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How To Be The Best Food Blogger Of All

April 1, 2014 by Joy the Baker 239 Comments

you're the best blogger ever!

Listen guys… I’ve been in this blogging game for a long long time.  Six years?  I basically know everything there is to know.  Nothing is new… except everything is new once in a while.  Blogging is easy!  I’ll show you how to do it.

10 Quick, Easy, Gluten-Free, Paleo, Salted Caramel Tips To Be The Best Food Blogger On The World Wide Web.

You’ll just need a few of the items listed below and a big happy smile that never leaves your face ever ever.  Let’s go!

you're the best food blogger ever

1. A piece of marble pastry slab is the key to success.  It’s the best way to fake a fancy marble countertop when you’re really just working on tragic tan tile counters.  These Ikea dish towels with the classy red stripe say hipster chic all the way .  You’re also going to need something gold, a glass spoon of some sort, and something with a feather on it… just go with it.  In general, buy every kitchen linen you come in contact with.  You’re going to need it.

2.  All wooden items on your food blog must be worn and dilapidated, preferably from an old barn.  Spoons must be tarnished and rusted.  It’s true that you might not want to eat rust or splinters, but at least it looks really cool.  The plan always is to look really cool.  Never forget.

yelling

3.  Consider getting engaged, having a baby, or getting a kitten.  This will do wonders for your food blog!

See:  Tuna Catnip Kitty Treats.  Adding a major life event or small furry animal to your blog will allow you to discuss every single detail with your readers.  They’ll love it.  Seriously.  Don’t skip a single detail.

buttered popcorn cookies

4.  If one cookie looks good in a photograph, a stack will look uh-mazing.

See: Buttered Popcorn Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Just stack absolutely everything.  You can’t go wrong.  See: Spinach Artichoke Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

5.  Pinterest.  Don’t fight it.  Create Pin-able pictures that are the length of a football field.  People will pay attention. By ‘pay attention’ I mean that no one will ever get annoyed and most people will want to high-five your cleverness. Re-pin!

6.  Do not, under any circumstance, post a picture of your kitchen that doesn’t look Pinterest perfect.  There should be wood, white shelves, a marble counter, and not a single dirty dish in sight.  Hide all shame, especially the giant jar of Metamucil.  No one has ever pinned Metamucil.

the best blogger ever

7.  Shoot it on the floor or stand on a stool.  Tripod?  Ppfffttttt. Not in this house!  Sidenote:  always consider throwing in wildly patterned (MC) Hammer pants.   Second side note:  get a farm table or you can’t play in this game at all.

8.  Use a mason jar and a paper straw every chance you get.  Better yet… incorporate someone’s hands holding a mason jar.  Even better yes… a child’s hands holding a small mason jar.  Better than that even… kitten paws holding a mason jar.  Perfection achieved.

pumpkin pecan scones

9.  Talk about browned butter as often as possible.

See: Pumpkin Pecan Scones with Brown Butter Glaze  Also see:  Brown Butter Baked Doughnuts  Also see: Brown Butter Banana Bread.

Yes.  It’s really important.

10.  Above all else, take yourself very seriously.  Also try to please exactly every person on the Internet. This will ensure that everyone will like you and no one will make fun of you or have a single bad thing to say about you.  This is your task.  Don’t worry, your blog will basically write itself once you get started.

This post is sponsored by: SARCASM and April Fools’ Day.  All opinions expressed are my own and please don’t listen to them as they are 100% ridiculous.

 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Lane

    April 1, 2014 at 6:23 am

    You have to admit talking about browned butter is a good tip…or kale :)

    Reply
    • joythebaker

      April 1, 2014 at 6:51 am

      you’re totally right.

      Reply
    • Kate

      April 1, 2014 at 11:35 am

      Just what I was going to say: kale :D

      Reply
  2. Aubrae

    April 1, 2014 at 6:23 am

    You forgot:
    “At least once a week, post a ‘recipe’ for something that absolutely does not require a recipe. See ‘how to make nachos without a recipe’ and ‘black bean and (insert grain here) bowl with salsa and veggies, a la chipotle’ “

    Reply
    • joythebaker

      April 1, 2014 at 6:51 am

      i’ve totally done this before…

      Reply
  3. bippy1120

    April 1, 2014 at 6:13 am

    Hilarious!!!!

    Reply
  4. Gry

    April 1, 2014 at 6:12 am

    well, you could have fooled me…;) happy april fools day!

    Reply
  5. Rossi @ A Baking Girl

    April 1, 2014 at 6:11 am

    hahahaha LOVE THIS!

    Reply
  6. Carly

    April 1, 2014 at 6:03 am

    ‘no one has ever pinned Metamucil’ #forthewin

    Reply
  7. Belinda @themoonblushbaker

    April 1, 2014 at 6:02 am

    I love this post for it humour and good will. I definitely can agree with some of those especially number 7. No tripod in this house too

    Reply
  8. Lisa

    April 1, 2014 at 5:54 am

    Lol that really put a smile on my face love it ;)

    Reply
  9. Made by Ellen

    April 1, 2014 at 5:46 am

    Very funny!!

    Reply
  10. SaraK

    April 1, 2014 at 5:40 am

    Hi Joy,
    Awesome tips! I was hoping your list would include the source for that white dish I’m so obsessed by.

    It’s actually in one of the links you included – https://joythebaker.com/2013/04/spinach-and-artichoke-grilled-cheese-sandwich/

    I’ve seen similar, but I really like the handle on that dish.

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Adrienne

      April 1, 2014 at 7:59 pm

      In fact she has. A hotel lent it to her indefinitely: https://joythebaker.com/2011/05/my-plates/

      Reply
  11. Linda

    April 1, 2014 at 5:33 am

    I’m awake earlier than I want to be, and I have to say this is a great way to start my day. Even in a not serious context, your photos are great.

    Reply
  12. maryea {happy healthy mama}

    April 1, 2014 at 5:27 am

    You made my morning with this post. No one should take themselves too seriously! :)

    Reply
  13. Cara's Healthy Cravings

    April 1, 2014 at 5:22 am

    I agree with Gemma! That would be awesome :)

    Reply
  14. gloria @ bakingbynight

    April 1, 2014 at 5:16 am

    Happy April Fools’! You have such warm, witty voice that always comes through your posts! But seriously, I do need to get a marble slab!

    Reply
  15. Gemma

    April 1, 2014 at 5:10 am

    I really want to see kitten paws holding a mason jar now!

    Reply
    • Courtney {FitCakes}

      April 17, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      Gemma – check it out – she actually has that photo! (Basically.) https://joythebaker.com/2014/01/tuna-catnip-kitty-treats/

      Reply
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