It might be impossible.  Deal with it.

This won’t help.  I know this with certainty.

This might help.  It’s green.

Lemon Poppy Seed Muffing

Wait…. is there such thing as  Lemon Poppy Seed Muffin Diet?  There should be.  Eat nothing but Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins and kale salads for seven days straight?  That’s sorta like a cleanse… right?

Exactly.  I thought so.  I’m on it.

101 thoughts on “Bikinis are Stupid

  1. Joy, you are fab!

    My thighs rub together too. Even when I’m running 18 miles a week. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my thighs just want to be this size and there’s nothing I can do about it!

  2. Where I come from… ‘Thighs rubbing together’ is known as ‘chubb rub’. And I’m sure babes with chubb rubs are still sizzling hot. Keep the poppy seed muffins coming!

  3. If there is not a lemon and poppy seed muffin diet, there should be one. I also think there should be a chocolate fudge diet! Actually I no longer care what I look like in a bikini, I don’t own one, actually I don’t think I’ve worn once since I was about 5, and I’m pretty content to keep it that way :)

  4. Urgh. My sentiments exactly. In recently lamenting to my mom about how none of my jeans fit lately, she made the astute observation that my blog’s making me fat. “Look honey, all you do is bake and make puddings and ice cream. What do you expect?” Ouch. I feel ya’.

  5. Agreed! The only thing worse than wearing an actual bikini in public is bikini shopping! Why do they make it so painful. The stupid dressing rooms, the bad lighting, and having to try on the bikini with your underwear underneath. Ugh!

  6. I suppose the key to rocking any bathing suit, whether it a one piece or bikini or any other type, is just not giving a damn what other people think about you. Though everyone knows this is easier said than done.

    My remedy for this problem is buying a super cute suit that I feel pretty good in, like that shows off my boobs or butt really well.

    At any rate, you are a beautiful woman who should embrace any curves you’ve got…even the thigh rubbing together bit, which as a member of the thigh rubbing society, I can understand that problem.

    Good luck in all your bathing suit ventures this summer, I know mine are coming up this weekend!

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