I accidentally saw a picture of you because you are still a friend of a friend of the Internet.
It was a picture of a party with the appropriate amount of cool people in hip glasses… and a dude in a Paris, France t-shirt. I didn’t know that Paris made shirts.
In this photograph, people are mid-conversation, their mouths shaped with what are surely interesting words. One man stands awkwardly in his beard choice. Old friends embrace center frame, most sincerely, with open clenched hands and softly closed eyes.
You stand in the back, slightly off-center, the only one looking at the camera. You have that half-smile I recognize. The one between pleasure and obligation. You’re wearing your shirt the way you did… and do… down to the third button (or is that the two and a halfth button?). You look comfortable and relaxed, with just the most tender amount of self-doubt.
You’re with a girl. She’s brown-haired and side-swept. I imagine that she’s the kind of girl who can easily shop for jean shorts, and speaks kindly more often than not. She seems like the kind of girl who hates New York City because it wreaks havoc on her shoes (really she just thinks it’s a big and scary place), but once had the time of her life in Spain on a backpacking trip when she was 23. Her gaze is focused on the embracing couple as near strangers capable of judgement. She stands bolted next to you like you’re her anchor in the social storm.
You two seem finely matched… but what do I know? (Nothing at all.)
I accidentally saw a picture of you and it reminded me that I was dating a man rightfully shaking his fist at God, while trying to hold my hand with the other. I was reminded of how fiercely we tried to hold our relationship together, and how devastated and relieved we were in its destruction. There’s water under that bridge.
I accidentally saw a picture of you. No big deal. I wrote about it.
christine
The internet needs more of this. More of you :)
Thanks for sharing
Niken
it’s raw and honest. i love the sentiment. no big deal
Ava
Sad.
Brittney
I still go back and read this when I feel a little sad. It reminds me it’s ok. Thanks a million (again) for writing this. I can’t be the only one who really needed to read it.
Sarah
Dude, Joy.
This seriously made my eyeballs leak a little. I might just be a little bit drunk at work. But this is some deep shit girl.
Keep on keepin’ on. Please. Sometimes you help me keep my sanity. I like to pretend we would be friends if we ever met. But not in a creepy way. Ya know?
Alysis
I loved this post. I appreciate that your blog is a brilliant mix of food, life, and the intermingling of the two. Some people blog on the straight and narrow while others blog as an extension of their mind. I had a similar ex-experience , blogged about it, and received the same mixed bag of reviews. I didn’t care and kept my post up. I’m glad you did too. It’s therapeutic for both you and your readers; those that can’t share in the camaraderie don’t need to understand it.
Flissy
I love this post Joy, and today I was reminded of it. So I revisited and this is why.
I accidentally stumbled upon your girlfriends instagram, I was doing a bit of harmless internet stalking and then i saw it. All the pictures of you, taken by her and I realised why my infatuation with you is wrong. I realised why our flirting and those hugs that linger just a bit too long make me feel a bit sad. Now I feel a bit sick.
It will be fine, it is only a silly crush. But right now I feel a bit sick.
maddie
such a beautiful and tender piece!
joelle (on a pink typewriter)
I just discovered your blog and I’m so grateful that I did. Besides the recipes, THIS post. Oh my.. I feel like I could have written it myself. I know 100000% how you feel.. my ex and i broke up (unexpectedly — but isn’t that always the case?) in summer, and I recently decided to take a little Facebook break because it was just.. too much. Even if you’re okay with things, it’s still hard to be smacked in the face with the other person looking happy while you’re still figuring things in life out.. You know?
Dominique
If I was alone while reading this, I might have teared up a little more.
Beautiful.
Erin
I followed the trail from the Simple Mom podcast to your podcast to your blog, and while eating one of your pumpkin butterscotch cookies I found this post. Beautiful. Yes. That’s exactly how it feels.
joythebaker
i’m so glad you found me!
Cassie
This.
“…it reminded me that I was dating a man rightfully shaking his fist at God, while trying to hold my hand with the other. I was reminded of how fiercely we tried to hold our relationship together, and how devastated and relieved we were in its destruction. There’s water under that bridge.”
For nearly a year I have been unable to sufficiently articulate the gut wrenching blessing it was for me to leave an amazing, but ill-fated love. Your words are perfect. Thank you for sharing, Joy!
Melody
Oh, man, Joy. This one made me teary. I feel you, Lady! You are such a beautiful person.