so continues the series on Joy the Baker. I make notes to myself. How to live. How not to live… and how it’s ok if I burn the cookies.
Short Version: Everyone is as scared as you are. If they’re not, they’re just faking it. Chill.
Long Version: Sometimes you lose yourself. It happens more easily than you’d like. You enter a situation on your own, and you just don’t feel as confident as you should. It’s silly, really… but it’s real. Forgetting your confident coat is like running out of the house without your bra on… and you really need a bra. You’re over 30. The time for free-form experimentation is long over.
Sometimes it’s superficial. You’re not wearing the right shoes. The top you chose rides up in the back (wwwhhhyyy!?). You don’t accessorize well. Your car is too dirty to valet. Ooooh the list of reasons why you’re not good enough and why everyone is cooler, more prepared, and less scared could go on for centuries, leaving you feeling iffy-at-best going into social situations.
Sometimes it’s brainy. You haven’t read the correct books, and you don’t quote the New Yorker. You’ve got a good arsenal of Far Side comics committed to memory, but that doesn’t really fuel a political discussion. Wait… remember the Far Side where the moose has a bull’s-eye tattoo? I think the caption is something like “bummer birthmark, Fred.” So there’s that. When ‘bummer birthmark, Fred” is the only thing that comes to mind in a serious literary conversation… that’s when the terror sets in. Why is everyone smarter than us!?
Sometimes the fears are work and school related. You’re not at the right level. You’re two promotions away from being happy at work. Your blog traffic sucks. You’re not taking the right classes with the right professors. You’re not in the right clubs. Everyone knows what they’re doing and where they’re going and you’re the only one floundering. Your mind is filled with too many Blues Traveler lyrics. That’s the problem. If you could find a way to extricate those… then all of your problems would be solved (this is actually probably true).
Stop it! Joy, you’re beating yourself up. Remember this: everyone is just as scared and unsure as you are. They may not have the exact same fears or worries… but they have them. For sure. Some people are just better at hiding their fears than others, but we’re all in this together. When in doubt (which may be more often than we’d like), remember that you’re good enough exactly right now, stop fussing with your hair, get out there, and live! Exactly right now… you’re, we’re dang good enough.
Kristin
Thank you for this. I am so grateful to you but also for you.
Hannah Jade
Thank you, Joy, for reminding me of this. I have a tattoo on my foot, right where I can see it whenever I wear pumps, for this very reason – to remind me to stop being scared, and to just dare to do something terrifying. Good advice for everyone I think: quit being scared, and just do. You will never reach your goals if you don’t try.
Yvonne Farrell
Hi Joy,
I just discovered your podcasts last week when my boyfriend downloaded 2 for me to listen to on a long drive. I’ve listened to another 2 since then and I’ve just downloaded a whole other bunch. Not what I expected but I’m hooked – all the way from Scotland. I will now make it my mission to spread the word about Joy The Baker.
Keep up the good work.
Yvonne
joythebaker
i’m SO GLAD you’re here!
liz
I just want to say that this is the third time I’ve come back to this post to read it because I’ve needed to hear these words. It’s insane how much pressure builds on you and you think you’re alone in feeling it. Thanks for reminding me we’re all imperfect beings with our own set of problems. This post is lovely.