I was so fortunate to be raised by two loving, generous, good-humored, hungry, ball-busting parents. Both my mom and dad taught me a plethora of life lessons that range from real to ridiculous. Oooh man… these parents of mine loooooove a good life lesson. They relish it. My mama, in particular, is full of hearty gemstones for living. She didn’t teach me much about eye-liner or kitten heels… that I sort of figured out on my own (by making soooo many mistakes trying to copy Blossom). Mama-knowledge was more along the lines of ‘you know I raised you better than that, now act right and eat your apple’. The older I get the more I appreciate the woman who raised me… mostly because the older I get the more I realize what a ridiculous youth I must have been to endure. She’s a strong one and I feel blessed to have her.
Mama Says (or heavily implies):
– Do not steal a person’s scissors. More specifically, do not steal my scissors. Just because you see scissors in the house does not mean they’re your scissors. They’re for fabric, not construction paper. Do not make the mistake of stealing my scissors. Thank you.
– We’re going to hem your pants and you’re not going to like it, but we’re going to do it anyway. I don’t care if your friends at school don’t hem their pants. If your friends at school tripped and fell off a bridge because they didn’t hem their pants, would you trip and fall off a bridge too? No. You’re welcome.
– Always leave a place cleaner than you found it. This often means cleaning a bathroom you do not want to clean. Do it… even though you don’t want to.
– No, you can not borrow my calligraphy pens. Thank you for asking nicely. Still… no.
– Be the best of you that you can be.
– ‘Shut-up’ is a bad word. (Joy’s personal amendment: unless you mean it in a good way.)
– Donate everything. Mostly your time and your clothes.
– Happy 12th birthday. I’m going to teach you how to do your own laundry now. That’s that.
– Hand-wash means wash by hand. Follow directions.
– Don’t do it. You’ll get pregnant. You really will… don’t do it.
– Don’t you dare come in this house pregnant if you don’t mean to be pregnant. I don’t care if you’re 31.
– You’re hungry? Eat an apple. You don’t want an apple? You must not be hungry.
– Yes I have Tums in my purse. No, Joy… they’re not candy. Get a hold of yourself. Do you want an apple? You must not be hungry. Again… Tums are not candy.
– I don’t put up with nonsense and I didn’t teach you to put up with nonsense either.
– Doing things you don’t want to do when you’re a kid is really good practice for a being an adult and doing all the things that you don’t want to do… that’s why we’re picking you up from your best friends sleepover party early on Sunday morning and dragging you to church when none of your other friends have to leave early and go to church. It’s ok that it’s not fair. It’s ok that you’re whining. You’re learning discipline and it’s a reeaallllyyy hard lesson to learn.
– Because I said so.
– Be braver than you think you can be. Take my lead.
Katy
I think our moms are secretly related.
Joy
No need to re-read what you have already written. However, below, I copied the life lessons that made me laugh, smile and say, I’ll be sure to do or say those same things to my own kid one day.
– Don’t you dare come in this house pregnant if you don’t mean to be pregnant. I don’t care if you’re 31.
– You’re hungry? Eat an apple. You don’t want an apple? You must not be hungry.
– I don’t put up with nonsense and I didn’t teach you to put up with nonsense either.
– Doing things you don’t want to do when you’re a kid is really good practice for a being an adult and doing all the things that you don’t want to do… that’s why we’re picking you up from your best friends sleepover party early on Sunday morning and dragging you to church when none of your other friends have to leave early and go to church. It’s ok that it’s not fair. It’s ok that you’re whining. You’re learning discipline and it’s a reeaallllyyy hard lesson to learn.
– Be braver than you think you can be. Take my lead.
Nik
SHUT UP. I love this, Joy. LOVE.
Tania faccone
Omg my mom said the same thing! “- You’re hungry? Eat an apple. You don’t want an apple? You must not be hungry.”
Must be a mom thing. It’s hard to admit that they’re right.
Arianne
I love the part about the fabric scissors. I don’t know how many times my mom said that to me growing up. Now I say it to other people who enter my house. “Those scissors over there, the ones that are completely metal without the plastic handles, don’t even think about cutting anything but fabric with them!”
meg
random question, but was the picutre of you and your mom taken at The Nut Tree in NorCal? I’d recognize those rocking horses anywhere…
Mom
Thanks so much, Joy!
It does sound like things I said (or implied). I plead guilty. I’m glad you can appreciate and sift through what works for you now.
We try so hard as parents-hoping to impart our” sifted through gems” our parents used with us. It is on-the-job training all the way.
Joy, you will always be a huge blessing from God to Dad and me. We are so proud of you and all you have accomplished! Continue to be what the record sang
Love,
Mom
PS. It warms my heart to know there were many other moms out there like me.
Elizabeth
oh yes. I was always the kid who got picked up at the sleepover to go to church.
why couldn’t my friends have sleepovers on friday??
TiaChocolate
so many lessons from our moms…my mother was a seamstress, so me using her scissors for anything else was not an option…but I sure tried! I miss her dearly, gone 4 years now. What I most love about her to this day is a comment she made to a friend. I didn’t quite catch it when she said it, but friend repeated it in awe afterwards. (I’m adopted) – when I was introducing her to my friend I explained slightly the circumstances of her being my mom, and her response was “But she was always my baby” Now I just refer to her as my Mom, and when asked about the very obvious non-relation (I’m dark skinned and she so wasn’t!) I explain – but only if asked. Her words of kindness towards the end stay with me till now: “Always be kind, you never know what the other person is going through”, “Young lady, behave yourself” and “do what makes you happy; don’t let anyone tell you what you can or can’t do.” My life was molded by her, and her strengths and fears, which we lived day to day with an abusive husband/father, they stay with me as I go about my life without her…*sniff sniff* – thanks for your awesome words Joy, and what an amazing Mama you have! xo
Priya
I used to think… “sigh!mothers…”, but now I find myself saying pretty much the same things to my little girl!
Emily
OMG Joy, I think we were raised by the same mom! from the calligraphy pens, to “shut up” being a curse word, to church after a sleepover- I lived the same childhood!! Now that I’m a mom, I say soooooo many of the same things my mom said- the apple (or orange, or banana) thing is forever on my lips!
Angela
Hahahah My mom has always had issues with “her” scissors finding legs and walking off. I don’t know how many times she has fussed at us because she opens the drawer to get them and they are gone. Enough that she has gone to walmart and bought no less than 10 and put our names on a pair and DARED us to touch the remaining 7 :-D
Laure
Love your post. When I was younger I was always whining ” That’s not fair” and my mom was always anwering ” La vie n ‘est faites que d’injustices ma chérie, tu ferais mieux de t’y faire maintenant” which in english would be something like ” Honey, Life is Unfair, you better get used to it now it will save you a lot of disappointments later”.
Jamie
So I read this days ago when it first came out and it warmed my heart and reminded me of the kind of mom I wanted to be for my kids. It’s not all about being their friend, huh?? I needed that!
BUT… and I feel kind of bad even asking this, but it’s been nagging me for days…
“Don’t you dare come in this house pregnant if you don’t mean to be pregnant. I don’t care if you’re 31.”
Didn’t you just turn 31? Is this a veiled announcement???
TiaChocolate
that’s kind of what I was thinking too! rut-roh… ;)
Emily
I’m fairly certain our mothers went to the same School of Child-Rearing! So funny, because it hey are so true. Moms do know best! But seriously, the same!