Did you know that there’s a special chicken you eat when you get engaged.? A chicken so treasured, so perfectly roasted, so exclusive, so only for people with fresh diamonds on their fingers that it’s actually called Engagement Roast Chicken. Yea… it’s for people who have decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives with other people. Boy oh boy… engaged people have it GOOD!
Or wait… maybe I’m understanding it wrong. This is the sort of chicken you make for your significant other in order to prove your potential as a promising wife and partner. In that case, I’m going to need A LOT more information about you, sir, before I make you this chicken. Do you do dishes? Do you do laundry? Again… do you do dishes? Do you understand the concept of a retirement fund. How do you act during football season? Why do you watch the TV so loud, like seriously? Put down your fork and let’s get down to brass tacks. Also… chicken so good you’ll want to marry me? Please…
I’m not engaged. Like… really not engaged. I have a cat. Have I told you about my cat? (Don’t answer that.)
I feel like… if we’re going to start making roasted chicken for very specific life and coupling events we should run the spectrum. It’s only fair.
Today’s roasted chicken is made in that spirit. Consider these re-worked, more inclusive and (dare I say) realistic, recipe names:
• I’m Working On Me Roast Chicken
• Why Hasn’t He Texted Me Back(?) Roast Chicken
• I Folded My Laundry Like An Adult Roast Chicken
• I’m Proud Of Myself For Not Ordering Takeout Tonight Roast Chicken
• Slight Fear of Commitment Roast Chicken
• I’d Rather Be Eating Cheese and Ice Cream Roast Chicken
• I Didn’t Leave My Shopping Cart In The Middle Of The Parking Lot Roast Chicken
• Was That A Date(?) Roast Chicken
• But Really Why Is Everyone On Tinder(?) Roast Chicken
• My Cat Is Going To Eat Half Of My Roast Chicken
• I Generally Like Who I Am Roast Chicken
• But I Had French Fries For Lunch Roast Chicken
I mean… we could go on forever and ever. Infinity Roast Chickens.