Confession: I’m a baker because cookies make me friends. I’m a baker because cakes help me out of a jam from time to time. I’m a baker because brownies attract quality men.
Let’s talk about boys and baking. Boys like cookies and pies and coffee cake with lots of crumb topping. I know. I’ve done the research.
Here’s how to impress a boy with baking.
Note: If your particular boy doesn’t like baked goods… I’m afraid I don’t understand. He’s weird. I’d question his motives.
If you happen to be interested in girls… well… that’s a whole other blog post… one that possibly includes more chocolate and how to hide a giant engagement ring in her favorite cupcake.
Boys. Baking.
You know how boys… the good ones, at least… bring flowers to a first date? I think girls should bring brownies. Easy chocolate brownies with walnuts. Wrap them in wax paper and put them in a simple box. The next day when they’re trying to play it cool and not call you back? They’ll have a brownie and pick up the phone. Guarantee.
Good boys have good friends. Don’t forget them. How about a ‘nice to meet you, friend of the boy I like’ offering? Yes. Lemon Cloud Cookies. Do this.
What happens if you wake up with a boy in your bed?
Mom, I’ve never woken up with a boy in my bed. Never. Not even once. But if I had… well. Nevermind.
If you wake up with a boy in your bed you have several options. Pay close attention.
If you like the boy next to you, hop out of bed, make some coffee, whip up some pancake batter and leave it to rest on the counter. Hop back in bed, wake up cute boy then return to the kitchen to fry pancakes. The smell of coffee and cooking dough will eventually lure him out of bed. He’ll sit at the table. You’ll sit at the table. He’ll wonder how he got so dang lucky. You’ll wonder how you got so dang lucky. If he offers to help you do the dishes… marry him, immediately.
Now… if you do not like the boy in your bed… make. nothing. And never repeat those circumstances again. The whole pretending to be asleep until he finally leaves thing… awkward.
Good boys have good moms. Good moms have hawk eyes. They notice everything. This Apple Crisp will buy you a bit of leniency. Maybe you dropped the s-bomb at the dinner table. Oops. Maybe she got a peek of one of your tattoos and thinks you’re some sort of wild hippie.
This Apple Crisp should mend all that. It’s the crumble topping. It heals all things. Even if you are a wild, foul-mouthed hippie… you’re a wild foul-mouthed hippie who can cook. Moms like girls who can cook. Be a girl who can cook.
Boys like bacon.
Boys like pink things if they taste good.
Boys like when you pull out all the stops and doll yourself up for a date. Boys like when you pull out all the stops and make fancy cakes with expensive nuts.
But really… I think that boys like it best when you just throw on some tight jeans and a cute t-shirt. No makeup. I’m also pretty sure that boys are happiest with a simple meal that involves steak, barbecue sauce, and warm chocolate chip cookies.
Now… it’s not that we need to impress boys. Oh heck no. It’s just that sometimes… we want to, and that’s not a crime.
And that’s my two cents… put that in your brain hole to marinate.
Tisha
You ma’am, are quite wise. I really needed this. I’m making this for the guy I like on Monday. Very excited and motivated. Thank you so very much. :)
Luz Arredondo
Dear Joy the Baker: this post is sooooooo true and every line I read I was laughing my lungs out because you’re not only great at explaining but you make it sound as if I was listening to the coolest aunt I wish I had telling me how to get a guy at the kitchen table!!! Bless your heart and please keep posting!!! ???
Luz Arredondo
Dear Joy the Baker: this post is sooooooo true and every line I read I was laughing my lungs out because you’re not only great at explaining but you make it sound as if I was listening to the coolest aunt I wish I had telling me how to get a guy at the kitchen table!!! Bless your heart and please keep posting!!! ???
Chipps
Hmmmm, never thought of it in this way much. But I did make my boy a cake for the first time yesterday. And I got flowers. Not yet sure if direct correlation, but experiment worthy…
Katie
I absolutely loved this post. :) It was so cute and spunky and sassy. I love baking all sorts of things, but I guess my best would be pumpkin pie. Since it’s his favorite, my boyfriend loves that I can make it.
Boy
fantastic, now to sneakily run this by my girl.
Amanda R
Dear Joy,
I read dozens of food blogs a day but yours is my all-time favorite. You are hilarious. Your words, your recipes and your pictures speak directly to me. I too have eaten a pot of sweet rice pudding directly over the stove with a spoon and not regretted it. I try to impress boys with my baking skills (which works every. single. time.). Everything you say is exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for taking the time to make my day brighter and reminding me why I love to bake.
mike
Couldn’t agree more. A delicious baked anything will win me over.
Gillian
It definitely works with girls…I was helping some friends at uni out with some work and brought big slabs of coffee cake with me. I think there may have been proposals that day.
Also cute girls like to bake with you, so you can spend time with them and eat cakes/cookies/biscuits/pies/miscellaneous.
Also also, I am subscribin to this blog. Thought I never would for a recipe one (I just stumble usually, that gives me my fill) but your friendly and funny writing style has hooked me :)
Dominique
Joy, you’re completely wonderful. I discovered your website recently and I’m now a regular reader. You are just magnificent, a triumph of all things feminine and funny and delicious! Never stop doing what you do, that’s an order. X
Léo
Joy,
this was beautiful.
I would definitely fall in love after a morning like this.
thanks for all.
Devin
you have the world on lock down, kudos
kyra
Once I dated a boy on a diet. It didn’t last.
Once I dated a boy who didn’t like “too much dessert”. It also didn’t last.
And the pancake thing works even better if you put an omelette with bacon next to them, and a smoothie.
Thank you for this post, I’m glad I’m not the only one who makes cookies because it makes me friends :)
joythebaker
hahahahaaa! you have made me laugh. thank you!