My hair is in rollers.  Like… kickin’ it old school in Velcro rollers.

No one needs to know that besides the 137 of you who read this  blog, my cat, and any random person who comes to this blog after Google searching “the most awesome biscuits ever made, for real”.

Ah.. the rollers.  It’s amazing how un-cute you have to look to eventually look cute-ish.  Boys don’t do this.  They just put on cardigans and look hot.

Now… there’s a lot of good news I need to tell you about these biscuits.  First:  bacon.  Second:  brown sugar.  Third:  butter.  Fourth:  they’re freaking biscuits!!!  And fifth:  they do not have an un-cute phase.  They’re all cute/delicious/freak-out-worthy, from beginning to end.

Do you really need convincing?  No.  Do I really need these rollers?  Um… today?  Yes.

I love when baked goods start with salty bacon and brown sugar.

It’s really a good path.

Cold butter is the key to big, fluffy biscuits.

It gets incorporated into the dough with fast fingers.

Sweet and salty bacon is paired with very coarsely crushed black pepper.

Every day needs a bite of spice!

Just mix biscuits with a fork… no biggie.

Try not to sneak all of the bacon bits out of the dough and into your mouth.

I could just stare at this picture all day.  It’s like being in love.

These biscuits… besides being completely delicious… are smack dab in the middle of sweet and savory.

You could top them with butter and jam, and feel just right.  Or!  You could add a fried egg and tomato jam and have a perfectly tasty morning.

It’s up to you.  Choose your own bacon biscuit adventure!

Brown Sugar Bacon Biscuits

makes about 8 biscuits

For the Bacon:

6 slices of bacon

1 tablespoon brown sugar

coarse ground black pepper

For the Biscuits:

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons brown sugar

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

3 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 to 1 teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

3/4 cup cold unsalted butter, cut into small cubes

1 large egg

3/4 cup buttermilk

Place a rack in the center of the oven and preheat oven to 375 degrees F.  Line a baking sheet with foil or parchment paper and spread bacon across baking sheet in a single layer.  Sprinkle with brown sugar and black pepper.  Bake until crisp and cooked through, about 13 to 15 minutes.  Remove from the oven and carefully use tongs to place the hot bacon on a cutting board.  Don’t put the bacon on paper towels or they might stick.  Ick!  Allow to cool until you’re able to handle the slices and chop into medium chunks.  Set aside.

Increase oven temperature to 425 degrees F.  Line another baking sheet with parchment paper or foil, and set aside.

In a mixing bowl, sift together flour, sugars, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and black pepper.  Add cold butter and use your hands to quickly break the butter into the flour until mixture resembles coarse meal.  In another bowl, combine egg and buttermilk and beat lightly with a fork.  Add to flour mixture all at once, stirring to incorporate.  Once batter is nearly incorporated, add bacon and mix in.

You may want to dump the shaggy biscuit mixture onto a lightly floured board to knead together a few times.  Don’t overwork the dough and melt the butter, Just make sure it comes together.

Roll or pat dough into a 1-inch thickness.  Cut into 2-inch rounds using a biscuit cutter or cut into 2×2-inch squares.  Reshape and roll dough to create more biscuits with excess scraps.    Place on an ungreased baking sheet and bake at 425 degrees F for 12-15 minutes.  Serve biscuits warm with jam or a fried egg.

I love these biscuits the day they are made.  They can be kept in the fridge and will last for two days.  The shaped, uncooked biscuit can also be frozen.  Thaw in the fridge overnight and bake up in the morning.

How diplomatic is your shower?

Do you have minty unisex soaps?  Do you have pleasant, not completely feminine smelling shampoo?

Do you hide the pumice stone in the bathroom cabinet?  What’s going on with the face wash situation?   Does it smell like… you know, soap?

I might have an issue.  I’m rocking gardenia body wash, crazy flower town shampoo, an excessive variety of hair conditioners, lavender soap, and rose face wash.  It’s a lady paradise.  Truly.

… and I’ve noticed that not a drop of my lady products are used when a certain handsome-handed gentleman I know uses my shower.

I might need to get him some man soap.  When do you buy a man mansoap ? Is that too forward?  Oh gracious….

I suppose some people prefer to eat their lavender as opposed to bathing in it.

Wait.  I’m certainly not complaining.  I’ll keep the expensive lady’s paradise to myself… I’m just not sure about the timing of man soap.

I’ll totally share my lavender… in scone form.

**Update.  Mansoap purchased.  Mansoap in shower.  No biggie.  Done and done.

I think lavender is just pretty.

In food form, lavender is more fragrant that flavorful.  It adds a delicate sophistication to the scones.

Soapy?  Perfume?  Yes… if you add too much.

1 tablespoon of lavender is the perfect amount.  Oh!  Toasted walnuts too!  The toasted nuts really bring these scones back down to earth.  I love what the crunch and toasty flavor add to the scones.

Ps.  I’m pretty sure this kitten is not a kitten anymore.

Honey glaze… because we’re just trying to pretend like it’s tea time… and I like glaze on everything.

Look how pretty this is!

These scones are buttery and flaky.  They won’t flatten and spread while baking.  Great texture and a unique fragrant nature.

Make them for yourself.  Feel fancy.

This is one of my favorite ways to count to five.

It has chocolate.  So.. yea.

Do you get those giant chocolate oranges at Christmas?  It’s a giant bulb of chocolate shaped like an orange, with wedge segments and everything… and it tastes like an orange!  Well, an orange drowned in chocolate.    I love those things… but I’m a weirdo.

I turned one of those chocolate oranges into a scone with butter and buttermilk.  So tender.  Like little pillows of good.

My goodness.  This world has these seasons planned out just perfectly.  Amidst super rain, chilly wind and grey skies, we get blood oranges, tangerines and grapefruit!

Big, bright, cheek puckering citrus is perfect for winter breakfast.  I know… it happened this morning.

I’d also like to thank the good world for creating coffee and hot cocoa and whole milk… and putting them all in my coffee cup this morning.

Just swell.

You have to treat your citrus right for this breakfast.  That means peeling and segmenting.  Do you know how to do this?

Cut the bottom and the top off of the citrus, exposing the flesh.  Run a pairing knife down the sides of the citrus, peeling off the skin and white pith.  At a slight angle, slice in between the white lines of the citrus, creating clean little grapefruit flesh slices.

It takes time, but is totally worth the effort.

See all the brown specks in the blue bowl?  That’s the browned butter.  Ooooh goodness.  So delicious.  It’s rich and nutty and a wonderful balance to the  bright citrus.

These are my new favorite winter pancakes.  Such a treat to my heart.

ps.  If you’re as obsessed with citrus as I am, you might also enjoy this Super Citrus Smoothie.

If you’ve been around these parts long enough, you’ve probably noticed that I’m pretty fond of buttermilk.  

Buttermilk brings the tang, brings a tender texture… and is all around awesome in baking.  

But once you buy the carton for one recipe, what the heck are you supposed to do with the rest of the milk?  

Not to worry.  I’m looking out for you.  Here are a few recipes that will help you use up that carton of buttermilk.

Click around.  Maybe you think that  Strawberry Buttermilk Ice Cream is swell.   

While you’re busy with buttermilk, I’m going to go stuff my face with more Easter jelly beans.  Good?  Good.  

Brown Sugar Bacon Waffles are a thing of beauty.

I love when a bag of frozen berries gets all fancypants.  Warm Berries with Stovetop Dumplings.

This cake is all sorts of classy.  It’s baked up in a sheet pan, covered in blackberry jam and Swiss meringue buttercream.  It’s a beauty queen.  I love it.  Blackberry Jam Cake.  

Red Velvet Cake with Fluffy White Frosting.  This cake is like the cool kid on the playground.  Everyone wants to be on their kickball team.  Laaaadeeeedaaaa!

I like carrot cake in Spring, don’t you.  Carrot Cake Cupcakes with Dulce de Leche Buttercream.  

Mmmmm.  Buttermilk Pie with Warm Blackberry Sauce.  This recipe just warms my heart to bits.  

Hop in the kitchen and use up that buttermilk.  You’ll feel better.  or… I’ll feel better.  Someone will feel much better.  

If you can’t find buttermilk, or buttermilk puzzles you, or you just want to make your own… I’ve got all sorts of tricks up my sleeve for you.  

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I’d really like to conjure up some useful information for you.  That would be nice, right?  I could tell you all about avocados.  Where they came from.  What a lovely shade of green they are.  Why they’re so expensive at the grocery store… you know, things like that.

But you didn’t come here for boring old information… did you!?

I didn’t think so.

You came here  because you want me to admit to eating Pepperidge Farm Soft Bake Cookies…which is totally happening right now.  You came here because you want me to admit to rrreeeeaaaalllllyyyy wanting to watch the season finale of The Bachelor… it’s true… it’s a problem.  You came here because you want me to admit to wearing my big fluffy slipper socks.  The dreaded socks/shoes that will keep me single for eternity.  Well… I’m wearing them and I’m loving it.

So there, friends.  It’s all out on the table.  Now can we talk about cake?

I’ve baked with avocado before.  Remember the Vegan Chocolate Avocado Cake with Avocado Buttercream? Yea… that was intense… and surprising… and bright green.  Amazing.

I got my hands on another round of avocados and made some magic happen.  This recipe makes two glorious loaves of cake.  I’ve cut back on the butter and thrown in some ripe mashed avocados.  The batter is moistened with buttermilk and bakes up with a lovely golden top and faintly green center.

Can you taste the avocado after the cake is baked?  Heck yes you can!  It’s subtle but distinct with a nice sweetness and a hint of crunch from cornmeal.  I love this pound cake.  It’s a home run.

We served this pound cake for The Violet Hour supper brunch with  blood orange, pink grapefruit and pomelo segments and a lightly sweetened rose whipped cream.  Whoa!  Whole lotta yum.

In the event of some sort of big fat natural disaster in California, I may be up a creek without a paddle.  Sure, I’ve got the canned tuna, the emergency gallons of water and a few flashlights with dying batteries.  I’ve got the walking shoes, a space blanket and pepper spray… you need those things, right?   It’s just that I’m not sure the internets or my cellphone are going to do me much good in the event of a meltdown.  Won’t all the cell towers be jammed?  How am I going to reach out to my family?  I don’t think Twitter will quite do the trick.  Clearly my only option is to jog to them… in a space blanket.  That seems to make the most sense.

My parents?  I think they’re just ahead of me in the emergency game.  They’ve got cell phones from 1993 and a telephone land line.  At least the land line will come in handy.

My grandfather!?  He’ll fare better than all of us in an emergency.  He’s got Ham Radio.  Ham Radio is a sort of amateur radio system that allows people to talk to one another all over the world.  Don’t be fooled by the name.  Ham Radio is actually pretty badass.   Sort of like… trucker radio meets old school technology meets grandfather hobby.  In emergencies, Ham Radio is booming.  You better believe that in an emergency, my grandfather will be all over that radio.  Who he’ll be talking to?  I’m not exactly sure.  He’ll probably be saving the world.  I’ll be jogging my way to safety.  My parents will still be screening their phone calls with their answering machine.  Who is the hero?  Grandpa.

I tell you all of this because Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins (specifically the giant ((seriously giant)) kind from Costco) are my grandfather’s favorite.  He no doubt has a 48 pack of those giant muffins in his emergency kit.  You think I’m kidding.  I’m not.

Note:  my descriptions of Ham Radio here may hinge on trite and are most certainly superficial and inadequate.

How many of these muffins did I eat Sunday morning?  What?  You weren’t counting.  Good.  I did count and it wasn’t pretty… I ate five of these muffins with extra glaze.  I had to.  I did.

These are simple muffins.  You know these muffins.  They’re no big surprise to you.  Lemon.  Buttermilk.  A little crunch from poppy seeds. Sugary lemon glaze.  It’s a beautiful thing.  If you’d like to freeze these beauties to enjoy all week, do so without the glaze.  Success.

Let’s take a quick minute to talk about buttermilk.  

What is buttermilk?  Buttermilk is a slightly sour milk.   The sourness of buttermilk comes acids in the milk, most notably, lactic acids.  Because the proteins in buttermilk are slightly curdled, buttermilk is slightly thicker than regular milk, but not quite as thick as cream.  Buttermilk is also usually much lower in fat than regular milk and cream.  

Say you wanted to make some butter and buttermilk waaaaay back in the day.  First you’d take your fresh milk from the cow, let’s say a big old bucket full… and you’d leave it out at room temperature for a few days.  After a few days the rich cream would separated and formed a thick layer on top of the milk.  During these few days, the milk would fermented a bit from the lactic acid forming bacterias in the milk.  Gross?  Not at all!  The bacteria produced would help lower the pH of the milk and protect with milk from icky microorganisms, making the butter easier to churn.  Once the butter is churned the residual liquid that’s produced…. that’s buttermilk!  

Nowadays, buttermilk is a whole other production.  Cultured buttermilk, as it is called in the United States these days, is a pasteurized milk product.  Instead of letting the milk ferment naturally, most dairies now add a culture of lactic acid bacteria to produce the same thickening and curdling of the milk.  Many dairies also add tiny yellow colored flecks of butter to simulate the old fashioned product.

Buttermilk is an important part of baking.  The acidic milk combined with baking soda in a recipe is a baker’s dream.  See… when baking soda is combined with the lactic acids of buttermilk, the soda releases carbon dioxide that when heated, released tiny bubbles that expand and lift and lighten whatever you’re baking.  

But what if you’re plum out of buttermilk?  There are solutions…. let’s talk. 

In a pinch and you’ve run out of buttermilk?  

Lemon and Milk 

In a 1-cup measuring cup, add 1 Tablespoon of fresh lemon juice.  Top the lemon juice with with skim, low fat or whole milk.  Stir and let sit for two minutes.  After two minutes, your milk is both acidic and curdled.  Perfect!

Yogurt and Milk

Mix 3/4 cup plain yogurt with 1/4 cup of milk.  Stir and make it a quick substitution for buttermilk.

Milk and Cream of Tartar

Mix 1 cup of milk with 1 3/4 teaspoon cream of tartar.  To ensure that the mixture doesn’t get lumpy, mix the cream of tartar with 2 Tablespoons of milk.  Once mixed add the rest of the cup of milk.  Cream of tartar is an acid and will simulate the acidic environment of buttermilk in a pinch.

Update: I just got a lovely note from Barbara Duke, one of the authors of Panache at Rose Hill.  Here’s what she has to say about this lovely pie!

I just woke up from one of those sloppy weekend naps. It was the kind of nap that left my face barely recognizable from marks from the pillow case folds. It was the kind of nap that might very well have taken place in the back seat of my car, at 173 degrees F. I feel like, lying here in my bedroom on this summer afternoon I may have just baked my brain. I can’t blog bout that, that’s not good for you.

I just took the kind of nap that makes me wish I could take it all back. It now feels like a mistake. I might have just felt better if I stood in the road and waited for Mac truck to hit me. I just took the kind of tragic, unforgiving nap that can only be healed with creamy coffee and buttermilk pie with warm blackberry sauce.

Keep reading, I have a story to tell you about this pie.

I met this girl. Ok, maybe ‘met’ is a strong work. She’s in Alabama, I’m in California. We’re blog buddies. Her name is Evan and she might be one of the most darling people of the face of the planet. Evan has a new blog called Buttercakes by Evan. If you love me at all you’ll hop on over there right now and show Evan some love.

Evan was recently kind enough to send me her grandmothers cookbook Panache at Rose Hill. See, Evan’s grandmother and her business partner bought a southern planters home of 25 acres of land. With a few loans, help from husbands, and a lot of elbow grease, they transformed the home into a beautiful restaurant and event site. The cookbook is an account of that journey, a brief history of the land and the house, and an absolutely amazing Southern cookbook.

I’m so honored to have this book. Thank you so much Evan.

I knew I had to try the Buttermilk Pie with Warm Blackberry Sauce. It sounded like the perfect southern treat. The pie bakes up pale and sweet, with just a hint of tang from the buttermilk. I served mine chilled with warm blackberry sauce. It’s gorgeous. Right now, it’s just the thing to cure my nap hangover.

Thank you Evan. Thank you bunches!

I’ll be the first to admit that I have gotten prematurely excited about strawberry season.  I’ve already played with strawberry sugar paper, and here I am with strawberry ice cream.  It’s not even April! Strawberries aren’t at their peak flavor yet, but I see baskets of them in every market I visit.  I just can’t help myself, so I buy and I bake.  I should tell you now-  it’s going to be a long berry season.  Long, glorious and delicious!

This ice cream isn’t as rich and heavy as other well made ice creams.  I used whole milk for the base and added a bit of buttermilk.  The buttermilk adds a light, yogurt-like tang to the ice cream.  And what a compliment to the macerated strawberries!  This egg-less ice cream is full of sweet strawberry flavor and highlighted with tangy buttermilk notes.  It’s so light an refreshing, I’m already anticipating craving this ice cream on those unbearably hot summer days.

Don’t have an ice cream maker?  Well it’s high time you get one!

This is also my one of my submissions for Mike’s Strawberry Seduction Event!  What are you waiting for?  Go get some berries and make a strawberry something for Mike!