One a scale of 1 to romantic… where do you fall?

I fall at the medium-low level… let’s call if a 4.6.  Go easy on the candle light, long stem roses, and limo rides (unless there’s a hot tub in back).  I don’t need jewelry, but diamonds are always nice (it’s a paradox, I dunno…).  Carriage rides?  Meh.  Horse rides?  Cooler.  Horse ride followed by margaritas?  Now you’re on to something.

I’m not the heart locket and stuffed animal type.  I’m more the Le Creuset and expensive chocolate type.

I also think large pots of warm rice and chicken are an 8.7 on the romantic scale.

This is a really lovely, one-pot dish, that starts with wine and saffron.

Many good things come from wine and saffron.

Olives, rice, and chicken.  That’s all we’re getting ourselves into.

In a pot together, magic romantic things happen.

Bubble and simmer.  Bubble and simmer.

Everything in the pot, and the rice soaks it all up.

There’s no way to dry the chicken, or otherwise futz up this dish.  If the rice gets burned and crunchy on the bottom… that’s totally the best part.

There are a few tricks… if you’re using a large pot, make sure that you move it around on the burner so that the simmer hits every part of the pan.  Fifteen minutes in the center of the pot.  Ten minutes on one side of the pot.  Ten minutes on the other side of the pot.  Sometimes pockets of rice can remain uncooked if the pan is too large.  Also.. don’t be afraid to add a touch more broth if your rice isn’t cooking up.  No worries.  Keep it easy.

 This Arroz con Pollo is a super classic, ultra-comforting dish.  Listen… if you’d like to claim that your mother makes a better Arroz con Pollo that I do… guess what?  You’re probably right.  This dish is good… really really good.  I just don’t want to do battle with your mother… that’s all I’m saying.

I’d love for you to make this dish for a special someone on, or near Valentine’s Day.  It’s comfort food that should be shared with love.  After dinner you can both stand around the pot with spoons and scrape the bottom of the pot for crunchy rice bits while you finish the bottle of wine.  That’s romance.  That’s friendship.  That’s just love.

For lunch… let’s be real… it’s not always fancy salad and irresistible pretzel dogs.

Usually, at the lunch hour, I open the fridge and pile whatever I’ve got onto a few pieces of bread.  There’s usually salt and olive oil involved. I believe that those are ingredients that belong on damn near everything.

Remember when I made this simple lunch?

Yea… more things on bread with salt and olive oil.

Dinner and dessert are a different story.  Something warm and tender is awesome for dinner.  Chocolate is dessert… even if it has black beans in it.

Please just consider this your reminder to keep it simple and flavorful.

Lunch shouldn’t be a stresser.  Lunch, however, should have balsamic reduction on it… whenever possible.

Goat Cheese and Edamame Lunch Toasts

Slice a baguette into bite-sized slices.  Top generously with soft goat cheese, steamed edamame, olive oil, coarse salt and coarse pepper, and a few drippings of balsamic reduction.

It’s lunch and lunch is good.

I think I’d like to write a book about how to make friends, entitled How to Make Friends, the almost fairytale.

Chapter One

Once upon a time there was a lonely girl who had but one friend… her snaggle-toothed mother.  One day, in the kitchen, she stumbled upon a rare and delicious combination.  A combination never before discovered in the land of Lonleyia.  Warm, soft, salty dough met with… hot dogs.

It was as though rainbows, unicorns, and friendly hobbits had descended upon this special girl.  People came from far and wide to sample her new found delicacy and friendships blossomed abound.  It was like Springtime.  Springtime of friendships.

Even the girl’s snaggle-toothed mother made a friend or two.

Never again was the lonely girl lonely (or hungry)…

The end.

Yea… my next book only has one chapter, one recipe, and about 34 words.  No biggie.

So!  You have two options here.  You can re-read this story  and go take a nap OR (and I totally suggest this next option) you could make these pretzel dogs this weekend, serve them with spicy mustard and cold beer, and make (or solidify) friendships of your own.

Choose your own adventure.  No bigs.

Essentially, we’re wrapping soft dough around hot dogs.  It’s nothing more complicated than that.

If that doesn’t sound like the best thing to happen all week, I invite you to come back in two days from now.

Ps.  I love you.

Don’t be fooled by the twisty and golden brown nature of pretzels… they’re actually really simple to make.

It all starts with yeast, warm water, and flour.

At first the dough is shaggy shaggy.

With a little work of the dough hook, it will come together!

This is the luscious dough before rising.

It should feel light and soft.  This will be a tender dough.  It will be slightly sticky, but not sticky enough to actually stick to your hands.

It’s like a little dough pillow.

If your first instinct is to rest your head on the dough… you’re on the right track.

This is real life.

It’s juuust dough.  Back off, kitten!

Beautifully risen dough.

It’s like magic in a bowl.

My trick?

I leave dough to rise in an OFF gas oven, or on the back burner of my stovetop with the oven left on at 200 degrees F.

Cut the soft dough into 16 pieces (for 1/2 hot dogs) or 8 pieces (for big ol’ whole hot dogs).

So light and tender.

But don’t eat it yet!

Rolling the dough into ropes.

Channel your Play-Doh days.

Ropes get rolled 12-inches long for half dogs, and 24-inches for whole dogs.  It’s science… or not at all.

If this seems like SO MUCH FUN to you… I consider us friends.

Just make sure that the ends are sealed and pressed together.

The next step is boiling!

If the dogs aren’t sealed up tight they might unravel a bit… which is totally not the end of the world, ps.

Pretzels are boiled in a baking soda and water solution.

The baking soda changes the alkalinity of the outside of the pretzel.  Baking soda is what gives pretzels their distinctive chewy crunch and golden color.

Baking soda is what separates these pretzel dogs from bagel dogs… and these are most certainly NOT bagel dogs.

Although… if you’re interested in bagel pizza… I was too.

Serve these pretzel dogs to many.  You’ll need to share.  Don’t be like me and eat too many.  While you’re in the kitchen making awesome, you might also consider these Fried Pickles!

These pretzel dogs are so warn, tender, and utterly delicious.  I promise that these darlings will find you friends, lovers, and stalkers of the feline variety.

ps.  Leave Me Alone, Kitten!

There’s something about a giant stack of waffles topped with butter, powdered sugar, and maple syrup that puts me in an un-fightable, resistance resistant, afternoon coma.  That really… and I mean reeeeaaalllyyy pisses off the workaholic in me.  She hates napping.  The waffle-aholic in me?  Well… obviously she thinks her workaholic counterpart should just chill  the heck out.

I’ve tried to appease both sides of my w-aholics… and it’s not about trading waffles for spelt toast.  No…  that just can’t happen.

Switch up the waffle!  Make it a savory dream!  Top it with salsa and an egg!  This way my waffle-aholic self gets all of her warm waffle goodness. and my workaholic self doesn’t need a resentful nap.  Take note.

Please tell the waffle-aholic within you that this dish is supreme for either breakfast or dinner.

Savory waffles are IT!

Here’s what you’ll need:

A waffle iron.  I know… I know… what a pain.  There’s really no other way to make waffles though.  Perhaps you could turn this dish into savory pancakes… but it’s not quite the same.  Waffle iron.  It’s a splurge!!

Cornmeal gives these waffles a really wonderful crunch.  I used a more coarse cornmeal.  Bite!

Chives and parsley kick up the flavor of these waffles. Subtle onion and herb.  It’s perfect.

Black pepper!  Coarse and generous.

Salsa and eggs!  Cook up and egg and top it off with salsa.

With these few ingredients, I swear you’ll feel like you’re doing everything right.

This batter is beautifully thick and subtly flavored.

Cornmeal and scallions mysteriously take things from ok to uh-mazing.

You might choose, as I did, to enjoy these waffles with a friend, on a front porch, under a gloomy grey sky, on a slightly chilly weekend morning.

Or!  Or or or… you could plop down in from of the television and watch reruns of Law and Order SVU.

OR!  You could eat them standing in your kitchen, trying to get your cat to stop sticking his face in the open waffle iron.

I usually opt for the later option.  That’s just how I choose to live… or something.

Yesterday was a day like any other day.

I woke up thinking about doughnuts and chili fries. Ok… not really.  I did, however, make my way to the kitchen, found an open box of cereal, and ate a giant handful of dry cereal with my eyes closed.  Then I drank milk.  I can’t tell you whether or not I drank straight from the carton or used a glass.  That information is classified.  Just let me be known that I seem to be a bachelor at heart.

Yesterday was a day like any other day.  There was cereal, a bit of beach, eye cream (because I’m obsessed), food, friendship, and curious amounts of butter.

Herb butter.  A simple combination of salt and pepper, fresh thyme and chives, fresh (fuzzy) sage and lemon zest.

It all gets smashed into butter.  Later I’m going to suggest you put this cold butter inside a hamburger patty.  That’s obscene and I apologize in advance.

December 26, 2011.  Morning by the beach.  If anyone ever makes me live in a frozen tundra land… I’ll hold this dear inside my heart.

December 26, 2011.  Brunch with Tracy, Casey, and Cooper (not pictured… obviously).  Tracy is cutting her son’s pancake.  She’s mom-ing hard.

December 26, 2011.  Afternoon butter manipulation and photography.  Yes… I shoot on the floor in front of my door sometimes.  Just… deal.

What are you going to do with all of this beautiful, herb-y, salty, butter spread?

Bread is an amazing place to start.  Toasted?  With garlic?  Keep talking!

December 26, 2011.  You might consider, as I did… placing small pats of herb butter inside ground beef and making butter burgers.

Butter.  Burgers.  I mean… sweet Lord.  The recipe is from Good Meat, a book I am deeply emotional about.

I can neither confirm nor deny my butter burger consumption.  A butter burger is not pictured here because that would be entirely irresponsible, and frankly… dangerous.

December 26, 2011.  End with a cider.  Pear.

Have you ever tried to peel dates?

Yea… me neither.  Except I totally tried.  It was hard. It was futile.

Did you know you’re not supposed to peel dates? You’re not.  All it takes is one text to a friend.. and you’ll know for sure.

Texting with sticky fingers. It’s just real.  No biggie.

I love this spread.  It’s bold.  It’s how I want to live my whole life:  sweet, spicy, tart, and good on everything.

Yea… that’s exactly how I want to live my life.  Most days.  Most days are tart days.

This spread is flavored with lemon zest, fresh grated ginger, earthy cumin, and spicy chili flakes.  There’s also a load of fresh lemon juice.  Just lovely.  It packs a punch.

You saw the closeup.  This is a less close up.

I just can’t resist.  He’s all fluff.

This spread gets cooked down and pureed.

This is the cooked down part of the process.

Maybe I ate a hearty amount of spread just like this?  So what.  Stop staring.

I served this spicy sweet spread on warm garlic naan. It was divine!  It was piled on.  It was double dipped.  It was alluringly spicy and irresistibly sweet.  This spread would also be incredible on a turkey sandwich, or as a thick sauce with roasted chicken or pork, and smashed potatoes.

Think big! Live big too!

I think maybe I can see into my future.  Well, I can see into my future if my future involves me being pregnant.

If I’m ever a pregnant Joy the Baker… oh sweet lordy… God help us all.

I’ll totally be one of those pickles and ice cream women.  I’ll also be a marshmallow and peanut butter woman.  …and maybe a pizza and taffy kind of lady.

It’s the future.  I can feel it.

I hope and pray that pregnant Joy the Baker is also still into kale and quinoa.

Thank goodness that’s all a long way away.

In the meantime… I’ll just turn pickles into fries and pretend the yogurt dipping sauce is actually vanilla bean ice cream.

This is what a typical pickle shoot looks like.  Totally normal.  Nothing to see here.

I should tell you now that this is a double battered, fried pickle situation.

First the cornichons are bathed in a beaten egg with mustard and hot sauce.

mmm hmm.

A dusting of seasoned flour… then back to the egg bath!

The extra egg bath makes the panko bread crumbs stick like glue.Well… delicious glue.

These darlings are ready for the fryer (and ready for a hot date with an ice cream cone).

Hot from the fryer!  These fried pickles are warm with a hint of spice.  They’re salty, crunchy, and unreasonably comforting.  It’s weird magic.

I paired these pickle fries with a super simple cumin yogurt dip.  Cumin, yogurt, Dijon mustard, salt and pepper.  I dunno… why not fake your way into some health with yogurt dip for your fried indulgence.  mm hmm.  Divine.

I know we’re supposed to be eating cranberries and slice and bake sugar cookies… but I just couldn’t help myself with these fries.

If you’re feeling the spirit, you might consider this Honey Cranberry Cornmeal Quick Bread.

If you’re feeling more pickled, you might consider this amazing Potato Chip and Pickle Sandwich.

Have you ever been to St Louis, Missouri?

I think it might be a magic place… I think it might also be haunted.  Like, seriously.

I’m here visiting my dearheart Rachel.  The light here is like sun shining through milkglass.  There are piles of leaves everywhere.  The houses are HUGE! and beautifully bricked, and scary, and haunted, and regal.  There’s so much beauty and pride here.  And people say hello to one another when they walk down the street.

I’m staying in a house that has a claw foot tub and a lady ghost whose giant dragging skirt can occasionally be heard going down the stairs.  I haven’t heard it yet.  I had a preemptive conversation with the lady ghost explaining that when I get spooked, I also get screamy and punchy.

Beautiful and haunted, this place.

Yea… I’m a little scared

I need stew… like, right now!

I don’t put a lot of meat on my blog.

That’s because I have a tremendous appreciation for butter and sugar.

As Fall pulls into full swing, I find myself wanting to cook anything and everything in my dutch oven.

Soups.  Stews.  Things that have dumplings.

It’s time.

I paired sweet potato with stew beef to create a rich and flavorful stew.

There’s a splash of beer and Worcestershire sauce.  Carrots and onions, of course.  A good dose of tomato paste and beef broth.

It’s profoundly comforting.

This is a pot of food stuffs that is just begging to be shared.

This is a pot of food stuffs that may be best served in over-sized bowls, with couscous or rice, a blanket, a loved one, and a scary movie.

That sounds like a really good life.

Oh!  You should also know that I love mixing sweet potatoes in things.  Maybe you want to get into it too!

Black Bean and Sweet Potato Tacos relive summer just a little.

Sweet Potato and Kale Soup comfort town, major.

Dad’s Perfect Sweet Potato Pie if you’re thinking of making pie for the holiday… this is IT!  my dad’s family recipe plus a bonus no-roll pie crust.  amazing!

Let’s be people that host parties.

Let’s not just have people over… let’s host parties.

Let’s be people that look effortlessly elegant all night… even if this just means wearing the perfect pair of flattering jeans.

Let’s be people who always have perfect lipstick. Let’s be people who wear comfortable and stylish heels all night. Let’s be people who rock the most appropriate obscure playlist.

Let’s be people who start the game of Pictionary.

Let’s be people who send guests home with full bellies and warm cookies.

It all starts with a perfect cheese plate! And it’s totally not even hard! Come on… Play along!

The Perfect Cheese Plate!

These are just suggestions.  It’s totally a create-your-own-adventure situation:

You’ll need a clean board, a piece of parchment paper, or a large brown paper bag, cut open and crinkled.

4 to five cheeses.

Try an aged cheddar like Hook’s 12 year cheddar. Pair cheddar cheeses with sweet cherry or blackberry jam. The sweet fruit and sharp cheddar combination is stellar.

Try a French cheese like Abondance. Semi-hard, raw cow’s milk, almost Swiss like cheese with salty pickles and crisp crackers. Straight classy!

Try a a creamy goat cheese like (mmmm!) Truffle Goat Cheese. Let the truffle take center stage. Simple crackers and a sprinkling of black pepper are totally major. This is a popular cheese. It will be gone in a flash. Be warned!

Try a stinky and bold blue cheese. This cheese is made from raw cows milk… Making it even more crazy tangy… It’s also aged in grape leaves. This strong, blue-veined cheese pairs really well raw honey. The sweetness eases the aggressive nature of the cheese.

These are two VERY simple recipes.  Feel free to just eyeball it all.  Keep it simple.

Note:  It’s past midnight… and I’ve lost my mind raiding my chocolate drawer.

Second Note:  I have a chocolate drawer… it’s an occupational perk and hazard.

Third Note:  I used to have a chocolate drawer.  Just wrappers now.

Fourth Note:  Why does Kim Kardashian insist on making such a joke of her life?  It must be the money.  Right?  It’s gotta be the money.

… and now!  SALAD.

I know what you want.

It’s not Brussels Sprouts.

I know what you want… because what you want is what I want.

You want chocolate.  I know this because I’m eating chocolate, kinda right now.

Seriously though…  we have to play it cool.  We have to sit at the table until we finish our vegetables.

There’s salted caramel in our future.  There’s fried things.  There’s cocktails.  There’s all the buttery things you would expect from me.

Eyes on the prize.  Let’s just hush up and eat our pretty salad.

If we’re going to eat a salad, I insist that it be pretty and jeweled.

This is fennel.  It’s licorice crunch.

Sexy, jeweled, murder fruit.

Pomegranates are gorgeous… and they stain EVERYTHING.

Thinly sliced apples and slivered almonds.

YEA!  In a salad!

All of this goodness gets tossed with shaved, raw Brussels sprouts.  This salad was inspired by Cube restaurant in Los Angeles.  I think this preparation of Fall Brussels sprouts is divine, fresh, and super healthy.

I tossed this salad with fresh lemon juice, good olive oil, salt, and pepper.  Very simple.

Perhaps you want to try a Poppy Seed Vinaigrette, or a Green Goddess Dressing.

Eat up.  Prepare yourself for the caramel and cheesecake that’s about to happen here.

Apple Pomegranate Brussels Sprout Salad

makes 4 small or 2 large portions

inspired by Cube restaurant in Los Angeles

Print this Recipe!

about 1 pound of Brussels sprouts (I used about 20 sprouts)

1/2 cup fresh pomegranate seeds

1 small fennel bulb, sliced very thin

1 Fuji apple, sliced thin

handful of toasted slivered almonds

salt and pepper

lemon and olive oil

Rinse brussels sprouts of any dirt or grime.  Place on a cutting board horizontally, and slice thinny, creating little brussels sprout rounds and ribbons.  Place in a large bowl and set aside.

Wearing an apron, deseed pomegranate and gather about 1/2 cup of seeds.  Add to the brussels sprout bowl.

Add thinly sliced fennel and apple, as well as the slivered almonds.  Toss together using hands.  Add the juice of 1 lemon, a good drizzle of olive oil, and a healthy pinch of salt and coarsely ground pepper.  Toss together, let rest for about 20 minutes in the fridge so the lemon can slightly soften the sprouts.

Serve in generous portions.  Top with more pomegranates if you’re feeling fancy.  I’m always feeling fancy.[/printab