Last night was the night I nearly threw a television out of the window.
Here’s why:
Frank. Seriously. Frank and his stupid tank tops and his stupid rando ex-girlfriend and his stupid dramatic insecurities…. and man crying. Stupid sad piano music should follow Frank around for the rest of his life.
Roberto. It must be hot in Tahiti. You seem to be a sweat monster. You took sweaty from sexy to schvitzy… Yea, sorry.
Chris. Some show producer told you to waaay unbutton your cute red plaid shirt waaaay low, didn’t they? Well.. at least you have nice clavicles.
Also… someone has baby teeth. Also… this show has forever ruined the word ‘amazing’. Good heavens. Also… will someone please take Frank’s microphone away? Lordy. Why did he bring such a big suitcase? Also… how would you like to bust out your ugly cry on national television? Not ok.
Maybe I was Skype chatting with my friend Whitney through this whole tedious ordeal. Whitney is waaaay into wine. She paired a wine for each one of the three finalists. I’m waaaay into sweets, so I ate half a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream while watching. I’m not necessarily proud of anything I’ve done tonight. It happened though… and why hide my private Bachelorette shame when I can just as easily share it with the thousands of you out there. That makes sense, right?
ugh… frank…
{ 97 comments… read them below or add one }
Fab-u-lous! Wine pairings for the bachelors! Ha.
Frank is such a d’bag. I don’t even like Ali, but yeah. Good luck Nicole.
I know right!?! My sister and I are appalled … and sweat monster describes it perfectly!
Frank. SERIOUSLY. Who gave you permission to be such a jerkface?! SERIOUSLY. Although Roberto and Chris smiling their tails off because they realized they were safe for the rose ceremony was 50 kinds of priceless.
Joy, you are an excellent Bachelorette commentator! Love it!
I’ve never watched this show, but reading this makes me want to; as long as I can skype with you. :O)
I totally agree with this all!! I’m over “sexy” Roberto…he’s a sweaty mess! Frank and Ali syncronized crying was hilarious!!
I’m totally stealing “sychronized crying” from you! Perfect description!
I’ve been trying to keep up and patiently wait for Hulu to upload the video.
I moved to Malaysia this week so I’m not quite sure what to do on Monday nights anymore. Boo. :(
I had a Maple Bacon cupcake in LA while in transit, you wouldn’t happen to have a recipe would you?
Cupcakes and bacon would definitely make Monday nights not so boring. :P
He is so gross! Guys like him make me thankful that I am not in the dating world. He is just nasty and I hope he got home and his “girlfriend” told him she changed her mind!
What is The Bachelorette?
I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you have this posted on your blog. Too funny! Also, Frank drives me CRAZY! Talk about neurotic. Viva la Chris!
He is a whack job.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s fixated on this show. If Ali doesn’t choose Chris, I guarantee that I’ll be upset for days. Or maybe a lot longer. There’s really no telling.
Oh Frank…we did not appreciate the Frank show for the first 20 minutes…and seriously – Chris? With the shirt? And the chest? We were a bit taken aback. Although, he’s v nice and tan…we were kind of jealous. But please no more helicopters.
Frank has annoyed me from the beginning with his crazy insecurities and his stupid tank tops…obviously now his lack of decency makes him quite appalling. Chris is too good for Ali. Did not like Ali on the Bachelor. I hope Ali chooses Roberto so that Chris can be the next Bachelor and find someone who deserves him.
wine pairings: totally awesome!!
Frank is a loser. seriously thought that since Day 1.
I like Chris of them all. and if Ali doesnt pick him I may have to make a trip to Cape Cod myself! ha!
Hahaha :) I think Cape Cod is going to get a surge of single, available, women who are in love with Chris!
I thought all along that Frank was weird, they spent too much time on him, we should have known something was up that was not good. It was more than I needed to see.
I just can’t seem to get into the Bacherlotte!
And Frank? *sigh*
Frank is ridiculous!!! America doesn’t like him right now..
I lurrrvvee The Bachelorette. Cap Cod Chris is awesome. Roberto is a hunkity-hunk and Frank is a D-bag.
Lose the thumb ring, Frank…it doesn’t help.
you need to check out the most awesome Bachelor blog evah…ihategreenbeans.com. Could be the funniest thing you have ever read.
I can’t seem to keep away from the Bachelorette either- I love Chris but Roberto seems the obvious choice. I kind of got over Frank- I mean, he wears v-necks.
Wine pairings with the bachelors is the only thing I like about them.
Omg! I want to marry chris, super low unbuttoned shirt and all, actually no shirt would be fine with me.
Roberto lost points with me when he turned into a sweaty pig! Wow holy pit stains batman!
And frank, well he sucks a lot, I want to punch him in his man parts! Jerk!
So what did your Mom & Sis think?? Roberto grew on me last night but I still say Chris all the way!! Ali beats me down though and makes my head tired. Can we just throw her out and give me one of the guys??!!! =)
my mom thought frank was worse than a girl and my sister is on team chris.
I know!! I can’t believe Frank was surprised at how upset that Ali was going to be. He wears me out. His ex-girlfriend can have him. Yes, Chris is a keeper. I don’t think his heart could take a season of being the Bachelor. He seems anti-drama.
LOL! Too funny…especially from the outside looking in. This is one program I don’t follow. Reminds me of the days following the soaps. Way to go w/Ben & Jerry’s! Good choice!
Can you post pics of a TV program obviously marked ABC? Copyright? Just wondering…(considering the gov’t just pulled down 73,000 blogs, causing people to wonder about copyright infringement even though the gov’t says that’s not why they were pulled down. Wow! That one surprised me this a.m.!)
sher
really? is abc going to come take away my blog? jerks.
Oh wow I’m just sitting here giggling at your post. FRANK WTF!
I have to confess, last night was the first episode I ever watched of this season. Of course it was the exact moment Frank was telling her his “secret.” I was transfixed on screen and even though I was in mid flipping mode, I stayed and watched the train wreck. What a mess. And those ugly tears are so not something we should have seen so close up.
Thank you for writing a fabulous recap of the tear-debacle.
And a un-thank you to the producers of The Bachelorette for sucking me in. Well done.
Couldn’t have said any of this better myself!
If she doesn’t pick Chris, Imma drive down the Cape and find him myself… although a whole season of him as the Bachelor doesn’t sound too bad either…
Fingers crossed ;-)
I had to google ‘rando’ but yeah, it’s completely appropriate. Ugh. This show is getting ridiculous. And I knew about it as I read all the spoilers on Reality Steve. He has been right about EVERYTHING!
much agreed. although, i DID like frank before he started being weird. which i guess was relatively early-on. but chris is way better and goofier. i like goofy. his clavicles aren’t bad either.
and true dat – what’s with sweaty roberto? he’s from the south – i’m sure it’s hotter there! ha ha
Can I be frank (lol), I just knew this would happen with Frank, that boy has been running hot and cold all along. I did like him at the beginning, but he was a little needy for a man. Roberto is great eye candy, but I don’t think he’s serious enough. Now Chris is a man any mama would love for her daughter. Hopefully after the show he’s allowed to button his shirt again.
Your posts on The Bachelorette inspired me to start watching reruns on hulu. Although my husband mocks me, I’ve totally been sucked in to the drama after only two episodes. If Ali doesn’t choose Chris, then I think Chris should get together with the sweet runner-up in The Bachelor.
Favorite Ali quote of the night: “I was so ready to fall in love with Frank today.” Is that how it works? You just choose a day to fall in love? It’s the worst TV there is, but I can’t stop watching either. Ate vanilla ice cream and a Cadbury Crunchie bar during the Frank/Ali cryfest.
#1 Someone needs to tell Frank to stop buying all his tank tops at The Wet Seal.
#2 I would marry Chris just for his house in Cape Cod. Just sayin.
#3 The word “journey” is also forever ruined, in my book.
#4 Every time Ali mentions that she “gave up everything to be here” I wait for her to add “but, I’m being paid top dollar to travel around the world with hot guys, so all in all, I’m getting a pretty good deal”. Hasn’t happened yet, though.
#5 I would not be all about signing up for a lifetime of washing Roberto’s sweaty dirty laundry. Gross.
CAn we just talk about Nicole? Have some self respect woman!
she’s a hot mess. in yellow.
did you see her “apartment?” because it looked like a hotel. there was no stuff, other than an orchid. it’s not really her home. and her grammar is shitty *and*, dude, that’s what you wear on tv? you guys deserve each other.
me, i’m hoping a man like cape cod chris will show up in brooklyn sometime soon.
I loved Frank in the early episodes. But my love has dwindled due to his wishy washyness, general douchery, and the worst offense of all the tank tops & man cardis.
Frank = Douchebaggery!
Nicole = Wake up, girl!
Go Chris.. or Roberto.. I can’t decide.
I too liked Frank on the first show or two but, I knew it was too soon. So ABC, you were predictable again.
I think Chris is the match, but sweaty-pants might just win because we are thinking its going to be Chris- you know predictable!
But I think you Joy should be the next Bachelorette!! How fun would that be! My daughter says she wants to go in there on that first night and go through the guys saying, ” your a douche, LEAVE!” or “you think you can have me your crazy, get out!” and stuff like that! Haha!
Have fun with your sis and mom!!
you would hate me and i would hate me if i were the next bachelorette. i giggle way to much… we already know this. yikes.
Yeah, the talk around the water cooler at work today was that Nicole should cut her losses and dump Frank ASAP! And was not the whole Frank/Nicole thing a bit stilted and staged sounding? And what was up with her ‘apartment’? Looked like a hotel room to me…
Yeah, I love it. Even though everyone says ‘Awesome’ waaaaayyyyy too much!
Can’t wait for the Men Tell All next week!
Hey, anyone going to watch Bachelor Pad? It looks so bad…but like a car wreck bad and I can’t help but looking.
I can’t believe you watch this show and actually believe it is real. The whole Frank thing was pretty much scripted…I read his visit with Nicole was filmed after he returned from Tahiti but edited to look like it was before. He did contact her when he went to Chicago but the filming was later. I guess ABC wanted to add to the drama factor and when contracts are signed, those who signed need to comply or lose their payments. Frank hammed it up really good…ugh!
Ali gave up her job but it was calculated move for sure. She saw an opportunity to be set up as the next Bachelorette and ran with it. She was paid $100,00, traveled all over the world and got a great new wardrobe… what young single woman wouldn’t jump at the chance. Plus she gets to mingle with Hollywood types.
I doubt she choses anyone…I think she is much more interested in becoming famous. Do I see DWTS in her future…I hope not…she is not a star.
totally. completely. utterly gross.
While Frank and Ali were “crying it out” I was eating hot tamale candies and my husband was munching on pretzels and he interrupted my hard stare to say, “Look at us snacking while these people are miserable!” haha
i love how many other bachelorette fans there are out there! it is such a guilty pleasure and one that gets soo much better (and guiltier) when there are people to share it with!
i heart chris and i LOOOOOVE the idea of a wine pairing…this would have been a good one for frank (-:
http://www.gratefulpalateimports.com/wine/223.html
Or maybe this one….
http://www.gratefulpalateimports.com/wine/7.html
Poor Roberto and his sweating. Last night was way too painfully long. I’m a devoted fan of the show but it was too much.
I don’t watch the show, but your commentary was high-larious. Thx for the laughs!
I have not seen this show as I am in the UK. I just love the fact you took pics of your tv. Brilliant. You made me laugh at people I have never even seen.
*sigh* I’ve been watching this show from the beginning and I think this is officially the last season I’ll watch. Ali seems like such a sweetheart and I hope she ends up happy, but I’m getting so tired of the way the show is scripted and all the drama that is intentionally added to keep viewers intrigued. (or so it seems)
Anyways, glad you agree about Frank…this post made me laugh so much! I hope he’s happy too. What a mess though. Oy vey.
Ali is nothing but a “Drama Queen” wanting attention. With all her pouting and crying and this goes back to the Bachelor show, remember how she sat down out in front of the hall at the hotel room wondering if she did the right thing or not by going back to her job!!!!!
Good work Ali you got your “show” this time.
Sick of your performance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is she for real????????????????????????????
I said from the first episode that Frank had “crazy eyes” and he has continued to live up to that. I laughed out loud (and yelled at the tv. Seriously – I do way too much talking to the tv during this show) when he said “he gave up a lot too” to come on the show. Um.. he gave up a retail job and living with his parents. Seriously?
I also thing there should be a drinking game when watching the show involving the words/phrases “journey”, “amazing”, and “for the right reasons”.
totally agree! Frank is a dbag. He seems like a nice guy….and then he gets all wimpery and cries. That is not a man who is going to fight for you, work his ass off to always provide, or hold you. seriously, he won’t hold you. Alli holds him. seriously, go watch it again.
i am a Chris fan, but i think he’s too good for her.
I loved your post – it made my day. Just for laughs would you share your wine pairings???
I get all the Chris love, but Ali’s chemistry with Roberto is sizzling. She has no reason on earth not to choose him.
Frank is gross, and the whole thing was a big cluster-eff of insecurity. Frank was insecure and couldn’t handle the thought that Ali might reject him, then went back to Nicole, who seemed even more insecure than him, and in turn hurt Ali, making her feel insecure. The only thing more appalling than the content on the TV was the fact that the only sweet in my house was a 2 week old 100 Grand bar. Unsatisfying all around.
The only thing that got me through last night was the knowledge that I disliked Frank FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. There was something about him … just didn’t trust him. He seemed like a sleeze, even more so than the wrestler and the guy who kept singing (badly) for Ali.
Happy to know other people had a hard time getting through last night’s episode! I feel for Ali. I don’t think ANY of the guys from this season were right from her. I don’t think the casting was right with this show … oh well … we’ll see …
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