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I-Can’t-Even-Deal-Right-Now Dessert

September 22, 2012 by Joy the Baker 85 Comments

i can't even deal right now

Alternate titles of this post include:

If You Cancel My Flight One More Time, I Swear To God I’ll Eat a King-Size Snickers Bar and You’ll Be Sorry (but will you?)

Only A Milkshake Can Fix This

Get That Salad Out Of My Face, Please

I Need A Hug.. no wait… I Need French Fries

Seriously.  Stop Hugging Me and Please Bring Me Fries (and a King-Size Snickers Bar)

I’m Eating My Feelings, and My Feelings Are… Granola…?

This Is What It Looks Like to Not Eat The King-Size Snickers Bar (and remain sane)

and…

I’m Being Dramatic

i can't even deal right now

I’m happy to do my part, airline people.  I’ll smash too many clothes into too small a carry-on suitcase.  I’ll package together tiny shampoos and a tiny toothbrush into a clear plastic bag so that God and everyone can snoop at my hygiene regime.  I’ll let you dust my hands for whatever explosive thing it is you think I touched.  I’ll let you charge me $4.00 for water, as long as you let me stand at your kiosk and read Vogue cover-to-cover for free.  I’ll stand in your lines of angry people.  I’ll shove my suitcase in the space that is not enough space for my suitcase.  I’ll let you show me that seatbelt demonstration, and that vest thing, and mask ordeal.  I’ll even pretend to ignore the dude that’s sitting in the window seat… I’ll pretend to ignore him as hard as he’s pretending to ignore me.

I’ll totally do my part.

Your part is to make the plane go into the air, at a high speed, in the direction it needs to go.  If you don’t do that.  If you make me sit on the plane and pretend to ignore the dude in the window seat, only to tell me two hours later that I need to get off the plane because the flight is cancelled….. that’s you not doing your part.

If you’re not going to do your part, the very least you can do is a) apologize, b) admit that you totally suck, and c) buy me a milkshake and french fries so that I can angry-eat my feelings.

Right?

i can't even deal right now

The thing is… if you know you’re about to angry-eat your feelings, you should totally NOT angry-eat your feelings.

In this particular case, I wanted nothing more than a milkshake and french fries, and a cheeseburger, and pizza, and brownies slathered in peanut butter.  Instead I made better choices:  tart non-fat frozen yogurt, granola with toasted coconut and goji berries, and a yummy dose of maple syrup.  Good food feels… good.  None of it will make your flight fly.  That’s real.  But (this is what I told myself),  you might as well eat something that will satisfy your angry-eating but not lead to angry-eating guilt.

Other things you might consider:  I-Can’t-Even-Deal-Right-Now Lunch or Chocolate.  Whatever.

I-Can’t-Even-Deal-Right-Now Dessert

You’ll Need:

tart non-fat frozen yogurt

a handful of granola (two hands full, really)

3 tablespoons maple syrup.

Scoop yogurt.   Sprinkle granola.  Drizzle maple syrup.  Go!

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. dixya

    September 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

    So sorry you had to go through all that,,sometimes airlines are very inconsiderate!! kudos for making healthy choices which is often times hard for me when im going through all these phases :)

    Reply
  2. Jessica

    September 25, 2012 at 12:17 am

    hahahaha i love a good rant

    Reply
  3. Anne

    September 24, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    I couldn’t help but think that your goji berries looked angry amidst all your calmly golden brown granola…lol! Hooo-boy. I’m sorry airlines suck and that you totally had to pretend not to pay attention to the dude next to you for two whole (non-flying) hours. Why can’t airlines suck it up and at least apologize when things go wrong? Jerks.

    Reply
  4. Meagan

    September 24, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Oooh I’ve been there, sorry to hear you have too! But on the bright side, that dessert looks freaking fabulous! I’m a sucker for anything frozen yogurt, so this one is a must try! Thanks for the share!

    Reply
  5. Julie

    September 24, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    I just made granola, and it didn’t even occur to me that it might count as dessert. This morning it was I-Can’t-Even-Deal-Already breakfast.

    Reply
  6. Hannah M.

    September 24, 2012 at 9:47 am

    I had a similar weekend flight experience, but I just went with plain, dark chocolate :)

    Reply
  7. Hannah M.

    September 24, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I had a similar weekend flight experience, but I went with the chocolate option :)

    Reply
  8. Amix

    September 24, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Joy, you are the voice of wisdom!!

    Reply
  9. Sloan

    September 24, 2012 at 8:07 am

    I have plenty of bad flying stories but won’t share them. But suffice it to say, that if I were Window Seat Guy. I would totally let you have my seat and not ignore you. Might even share my Snickers…..

    Reply
  10. jenny

    September 24, 2012 at 8:04 am

    I probably would have freaked out and been kicked off the plane for being obnoxious. Or cried, because I do that when I’m frustrated like an overgrown 4 year old.

    What brand of buy-at-the-store tart frozen yogurt did you have? I can’t ever find a tart one, and the vanilla is just not my jam.

    (May I also suggest finding some chocolate balsamic vinegar and pouring that over it? It’s more grown up than chocolate sauce, and tastes amazing!)

    Reply
  11. Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe

    September 24, 2012 at 5:53 am

    now that is some advice to live by. however, i’m not sure i have that kind of self control in times of intense stress! oh well, something to work towards…

    Reply
  12. Abby@ Totes Delish Blog

    September 24, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Ugh, isn’t plane travel the worst when it goes awry?! Good on you for eating this, I would have face planted into a bag of french fries!

    Reply
  13. Chris

    September 24, 2012 at 5:45 am

    and people ask me why I prefer to drive….. i do not need one more reason to suppress/overcome eat-my-feelings emotions….. and i can take all the food and drink i want with me!

    Reply
  14. Alikat

    September 23, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    You’re absolutely right — recognizing that you are about to eat your feelings is when you should stop and NOT do so…can you share some of your self-control with me? =) Either way, reading your posts always helps to cheer me up and make me less likely to consume my own weight in a self-indulgent pity party: Thank you!

    Reply
  15. Kristin

    September 23, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Hi Joy, Sorry you couldn’t make it to VT this weekend. I live about 4 miles from King Arthur and its swell. When you reschedule, make sure to: bring your sneaks and do the short hike up gile mountain (which has a fire tower on top! very new england), get a cup of coffee from Dirt Cowboy Cafe (they make each cup to order and roast the beans locally), order the turkey, apple, brie sandwich from Market Table in Hanover, check out some of the other great bakeries in the upper valley- umplebeys in Hanover and allechante in Norwich (market table is also owned by allechante), lastly, allow yourself to get lost for a little while in the Dartmouth library (from the huge Orozoco mural to the upstairs study spaces that make you feel you’ve time traveled to the year 1900). And hey, if you want someone to take you on said little hike, I’m happy to. (promise I’m not creepy or clingy, just an almost 30 something who rides bikes, has a pickling habit, and keeps my medical student husband well fed).

    thanks for all your hard work and keep the veganish recipes coming! (I cook for a lacto :-/ )

    Reply
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