so continues the series on Joy the Baker. I make notes to myself. How to live. How not to live… and how it’s ok if I burn the cookies.
Short Version: Everyone is as scared as you are. If they’re not, they’re just faking it. Chill.
Long Version: Sometimes you lose yourself. It happens more easily than you’d like. You enter a situation on your own, and you just don’t feel as confident as you should. It’s silly, really… but it’s real. Forgetting your confident coat is like running out of the house without your bra on… and you really need a bra. You’re over 30. The time for free-form experimentation is long over.
Sometimes it’s superficial. You’re not wearing the right shoes. The top you chose rides up in the back (wwwhhhyyy!?). You don’t accessorize well. Your car is too dirty to valet. Ooooh the list of reasons why you’re not good enough and why everyone is cooler, more prepared, and less scared could go on for centuries, leaving you feeling iffy-at-best going into social situations.
Sometimes it’s brainy. You haven’t read the correct books, and you don’t quote the New Yorker. You’ve got a good arsenal of Far Side comics committed to memory, but that doesn’t really fuel a political discussion. Wait… remember the Far Side where the moose has a bull’s-eye tattoo? I think the caption is something like “bummer birthmark, Fred.” So there’s that. When ‘bummer birthmark, Fred” is the only thing that comes to mind in a serious literary conversation… that’s when the terror sets in. Why is everyone smarter than us!?
Sometimes the fears are work and school related. You’re not at the right level. You’re two promotions away from being happy at work. Your blog traffic sucks. You’re not taking the right classes with the right professors. You’re not in the right clubs. Everyone knows what they’re doing and where they’re going and you’re the only one floundering. Your mind is filled with too many Blues Traveler lyrics. That’s the problem. If you could find a way to extricate those… then all of your problems would be solved (this is actually probably true).
Stop it! Joy, you’re beating yourself up. Remember this: everyone is just as scared and unsure as you are. They may not have the exact same fears or worries… but they have them. For sure. Some people are just better at hiding their fears than others, but we’re all in this together. When in doubt (which may be more often than we’d like), remember that you’re good enough exactly right now, stop fussing with your hair, get out there, and live! Exactly right now… you’re, we’re dang good enough.
Kristin
Thank you for this. I am so grateful to you but also for you.
Hannah Jade
Thank you, Joy, for reminding me of this. I have a tattoo on my foot, right where I can see it whenever I wear pumps, for this very reason – to remind me to stop being scared, and to just dare to do something terrifying. Good advice for everyone I think: quit being scared, and just do. You will never reach your goals if you don’t try.
Yvonne Farrell
Hi Joy,
I just discovered your podcasts last week when my boyfriend downloaded 2 for me to listen to on a long drive. I’ve listened to another 2 since then and I’ve just downloaded a whole other bunch. Not what I expected but I’m hooked – all the way from Scotland. I will now make it my mission to spread the word about Joy The Baker.
Keep up the good work.
Yvonne
joythebaker
i’m SO GLAD you’re here!
liz
I just want to say that this is the third time I’ve come back to this post to read it because I’ve needed to hear these words. It’s insane how much pressure builds on you and you think you’re alone in feeling it. Thanks for reminding me we’re all imperfect beings with our own set of problems. This post is lovely.
Lisa Harrison
this will probably sound creepy… in which case, you can ignore… but so often you write things that make me wish we were friends, having these conversations in person, with chai perhaps. awesome post. i will go back to silently reading your posts and trying out this baking thing because i’m figuring out that the oven is just as cool as the stovetop.
Erin Lian
Glad I’m not alone, thank you <3
Holly
You are SO right! Love this.
emily | nomnivorous
Joy. Thank you. Thank you so very much for writing this. There is not much more I can say besides being extremely appreciative of your words. <3
Maricely Kline
I just bought your cookbook. Out of all the books on the shelf it called out to me. What a great call that was. Your book is phenomenal, I love all the tips and your prose. Thank you this came at a good time. I needed some inspiration and uplift and you did just that. Maricely
dina
haaii joy!
you have written this very well! it s so true!
thank you!
i love your blog! i really dont understand everything, because my english is not hmm, not the best… ;) but you can always make me smile.! and thats great! i bought your book and it s so super, cool and exellent! (Y) :D
be blessed! hugs from switzerland!
Julia
Judging by your beautiful writing, it’s unlikely you’ll be at a loss for words in a serious literary conversation :).
Katie
Aw man, see, I said “commuters” and not computers. Need alert
Katie
I love your blog a lot. In a big way. It makes me happy and puts good food in my belly. You are a delight. I am technologically challenged, and don’t generally know what I’m doing regarding commuters and the inter-web…so I don’t necessarily “subscribe” and I never comment :) but you are lovely and it needs to be said that you brighten many of my days. Xo
Rebecca
Oh, Joy the Baker, how all of your blog posts seem like you are speaking directly to me. Thank you for this series. I think I am in love with each and every one you have posted thus far. Thanks again for the kind and motivational words.
alice
i totally need to read this right now, thank you~
Amix
Whoa – are you in my head?! Hehe. Thank you Joy, for another excellent post, which is very, very true. We really should keep telling ourselves “we’re doing good enough” as you said! In fact, I think we’re doing pretty well :)
Kelli @ The Corner Kitchen
yes, so true! great post….this feels like a little, much-needed hug. thanks!
Alisha
Oh my-lanta! This is SOOOO me! I am always doubting myself and second guessing EVERYTHING I’m doing and wondering WHAT on earth I’m doing when in fact I’m pretty darned talented at a lot of things that I just take for granted. THANK YOU for this post!
BTW…my girlfriend made your chocolate bundt cake with the coffee in it AND the frosting. Needless to say, I haven’t stopped thinking about that darned cake since mid-July. It’s A-MAZING! Here’s my problem. I’ve been on vigilant weight loss path since March and have been very successful in getting toward my goal and am almost there. Your cake… your orgasmic cake, lingers in my mind and haunts me. It has taken all the will-power I possess to NOT make this loveliness UNTIL I have reached the point of MAINTENANCE rather than loss. Oh, this is a hard thing for me to do. It’s not often that I’ve encountered something that has taken THIS much control. But, this is one that I can’t stop dreaming of. So…hats off to you on this absolutely PHENOMENAL creation! I can’t wait to make it!
kelly
I wish I could transport these words to my former self, the one who wanted to quit grad school two weeks in because she wasn’t well-read enough, abject enough or theoretical enough for her peers. Instead of clamming up during discussion, stuttering when she spoke and falling out of love with literature, I could have confidently shared these words with my peers and found out much sooner that they were plagued with the same exact fears but were much better at hiding them than wear-your-feelings-on-your-sleeve me.
Thank you for sharing your struggles with us and for normalizing doubts and anxieties. The idea of ‘you’re okay, exactly as you are, in this very moment’ has been life-changing for me. Dunno if you’ve read anything by Pema Chodron, but she writes extensively about being present, making friends with your fears and practicing loving kindness toward yourself. She’s definitely worth checking out!
Soff
This is so true! :) I just dont know what else to say, ’cause I feel like you know exactly what I (or what we) feel
Sophie
Once again, thank you for well needed words of wisdom. It often feels like you’re reading my mind, but I guess this post sums it up, everyone is thinking these things, not just me and you, everyone…in their own way.
P.S. You’re awesome.
Connie the Cookie Monster
i love this post. you put in words, my feelings and thoughts that ive kept to myself for years and years. reading this gave me so much relief. thank joy!
natalia
i had a meltdown at work today.
sometimes, life blows.
but this is really what i needed.
you inspire me….like nothing has inspired me in a very, very long time.
and i want to thank you so much for that.
Bethanie
Beautifully stated! Thank you, Joy, for reminding us of what we all to often forget! Right now, in this exact moment, I am good enough!
Danae
Oh Joy. I just love you. Consider this a hug from someone else who needed to hear that too. Hang in there <3
Casey @ The Baker Bee
Don’t be scurred… because…
You’re good enough
You’re smart enough
and
Gosh Darnit, people like you
:)
christine louise
joy, this is so spot on the way i feel about myself too often. i am always self-doubting and feeling less than “enough”. thanks for sharing.
tracy
sometimes it’s coming to work today with a really bad blotchy spray tan..on your FACE of all places…and holding your head up high and acting as if nothing is out of the ordinary :)
Kendra
Can I make a suggestion? Do you know Emily Freeman from chattingatthesky.com? Tsh has interviewed her on the Simple Mom podcast; they’re pals and went to the Philippines together. Anyway, she wrote a book called Grace for the Good Girl that you might enjoy. Recommending a book about someone’s problems feels like giving a weight-loss book to a fat person. It’s just… weird. And a little awkward and inappropriate and way too personal. Except sometimes it’s not. And sometimes it’s worth it. And you don’t know me, so it’s not like you’re going to have to interact with me in our awkwardness ever. So yeah. You should read yourself a copy of Grace for the Good Girl. The subtitle is “Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life.” And it’s all about not feeling like you’re enough. It’s brilliant and such a lovely read and has a cute bird on the cover so you know. But it’s deep and not small-talk-y and real and vulnerable but not sappy and like a Lifetime movie. Take it or leave it, but there you go. I’d send you a copy, but I don’t have your address slash that would be even more diet-book-to-a-fat-person-y. Let’s avoid those situations at all costs.
Amielle
So, so, so much love for this post! Exactly what I needed to read.
Marisa
Joy, you seem super put together and for you to make such a wonderful statement makes me feel so much better about myself…especially when I’m feeling bad about myself.
You’re awesome.
Randi
OMG…so true and perfect timing for me and my family…thanks so much for sharing…and for your charming way of saying things. I love your recipes and I love your writing.
RichmondTreatsKCEats
I SO needed to hear this today. Thank you, Joy, for always being so awesome. I hope one day you’ll come to Kansas City so I can meet you!
Julie
Joy,
Thank you, every time I read your notes or your recipes I am inspired. Thank you very much for creating this blog and being an awesome person.
Diana
I’ve never commented before Joy though I love your blog. I just had to say–YES! This is so true, so universal, and somehow, so easy to forget. Why is that? Anyway, thanks for the refresher. I just booked a manicure and now I’m sitting here stressing that the manicure lady will see that I pick my nails and judge me. And maybe refuse me service? I dunno. Anyway, good timing to check your blog and read this. xoxo
Courtney @ Bake. Eat. Repeat.
I heart you Joy. Thank you for this.
Julie
Love this!!! You and Brene brown need to connect? Do you know her work? Daring Greatly is her new book. She writes and speaks about shame,vulnerability and courage.
Danielle
Joy, you made me feel good today. Thank you.
Danielle xo
Lori
Love this series :)
Kimberly H
I adore this post! Great timing! I’ve actually read it several times in the last couple of days as a reminder before I take on a big, scary project.
Heather
Oh Joy – thank you for saying everything that I feel almost every. single. day.
Thank you for being you and being wonderful and inspiring.
Rocky Mountain Woman
Lovely advice…
I needed to read that today, sweetie…
xxoo,
RMW
Jennie
Have you seen this piece?! She’s holding your book!
http://www.thebolditalic.com/drewhoolhorst/stories/2208-moving-in-with-a-girlfriend-101
prjanik
thanks for saying this! =)
Tracy
I just really love this new section you have! Way to be awesome Joy!
Adrienne @ Midwestern Belle
I love these. I think it’s what we’re all feeling…Only you’re the only one who’s brave enough to actually say it! And, my car is always too dirty to valet :)
Archer
Oh, Joy! I love your notes to self, as does everyone else. Thanks for being real and honest and making me feel more normal instead of psycho.
Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe
another beautiful post joy. you are one wise lady, and beyond good enough.
jenny
whenever I’m supposed to make intelligent conversation, I always have far side captions pop into my head, too. your post proves to me that this is not a disease; it’s a gift.
Nettie
Love this Joy. You are so human I love it.
Lady Jennie
I’m pretty sure it’s “Bummer of a birthmark, Hal.”
We would be friends, and would be walking the several blocks away from where our old cars are parked.
Stephanie
(Too) many times, I feel like I am the first person to awkwardly navigate being a woman in her 30s. It’s nice to be reminded that “we’re all in this together.”
Gwyn M
Wise words. And oh so appropriate at this phase of my life!
Marie
Truer words have never been spoken! Thanks for the reminder Joy. xo
Laura @FoodSnobSTL
Yes!! My car is often too dirty to valet as well . . . ugh.
Stephanie
:-) Sums it all up. Thank you, Joy.
narf7
“No fears here…nothing to see here…move along…” (I think she is onto me! Surely she can’t see fear through a comment?…maybe she can…time to make like a tree and leaf!)
Holly
what a beautiful post :) beautifully written.
http://www.hollyetc.net ♥
lauren
i really really enjoy these, and your voice. they are empowering. you make me feel like i am not alone in this world. i think what scares me is that I’m not worried about myself, I’m not worried about my future, either! i know i’ll be awesome and have cool adventures and be sad too every now and again.
my parents are what cause me worry.. their expectations for me, and that i am going into senior year of college about 1.5 semesters behind and Still do not know what i am going to do after graduation. what i really want to do is just travel, have fun, meet fresh faces, and experiment with Life, with my family, a top a mountain, in italy, with new people …
i feel so trapped, right now, in some pre-determined life. will my parents Always choose what i do and when i do it? i wish they would stop helping me out financially, even though it would hurt them Not to, because i want to feel free from worry.
sorry about rambling about my life on your delectable blog. i feel better though. :p
Tia Chocolate
“Sometimes it’s brainy. You haven’t read the correct books, and you don’t quote the New Yorker…”
This.
I work for a newspaper in this tiny island in the Caribbean/Central America, and frankly, by the time I’m done with deadlines, the last thing I want to do is watch news, read news or have ANYthing to do with news. I’m constantly scared that I’ll be asked to talk about work and current events and I’ll be there mouth open, nothing to say. So, thank you. I should take a chill pill – not EVERYone knows what’s going on…if I keep up to date with my bloggers, I’m informed enough. heh. :D
Thank You Joy! You rock!
Shut Up & Cook
This post was so aptly timed.
I came home in a foul mood…we are talking foul.
And for all the good, and not so good, reasons you outlined above.
How right you are though…everyone is scared. And I try and remind myself that I have only first world problems…it could be a lot worse.
Rebecca
The name JOY fits you so well! I love your “notes to self.” Thanks for sharing them with us!
Salee
your the best joy! love to read your blog specially “notes to self” love it….
Kelly M
Amen. Thanks for putting it into words.
shari
God loves you. He really does. Exactly as you are. He made you. He doesn’t make mistakes. He’s perfect. Now, repeat a thousand times a day.
Erin
this, is literally, exactly what I needed at exactly the right moment.
thank you.
Jessica
THISSSS. thank you, joy…thank you for that perspective.
Stacy
I wish we could be friends in real life. You are seriously one cool chick. I wish cooking channel or food network would give you a show!
Marcia
Beautifully said!
Hilary
Joy,
I was thinking along this same line on my drive home tonight. You hit the nail on the head. This is the best thing I’ve read in awhile. So true and lovely. Thank you!!
P.S. I love the Notes to Self. I do love your baking, but I love a little self-reflection too. And sometimes we just gotta switch it up. :) Bless you, girl!
Nathalie
I really love your notes to self. Just wanted to say.
Elizabeth
Just what I needed after a long day of trying to love and engage with all the people around me, and feeling like I always come up short. Thanks for writing!
Danielle
Just read this at the end of a long day at work and it was just what I needed. Thank you. :)
Emmy
Excellent timing – I just started my first teaching job, and I have definitely needed to hear this … a lot.
deb
your ‘notes to self’ are one of the best parts of this blog. I read today’s nts in tandem with a piece of your choc chip banana bread (baked last night). a killer combo.
keep writing them please!
Krissy @ Make it Naked
You really have a beautiful gift. Your writing is captivating and uplifting. I do love your food – duh. But I’m REALLY enjoying these posts.
Sara
Ah, The Far Side. I used to get a page a day calendar every year for Christmas growing up.
Some days certainly are tough and I beat up on myself a little too. But I always try to remember that it all adds up to good in the end; life is just too great for anything else to be true!
Samantha
So very true (but not always easy to remember)! Your honest writing and your incredible recipes are so inspiring!
Charlotte
I SO needed to read this today! I’ve just qualified as a science teacher and start my new job next Tuesday. As usual, I’m meeting trouble halfway and convincing myself that I will suck at it and that everyone else I trained with will run classes of angelic children who achieve above potential! Of course, I wouldn’t have qualified if I wasn’t capable of running a class and engaging my kids, but times like this I just don’t believe it! Thanks for the pep-talk. I need to get my as into gear – kids, they can smell fear. . .
Laura
amen!
you are such an inspiration.
I’m gonna have my 13 year old sister read this!
Morgansmenu
Joy! This is so relevant to me right now. Im moving to Paris in a week. and am terrified.
Rootaki
Word.
And I laughed out loud- I remember it as “Bummer of a birthmark, Hal.” And on a plane last weekend I was thinking of the one where the pilots announce there’s turbulence coming up and then you see them steering hard left then hard right :) Ah, the Far Side.
Thx for keeping it real, Joy!
Jennifer3
LOVE this post! It is so right on! I have been thinking of this topic lately, since a friend told me that she admired my ability to do my own thing and not care what others think. And while I certainly ACT like that, what goes through my head is usually entirely different. Me. Proudly faking confidence since 7th grade! (okay, I actually feel confident a lot too. But still. A lot of faking)
MW
Thanks for this, Joy! It was the perfect antidote to my start-of -the-schoolyear nerves!
Stoich91
SO much truth. You are like a lady of wisdom and cookies and wonderful-ness. Your blog is so inspiring it should be illegal! :D
annie
Have to say, this is the advice I wish I’d had through jr. high & high school. It took years later for me to realize that everyone was much, much more concerned about themselves to worry about what I was doing, saying, wearing. All of those mortifying “I-could-just-die-right-now” moments? All me, in my head. If there’s one piece of advice I will send forward with Julia as she hits those years, this will be it. Well, that and to keep her skirt down. :)
tracie
Thanks for this. I need to hear it sometimes.
Amy
I adore your blog and your honesty. Loved the Far Side shout out. Remember the one where the boy is pushing on the door that says pull at the school for the gifted. I hope you realize what a brilliant talented person you are.
m @ random musings
I liked this post so much that I was going to print for a cheery pick-me-up when feeling especially stressed. Imagine my surprise to discover that this site has a print.css that blocks printing! Well, at least I learned you can block printing via css…
Libby
“bummer of a birthmark, Hal” :)
My family uses that every time something sucky happens!
joythebaker
Yesssss!!
Diane
Joy, you are such a wise young woman. Thank you for those wonderful words about real life. <3
Becca - Cookie Jar Treats
This is perfect. I was just thinking the other day that I wish I didn’t have the professor I do for my engineering class because I can’t understand him (he’s Romanian) and of course my class is the only class that has him. I was just thinking how much easier it would be if I had a different professor, but then yesterday I had a revelation that it won’t be so bad. Sure I need to work on being more confident, but that will happen eventually… right? I think I’m too much of a wall-flower. Oh well. At least I’ll get all my class assignments done on time :)
Grace F
Thanks so much for this post! I reeeeally needed this encouragement today.
Amy
OMG! You’re in my brain! I needed to know someone else was feeling the same! Awesome.
Brandy
Thank you for these notes. This is officially my favorite blog now. What could be better than honesty about life (and making me feel normal) and delicious food?
Christine
This is awesome, and reminds me of a great, fantastic Ted talk (20 minutes, but so worth it):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0
Thanks for your awesome humanity & perspective as always, Joy!!
liz
this is literally just what i needed to read, thank you so much Joy
LaTasha
Joy, thank you! Your post is right. on. time. I’ve just taken a major grown up step and have been worried about it. I know this life change is a great thing but boy… the responsibility lol.
Thanks for sharing!
…back to my mini Mos Def desk concert
Dana N
Hey, you and I could have a perfectly good political/literary discussion. I *totally* know the Far Side cartoon you mentioned, LOL.
Heather {ModernMealsforTwo}
Amen, sister! If this whole “being an awesome cook” thing doesn’t work out, you should look into motivational speaking :)
Jamie @ green beans & grapefruit
amen!
Maria
Dear Joy!
I red you’re blog every day,and when a bad day comes by I visit your blog more then once. You,your writing and recipes makes me happy!
Btw. I love your book<3
Maria, from Norway
Amy | Minimally Invasive
Testify! I’ve had to kick my own butt out of that funk recently. Easy to forget that it’s all internal and no one’s judging me nearly as much as I’m judging myself. Thanks for sharing!
Margarita
thank you joy… i often feel inadequate because i’m not pretty enough, i don’t know how to look put-together like many girls do, my blog traffic sucks, i am not the best teacher ever, and the list of so many i-am-nots goes on and on. this kind of thinking makes me forgot the i-ams and all the other good qualities that i have. who cares if i’m not perfect? no one is! thank you for the affirmation and for the encouragment to be ourselves!
Rebecca
Hi Joy, I feel like out of all of the blogs I read, yours always comes across as the most sincere and relatable. I really like that. And this post too. It sucks being insecure but this is a nice little reminder that everyone feels that way. Even though you think they’re more awesome then you, they might be feeling the same way about you. I really need to be reminded that I’m good enough, probably more often than I should. So thanks :-)
Jen
Sing it, Sister!! *fist pump*
Sarah
Thank you for your honesty. It really hit home today.
xoxo
Mira C
Thank you for sharing this, Joy.
It is so easy to get trapped in the mental cycle of “I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not xxxxx enough.” And in the midst of feeling lost at sea, it is so easy to think that everyone else has their stuff together, that everyone around you knows where they are going and have all the maps and coordinates locked down.
I think life is just a process of getting lost and finding your way, over and over. As uncomfortable as being lost feels, it means that you are questioning, growing, changing.
You are not alone, Joy! We are all lost, and we will all find our way, separately and together.
JMK1961
Thank you! I’m having the anti-brainy issue right now. Heading to the state school in the town where I grew up to finish an undergrad degree in a new field when I did seven semesters at a prestigious school 1200 miles and an entire culture away at 25 is SCARY. I do read the New Yorker (sometimes) and I speak forcefully and confidently in class, dominating discussions (something I hated when I was first in school), so I feel like everyone is looking at me thinking, “God that girl is annoying; if she already knows sooo much then why is she here?” It’s the root of the definition of social anxiety I’ve created in my own head: being a nutty overthinker and believing that everyone else is too. Working on this? Yes. Succeeding? Not so much.
Karen
Joy,
Seriously the best advice ever. I truly appreciate the wisdom and reminder!
Karen
lani trock
i love everything about this series. totally calmed me in freakout mode this morning.
thank you for sharing you.
?
Shellie
Two quotes I’ve heard related to this that I love are:
Comparison is the thief of joy – Teddy Roosevelt
and
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. – Steve Furtick
Jamie @ green beans & grapefruit
Great quotes!
Steena
So, in two weeks, I get a promotion. Yay! Except that this promotion will actually challenge me…and I will have to USE the skills I spent four years getting a degree for. What is that?! Everyone keeps congratulating me and saying how great I’ll be and oh, how I want to believe them. But I’m pretty much set on failing, at least falling short of my own sky-high expectations. Is it okay to fail yourself if you don’t let anyone else down? I’m terrified. Thanks, Joy. Glad to know I’m not alone.
P.S. “Notes to Self” are my favorites. I came here for the food but I stay for the soul.
Dana
so do you believe it yet? I’m trying to.
Ren
Perfect words for me right now. I just had an extremely blue weekend focusing on how everyone else has their s*** together and feeling like I’m the only one floundering and discontent with life. I’m extremely pleased with the thought that everyone else is in the same directionless boat.
shalan @ the long road
So important to remember. And equally as important as giving yourself a break is giving others a break as well! Well said as always, Joy. : )
xo,
shalan
christina @ smallkitchenchronicles
Well said, Joy! We ARE good enough! Thanks for the awesome and brave post. You speak for all of us =)
Bakerkat
So nicely written and so true
Sara
Thanks Joy! Today is my first day as a PhD student and the “what the hell am I doing here?” and “I’m so outta my league- I’m so stupid at this” feeling is overwhelming. Not to mention, I don’t fit in with the fabulous Charlie’s Angels crew of girls in the office. Taking it day by day. Perusing through your blog always helps :)
Lucy
Love these reminders. And so glad I’m not the only one who gets Blues Traveler stuck in my head.
“suck it in suck it in if you’re Rin Tin Tin…”
are those the actual words?
joythebaker
Ugh… Yes.
Kayla@PureSweet
True words. I love these notes, thanks for sharing!
Betsy @ Gluten Free Betsy
AMEN! I needed to read this post this morning. Thank you! :)
Stefanie @ Sarcastic Cooking
Too many Blue’s Traveler lyrics in your head sounds like one of those GOOD problems!
Citti
Some of the things I hate about my self is being so insecure, and it get worst when I see other people than is just so confident, and they are pure happiness, but the truth is no one is perfect, we all have ups and downs, its part of life, even roller coaster have up an downs, cake´s before they get un the oven … they are flat, and suddenly they get all big an fluffy. The good thing is that we realize is normal to have fears, and we have the guts to face them. And something you shouldn´t ever be insecure is about how much we like your blog, I truly heart you! XOXO
Leah N
so very true. and so beautifully put into words! :)
Danielle
Honestly sometimes I feel like your posts come exactly when I need them! This was a great post and so true…I was just thinking last night how embarrassed I was by being so scared sometimes but you said it everyone is scared at some point! Thank you Joy you bring joy to my morning!
Ashley
Perfectly right, Joy! Go out and live. It’s awesome.
heather
thanks joy, it’s like you were reading my mind with this posting….going to make your awesome kettle corn now
Amy
LOVE THIS. Thank you, Joy.
Kelly
As a 2nd year chemistry grad student, this is how I feel basically everyday. Thanks for reminding me that no matter how cocky or smart someone is (acts), it does not make them better than me. And they’re probably over-analyzing that last exam/experiment/outfit, too.
Catherine
Thank you. It’s my first week of college and I’m definitely feeling it too. Your kind words brightened my day!
Kellie
I think we were separated at birth. Even through I’m sure I’m quite a bit older. I am happy to say that as you near your 40’s, the fear does diminish a bit and you don’t give a rats butt what everyone else is doing or thinking. At least I don’t. Most of the time. If I’m wearing the right shoes, of course.
Catherine
Thank you for the reminder. Your words and your recipes just speak to me. Thanks Joy!
Diana
the age old saying of “we are our own worst enemies” is so true. we’re often the most judgmental critics to ourselves, when we should embrace all we have. I’m making a big move to Arizona in 2 months, and even though I’m looking forward and confident I will get a job, I let other people doubts get in my head. We shouldn’t fear anything because we doubt ourselves or others voice their opinions. Couldn’t have said it better myself Joy, we’re good enough right now, and we should get out there and live!
Shannon
Such a beautiful post, and so true! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. We can all relate!
Sini
Amen.
Jana H.
Wow. Just…wow. Thanks for this.
I feel so often like I flounder through life with nothing real to offer. I don’t know anything of value, I don’t ever say the right things. I don’t fit in anywhere. Everyone’s speaking a different language than me so I just smile and nod and pretend that I understand what’s going on when I don’t.
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. To see not just this awesome post, but all the awesome comments that come after, of people who feel similarly—it’s an enormous relief. I’m not in a bubble all by myself stumbling around blindly. There are others here, too.
Again, thanks for this.
Emily
p.s. http://www.themorningnews.org/ is where i get my daily headlines plus great reading all in one. I mean, they’re running a series on kids explaining their favorite books right now, which is awesome.
Marie
So true! I reminde me my classmates during my Master in Law. “Do you go to the library today? No why? Oh nothing, just asking, you know we have a test in 2 WEEKS!” The always tried to feel other guilty…
Emily
Joy, thanks for the reminder. And quoting Far Side comics is a pretty awesome skill, so don’t even worry about it!
Marissa
i always struggle with not thinking that i’m enough. not smart enough, not driven enough, not tall enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not male enough (in my industry, being female is not to your advantage), not educated enough, not successfull enough. at the end of the day, because i’m scared. terrified. i think that people are going to find me out, to expose me for a fraud, for not being enough. i’m glad to know that i’m not the only one who feels like this. it’s good to know that i’m not alone.
Tara @ Chip Chip Hooray
You have no idea how much I needed to read this this morning–thank you, as always, Joy. <3
cosima
wow. thank you joy! just what i needed to hear… and by the way, to me you are like the cooolest person on earth. greetings from germany! :)
Chris
and the over 50 version is…..??? exactly the same. sorry, but it is. so this is my advice to anyone who reaches this note: just go for it. in everything. if you don’t love that top, don’t buy it! then you’ll never regret wearing it. if you don’t love to be in that situation and can avoid it, don’t go! if there’s someone who makes you crazy-nervous, stop wasting your energy in the space of that person!!! you get one shot at life. it’s up to you to make sure you charge full speed ahead in the right direction. and if you find yourself going in the wrong direction, find the nearest off-ramp, reorient yourself, and start over!! you get one shot for today and only one shot. one shot, ladies…..so hold your heads up high and walk straight into it, whatever ‘it’ is. choose intentionally and your regrets will be few.
My Kids Mom
I think you need to skip forward to age 45. Everyone told me that they stopped caring about “Everyone Else” in their late forties, and here I am. I want to wear this out in public? Ok, Everyone Else will have to assume I am starting a new trend for them to follow. I want to use my money/not use my money this way? I can do that. I don’t know squat about the conversation topic? Oh well. Everyone Else has that happen too.
Mostly, I’m realizing that Everyone Else is too wrapped up in Themselves to notice Me, leaving Me to do whatever the hell I want to do and whatever makes Me happy.
Oh yes, Joy, Everyone Else is just as insecure as you. Maybe more so, because you have the guts to talk about it here.
melanie
Very true and well-written. Check out the facebook page of equanimity meditation for more inspiration if you’re interested.
Thank you for everything you give all of us!
Katie
I love this series, Joy! I am about to head to grad school and though I’m not one to have many social fears, I do worry that everyone is going to be more knowledgable about everything than me. I’m also missing my orientation and wonder if everyone will just easily move past me when I do show up. So, thank you.
becca
So true!
amanda (simplemittens)
so perfect. I was just going to sit down and write a long blog post. which I never do because I’m not a writer… I wish I was. I know that I’ll never get better unless I keep trying. practice makes perfect, right? OKay, here we go, I can do it!
Amy
I needed this. Thank you Joy.
Nicole @ the Dirty oven
Thanks, Joy. I needed that today! Have a rough week. Now I am putting on my big girl pants and going to tackle all of this. Happy day to you!
Laura
Man, I need to post this on my refrigerator….or maybe just straight to my forehead for a constant reminder. Love these segments, Joy.
Priya Sreeram
thank you so much joy for sharing this- loved it and yes u r right – go out and live instead of fearing/fretting
Jennifer @ Licious Food
Are you in my head, Joy? This is the voices in my head. Thanks for this!
Emily
And maybe, just maybe…if you’re not scared, you’re not taking enough risks!
Jamie K
Thanks for this. I had Cryfest 2012 (who are we kidding, I mean cryfest of this week, I’m certain there’s another in store for next week. It’s an emo time!) last night and this was a good reminder for this morning. I have 11 days until I get married and I have no fears about the groom but I feel like I am a sucky bride. I dislike wedding planning but I think that’s also part because my mom won’t be at the wedding. So cryfest time is filled with fear and a deep sense of injustice and anger at early-onset dementia. It’s a mean one, that dementia.
So I’m afraid to not be 10000% happy bride Barbie (which is kinda ew anyway) on the wedding day, I’m afraid I’m going to be ugly cry for sad reasons bride. More likely it will be a mix of the two but I’ll tell my videographer to cut the ugly cry scenes just in case.
And your post reminded me to be thankful for what I DO have – the guy who will hug me and rub my back while I ugly cry and who will listen to me and wordlessly hand me a glass of wine on my most stressful days. He’s a smart cookie.
My Kids Mom
wedding tip: expect something to go wrong. Take a deep breath and let it go. You will never have so many people wanting the best for you, wanting to jump in and help you, wanting to show you that they all love you. glory in it. let something go wrong and just don’t care.
Sylvia
Just what I needed to read this morning…so many times it is yourself that is the hardest person to convince that you are awesome. Thank you!
Heather
Just so exactly what I needed to read this morning. Exactly.
Jill @ Sincerely Jill
it’s so wonderful to not be alone in feeling these anxieties. I think half the battle is to remember you’re not alone so you have the gumption to brush yourself off, pick yourself up, and rock your own life.
Thanks Joy for being vunerable and impacting so many of us.
Sincerely,
Jill
Hannah
dittio abby. wifi high five. allcaps.
I went on a blind date today. I had a good time. I want to see the guy again. But now I am at home and I feel like I am not cool enough. seriously what is wrong with me! this post makes me feel better. but what should i do joy the baker readers? i need date tips!
Jamie K
Call him and tell him that you had a great time and want to do it again sometime! Don’t be afraid! :) Plus, what if he’s sitting at home feeling not cool enough too?
Michal Conger
Hi Joy, I’ve been getting your blog posts in my email inbox so I don’t usually comment, but I thought today was a good day to actually come to your blog and do that. :) I struggle with the same thing! It’s amazing how quickly I can psych myself into thinking I must be the most unlikeable, un-admirable person in the room. It’s not true, but it a hard thought to banish once it tries to take over.
But these came into my inbox this morning as well, so I thought I’d share…
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/what-to-do-if-you-wake-up-feeling-fragile
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/fear-anxiety-and-growing-in-sanctification
Gordana
Gordana, Joy…Joy, Gordana…describing your own feelings but could be mine! Thanks for reminding us to go easy on ourselves…speaking of lyrics…now I have Lit’s “My own worst enemy” going through my mind… Will that go over in my 10 o’clock meeting today?
Janine (sugarkissed.net)
So true!
The Savory and The Beautiful
Thank you chica.
Martetatin
Dear Joy, I’m not the first to tell you what a great post this is and how it relates to how a lot of people feel. In two days I’ll be going from the Netherlands to China for a 2-year master program and I’m constantly worried about my Chinese language level and if I’ll be making any friends. So thank you for this post, it will remind me that I’m not the only international student who’s scared for their new life to come.
Seanna Lea
This is true, but man oh man, I spend most of my scared time wondering if I am the only one who is too tired to function.
Yup, the rain woke me at 2 a.m. and I never truly fell back to sleep. Body of zzzz about to head to work in 5, 4, 3, 2…
Priya
Thats awesome, Joy! It completely describes how I feel at times :)
Rosanne
Thank you for this Joy! Really encouraging and needed right now. Am making a big change in my life and it is frankly scaring me to the point I start worrying about lots of unimportant details. Thank you for letting me see that I’m not the only one:)
Also, loving the blog, keep it up. It makes me feel like life is as adventurous as you make it!
Love! x
Carol Anne @ Rock Salt
Absolutely spot on. I spend so much time worrying that I am not cool. You know what’s not cool? Spending time worrying that you’re not cool. Why would I do that to myself? Why would any of us do it?
Abby has it right. Wifi high five. Allcaps.
Adeline
Timely and awesome post. As awesome as that Tina Fey quote which got me through a Bad Work Day yesterday: “When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: ‘Is this person between me and what I want to do?’ If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.”
Amelia
That’s very real life.
Thanks, Joy!
Melissa @ soul on a platter
We are all good enough. Well, Before we leave the house.
Be more than you are.
Everyday love yourself more.
And keep good cheese and good friends on hand at all times.
Amy
Joy, thank you for another wonderful post. I’ve been studying abroad the past year and dealt with a fair amount of self-doubt along the way. I’ve also had to remind myself that everyone is scared, but shows it (or doesn’t!) in different ways.
I’ve been reading your posts since the moment I got off the plane. They are real and inspiring (in and outside of the kitchen) and have really kept me company along the way!
shelvia
Thanks for such a well written post. Great reminder!
Ashley @ Wishes and Dishes
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. Great post, Joy :)
Sarah
Such a familiar feeling. Don’t beat yourself up, though! I like to think there are periods in life when we’re “doing our thing,” and as for those times when we feel like everything is out of sync and we’re not good enough (and you open your eyes, look around, and ask yourself, “where the hell AM i? how did i get here? i don’t belong here!”), that those are the times when we’ve outgrown some past phase, and now it’s time to gear up for the next one. constant tall steps, instead of one smooth slope.
I have a problem of always thinking I’m a fraud. “If only people really knew,” I always tell myself. But like you hint, I think most people are faking it, too, until they make it, and anyway, who really feels like they’ve truly “made” it?
It’s exciting to follow your blog because it’s good to know there’s a real person out there (you) who is always trying new things and expressing those things the rest of us don’t feel comfortable (or have no forum) expressing.
Stay tough, hang in there, you got this!
Amanda K
you are what you believe yourself to be, and you can be just as confident as you want- hold your head high, and know there’s easily a thousand girls who wish they had your sense of humor, talent in the kitchen, photographic abilities, and thoughtful way with words. the world has too many clean cars and new yorker quotes anyways.
Janae @ Bring-Joy
I wonder how much time I waste analyzing my shortcomings? My problem is more to do with the fact that I feel like I have a constant drive to do, do, do. I’d rather just have a constant drive to be, be, be. Someday? Maybe not, but one can hope.
Thanks for the intimate, courageous thoughts Joy.
Maggie Shirley
This is one of my favorite posts of yours. Everyone needs to read this. You are great.
Laura (Tutti Dolci)
Love this, Joy! So true – we all have fears, just different ones.
kiki
this note to self is my favorite yet. especially because fear is my greatest enemy. with the new school year starting, meeting new people (maybe even guys?), and applying for new jobs/opportunities also arises, so i know this note will be a great piece of encouragement for me.
i love that you speak so much truth and i love that it applies to everyone; every stage + circumstance in life.
thank you for writing a note to yourself that really is a note to everyone else, too!
Jamie
such a simple thing, yet so hard to remember. I am good enough.
putting a bra on, leaving my greasy ponytail as-is, and walking out the door to go live some life.
thank you xo
Lisa @ Blithe Moments
Love it. I just spent the weekend powering through my fears and as a result had a brilliant time. Coming home one of the other participants admitted she had been shaking with nerves at one point, to me she had looked calm and happy the whole time. Never be limited by your fears!
Abby
also i posted my comment in all caps and it does not like caps… so i’m sad. so um… please read my last comment in all caps please and thanks.
My Kids Mom
I’m not liking the change to all lower case letters. It feels like I’m being forced to dot my i’s with little hearts. Not my style.
Joy? Can you give us back our caps?
Abby
YES. WIFI HIGH FIVE.
Camille
Can I just say how much I love you? Your posts are always beautiful and inspiring. Out of the 10+ blogs I follow, you are by far my favorite. You should never feel unsure because you are so amazing <3
Tara
Someone gave me some advice once j use before I had to go into a really scary presentation. They said “Remember, you know your work better than anyone else in the room”. It worked and though I was still as nervous as heck, I could swallow it and get on with it.
You are right, everyone is afraid. But that’s never a good enough reason to let it stop you from doing something!
Stephanie
This is spot on. And such a good reminder. And I needed this. Thank you, Joy.
Julie
joy, thanks for voicing what we all know (and so easily forget) that everyone’s feeling, or has felt… the reminder is always such a relief when it shows up.
oh… and i am SO relieved to know i don’t need to wear a bra every single day for another 3 years, at least. thank god.
you are the most amazing person i only know through reading and podcasting. for real.
Kristen@Slender Kitchen
This couldn’t be more appropriate as I freak out about the 17 (Ah!) people coming to my house tomorrow for dinner….when maybe I should be grateful and excited that 10 turned into 17 and remember that people are always excited when free dinner is involved
Holiday Baker Man
Words to love by…Thank you.
Sara
You’re note is spot on. It’s definitely a reminder I need every once in a while (aka every day). I think you’re pretty awesome!
Hannah at FleurDeLicious
So true! Just started year 2 of med school, and constantly being surrounded by super-smarties can defs take a toll on my self-confidence, especially in the “not smart enough” category. I think sometimes you just have to force yourself to stop, realize whatever you did to get to where you are that day (baked cookies! went to the gym! got into law school! wrote a blog post!)…and understand that you’re pretty awesome for accomplishing those things, no matter how small they are. You did those things! Way to go everybody!
elena
Thanks Joy and Hannah. Man, I do this too – I am by far my own worst critic.
People are so good at dismissing what they a can do to focus on what didn’t go so well. Killer recipes on a popular blog, getting into med school and making it to your 2nd year – these are amazing things! We need to celebrate!
Woop woop everyone!
Bryn
Amen sister.
Kara
Wow this was timely tonight. I’m currently working a contract where I’m feeling out of my depth and I got contacted by not just my boss but the VP of our division today to talk to me about my schedule. I have been feeling pretty scared about my whole situation.
And you know what? I am good enough. I’m smart and fast and knowledgeable and I wouldn’t have been chosen for this project if I weren’t. I need to remember that, address the issues with my client manager factually and calmly, and remember exactly what you said: everyone is scared of something.
Deep breath and carry on tomorrow.
Thanks, Joy!!!