This might look like a pile of my unmentionables. Wait… does anyone call underwear ‘unmentionables’ anymore?
Well… they’re not my unmentionables. They’re bathing suits. Underwear that you wear in public. Downright horrifying.
I hate bikinis.
But I still want to look like a babe in one. Wait… does anyone ever feel like a babe in a bikini!? Who are these women? I bet their thighs don’t rub together…. that’s weird.
My thighs rub together. It’s because I love rice pudding. Duh.
So… anyway… I wanna feel like I look like a babe in a bikini.
It’s true. It’s stupid. It might be impossible. Deal with it.
This won’t help. I know this with certainty.
This might help. It’s green.
Wait…. is there such thing as Lemon Poppy Seed Muffin Diet? There should be. Eat nothing but Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins and kale salads for seven days straight? That’s sorta like a cleanse… right?
Exactly. I thought so. I’m on it.
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Thank you for making me giggle today… great post!
I feel the same way! My thighs rub together too. I think I may go on a homemade chocolate and peanut butter ice cream diet. That should work too, right?
Ahahaha I was cracking up when I read this – I hate bikinis too! Curse the girls whose thighs don’t rub together… I’d rather eat lemon poppy seed muffins :)
totally agree! we must embrace our bathing suit bodies and accept that we love to eat good food! i might just attempt the kale and lemon poppy seed muffin cleanse to prep for a beach trip, though i do prefer banana-nut…thanks!
haha! binkis are unmentionables to me.
the girls who’s thighs don’t rub together are starving, so sucks to be them.
i gave up on bikinis bc they make me feel bad more than good about myself. i got a supppper cute one piece for under fifty bucks at the holy land, aka, target.
I completely agree. Bikinis are stupid. Muffins are wonderful. The end.
This is why I love reading your blog! It’s so much more than just food…your personality is awesome! You are so real and down to earth. How many woman dread getting into a bikini! ;p I’m with you though, I love food too much to ever give it up! :D
I’m with you…Bikinis are stupid… muffins on the other hand are our friends! And brownies…oh and chocolate chip cookies….OK there is no way I’m fitting into a bikini anytime soon!
Your a nut!! I am laughing with a grim and yes if faced with the choice of muffins or the bikini— the muffins win— besides my husband says “big thighs are sexy”—lol perhaps he knows he better say that.
You had me at “Bikinis are Stupid” Amen!!
Thanks for the smile!
lol My husband calls underwear, unmentionables. I think it’s cute! I agree.. bikinis are totally stupid!! And you’re awesome as usual. Have a great week!!
Jello always makes me feel better when contemplating anything in the summer, especially bikinis. When you’re sweltering, make it yourself with fruit juice and gelatin — or coffee and coconut milk. mmmm. Who needs a bikini?
I totally still say ‘unmentionables’ it makes those unmentionables seem all the more festive and mysterious! :)
Bikinis are stupid. Joy is wonderful.
Eating dessert is much more fun than looking hot in a bikini. Or is that just what people say when they know they will never be able to have both?
So few women look good in a bikini as to make them obsolete. I vote for the muffins and something to cover up the thighs. Sounds like a lot more fun.
I want to go on the muffin cleanse. How do I go about ordering my weeks supply?
So I went “swimming suit” shopping today. Which for me a 5 foot 1 inch fluffy lesbian means I found 2 mens swimming trunks and 2 womens tankini tops to match them. I LOVE one top that matches a bottom I don’t like very much, and I HATE the other top that matches a bottom I LOVE.
SO that is how my swim suit shopping went. Then I get home change into my horrible work uniform. Go to work. Turn on my beat up laptop and go to http://www.joythebaker.com and what do I find?
That I am not alone. I too want to look like a babe. I hot lesbian who can rock board shorts and a bikini top…or in my case a tankini. So Tomorrow I will hand sew the top I HATE into a top I might kinda sorta like to go with the bottom I LOVE and I will be a babe at beach. I short fluffy one with enough self confidence to cure all the issues in a sorority house!
Thanks Joy. We are not alone!
i hella heart you. on the real.
Aw thanks Joy!
Update: hand sewing job went well on the top I now actually Love and I had a great time off the North Carolina coast. For the first time in years I felt confident while wearing a swimming suit!
Thanks for putting me in that headspace.
Now I’m off to make those lavender and black cookies…for breakfast… :P
high five!
I like to eat cake while wearing my bikini :)
Moto Moto totally came in my mind while I read this,” I like them big, I like them chunky”
…Wait…He could totally be talking about muffins here!!!
rofl! Bikinis are completely stupid, why do you need to be near naked in public to swim? IDGI.
I have been rocking a vintage one peice I got at a flea market for about 2 years. Still looks like underpants though
You make so much sense! Bikinis are the devil’s unmentionables. I’ve dubbed this the summer of the one piece and am waiting for mine to arrive in the mail this week. I’m also considering a pie cleanse…
Riot, don’t diet, Joy! Who wants to wear a bathing suit you can’t actually swim in anyway? ;)
definitely not alone here. i was just thinking about my thighs rubbing together on the way to work. my legs were sweatin too, and it was uncomfortable. i’ve decided that it’s too late to care at this point in the summer :)
LOL You are absolutely right. They are like wearing your unmentionables in public. Too much pressure on us gals to be super-thin…it just isn’t realistic or healthy.
I loathe bikinis! I have totally given them up! Now don’t get me wrong, I am an avid exerciser and try to eat healthy (with a good dose of brownies/cookies thrown in) — however, after 3 kids, I just can’t put on a 2 piece! I have learned to rock the tankini — and yes, I sometimes wear the cute matching skirt. I am the same weight as when I first got married — yet somehow my thighs have changed for the worse.
Oh well, eat and be merry! :)
You know what’s weird: when a woman’s thighs DON’T rub together! I don’t get that!:)
I hate trying on bikinis, it’s like when you’re trying on a dress and you have to strip down to your underwear, except you stay in your “underwear” and are forced to examine how you look in the mirror. Ugh. I love lemon poppy seed muffins though. :)
Ah, I am queen of the one piece bathing suit. I may not look that much better, but I feel better having my belly (often full of ice cream) covered.
Of course, I call them swim suits. Bathing suits are those skimpy useless garments for lounging by pools. I prefer to be athletic in the water. I would definitely use stronger words to describe my feelings about the bikini.
Thanks for the laugh!
and the links to some good recipes.
I love this! And I’ll sign up for that diet.
Is there any woman alive whose thighs don’t rub together? If so, I don’t think we could be friends ;) this post made me laugh wicked hard, thanks for this!
Lol, this is so funny but at the same time I am totally glad to see someone see the same thing I see. Bikinis are underwear people wear in public! Why is it that a woman tries to cover up when someone sees her in her ‘unmentionables’ but it’s OK if she is in a bikini? I just don’t understand that! Is it because I come from another culture that I think it is strange? Weird!!!
ha, kind of a late comment, but this is quite amusing…
Hmm…I’ll take the hot chick with a passion for bacon and rubbing thighs…over the skinny yoga leaves and nuts eater…
You are hilarious!
Thank you for making my day… up until now, it’s been a fat day.. now I feel better :)
I think thighs are awesome, and I’ve never heard of Target referred to as the Holy Land. That’s great!
My muffin top is all that.
Bikinis and protein shakes or jammies and warm muffins out of the oven? Not a difficult one for me..real women stand up! Strut those thunder thighs in the kitchen and be proud! Lots of love…Gia.
You will always be perfect in my eyes. Miss you
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