My hair is straight today.

My hair is straight today only because a woman spent about two hours pulling, tugging, blowing, and spraying my hair into this state.

It’s still curly on the bottom.  It’s also still frizzy on the top.  It would appear as though the outside of my head is as stubborn as my inside brain.  Stubborn!

I should just let my hair be how it lives.  Curly with a charming hint of frizz.  But… sometimes you want a change.  Sometimes you want to toss your bangs like the girls with the long straight hair.  Whatever.   Sometimes you want to bake your brie up into little bite-sized squares so you can eat too many of them without feeling like you’re eating an entire round of brie.  Again… whatever.

Also… it’s raining today.  I don’t even want to talk about the frizz this will induce.  I’m probably going to stay inside where the baked cheese is.  Just so you know.  Leave me be.

These bite-sized treats come together with puff pastry.

It’s buttery.  It’s flaky and light.  It’s buttery.

It’s totally buttery.

I cut the sheet of puff pastry into 12 rectangles… then each rectangle in half.  That means 24 little rectangles that will make 12 little puffs.

That was math.  I’m totally sorry.

I brush half of the squares with egg wash, a little nibble of cheese (do not be afraid of the brie rind!), a touch of jam, and more puff pastry.

It’s happening!

Yes.  I put these little brie bites on sticks.  I stuck a small popsicle stick half way up the puff pastry and then pressed it all together.

You don’t need popsicle sticks.  You totally don’t.  The sticks just make things more… sticky.

Sweet little cheese pockets.

A lot of brie was eaten in the making of these pockets.

Egg washed and a sprinkling of salt.

Major magic.

Baked and puffed and sometimes they bleed jam and cheese.  No biggie.

These bites are best served warm… but I sure did eat several of them at room temperature.  Delicious still.

It’s warm cheese baked in buttery crust with sweet jam.  If you need convincing… I just… I dunno.

Own your life.  Own every last bit of it.

Don’t send your Christmas cards out until you’re good and ready.  Wear neon purple tights with a grey dress… why not ?  Go heavy on the gold eyeshadow…tis the season.  Green nail polish?  Go on.   Run through the rain… or sleep in and skip exercise class.

Fashion your cakes into a roll and slice generous portions for yourself, and skinnier portions for other people.  Pretend not to notice what you’re doing.

Whatever it is:  own it!

Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that rolling a cake is bonkers crazy and waaaaay too hard for you to do.

I’m hear to change your heart and mind.  Ok?  Let’s do this!

The secret to this roll cake is its spongy texture.

The spongy texture comes from eggs.  Egg yolks and egg whites are separated, beaten in a mixer until thick and stiff, then folded back together.

Want to know the other good news about this cake?

It’s GLUTEN FREE! I know… there’s no flour.  Plain and simple.

There are some specific things you need to make this cake happen.

There’s 4 ounces of chocolate.  Treat yourself to some fancy chocolate.  It’s worth it for this recipe.

You’ll also need parchment paper.  Essential.  Don’t skip this step.

Egg yolks and sugar are beaten until pale and thick then folded with melted chocolate.

Thick and pale yellow egg yolks mixed with glossy brown melted chocolate.  The batter will be thick and fluffy.  Amen.

Egg whites are beaten to stiff, slightly glossy peaks.  Stiff like this!  Egg whites that stand their ground.

The egg whites are folded into the chocolate egg yolk-y mixture.  Folded and folded.  Bit by bit into a fluffy chocolate batter.

Cake batter.  So sweet and innocent.  Just waiting to be baked.

The baked cake come out spongy and light.  It’s just begging to be spread with whipped cream and rolled into a festive shape.

Are you scared of cake cracks?  Sure… this will happen to the best of us.  Just remember… this cake was born to be rolled.

Spread with a thin layer of peppermint, vanilla bean whipped cream.

Or just crazily spoon the whipped cream into you mouth.  Whatever works.

This is the part that might make you want to hold your breath.

Ok… it makes me want to hold my breath.  Maybe it’s just me.

Let’s roll.

Start rolling the short side of the cake.  A loose roll.  No biggie.

Use the parchment paper to help you roll.  Use the parchment paper and peel it away.

See that giant crack through the center of the cake.

No biggie.  That’s going to be in the center of the cake.  Stay on your roll!

Finish with the cake seam side down.

Nevermind that little crack.

Give yourself, and the cake a little pat on the back.

Then pour chocolate all over it… all the heck over it.

Crushed candy canes are a lovely last minute garnish.

Look how pretty you can make life!

Do you see all those cracks in the cake?  Nope… you don’t see em at all.  They’re all folded and rolled up… and covered in whipped cream and chocolate.  Even when things go cracked… whipped cream heals most wounds.

This cake is such a lovely holiday treat.  It’s festive and way way impressive.  It’s so light.  It’s effortless to eat.  It reminds me of fluffy cake ice cream.  So so dang yummy!

Don’t like peppermint?  Feel free to flavor your whipped cream filling with only pure vanilla, with almond extract, or orange zest and extract.

Make it yours.  Own it (then share it)!

I can cook.  I mean… I can really cook.  I can walk around in a pair of heels without looking like a weirdo…. and I know how to apply lip liner if the occasion requires.

I am not, however, a domestic goddess.  Not at all.  Nope.

I’m not one of those ladies who has Christmas ornaments in the basement.  I don’t have a shelving system dedicated to wrapping paper and corresponding ribbons.  I don’t even know what a holiday wreath is.  Stockings by the fire?  Shut it.  Yule logs burning?  What are you even talking about?  Beautifully decorated Christmas tree?  No… I just.. I just… I don’t have that.

It’s cool.  I can’t be everything.  I don’t even want to be everything.  You know what I do want to be…?  I want to be like Nigella Lawson covered in caramel… because then Christmas trees don’t really matter at all.

Oh, and just to be safe… I’ll put a mini Santa hat on my cat and call it a day.

My house smells like Orange Pomanders… I gotta go.  The caramel is boiling.

If you’re a spazzzzz like me… here’s a little lesson on properly securing the ribbon.

It’s not a Christmas bow, but I love it all the same.

So what… I’m a girl obsessed.

This week I’ve treated myself to cranberry colored lipstick.  I am way into my new cranberry sweater.  I have my eye on some cranberry colored pumps (yea… pumps).  Cranberry nail polish, duh.

I have a bag of fresh cranberries in my fridge and I’m slowly teaching myself to gnaw on them raw.  I dunno.  I’m trying to be regular girl with regular holiday spirit… but I think I’ve transferred all of my holiday joy into all things cranberry.

Weird.

Fresh cranberries coarsely chopped paired with sweet and spicy candied ginger.

The zoom in.

Fresh cranberries, coarsely chopped, paired with sweet and spicy candied ginger.

Old trunk, gnarly rug, slip on pink shoes, unseasonably white dress.

The zoom out.

I like raw sugar for these scones, but any sort of sugar will do.

A simple combination of ingredients turns into gorgeous good.

These cranberries will burst and get drippy.  The color!  Gorgeous!

Fresh cranberries and candied ginger might seem like an unlikely combination.  Tart meets spicy?  Yea!  Let it work!

These buttery scones are baked up and studded with tart cranberries that turn slightly sweet, and sweet and spicy ginger.  Surprises in every bite.  All you need is a milky cup of tea.

Happy December!

Mmmm hmmm.

Given the choice between being home and not being home… I’m the girl that always chooses home.

Brooklyn is amazing.  San Francisco is delicious.  Baltimore is bonkers.  Home is my heart.  Home is where I keep my jar of Sharpie markers, my clean white sheets with the familiar smell, and my giant mankitten.

Home is also where I keep my fry thermometer and bowl of apples.

Home will come soon… until then, I still have some new sights to put my eyes on.  Until then… please enjoy these fried apple things I made.

Imagine what onion rings would taste like if they were made out of apples instead of onions… and then topped with sugar.

Totally easy to imagine, mostly because it’s done and done right here.

I never seem to have much luck with an apple corer.  God made apple all wonky and crooked.  The core never goes straight down.  I use a small, 1-inch circular biscuit cutter to chop the core out of apples.

See there?  I just popped the holes out!

The beginning of apple doughnuts!

This is a double battered creation.  The first batter is a milky cinnamon sugar batter.  This lays the base for the second batter… crispy panko bread crumbs.

The milk batter adds sugar, spice and flavor, the panko bread crumbs keep the doughnuts crispy.  Also… anything double battered is inherently awesome.

They look just like onion rings, but they’re dessert!

Ps.  I also consider onion rings to be dessert… but maybe that’s just me.

I love to sprinkle these fried apples with powdered sugar, and serve hot out of the fryer.  The batter is spiced and crunchy, the apple inside is tender with just a hint of crunch.  They’re cooked but still maintain a bit of crunch.

I’d smile at rum.  Coy… but not really coy.

I’d say hello to vodka.  I’d wave, and smile with teeth.

I’d totally make out with gin… tonic and lime everywhere.

But bourbon.  I’d marry bourbon… as long as bourbon understands that I often stay up until 3 am writing silly blog posts, with a scarf on my head, a shaky leg, and post-it notes everywhere.  But I have a feeling that bourbon understands me.  I’m not too worried.

Little itty bitty kitchen peek.

What is pleasantly cropped out of this picture is my cat in the kitchen sink attacking the dirty kitchen sponge.

Livin’ classy.

I’m fairly certain that we’re approaching the time of year when it’s reasonable to drink uncanny amounts of sweetener in cold, black tea.

It seems only natural to add fresh mint, muddled orange and bourbon.

This cocktail is simple, uncomplicated, refreshing, easy to drink, and a really lovely celebration of mid-spring.

You know it’s going to be summer soon, right?  There are short dresses and summer heels in my future. Oh man.  I need tan lotion and tea.

I’m a lady… and this Valentine’s Day I’m going to treat myself like a lady.  I’ll open doors for myself.  I’ll pour myself the first glass of wine.  I’ll let me eat the last soft french fry.  I’ll drape my coat over a puddle for me to walk across.  I’ll slyly check myself out as I walk by.  Huh?  I’ll buy myself movie tickets and tell me I look pretty today.  That’s how it’s going to go down.  Except… I won’t put my jacket in a puddle because that’s just dumb.  Who does that?  Dummies.

This Valentine’s Day is going to get pretty glamorous.  I’m going to make myself a sandwich, scoop up some olives and drink a perfectly reasonable amount of wine.  Dig it.

This Valentine’s Day, I’d also like to tell these people that I love them… because I do. I love you Asher, Launa, Lauren, Whitney, Zach, Rachel, Jenelle (you crazy lady), Jill, Kitten and Michael.  I love you all so much.  I love you enough to throw chocolate at you and run away.  Wait… what?  Let’s make out.  Nevermind.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you and you.

It’s a good day to love people.  It also seems like a good day to love olives and marbles and wine.

Don’t confuse olives and marbles in your mouth.  Mistake.

I’m no rocket scientist. Yea.  Duh.   This sandwich isn’t a genius combination of ingredients.  It is super delicious and melty and green and salty.  So at least there’s that.

This is the world in which I’ll be shoveling this sandwich into my face.

Cat eats my olives.

Oh!  And this is what I’m having for dessert.

It’s a banana stuffed with dark chocolate and white chocolate and salted peanuts and shredded coconut. I wrapped it in foil and baked it in the oven.  When I was a kid we would pull this sort of stunt while at sleep away camp, but we’d cook the foil covered bananas in the campfire.  That’s livin.

Also… don’t be alarmed that the baked banana peel will be black.  That’s what happens when bananas peels are baked.  The inside will be a warm baked banana topped with melted chocolate, et al. But… it’s not like this is a fancy show piece dessert.  It’s more of a dessert-for-one sort of situation.

Now this is the part where I give you instructions on how to make a sandwich…. as if you don’t already know…. forgive me.

Alright people.  Suit up.  Gather your armor.  We’ve got another holiday to dive into.

I’m talking about Valentine’s Day.

Now listen…. I don’t care where you stand on the Valentine’s Day issue.  I don’t care if you’re single or married or smitten or bitter.  Valentine’s Day exists… there’s no ignoring it.  Flag day we can ignore.  Arbor day we can half acknowledge…. but Valentine’s Day, we just have to get in there and deal with.

It’s like going to the dentist… but more romantic (or something).

Maybe you can sorta tell how I feel about Valentine’s Day.  Maybe you can sorta tell I’m not that into it.  I’m not angry or bitter… it’s just never been a day that’s bowled me over.  Wait… is that an expression?

When I was 17, my first boyfriend made me something from his pottery class for Valentine’s Day… that he then took back and gave to another girl.  It sounds way more upsetting than it actually was.  I remember totally not caring.  Aaaannnnddd…that’s that.  Moving on.

Let me tell you about these cookies.  They’re certainly not your typical rolled out sugar cookie.

These cookies are loaded with good quality cocoa powder and stone ground whole wheat flour.  I like them quite a lot.  They’re slightly crisp around the edges and soft in the center.  The cocoa adds… you know… lots of yumyum.  The whole wheat flour adds a nuttiness and makes the cookies more of a mouthful than plain old all-purpose flour.  I love the combination.

I topped these cookies with a generous sprinkling of granulated sugar and thought they were just divine.

I bought myself two awesome early Valentine’s Day presents.

The Jamie at Home cookbook.  So beautiful!  I mean… swooooon!  I can’t wait to dive into this book.

And, of course, Ree’s new book.  And she signed it.  And all is well.

Boooya(kah)!

I have a few New Year’s resolutions.  I want to be better and do better… you know, easy stuff like that.  Do you have resolutions?  Be faster and stronger and cuter and smarter?  Cut down on the sugar?  Take Joy the Baker’s blog out of your feed?

Now waaaaaait a minute… before we do anything too brash.. I have a few New Year’s Resolution suggestions you might like to take into account.

Maybe you want to resolve to see more sky in 2011.  That could be nice.

Maybe you want to resolve to drink wine where they make wine.

2011.  It’s your year.  Get a kitten.

Take a road trip with your sister?  2011 seems like as good a year as any!

Resolve to find happiness in potatoes and eggs.

Read some books.  Drink some booze. Make friends.  Eat butter.  Enjoy cookies.

This is part of my resolution.  To be sure.

Watch people who are in love say nice things to each other, exchange rings and kiss.  Weddings.  Also… eat cake.

And if you’ve resolved to eat more salad… do it with your Dad at a salad bar.   Don’t skip the ranch dressing.

Happy New Year to you!  May this new year bring you all sorts of good things and happy surprises.

Love,

Joy

Here’s some things to avoid doing on Christmas morning.

Don’t haphazardly put the casserole your aunt made  in a bag.

Don’t drive that casserole across town.

Don’t carry that casserole into a home with tile floors.

Don’t accidentally drop the stupid bag with the broken handle on the tile floor.

If you do that… everything will break.

If you drop the casserole and break the dish  you’ll surely have to throw everything away… no one wants to eat glass.

If you throw every broken thing away, you’ll make your aunt cry.

Don’t make your aunt cry on Christmas.  That would be totally stupid.  Do Not Do That.

And if you do… make your aunt a new casserole.  Duh.

Sigh.

This is my Aunt Judy’s Mom’s old school casserole recipe.

Old school casseroles have like… four ingredients in them…. with potato chips on top.   They’re delicious.  It’s weird.

Rotisserie chicken and rice with creamy soup and a few veggies. It tastes like dinner.  Dinner tastes delicious.

This recipe makes two casseroles.  I think ti’s classy to make one for yourself and take one to a friend.  I dunno…. maybe I’m weird.

Incidentally, if you’re upset with me for all of the savory recipes… well… make yourself some Fruity Banana Bread.

I’m in charge here.