Hello friends! Today’s Sunday post is a bit different. I turned 38 this weekend and each new year has me feeling reflective of years past. I stood in my closet yesterday, suddenly deep in my thoughts, staring blankly at a few cotton dresses I might throw on when I thought – wait… did I make like, a five year plan a few years ago? Did I leave a note for myself? I know what I’m doing, right!?
I freaked out for a moment. Then another moment. Then I chose a floral cotton dress and took a deep breath. I’ve been leaving myself notes all along. For the last 11 years. Here, for better or worse, with you.
It’s funny having a record of all the things I’ve been SURE about for the last 11 years, though funny isn’t the right word. The right descriptive word exists somewhere between ‘mortified’ and ‘I-don’t-give-a-f*ck’. What’s that word?
Most of the word I’ve shared here over the years have been about butter, cream, pies, and cakes though some have been about boys, and future-husbands, and potential love interests. I expressed a lot of confidence in the words about butter and cake because I wanted you to charge into your own kitchens with that same fortitude. I felt a lot of hope and surety in the words about my future as though loveandsuch was mine to plan and control.
It’s a wonder to grow older and grow deeper and to have so many more questions that answers. You know?
I left a lot of notes.
In 2009 I left this note to myself (Dear Future Joy the Baker) after my first solo vacation. I took myself on a short road trip up California to finish my first book proposal and I wanted to remind my future self (I thought by then I’d surely be married with children) of what a glorious and freeing time I’d had. I’m happy to still be thriving in that glorious freedom – still buying myself the fancy shampoo – not stopping anytime soon mmkaythanks.
A few months later, in what can only be described as absolute boy-crazy blatherings I wrote How To Impress Boys With Baking. I think my current essay in the same vein would be something like Don’t Let A Dude In Your House – It’s So Nice They Won’t Ever Want To Leave. Which is the truth… hand to God.
In a moment of early social media heartache I wrote I Accidentally Saw A Picture of You. Now, those sorts of accidents are more ubiquitous and we have to stop ourselves from going down a late-night Instagram stalk. Honestly now I know that there’s nothing an Instagram-stalk can tell me that I actually want to know. I would now write the post, Wow I’m So Glad I Didn’t Marry You (or anyone, really). Aaaand, that’s that about that.
I still stand by this advice from eight years ago: In every situation, consider the likelihood of skinny-dipping. Act accordingly.
Other such gems can be found here, Things I’ve Learned In Thirty Years.
At 32 I visited New Orleans with two friends, not knowing that one day I’d live around the corner from where we rented bikes and tooled around. Proof positive that the future is a wonder and a mystery. I also felt really compelled to tell myself how to act in ‘the club’: Upon entering ‘the club’ where people are drinking and dancing and acting a fool (and it’s so much fun), be aware of the fact that you look like you’re in your 30’s… because you are. You’re not fooling anyone. The 25 year old guy that yells in your ear that you look 28… he’s being nice and he’s a liar. You look 32. It’s ok. Dazzle him with your awkward dance moves. He’s 25… who cares (not you!).
I wasn’t wrong. More: Thirty-Two.
Just a few years ago I was feeling pretty content at 35. I bought a house and a pair of diamond earrings. Just things – but that contentment continues and I try to foster it daily. This is 35.
In many ways it feels like Joy the Baker is a space that sort of stands still, but that can’t be true. I’m here swirling around, growing and learning, laughing and hurting – but the root as always been in butter and flour – sharing cakes and cookies. So many of you have been here since the very early days, finding your own way. Graduating and marrying and starting families and celebrating and mourning all that life is.
I hope today’s post inspires you to think back to your growth the past 11 years. It’s momentous – there’s no way it’s not. And for all the cringe, there are signs of growth as we expand the capacity of our hearts and the reach of our arms. It’s real hero-work to be look back and welcome your past self forward.
Let’s high-five and blow out another year of candles because wow what a privilege it all is.
I hope you have a most beautiful Sunday.
My love to you.
xo Joy
Carlin
Amazing. Thank you for your earnest honesty. Although I’m not one of the OG’s who’ve followed you for the last 10+ years, I majorly respect and admire both your realness and your fluid ability to be so forthcoming. I love your Sunday posts and have a folder of them in my email account. Yay for 38! And a huge Yay for admitting us thirty-somethings won’t ever look 25 again – but that’s the beauty, isn’t it?
Gabby D
What a beautiful post! I have followed your blog for years (although not ALL the years) and so enjoy you, links to Jon’s blog, and NOLA – one of my favorite places. This is the first time I’ve commented; your post was too amazing not to.
Happy Birthday to You!
Katie
This post and blog is great! Thanks for sharing yourself with us. Happy birthday!
akbright
Like others have said, thank you for sharing your posts – they are an oasis in the dessert of life. :0 Happy Birthday to you, and may your new year ahead be filled with much laughter and light.
Lauren
Happiest Birthday Joy! Thanks for being a great source of inspiration and my Sunday friend. You have helped us more than you will ever know. Cheers to 38!
Maggie
Can’t put my finger on exactly why, but this post made me tear up. We’re all out here doing it as best we can. Life is good. Happy birthday to you and thank you for the weekly pause button you provide in these posts.
Rachel
I love your writing so much – I love the butter and the flour and the sugar recipes too (the goat cheese biscuits are my go-to) but I love your non-food writing so much. Thanks for being so honest and lovely and fierce. (Also that pic of you walking down the corridor – damn girl!) I’ve been here for 10ish years, and I can’t wait to see how you keep fiercely writing and cooking. Thank you!
abby macmillan
happy birthday joy! thank you so much for your wonderful & heart-ful words of wisdom over the years — i’ve been following since at least that 30th birthday post (i was 16 then and 24 now, oop), so thank you so much for showing me an adulthood thats gorgeously free and inspired and full of friends and baking and joy. this has been such a homey, lovely space, thank you for keeping it on the internet over all these years <3
johanna @ green gourmet giraffe
Happy birthday – this post gave me a laugh as well as some food for thought and some eye candy. Blogging is odd to look back upon but as the years gather so do the posts and the occasional embarrassment but mostly a path to where you are now. Enjoy your celebrations.
Lisa (Malmö)
Happy Birthday Joy! I can’t belive I’ve known you for so long. I cherish this buttery, sugary, colorful space that you offer and hope you feel the love radiating through the screen from all the corners (and pantries) of the world!
Lyz
I loved these words. I also had a birthday this weekend (32 for me) and have been thinking a lot about growing older and learning lessons and loving all the changes and surprises life has in store along the way. Your journey really resonates with me (I’ve also been writing about life through the lens of food for the last ten years), and I’m certainly not where I thought I’d be ten years ago, but I’m loving where I am. Thank you!
Patsy
Happiest of birthdays, Joy! You are a blessing to so many…may you be blessed in return today and in this next year! Keep doing what you are doing , please :) best wishes !
Karen B
that was beautiful.
Jen
OMG, this means I’ve been reading along side you, getting grown, and upping my pie and cinnamon bun game for 11 years. Very happy birthday! I appreciate all your words and thoughts and inspirations shared time and again. It’s certainly had an influence on me all this time. Here’s to always working towards the best versions of ourselves! <3
Patrick
I’ve been reading since the beginning. First I just came for the baking. Then I developed a crush on you. Then one time you said you ate pickles from the jar standing in front of the open fridge door and I knew I loved you. Sadly though, I’m 60, soon to be a grandpa and even more in love with my wife of 38 years. But based on what you write at 38 it appears you’re doing fine without me. Happy birthday and every day as you continue your journey.