Hello friends.
Welcome to another fine Sunday.
Yesterday a friend brought this tweet to my attention: @dadman_walking: 1980s parents DGAF. I broke my arm at a friend’s house when I was 5 and my mom didn’t believe me and shoved it in my coat because it was time to go home and she didn’t have time for this.
If you grew up in the 1980’s surely you have a story like this.
Mine is this: I broke my finger at school in 4th grade. I was a take-no-prisoners style tetherball player. I went home and told my mom my finger hurt and it was broken. She looked at it and said it was fine. I wrapped my broken finger in toilet paper and bandaids and went to my piano lesson where, if you’re keeping track, I played piano with a broken finger. That night I got in trouble for using too many bandaids. To this day my finger has a lump in it from healing poorly BECAUSE IT WAS BROKEN, MOM! Also, mom I love you. You’re a warrior and you did a great job. It’s just a finger.
I’m sure children of every era have similar stories. Parents are just trying to deal, sometimes with multiple small humans, themselves, each other, their parents, jobs, taxes, ugh dinner. It’s like… your finger is fine – it has to be fine / don’t use all the bandaids.
So. That’s where we’re at today. Thanks for meeting me here. The offering this week is below. Take what you need.
• Everything My Husband Wasn’t There For: I raised my daughters alone after my husband died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Now they’re grown and I’m finally coming up for air. (The Atlantic)
• Portraits: 18 women in the Afghan capitol of Kabul on their concerns if the Taliban were to regain power. (Buzzfeed News)
• After my surgery last year for what turned out to be endometriosis, my doctor said “I’m surprised you weren’t complaining of more pain.” I was. For years. Only to have doctor after doctor tell me that maybe that’s normal for me / every woman is different / you should go on the pill it’s the only way to fix it. Truth is, they just don’t know. Most have no idea and we have to educate ourselves and advocate for our bodies (and do everything else in the world so…). Please read: Why Don’t Doctors Trust Women?
• Are My Hormones Me? Yes and no. But don’t worry, it’s mostly an existential crisis. Lol, HELP. (The Cut)
• The Weather : my husband’s struggle with postpartum depression was my struggle too. (Gay Medium)
• I have yet to really give my attention to the 2020 presidential election. I think I’m waiting for next year to wake my mind to it because I’m certain I’ll have to fight election fatigue a few months in. BUT. This episode of The Daily about democratic long shot Andrew Yang was super compelling. (The New York Times)
• I’ve been looking forward to Joseph’s new album Good Luck Kid for months now. It’s a heartfelt human story and it has me in my feelings. Please listen with me. (Spotify)
• Mmmkay, we’re unsubscribing from crystals: Crystals Might Be Good for Your Aura. But Buying Them Could Be Bad Karma (LA Mag)
• I made this a few weeks ago and was super thankful to find it in my freezer this week: Tikka Masala. (Bon )
• I have more dinner thoughts (because I have a stash of these in the freezer too): Red Beans and Rice Veggie Burger. (Joy the Baker)
• This last one is EXCITING! I’ve been writing an 8-part baking series with The Washington Post! It’s a series aimed at beginning bakers – teaching the very fundamentals of baking through classic recipes. You’ll learn why we do what we do, how ingredients work together to make magic in the oven. I’m so proud of this and so excited to share it with you! We launch the newsletter series this Friday! Sign up and every Friday you’ll receive an email with the pep-talk and the recipe. No subscription to The Washington Post required. This is straight from Voraciously to your inbox. Woot! What a thrill!
My love to you.
Enjoy the day!
xo Joy
The photo above is Simple Fig and Mascarpone Cake. A very good idea.
Crystal
Joy, as an 80’s kid, I deeply relate. I was about 11 and told my mom I wasn’t feeling well. Mom chalked it up to wanting to miss school, in her defence I wasn’t the most diligent student. And she worked a full time job, 4 kids, cooked every meal from scratch and a husband who worked away for 6 months at a time. The woman didn’t have time for it. About 2 weeks later and still sick, now having fever dreams and my entire torso covered in a red rash, my mom acknowledged that yes, I might be sick. She took me to the walk in doctor where he diagnosed me with scarlet fever that developed from a strep throat infection. He said that he hadn’t heard of a case in Canada for 50 years! Nothing beats the sheepish look on my mother’s face. Totally vindicated.
Melissa McKay
Thank you for sharing the “Why Don’t Doctors Trust Women” article. That is my life. I am 56 years old, and have figured out most of my health issues myself. It has been completely demoralizing to be completely disregarded.
Kate the Great
I have a wonky finger, too! Mine was from ultimate frisbee as a teenager. However, there was no doubt something was wrong (I definitely broke it), but since my dad had been a college b-ball player, he said I just needed to suck it up and said when athletes get jammed fingers, they just tape it up and keep going. (I was pretty far from being an “athlete.”) Pretty sure we just used masking tape. Now I have a permanent Vulcan Salute on my right hand.
phyllis
Joy,
Best wishes and success for your Washington Post series.
“You’ve come a long way, Baby!”
Phyllis
nancy k
Excited for your Washington Past series. I also signed up for a few others while on that site. So many to choose from…who knew?
I have more stores than I can tell about me and my brothers growing up with parents that had a “suck it up” philosophy when it came to injuries/medical situations. We all survived but a little sympathy here and there would have been so welcome. In my adult life , I tend to try my best…sometimes when I should not…to just tough things out and keep my complaints to myself. Old lessons from childhood really do stick.
Nosizwe
Thank you, Joy, for the great mix of articles and stories. Always interesting!
I was also told I had endometriosis. The doc told me the cure was pregnancy, but that the condition prevented pregnancy! Go figure! I stopped taking the pills after 3 months, coz I hate taking pills, but would lie in bed holding where the pain was…so imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant! My son turns 20 tomorrow! Life! Go figure!
Happy Sunday!
K Gaylin
Thank you for sharing the article about endometriosis. I had it for years and could not have children because of it. I was in pain three weeks out of every month and finally had a hysterectomy at age 41. As far as I was concerned, hot flashes were an acceptable trade-off and they went away after several years. I suspect this is a much more common problem than reported.
Linda L
My mom believed I had broken my wrist playing four square at school but my teacher didn’t. Until I came back the next day in a cast I remember her saying, well you really did hurt yourself! I’m signed up for the baking primer!
Ashley V
I feel you on waiting to be diagnosed with endometriosis. The damage caused by waiting seems irreversible. I did finally find hope through functional medicine and a doctor who truly understands endo, Dr. Andrew Cook. I’m still taking it day by day. All my best to you on this journey!
Meg
Love the idea of the WaPo series! Excited to sign up.
Sharon
The link worked fine for me.
Carol
When I go to the link for the recipes, a box to sign up for the Washington Post pops up.
Yvonne
Try the first link “The Washington Post”. That one had the sign up without subscribing. Hope this helps.
Darla Layton
Happy Sunday, Joy! Thank you for your recipes, and more to come. I feel my kitchen is my true happy place. I have leftover red beans and rice just waiting to be our burgers tonight. I’m having trouble finding fresh figs this Summer, but I will amp up the effort to find them for your fig cake! A trip to a larger grocery store may be in order. Your Let It Be Sunday is a “read first” during my Sunday morning quiet times. Thank you!
Rena
Yes, in the past it was very different how parents treated us children.
xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
http://www.dressedwithsoul.com
Mary
I’m not sure the “buck up” mentality was left behind in the 80s. I was at my son’s soccer game yesterday, talking to two other parents, and all three of us had stories of missing a child’s broken bone initially because we thought our kids were just overdramatic!
Casey
Totally had that happen to me, Son fell off of his scooter, cried that he broke his wrist but it never swelled, bruised or anything. Plus he could still move everything. Wrote it off that he probably jammed it. A few days later it was slightly swollen, took him to the doctor and got yelled at for not bringing him in because he broke his wrist. And was told “anytime he falls you should bring him in” to which I replied “then we’d live here!”
A few months later he split the end of his finger open, I spent 6 hours in the ER and was told by the doctor that I was over reacting and I could’ve just wrapped it in gauze. One shot of antibiotics and a wrapped finger and we were sent home.
So it’s so hard to tell at times.