Is it wrong to J-walk into church? …. because I do it just about every Sunday.

Is it wrong to curse at people on the road while driving to church?  Cause… maybe that’s happened once or twice.

On a scale of one to total jerk… how jerky is it for me to blatantly roll my eyes at the lady on the spin bike next to me who is flirting with the obviously married man on the other side of me?  Do I really need to be in the middle of this interaction? It’s 7 in the morning! Come on.  Please.

Oh!  And while we’re on the subject… if you take your shirt off during spin class and decide to just ride it out in your sports bra…. I’m going to try very very very hard not to label you as an attention-seeking-lady-exerciser.  Do not like.  We’re all hot and sweating lady…. keep you shirt on.  There should be a rule.  There’s gotta be a rule.

Also… exactly how much of this batter can I spoon in my mouth after spin class and before rushing off to J-walk into church?  That’s the real issue.  The answer?  About two cupcakes worth of batter… which may or may not lead to a belly ache.  Don’t do what I do… J-walk, curse, or roll your eyes at attention seeking, inappropriately flirty strangerladies.  Be a nice person instead.

I happen to love making cupcakes exactly 47 times better than I like to actually eat cupcakes (cupcake batter excluded).  Making individual cake treats is cathartic.  They all looks the same with slight differences and imperfections.  I love to line them up and take in their differences…. then cover them in frosting.

These cakes themselves are a brown sugar and buttermilk cake.  The addition of brown sugar mocks the dulce de leche flavors just slightly.  The cakes are more of a pound cake consistency and not so much a fluffy cake mix cupcake.  The frosting is a combination of three fine fats:  butter, cream cheese and dulce de leche.  Only the hideous addition of  sardines could make this frosting something other than delicious.

Wait… do you know what Dulde de leche is?  Dulce de leche is very similar to caramel.  It’s sweetened condensed milk that has been cooked down until the sugars have darkened to a rich caramel.  It’s sweet and thick and perfectly acceptable to bathe in.

Some people make their own dulce de leche by boiling a can of sweetened condensed milk…. literally, in the can.  While many have had success with this technique, I’m convinced that I would both injure an eye and burn my house down… so I just buy my dulce de leche.  I also really like the consistency of this particular caramel product.  It’s thick but still spreadable and works really well in my frosting.  ((I got this particular dulce de leche at Whole Foods… but you can totally find this La Salamandra product on Amazon))

I’m not saying you shouldn’t make your own… you look perfectly capable.  I’ve just never done it… so I’ll leave you to google and experiment with that whole thing on your own.  Go with God.  … and I love you.

Cake with cream cheese and caramel.  Please don’t make me twist your arm… just get on this.

You might also like to know that I made these Dulce de Leche Sandwich Cookies.  If you’re going to get the jar… you might as well go hog wild.

Dulce de Leche Cupcakes

Makes about 2 dozen cupcakes (a few more if you don’t eat a bunch of cupcake batter  like I did)

adapted from The Gourmet Cookbook

Print this Recipe!

For the Cupcakes:

3 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 cup cornstarch

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

3 large eggs

1 1/2 cup buttermilk

For the Frosting:

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened

8 ounces cream cheese, softened

3/4 cup dulce de leche, plus more for drizzling

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 to 3 cups powdered sugar

Place racks in the center and upper third of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees F.  Line two cupcake pans with paper or foil liners.  Set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda and salt.  Set aside.

In the bowl of an electric stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, add butter and sugars.  Beat on medium speed until fluffy and pale brown, about 3 minutes.   Stop the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl and add one egg.  Beat on medium for one minute.  Add the remaining eggs, one at a time, beating for one minute between each addition.  Stop the bowl and scrape down the sides as necessary. Beat in vanilla extract.

Add half of the flour mixture to the egg and butter mixture.  Beat on low speed and slowly drizzle in the buttermilk.  Beat until just incorporated.  Stop the mixer, scrape down the bowl and add the rest of the dry ingredients.  Beat on low speed until just incorporated.  Remove the bowl from the stand mixer and finish incorporating with a spatula.  Try not to over mix the mixture.

Divide the batter between the prepared cupcake pans, filling each liner about two thirds full.  Bake for 18 to 20 minutes or until a cake tester inserted in the center of one of the cakes comes out clean.  Let rest in the cupcake pans before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.  Cupcakes should be completely cooled before frosting.

To make the frosting:

Place cream cheese in the bowl of an electric stand mixer.  Beat on medium speed for about 30 seconds, until very soft and pliable.  Stop the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl and add the butter and dulce de leche.  Beat on medium speed until well incorporated.  Stop the mixer and add the salt and powdered sugar.  Beat on medium speed for about 3 minutes, until fluffy and lighter in color.  Generously spoon frosting on top of cupcakes, or use a large frosting tip to pipe on frosting.

For garnish, I heated a few spoonfuls of dulce de leche of a low flame until just pourable.  Then I drizzled it over the cupcakes and topped with a few sprinkles.  Add a few sprinkles of fine sea salt if you’re feeling fancy.  I stored the cupcakes in the fridge for an hour to chill the frosting slightly.

I like to enjoy my cupcakes within two days of preparing them.  Feel free to wrap and refrigerate them because of the cream cheese in the frosting.  Let come close to room temperature before serving.

Dating someone new means meeting all sorts of new people.

Listen… I know I’m getting old and this isn’t my first jump into meeting the groups of friends, the work buddies, the casual friends, the bosses, the grandma, or the adopted dog of the strapping your gent that I’m dating.  Sadly, all this experience has made me no less awkward and devoid of grace.  I have a tendency towards embarrasing sweat, stuttering and knuckle cracking that is less than charming… Or!  I just talk about my kitten, or the family dog, or this giant white rabbit that attacked me in 4th grade and no one believed me but it TOTALLY happened… and then I just leave other people feeling weird… and it’s all just awkward.

Anyhow!  I’ve devised two personal tactics to detract from such boneheaded behavior:  wear a pretty dress and heels and always bring cupcakes (or cookies or brownies or granola… or pie).  This way, I feel pretty and I turn into a tall girl… and people instantly love me when I had them a box of chocolate and sugar.  It’s a little bit of a dirty trick and it works every time.

Sprinkles?  A lifesaver.  Who could resist?

These Vanilla Bean Cupcakes are a classic.  They’re exactly like every cupcake I ate between the ages of five and nine.

Dense but moist cake with an undeniable vanilla flavor.

They’re sweet.  They make me want a balloon animal made for me.

These un-frosted but baked cupcakes also freeze well.

And they taste great right out of the freezer… all hard and cold and gnarly.  But that’s not their best use.

They really should be smothered in chocolate buttercream and eaten in mass.

This is absolutely my favorite Chocolate Buttercream recipe.  It’s smooth and thoroughly chocolaty, without being stiff and overly sweet like chocolate buttercream can sometimes become.  I didn’t invent Chocolate Buttercream.  The inspiration comes from a Los Angeles bakery I worked in.

The secret ingredient is Ovaltine powder and heavy cream.  If you can’t get your hands on Ovaltine, you might try using hot chocolate mix.  Yea.  Weird… but totally delicious!  Count on it.

This dessert is not healthy.  It’s not subtle.  It’s not revolutionary.  It hurts.

Chocolate and peanut butter piled on top of peanut butter and chocolate.  There’s sugar too…  and it hurts.

These cupcakes hurt your diet.  They hurt your teeth.  They destroy your morning workout.  They’re bad for puppies.  They upset kittens.  Big-eyed baby cows are pretty pissed about these things.

They’re mean.  They’ll punch you in the shin and say awful things about your hair.

You should probably stay away from these cupcakes.  Sure… they’re the most delicious cupcakes eeeevvvveeeerrrrr… but they’re also dirty rotten scoundrels.  Sorry.

Do I  really need to wax on about chocolate and peanut butter…. chocolate and peanut butter together?

Really?

I didn’t think so.

Make them and eat them.  Just.  Please.

These bourbon laden treats were inspired by two things:  those still spring, but almost summer days that give you a hint at just how blazing hot this summer is going to be, and… this weekend’s Kentucky Derby.

Here’s what I know about Spring:

It’s green.  Once we get past the Easter Bunny stage, it’s all about blooming flowers and May showers.  Spring makes me feel like I’m in love with the world… probably because I am.

Here’s what I know about the Kentucky Derby:

Horses.  Hats.  Mint Juleps.

Here’s what I know about bourbon:

Dang, it’s good!

Here, for your Spring and Derby pleasure, are Mint Julep two ways.

The first is a classic Mint Julep cocktail.  If you’re from the South and think that somehow this recipe is not a classic version, then please accept my humble apologies as a native Californian.  This is the (ooooh so delicious) way I’ve had Mint Juleps foreva-eva-eva.

The second version is all of the Mint Julep fix-ins on watermelon cubes.  Brilliant, right?  So refreshing, so fun, and just the perfect way to get ready for the summer sun.

Three things are true.  Let’s go over some facts.

I’m gullible.  I prefer to think of it as less naive and more trusting.  If you tell me something, in all likelihood, I’ll believe you.  For this reason, let’s keep the April foolery to a minimum this morning.  It’s not really my style, and chances are, if you try to fool me with falsehoods or pranks today, it’ll work.  Let’s not and say we did.

This day reminds me of one particular April Fool’s Day many years back.   I thought playing a prank on my little sister would be ripe with comedy.  It involved a toilet seat, petroleum jelly, and her resulting slippery bum.  As I giggled with success, my little sister busted out her fake (but oh so convincing) cry and I was in a heap of trouble with Mom.  She’s brilliant with the fake cry… award winning.  Well played little sister… I see how you turned that around… Well played.

Lastly, and this is no petroleum jelly joke-  I was featured in the London Times this week!  Check out the interview and the photos… and say hello to London.  Normally I’d tell you how being in the London Times makes me want to yell, and jump and otherwise spaz with excitement.. but I’m trying to play it cool.  You know.. like wearing sunglasses at night, or wearing Converse sneakers with a fancy dress, or putting ham and mustard in cookies…. cool.  Let’s play it cool.

A friend affectionately called these savory pastries, Ham Cookies.  While the name is less than enticing, the description is just about right.  I combined my favorite Dufour Puff Pastry with lovely Dijon mustard, thinly sliced prosciutto and Gruyere cheese.  Roll the dough in towards each other like you would a Palmier, and you’ve got a savory breakfast snack, or a super easy appetizer.  Easy and impressive… that means we all win!

Please allow me this last party post. You won’t have to hear a word about it after this. Promise. But what’s a party without cupcakes? And what’s a chocolate cupcake without The Best Chocolate Buttercream Frosting? Tragedy, I suppose.

It should go without saying that these super soft chocolate cupcakes were a hit at the party. But there is one mystery. Around about 2 in the morning, as I was somehow making my way around the room collecting dirty plates, I ran across a plate with a discarded cupcake on it. The cupcake had one bite taken out of it, and then the remainder of the cupcake was smashed upside down onto the dirty paper plate. WHAT!? Who would do that!? Seriously… not cool.

Now, as promised- The best Chocolate Buttercream Frosting, with a secret ingredient- Ovaltine. Yes, rich chocolate Ovaltine. When combined with heavy cream, it gives the frosting the most luscious flavor and spreadable consistency. So yum!

I didn’t invent Chocolate Buttercream.  The inspiration comes from a Los Angeles bakery I worked in.

Remember how I was lamenting about my sometimes insane Martha Stewart tendencies? Well the craft gene, handed down to me from my mother, came out in full force with these drink umbrellas. The instructions are from Martha Stewart- which pretty much makes her the instigator. Should I shake my fist in the air with displeasure? No, I have to admit, these umbrellas might have been worth the 5 hours it took to make them. They’re pretty cute.

And yes, there were people at this party. But I can’t be sure they all want to be immortalized on this blog. I’ll spare them that pain, if you’ll allow it.

Here is my question to you?  When exactly are you supposed to find time to take good pictures when you’re hosting a party of 35 in a one bedroom apartment?  I think the answer to that question is simple.  Take pictures before everyone shows up.  More importantly, take pictures before you’re 3 margaritas into the party because even auto focus can’t help you then.

What could be better than a party with margaritas, chocolate cupcakes and loads of friends and family?  Probably the same party, but with beautiful pictures as evidence.  Throw in some homemade,  16 avocado guacamole and wonton empanadas and why ever would anyone want to leave?

Let’s start with the guacamole-

Making guacamole is very different from making a batch of cookies.  I know I don’t have to tell you this, but things like guacamole are more like “A little of this.  A little of that.  Mmmmmm!  That’s yummy!”  Let’s just say I never have my teaspoons out when I’m making chunky guacamole.  It’s not an exact science to me.

These wonton empanadas barely made it to the table.  I was practically eating them right out of the fryer.

I’m not kidding.

I used wonton wrappers because I couldn’t find the pre-made empanada circles in the grocery.  I certainly could have made my own empanada dough, but I was so busy making drink umbrellas that the dough just didn’t make it.  More on how I fill my time with insane crafts like drink umbrellas later.

The recipe for the beef filling is so good, I’m already thinking about other dishes to use it in.  The filling has two secret ingredients- green olives and raisins.  Sounds crazy, yes, but they add the sweet and salty mix that is just outta sight.

Yes, we had a burro pinata at the party.  Burro = donkey in Spanish.  Immortalized above is a mini donkey pinata.  Festive.  His full sized companion we named William S. Burro at about 2am.  Awesome.

Thank you to Andrew my party co-host and to all the friends and family that came to crowd a tiny apartment.  We ate.  We drank. We laughed loudly- without apology.  We welcomed summer.  We made the neighbors jealous.  Mission accomplished.

More on the amazing chocolate cupcakes (Sonia you had 3(!) which is two too many! Ha!) tomorrow!

I haven’t been baking much this week because I’m getting ready for a party I’m throwing this weekend.  Yes!  Joy the Baker is throwing a summer party!  I’m beside myself with excitement!  And it’s not just any party-  I feel like I’m in full Martha Stewart mode.  To kick off summer, I’m throwing a margarita and cupcake party.  It’s the only civilized thing to do.

To tell you the truth,  I’ve been a nearly consumed with the decorations for this weekend’s gathering.  Crazy.. I know.  But I’ve spent several hours for the past few nights with glue stick in hand making handmade drink umbrellas and colorful paper flowers.  I made drink umbrellas!  What kind of madness is that!?

When this craft kick slows to a halt, I’ll get cooking.  Get ready for beef empanadas, chunky guacamole and  red velvet buttermilk cupcakes with chocolate frosting.  Like the ones up top but with rich, dark chocolate frosting.  They’re on the to-do list, right after I finish these paper flowers.  I’ll be back in the kitchen cooking for you soon.  But don’t let me keep you from playing in the kitchen-  how about you randomly make some delicious oatmeal sandwich cookies!  They’re winners.

I remember first making  these flowers for Cinco de Mayo in grade school.  There was something about how fun and colorful they were, I just never forgot how to make them.  I’m revisiting the old tissue paper into flower trick as an economical but ultra hip way to decorate my margarita party. And keep in mind- in my world,  where there are margaritas, there is at least one stuffed pinata.   I’ll leave you with that pretty thought.