I made a thing that tastes like another thing…

Salad that tastes like chips.

Wait… would anyone sign up for chips that taste like salad?

No.

Wait…. Cobb Salad chips?  Yes.  How can we make this happen?

Ok.  I’m totally distracted.  I need to tell you about potato salad before the summer slips away.

This salad is special.  There’s pickling and beans involved.

This salad is exactly 48 times more delicious than it is photogenic.  It is salty, bright, crunchy, and tangy.

There are two extremely important ingredients in this salad.  Pickled onions and Old Bay Seasoning.

Thinly sliced red onions are combined with salt and cider vinegar and left to pickle for about an hour.

This simple action really softens the flavor of the onions.  Like… tremendous.  It’s such an amazing trick.

I found myself sneaking bites of raw onion a they were pickling.   Raw onion.  And I’m totally not an onion person.

Trust me… this is delicious.

As far as the Old Bay Seasoning goes….  do not skip this important and wonderfully tangy ingredient.   It’s my new perfume, face scrub and shampoo.  Leave me alone.

Here’s the plan:  breakfast!

Here’s the second plan:  dice up potatoes, toss it with stuff, and call it hash.

Here’s the other part of the first and second plan:  serve it to someone you love.  Maybe that’s your dad.  Maybe that’s your handsome husband.  Maybe it’s that dude who takes your trash bins in just because he’s nice.

Here’s another important part of the plan:  parsley and butter… they should go in pretty much everything (except probably cupcakes).

This is Dad and me.  I know because my mom put a sticker on this… one of my favorite photos.  My Dad is the best man I know.  I also love those jeans…  I wish he still had those so I could borrow them.

But seriously… best man I know. Thanks for being that guy, Dad.

Other Dad-friendly foods include:

Dad’s Buttermilk Biscuits & Dad’s Buttermilk Pancakes & Dad’s Perfect Sweet Potato Pie

See a theme here?  Yea.

I’m obsessed with these assorted new potatoes.  I like when food is pretty.

Corn is out of control right now.  It tastes like candy.

Parsley still tastes like parsley though… not candy… be cool.

Corn nibblers.

Listen… it’ll go all over the kitchen floor as you slice it off the cob.  It just will.  Hopefully your cat eats corn.

Mine does.  Weird.

This breakfast side is super simple and versatile.

New potatoes are roasted in the oven with olive oil, salt, and pepper.  Onions are grilled in cast iron.

Fresh corn gets cut from the cob and a handful of parsley is chopped.

Potatoes and onions get engaged, married, and move into the cast iron skillet together.  Potatoes makes onions get rid of her couch that he hates.

Corn and parsley come over.  They bring their friend butter… and everyone lives happily ever after, in the belly.

Serve with scrambled eggs.

Real life. This is mine.  Welcome to it.

My produce dude at Whole Foods might know me just as well as some of my closest friends.  We’ve built quite the relationship.

Yea.. he’s MY produce dude.  Miguel gets to work at 4am.

He’s in the produce restocking business… and he has to get his ducks in a row before 7am rolls around, and the store opens.

I saunter in around 7:30am.  I generally have ridiculous bedhead, sunglasses on indoors, a scarf wrapped around my head, and lip gloss… always lip gloss.  Miguel has seen some truly unfortunate morning fashion choices.  Maybe he judges.  If so, at least he does so with kind eyes.

Maybe I look like one of those dishevelled,  incognito super famous people… except that I’m not at all.

Miguel always greets me.  We talk about what I’m about to cook.  He picks up an apple and slices it for me to sample.  He tells me about how many beers he is going to drink when he gets off of work, and what he’s going to do with his family over the weekend.  That’s about as much conversation as I can muster at such an early hour.

I think he and I have high-fived once.  I initiated it… surely it was awkward.

He gave me a smushed avocado once, and I acted like he was giving me a brick of gold.  Also awkward.

I wonder what Miguel is doing right now.

Probably stacking potatoes and chatting up the girl that does her produce shopping everyday at 10:30am.  She probably likes apple slices too.

Hm… she’s probably more chatty and less awkward.  But I’m probably cuter.

And yes… I’m totally comparing myself to a fictional girl I just made up in my head.  Whatevs.  I’m over it.

I’ll tell you what.

Tomorrow morning I’d like you to saute some peppers, onions, and a bit of garlic.  If nothing else… just do this.  If you’re single, your neighbor will probably knock on your door and ask you to marry him/her.  It smells good… that’s why.

In this hash you’ll find sauteed peppers, onions, and garlic.

There’s also roasted potatoes, sauteed sausage (I used veggie sausage), and fennel seeds.

So delicious!  So fragrant.  Big, yummy breakfast food.

Once all of the hash ingredients are pan fried and roasted, I tossed the warm hash with a few handfuls of fresh spinach.  The warm hash will slightly wilt the greens.  Topped with fried eggs… I mean, come on!  Share this breakfast with someone.

Take the scarf off your head… and be a normal person for once.

Ok.  That last sentence was totally just for me.

Enjoy with coffee.  Eat a second helping.  Take your vitamins.

I’d really like to tell you about these Mustard Roasted New Potatoes, but I have a really really good excuse for keeping this post short.

See…

I’m practicing my booty dance moves around my apartment.  I just ate two, frozen, unfrosted cupcakes and I plan on eating at least two more.

I have a scarf wrapped around my head and slippery socks on.

So you’ll have to forgive me.

I’m swamped.

This booty isn’t going to dance itself… nor will these frozen cupcakes eat themselves.

Also!  Completely unrelated pro-tip:  always always ALWAYS mute Eharmony commercials.  They’re totally annoying.

It’s alright that I’m dancing around my apartment with a scarf on my head.

It’s totally cool… because the description of these potatoes is pretty dang straight forward.

There’s whole grain mustard, whipped with melted butter and olive oil and garlic and lemon.  It’s tossed with thin-skinned new potatoes and baked until crisp and flavorful.

Um.  Dreamtime!!

The potatoes are browned and mustardy on the outside, and light and creamy on the inside.

Bake them.  Eat them.  Practice that booty dance.

Ok… you guys are freaking out about this salad.

It’s my big sister’s creation.  Romaine lettuce, carrots, cucumber, scallions, edamame, and avocado.  She tossed it with some sort of miso sesame dressing, from a jar…. it was incredible.

Did you know that if you fancy slice potatoes and roast them with butter and oil they’re called Hasselback Potatoes?

Holy heck.  How did I not know this was a life option?

Did you know you could pulverize all this stuff with a machine and turn it into pesto?

Did you know that if you drink three Irish Coffees with dinner you’ll feel like a maniac?

Did you know that if it’s freezing cold and you’re riding your bike by the beach you can totally just stop at the mall and buy a jacket… and a scarf… and a cute new pair of underwear… and a few new tops?

True… all of these things.

This is a super classy way to enjoy potatoes.  It’s so easy too!

Slice into potatoes and shove fresh garlic in em.

Cover them in butter, oil and salt.

After an hour of roasting and basting, the potatoes are tender and buttery with a crisp, crunchy skin.

So delicious!!

I would like to suggest enjoying one yourself and forcing your boyfriend to eat one as well.  Doesn’t matter if he’s hungry or not.  Garlic breath needs to be shared.

I’m obsessed with green things right now.

Spinach and lemon and roasted cashew nuts make up this pesto.  It’s fresh and bright and… I’ve run out of food words… just enjoy this.

Lunch.  Dinner.  Healthy and delushious.

I went ahead and made you breakfast for this weekend.

Except I ate it.  All.  It was delicious.

So actually… if you could just go ahead and make your own breakfast… that would probably be best.

Potatoes.  I strongly suggest you get 4 big russet potatoes.

Peel them clean.  Rinse them off.  Marvel at how lovely they’re going to taste with eggs and fresh herbs.

Your Sunday morning is about to smell divine.

I love to peel potatoes.  I should have joined the Navy to be a potato peeler.  Wait… that position exists, right?  I’m trying to get my Grandfather’s Navy stories straight in my head.  I’m pretty sure a potato peeler is an actual position.   I want in on that.

Thin, hand sliced potatoes.  Worth the effort and near loss of fingers.

Sliced potatoes meets caramelized onions, salt, pepper and my camera lens.

Eggs, cream, fresh chives and fresh parsley.  You dig?

Holy heck!  Would you look at that.  Potatoes and eggs have never looked finer.

This Potato Frittata is essentially a Potato Pie.  The ratio of potatoes to eggs is definitely skewed in the potato lovers favor.  The potatoes are peeled, sliced and roasted with caramelized onions, olive oil, butter and seasoning.  They’re irresistible even before they’re married with the eggs.

The eggs and cream work their way in between the potato slices in this butter laden cast iron skillet and cook up to perfection.  Perfection… and there’s not even any cheese in this dish.  Crazy, I know.  Fresh herbs add a bit of brightness to the dish.  Serve with sour cream.  I dare you not to try to eat half of the pan.  Dare you.

Wait… what’s that!?  You want to add cooked bacon bits to this frittata!?  I like the way you think.  You deserve a promotion.

Slice and serve directly from the skillet, warm or at room temperature.

I’m a flake.

Ok… maybe that’s a little harsh.

I flaked on plans I made last Friday night, and I felt guilty until exactly this morning.

See… (I’ll try keep this short) I was supposed to go to see a friend’s play on Friday night.  You know,  it’s just one of those things you do.  Friend.  Theater.  You just go see it.

I was on the list.  The play was showing walking distance from my house.  I had no other plans.  The weather was gorgeous.  Really… I’d have to be a complete jerkface to not show up, right?  Well I didn’t, and here’s why…

I threw on my favorite jeans.  I was wearing my cute jacket and scarf.  I walked myself over to the theater feeling pretty good about the world.  That’s when I saw it:  a crowd of strangers.  I froze.  All the charm and clever wit that I might have possessed simply drained out of my system.  I suppose that happens to the best of us sometimes.  In my case, rather than facing my spontaneous fear of strangers, I turned myself right around and walked back home.

On the way home I concocted an elaborate lie to tell my friend the next time I saw him.  It was full of stress, drama, lost time and regret.  I stopped myself.  Literally.  In the middle of my street.

Why lie?  Why not keep it simple?  Why not express a little vulnerability?  Why not just say I couldn’t handle strangerdanger that particular night?

That’s just what I did.  Next time I say my friend, I simply apologized, looked him directly in the eye and told him what a ‘fraidycat I was.  It felt like one of those simply, human moments when you just lay it all out there for better or worse.

Life is complicated enough.  Why disguise your vulnerabilities with lies?  And why disguise your potatoes with a bunch of nonsense?

There are few things in the world more simple and honest that a potato.

These Oven Baked Fries with Herbes de Provence are a lovely way to celebrate simplicity.  Herbes de Provence is a spice mixture that usually contains thyme, rosemary, basil, bay leaf, marjoram and lavender.  It’s gentle and kind, and a classy touch to these oven potatoes.