We are in pain. A collective pain that no matter your race, religion, or geography, seems inescapable. What do we do with it?
We have to use it. We can not ignore it. Perhaps this is the pain we need to create the change we need. There is a lesson in all of this… and we’re going to keep learning it with blood and tears until we’re bold enough to change. Can we, already?
We think of each other as different and separate from one another. Differences tangled in race, socio-economics, and power. It’s proving deadly and tragic. Can we retrain our brains with compassion, empathy and curiosity for one another instead of violence and intolerance?
This is our pain. This is ours to heal.
and
This is our pain. This is ours to heal.
Can we give energy and voice to the discomfort that this injustice and violence brings up in us? Sitting with that discomfort long enough to at least have conversations about who we are and how we can change for the better. How we can work past what we see as different in one another, simply to find equality in our value as humans on this earth together? Equality under the law. Equality, really, for one another in our hearts, minds, and actions.
“There will be a temptation to let our anger harden our divisions. Let’s not let that happen. There’s going to be a temptation to let our anger send us further into our corners. Let’s not let that happen. That script is just too easy to write — it’s too predictable. Let’s defy those predictions.” – House Speaker Paul Ryan
• The Story Behind the Fatal Baton Rouge Police Shooting. It was no coincidence. There is an anti-violence group in Louisiana called Stop The Killing that seeks out possibly violent crimes, and films them in an effort to deter your people from crime.
• Dallas Police Chief David Brown, a Reformer, Becomes Face of Nation’s Shock.
• The Horrific and Predictable Result of A Widely Armed Citizenry “Weapons empower extremes” and he have too many of both.
• The next time someone says ‘all lives matter’ show them these 5 paragraphs.
I’m changing gears now.
• A Better Kind of Happiness. Not just a state of mind; a practice with a project.
• This is beautiful so beautiful: The House That Love Build Before It Was Gone.
• Why being a mom is enough. Sure seems like plenty to me, ladies. Rock it.
• A compelling and often unheard argument for giving birth to another human using DRUGS, amen. Get the Epidural.
• This is the best, most honest and vulnerable, poignant piece of writing I’ve read in a long time: Mother, Writer, Monster, Maid. Thank you for sharing it with me Suzonne!
• On July 13, 2015 President Obama commuted the sentence of 46 non-violent drug offenders. Here’s what their lives are like now. One Year Out.
• Weekend Read: Can Attachment Theory Explain All Our Relationships? I’m nodding my head yes.
• A very good BLT on a Cheddar Waffle because we’re civilized, feeling people who will douse our feelings in pork and carbs for as long as it takes.
• I really do love the idea of this cookbook + recipe journal. Have a look-see: Project Cookbook.
• What’s Going On. War is not the answer, for only love can conquer hate.
Enjoy this fine day. Thank you for being here.
With love, Joy
Catherine
Joy, thank you for a wonderful reflection on where we are, as a country, right now. I am sad, I am angry, and I have no idea where we will go. But. If we don’t have difficult conversations about what is going on, we will never change. On another note, I read Rufi Thorpe’s piece in Vela and boy, did she nail motherhood. I have asked many of these same questions, and have wondered at both the intense joy that being a parent brings and the absolute lows that also come with the territory. I currently have 1 child and recently told my husband that I just don’t know if I can handle 2. Life right now is a delicate balance of work, mothering, trying to keep up with the laundry, and trying to maintain my sanity. I don’t want to tip the balance!
SJ
I enjoy these posts! As a woman of color, however, I have a different perspective. I understand the tension between our race and white people – I do. However, I think it is terribly unfair to allow the actions of a few policemen to characterize the whole. When terrorists attack, we tell ourselves the exact same thing. The actions of a few terrorists don’t characterize all Muslims. What we need to have is a civil discussion about police culture. We need to try and see it from both perspectives. I try to imagine what it must be like to be a white police officer in this day and age. They are actually outnumbered and will of course be frightened, which is why I think there is an uptick in brutality. This is not justification, just reasoning. And why do we always have a million stories blasting a few white police officers for crimes against black people and lose focus of the thousands of white officers who HELP and PROTECT us? Why do we change the rhetoric when it comes to white people? My heart is broken from all this nonsense.
abookinprogress
I think this response is so incredibly brilliant. And thoughtful. And hopeful. I wish I could hug you and say “thank you”.
Chris
Thanks so much for those articles. Collectively, they give a benevolent outsider like me a fascinating insight into how Americans are feeling right now, which can be surprisingly difficult. One of my closest friends is American and her family still live there. When we first met it was easy to assume that because we both grew up in English speaking, westernised and democratic countries, we’d effortlessly relate to each others cultures. (certainly, I can say that without hesitation about people from NZ, Britain and Canada and numerous other European countries too) but the US? No. After many, many hours of fascinating conversation and debate, my friend and I came to the conclusion that the American mindset is completely unique. Her theory (voiced with an uneasy mix of pride and shame) is that America has a large population, most of whom have a sense of cultural superiority (for want of a better term) so ingrained they simply don’t believe the rest of the world has anything to offer, or anything to teach. I don’t think it’s that simple…it can’t be, surely? Of course, it’s probably not a surprise that your gun laws have come into the conversation on many occasions. She is pro and I am anti. Even her family is divided. She grew up with her father’s gun sitting on the coffee table and where I grew up, not even police carried guns. She firmly believes the only way to be safe is to carry a gun. I firmly believe the best way to stay safe is for nobody to. She says a person wishing to perpetrate a mass shooting will do so whether guns are legal or not. I say there have been over 200 mass shootings in America over the past 10 years and 2 in Australia, New Zealand, England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland combined; so surely the stats suggest otherwise? She believes people who ‘carry’ can defend themselves in any situation. I say that didn’t hold true in Dallas. She says police sometimes need to shoot in order to protect themselves. I say if an officer isn’t afraid for his life every time he pulls a car over, he’s more likely to keep his hand off his gun in the first place. To me, as an outsider, it seems obvious that the racial divide in the US and the gun debate are entirely separate issues that need to be dealt with separately. I have no solutions, but the thing that worries me about your current situation is that the two issues seem to be merging at an ever-increasing pace.
Tracey
We can change.
We will change.
It’s inevitable.
Don’t stop talking about it, don’t let hatred divide us up, don’t live under false illusions of equality and freedom that don’t apply to all of us.
My new slogan, do not tolerate intolerance. Even the “charming” 80 year old grandparent types with slightly bigoted comments…nah, we’re past that. Speak up and out. Change.
We can be angry, and loud, and horrified over it all, because we should be.
I dunno, kind of fecked up….people wonder why young kids have their heads buried in their phones, cause the world sucks, DUH!
But we can fix it, well hell it’ll get better or worse so…ya know…..let us all aim towards better in whatever way we can :)
mannhandledlife
So beautifully said, Joy. Thank you for putting into words what has been rattling around in my brain.
Rachel
I knew I could count on your for some thoughtful words and insightful article links, Joy. I always enjoy reading your Sunday posts and was especially touched by this one. I appreciate your voice and boldness and willingness to speak up about issues that must be spoken about, when many other bloggers/people with social media presence have not. Your writing is always beautiful, and this was no exception. We are a broken and hurting nation. I have grappled, as many of course, with that hurt for the last few days and don’t think I’ve figured out how to best channel it yet, but I know engaging in honest dialogue about the huge glaring systemic racism and racial inequality that exists in our county is at least a starting point. So thank you, again, for speaking truth and using your platform in this way.
Rachel
brownbutterandbiscuits
I really appreciate you discussing these serious issues, something many food bloggers are hesitant to do in order to keep their blog happy and lighthearted. You are saying and sharing things that need to be said, so thank you!
Suzonne
Thank you for contributing to what has to become a deep, meaningful national conversation. Progress without more bloodshed, that’s my wish.
On a personal note, I was elated to read “A Better Kind of Happiness.” Two years ago, after a lifetime spent running into the wind and an autoimmune diagnosis, I began making paper flowers. Not to sell, more as a discipline and meditation. Two years in, it’s brought me connections with likeminded friends online and continues to bring me more mindful joy than I could have imagined. The idea that I may have instinctively and inadvertently created a hobby to heal myself is icing on the cake! Now I can shift my perception from guilty pleasure to necessary joy.
Kelly Ann
Joy,
You never disappoint. You killed it today girl! Thank you.
Laura F.
On Friday, I wrote a letter to the mayor of my city as well as the council member for my ward, asking why the city does not have a civilian police review board. I wanted to apply to be on it. While the Legislature has authorized the existence of civilian review boards, neither the city nor the county has one. You know who evaluates excessive use of force complaints? A group of senior management in the police department, and a representative from the police union. So if you want to know what bias in the criminal justice system looks like, that’s what it looks like. In that light, I don’t take kindly to Paul Ryan lecturing (black) folks about the need to be peaceful and not hate. Paul Ryan doesn’t have the weight of systemic bias coming down on him, so it’s easy for him to say, isn’t it? For the record, I’m an upper middle class white lady, and the cops have hassled me once or twice on a traffic stop, and I not only lived to tell about it, I didn’t get a ticket.
I’m not mad at you, Joy, and I enjoy your blog, but I’m pretty pissed off about the societal “hush now” messages that white people are sending to black people in light of what’s happened this week. Black Americans have every right to be angry, and people like me need to stop and listen to their lived experience and stop trying to tell them how to feel and how to act.
joythebaker
Giiirl…. I should show you what I deleted from my post today. I’m with you all the way.
brendawalker1996
yes yes yes thank you, Laura!!!
Adrienne
As someone who was raised not to see color and to treat everyone as my sister, it never occurred to me that “all live matter” was a hurtful comment. I think a danger is when things are implied, and people are left to their own interpretation. Thank you, Joy, for the education. Peace and love.
Mookie
Colorblindness is not possible and as an ideal is fraught with pitfalls. White is not the default. Ignoring color ignores the struggles people of color experience, instead placing the burden on them to “transcend” their color.
Cynthia
I love you Joy. I love how you scour the internet and bring us the best. I just enjoyed a rare second cup of coffee to get to it all. And to hear Marvin and his timely sentiments while the morning sun in Seattle drifted across the room…well let’s just say my face is wet. Thank you for all you bring to the world.
Adrienne
Thank you Mookie for explaining to me that “color blindness is not possible”. If I had known that in elementary school, it might have changed the relationships I had with two of my best friends.
Gina ursino
I love Paul Ryan’s comments and I love that you ha c e the courage to post them. I only wish that we could take people for theither words instead of their position and party.
Caitlin LaRussa
Thank you again for your thoughtful Sunday compilations. Makes my week, every week. <3
Adrienne Vance
I second that!
mrsmichellegoldsmith
Peace takes a lot of effort and most people are too lazy to take control of their emotions properly to make peace happen. Here’s hoping that changes before we obliterate ourselves from the planet! What can we do to make it change? Postings like yours today are a very good start — kudos, Joy, from a loyal reader…