I have real-life dinner party compulsions: I always say something awkward within seven minutes of arriving, I always offer to help with the dishes, and I never come empty-handed. I believe that every offering brought to a dinner party has a certain unspoken subtext.
For example if I bring a bottle of wine to a dinner party, the subtext of the wine is this: ooooh my goodness! I’m a little late and that’s the worst thing ever. I picked up this bottle of wine on the way to your party. I’m 78% sure it’s delicious. I had to sweet talk the sales man into adding the bow, and please please open it now so we can have a glass. Also, Hi! It smells really good in here.
What follows are some awesome recipes you might consider taking as an offering to holiday parties this year. There will be a certain subtext though, and it’s usually hilarious and revealing.
Subtext: I needed an excuse to make candied pecans. I ate two handfuls. So what. Don’t look at me with your judging eyes.
Toasted Marshmallow and Jam Squares.
Subtext: I almost set the house on fire toasting these marshmallows under the broiler. I was trying to brush my teeth at the same time. I’ll never actually tell you that because I want to seem effortless and chic. Whatever.
Subtext: So I definitely wanted to make a homemade dish for your holiday party… but I also really wanted to have time to curl my hair. These ready-made all-butter, minimally sliced and diced tarts say: Yes, I made these and Yes, my hair looks rad. Owning it.
Chocolate Orange Cream Cheese Pound Cake
Subtext: I smashed together butter and cream cheese and sugar. I clearly care about your mouth more than I care about your diet.
Pistachio and Hickory Smoked Sea Salt Chocolate Chip Cookies.
Subtext: I like you so much I shelled pistachios for you aaaannndd I bought fancy sea salt. I really hope you got me a great Christmas present. Just kidding (mostly).
Subtext: I’m not going to tell you how easy it was to make this until I’ve heard at least four compliments and had at least two glasses of wine. Until then, I’m going to let you think I got a major arm workout stirring risotto when, in fact, I did not.
Parmesan and Herb Cheese Straws.
Subtext: I made cookies last night, then I started watching The Town (obsessed) and ate nearly half of the batch of cookies I made for your party. I twisted these little gems together about 45 minutes ago and… here we are. They’re delicious. You’re not going to be disappointed.
Triple Chocolate Black Bean Brownies.
Subtext: I put beans in your chocolate and you’re going to like it! That’s a promise not a threat.
Subtext: I know that look on your face means your disappointed in my dip offering, but that look is going to for-real change once you taste this spicy sweet goodness. Prepare yourself.
Brussels Sprout Salad with Pomegranates and Salad.
Subtext: You put me in charge of the salad course because your other best friend wanted to make the dessert. The whole two best friends thing is confusing to me but… no big deal. I’ll bring a salad. It will be a game changer.
Subtext: Yes, a brown grocery bag is a perfectly presentable serving situation if there is fancy cheese and tiny pickles involved. Put some flowers in a mason jar and let’s complete this dream!
Gluten-Free Chocolate Peppermin Roll.
Subtext: You’re having gluten-free guests. I’m bringing the only dessert and I am determined to make you think I’m amazing. I rolled a cake. That’s totally super-hero status, right?
Oatmeal Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies.
Subtext: Yes, I just brought the winning cookie to the Christmas Cookie Swap. Oh wait… a swap is different from a contest? Well, still… I really do feel like I’m winning.
Get up with the get down. Happy December!
Katherine @ our peas + carrots
It’s posts like these that keep me following your blog, Joy! I love the subtexts and HATE when I have zero time to bring a proper party offering and have to stop for wine on the way. This post has inspired me to make something unique next time, no matter what. Keep it up, Joy!
Pauline
Haha, love the subtexts!
Erins
Great post! I just made the biscotti for my family…and we’ve never had biscotti before. As a chewy cookie loving family, I had to explain that biscotti is extra crunchy in order to withstand the liquid it should be dumped in. I may even add it for this year’s Christmas treat basket.
Cheers,
Erins
@foodiesmeow
missm0neypenny
That you are also obsessed with The Town is one of the many reasons I love you.
Marleena @ The Flex Foodie
Too fun! All of these look delicious! : )
Lora
I made those candied pecan biscotti for a Thanksgiving cookie platter. They were DIVINE and a huge hit. Love that recipe.
Chrys
All great ideas and I love the additions of the subtext. Some so true even though we don’t want to admit it.
Corinne
I made your biscotti. Now I’m not afraid of making biscotti and I’m overcaffienated. Thanks!
Laura Jennings
“That’s a promise. Not a threat.” <— my new Life Phrase. Eerie how often I have to clarify that… :)
Seanna Lea
All of these are really good. No one in their right mind denies me the opportunity to make dessert. If they do, then they end up with dessert and the thing I was supposed to make.
Julia | JuliasAlbum.com
Candied pecan biscotti looks so good on your pictures! I will be bookmarking it for my “to-do” list.
Iris
Oh man, every single item looks delicious! Totally making those asparagus tarts, though.
Heather {ModernMealsforTwo}
Hahaha! You CRACK me up!
Julia {The Roasted Root}
Terrific line up in dinner party treats! I’m a firm believer in showing up with something in hand and all of your recipe ideas are easily ones I’d make for a dinner party.
Kim d.
Subtext: Yes, I just brought the winning cookie to the Christmas Cookie Swap. Oh wait… a swap is different from a contest? Well, still… I really do feel like I’m winning.
Funniest and truest statement ever!
Baking for a cookie contest/ swap today so I know about such things!
Axelle the french cook
Your candied biscotti are called in france (provence) CROQUANTS.
This all look good !
Stefania's Kitchen
I love these sweeties! You are great! I must try to cook the lovely pecan biscuits. They are gorgeous. I am a follower of yours from now on.
stefaniaskitchen.blogspot.it
Diane
Joy, you are just the sweetest thing! I love your style and I would be thrilled if anyone of those recipes arrived at my party! Double thrill if you were carrying the dish. :) Happy Holidays to you. I am so glad for your success. It’s been such a pleasure seeing you grow these last years. xo
Sunny D
Your posts make me so happy, this one especially. Thanks for making a bright spot in my day!
Yelle
Alright, you had me at biscotti and the awkward party arrival. And then, the post just got better and better with every recipe suggestion. I could totally see myself bringing this to any party that i will be attending! I saved this for next week: holiday dinner party at my boss’ house!
Natalie
OMG that biscotti looks amazing! I must make these for the holidays!
Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe
i totally got a kick out of this post AND you’ve reminded me of a few recipes that i need to try. winning!
Sarah
Impressing folks left and right, cookery style. Also, expressing yourself. Sometimes the message is complicated. Sometimes it isn’t. Life is….good.
Chelsea Powell
This is perfect. Clearly.
Anne
Hahahahahahaha! This is pretty much the best post ever. Joy, you’re the best!
Jacqueline
I spied that hickory smoked sea salt @ the Eat Boutique in Boston this past weekend and I believe you found the best, most incredible way to use it. Nice work chica.
Anika
Love, love, loved the subtext. You rock. And if you want some fancy sea salts – hit me up! Happy holidays!!!!!
Briel K.
You are hereby invited to my next dinner party in January (and not just because I totally want to try those Asparagus and Gruyere Tarts and the Parmesan and Herb Cheese Straws. ;) haha) It’s nearly my lunch time and I’m starving!
Diana
These are fantastic dinner party offerings! I don’t know what you’re talking about!!
The slow pace
I have a Chistmas party this Friday and these recipes are a life saver! I want to have time for curling my hair too, you know? ;-)
J
I really wish we were bffs.
(First time commenter, long-time reader, finally had to give in to the adorable wackiness of your posts. Love, love, love your writing, your pics, your attitude, everything! :) )
Katie @ Blonde Ambition
this is too cute/funny. there is *TOTALLY* a subtext to what you bring to a party. my subtext is usually along the lines of the risotto: “i am going to make something that looks like it was 20x harder to make than it was. and you are going to be impressed!”
Tara
This made me laugh out loud., I love it!
sherried
Have made the Asparagus and Gruyere Tarts. It was really good. Can’t wait to make it again.
Kendall
Hi Joy! I read your blog obsessively and listen to the podcast every week and this post literally had me guffawing out loud. At work. It got real, but that’s ok, because I think you’re awesome, and I never comment, but I made an exception. So you rock. Thanks for rocking. And always giving me lots of new ideas for kitchen experimentation. (That sounds dirty, but it’s totally not, I swear)
Elisabeth
I was JUST trying to find three different dishes to bring to Holiday parties this week.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Meghan
Aaaand this is why your site continues to be one of my favorite! You’re so creative and so entertaining! What a hilarious post. That and the chocolate of course.
Denise
Great tips – I would definitely let you bring any of these over to one of our dinner parties. Glad you didn’t put flowers …. hard to stumble around for a vase while getting dinner done!
chrissy
Love all of these! Thanks for always inspiring. And i would be overjoyed (no pun intended) if you came to my house for a dinner party!
adahliavolk.com
Erin
I’m all over this! Love your tips so much. I also ADORE your cookbook, so there will be some Joy-themed baking going on in my kitchen this holiday season. Subtext: you are awesome :)
Katrina @ Warm Vanilla Sugar
Can I come?! I love everything!
Jackie- The Seaside Baker
I love this post. Thank you for the good laugh….I plan on using some of the recipes for our xmas dinner!!!
Sarah
Hilarious! I think I’ve come bearing a food gift with each of these subtexts at one time or another in my life. Lately I’ve been the cheese plate organizer. Maybe I’ll add a brown paper bag and a mason jar filled with flowers next time.
allie@sweetpotatobites
i would pretty much want all of those things at a dinner party. officially hungry now.
dani
I needed something I could make quickly tonight for our office party tomorrow. I was dreading making a ton of cookies tonight. You’ve saved the day!
Elizabeth
Hahahaha, Joy, you make me laugh so much! I pretty much want to make all of these! Even the brussel sprout salad which I was not sold on until you said it would make me win against the second best friend, and then I was TOTALLY sold on it. :)
Becca - Cookie Jar Treats
Mmmm many of these things look super delicious! I can’t wait to try that chocolate orange cream cheese pound cake thing. That looks heavenly! :) Oh and the toasted marshmallow jam squares as well!
Stefanie @ Sarcastic Cooking
Great ideas! I also wanted to tell you that a while ago, I made your pistachio cookies for my family except I added chunks of salted caramel and they were such a huge hit. I am going to be making them for the holidays.
Leigh
WOW! I want to make everything! Those toasted marshmallow and jam squares look interesting, but I really would love to try the asparagus tarts!
Lynda
You have thee best way of sharing your little stories and advice,ha! Also I definitely need to try that gluten free peppermint chocolate roll…sounds too good not to.
p.s Tried out your cranberry, orange and pecan coffee cake at the weekend….it was beyond my expectations…lovely recipe!
http://lyndajanecakes.blogspot.co.uk/
x
Randi
I love your blog! So fun and your recipes are delicious! Thanks for writing it and making my day start off with happiness.
Jenna | The Paleo Project
Those pistachio and sea salt cookies sound like the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.
tj
…Wow! This entire post had me literally salivating – scumptiousness in every scroll! ;o)
…Oh, and btw, the “Don’t look at me with your judging eyes.” is also known as “the ol’ stink eye”. You’re welcome. *giggle*
…Thank you for sharing this! I don’t even know where to start! :o)
…Enjoy your day!
…Blessings. :o)
Karen
Awesome sauce! I’m sharing this little gem of a post. See if I don’t get a million dinner invitations now!!! I’ll be bringing JOY to MY world! (We could totally change the lyrics…)
jeana
most hilarious post ever. I’ve been following your blog and have never commented, but here I am! You’ve brought me out of my creepy stalker-ish shell because I couldn’t stop myself from commenting on this amazing post. Thanks for all the great recommendations!
Amelia
Ahhh! PERFECT TIMING! I have two holiday back to back dinner parties this weekend. Because the majority of my friends know each other (and know how to coooooook) it’s important to bring something amazing/diverse.
Thanks for the inspiration and delicious recipes!
Jayne
Hilarious but sadly true! haha… most of the people I know rarely bake so when I do bring something bakes, they would always ooh and ahh but I want to tell them it only took like 10 minutes of stirring. The oven did most of the work really.
Margherita
Cheese straws: now we’re talking! The problem is that I will probably eat them all before the guests arrive. Well, who cares? As long as I’m happy! :)
Abby @ The Frosted Vegan
Loving this, it’s so true! Keeping this on hand fo sho.
Sarah Beth
I love reading your posts! You always put a smile on my face and make me chuckle. And ALL of these recipes look amazing. I’m just trying to decide which one to make first. :)
erinn johnson
A unique and delicious collection of recipes. I will have to give them a try, first I need to find some invitations to the parties, or throw my own. The jam and marshmallow square might need to be tried tonight, the kids would go crazy for them. They would be divine with homemade marshmallows, just pushing it over the top a bit.
Sarah H B
Ha! Love this. I ALWAYS say something awkward at parties—or feel awkward which usually leads to me drinking 2-3 glasses of wine to feel less awkward….. I love these ideas with the explanations. Spot on!
Again- thanks for this awesome blog.
Heather
We had our first of several dinner parties to attend this past weekend. I was having an off couple of days and i effed up fudge and cookies. then i wrote about it. so for the next couple of rounds i may take you up on a few of these. i’ve made those oatmeal peanut butter cookies and they would win any contest. thank you! happy december, joy!
gayle
I just made the candied pecan biscotti on Saturday, for Christmas gift giving. My name for them is “The Dangerous Biscotti”, because they are SO addicting. Am keeping them in a container in my cold front hall, so it’s harder for me to snitch and, thus, there being an actual chance that they are given as gifts.
Elissa
I am cracking up over the cookie swap isn’t, in fact, a contest. Every year I secretly think that it IS a contest and I must conquer the swap! Well played Joy, well played.
Carina
this post is a livesaver!
this is lemonade
Oh there are too many on here that I want to make for myself! I was selectively thinking, yep that looks yummy, I’ll try that one, oooh look at those… But I pretty much gave up half way and decided I’m going to have to try making most of these :) A great post to remind me why I follow your blog – not that I needed any reminders :P
this is lemonade
Mission accomplished… I’ve picked and pinned my 3+1 favourites out of this post. I agree, puff is great :) Yay! Thanks. Now I just have to decide which I’m making first… although, technically, I could have the cheese straws as nibbles, risotto and asparagus tarts as mains, finished with cookies for dessert… hmm… maybe throw some ice cream in there with that to make it look intentional :P
Julia
spicy lemon date spread?! Holy YUMMMMM
Heidi - Apples Under My Bed
Recipes with subtext are a whole load of fun. Thanks for that!
Heidi xo
Averie @ Averie Cooks
Thanks for all the links and reminders. That chocolate roll – I remember that one, and oh, what I wouldn’t give for a slice right now. Or the cookies. Or the jam squares. And maybe some asparagus wouldn’t be too shabby either.
I would love to have you show up to a party bearing any of these in hand!
Ashley @ Wishes and Dishes
ALL great ideas! I never ever know what to bring to dinner parties and stress about it for days. It sucks! Saving this post :)
joythebaker
remove the stress. it’s just not worth it. xo!
Ashley @ Wishes and Dishes
You’re so right!
mary @ B&Gjournals
those asparagus and Gruyere tarts look amazing–and i’m so glad i followed the jump to see them cut into thirds bc i just pictured myself trying to bite into them whole and turning into that awkward person who can’t elegantly eat things (anyone know what i’m talking about? i mean, how are you supposed to eat a large chocolate covered strawberry without it completely crumbling?)