Welcome to another fine Sunday.
Yesterday a friend brought this tweet to my attention: @dadman_walking: 1980s parents DGAF. I broke my arm at a friend’s house when I was 5 and my mom didn’t believe me and shoved it in my coat because it was time to go home and she didn’t have time for this.
If you grew up in the 1980’s surely you have a story like this.
Mine is this: I broke my finger at school in 4th grade. I was a take-no-prisoners style tetherball player. I went home and told my mom my finger hurt and it was broken. She looked at it and said it was fine. I wrapped my broken finger in toilet paper and bandaids and went to my piano lesson where, if you’re keeping track, I played piano with a broken finger. That night I got in trouble for using too many bandaids. To this day my finger has a lump in it from healing poorly BECAUSE IT WAS BROKEN, MOM! Also, mom I love you. You’re a warrior and you did a great job. It’s just a finger.
I’m sure children of every era have similar stories. Parents are just trying to deal, sometimes with multiple small humans, themselves, each other, their parents, jobs, taxes, ugh dinner. It’s like… your finger is fine – it has to be fine / don’t use all the bandaids.
So. That’s where we’re at today. Thanks for meeting me here. The offering this week is below. Take what you need.
• Everything My Husband Wasn’t There For: I raised my daughters alone after my husband died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Now they’re grown and I’m finally coming up for air. (The Atlantic)
• Portraits: 18 women in the Afghan capitol of Kabul on their concerns if the Taliban were to regain power. (Buzzfeed News)
• After my surgery last year for what turned out to be endometriosis, my doctor said “I’m surprised you weren’t complaining of more pain.” I was. For years. Only to have doctor after doctor tell me that maybe that’s normal for me / every woman is different / you should go on the pill it’s the only way to fix it. Truth is, they just don’t know. Most have no idea and we have to educate ourselves and advocate for our bodies (and do everything else in the world so…). Please read: Why Don’t Doctors Trust Women?
• Are My Hormones Me? Yes and no. But don’t worry, it’s mostly an existential crisis. Lol, HELP. (The Cut)
• The Weather : my husband’s struggle with postpartum depression was my struggle too. (Gay Medium)
• I have yet to really give my attention to the 2020 presidential election. I think I’m waiting for next year to wake my mind to it because I’m certain I’ll have to fight election fatigue a few months in. BUT. This episode of The Daily about democratic long shot Andrew Yang was super compelling. (The New York Times)
• I’ve been looking forward to Joseph’s new album Good Luck Kid for months now. It’s a heartfelt human story and it has me in my feelings. Please listen with me. (Spotify)
• Mmmkay, we’re unsubscribing from crystals: Crystals Might Be Good for Your Aura. But Buying Them Could Be Bad Karma (LA Mag)
• I made this a few weeks ago and was super thankful to find it in my freezer this week: Tikka Masala. (Bon )
• I have more dinner thoughts (because I have a stash of these in the freezer too): Red Beans and Rice Veggie Burger. (Joy the Baker)
• This last one is EXCITING! I’ve been writing an 8-part baking series with The Washington Post! It’s a series aimed at beginning bakers – teaching the very fundamentals of baking through classic recipes. You’ll learn why we do what we do, how ingredients work together to make magic in the oven. I’m so proud of this and so excited to share it with you! We launch the newsletter series this Friday! Sign up and every Friday you’ll receive an email with the pep-talk and the recipe. No subscription to The Washington Post required. This is straight from Voraciously to your inbox. Woot! What a thrill!
My love to you.
Enjoy the day!
The photo above is Simple Fig and Mascarpone Cake. A very good idea.
Creative Writing!! Continue your great work.
I’ve worn glasses since middle school, but my mom thought I just wanted “personality glasses” like my older sister had from Claire’s at the time. When she eventually took me to the eye doctor and they said I really did need glasses, she still kind of thought I was faking it. Then, I tried my glasses on for the first time, looked outside and said “I can see the leaves on the trees!”, and she burst into tears because she didn’t believe me. It’s one of our favorite memories now. :)
I’ve never hit “sign me up” for a newsletter faster. Can’t wait!
I’m sorry to hear about all your trouble with pain/endometriosis. I had some terrible trouble when I came off the pill, it turned out I had dermoids, so my doctor at the time decided a hysterectomy was the best course. Thankfully I had a second opinion and for me going back on the pill has solved my pain issues, and I just had the dermoids removed rather than a more invasive surgery.
The finger story….so freakin funny
Ah yes–I didn’t really think about my parents’ style of parenting being part of “parenting in the 80s.” When we were learning to sew, my sister accidentally allowed the sewing machine needle to go ALL the way THROUGH her thumb! Ouch! My mom had her move the foot pedal to get the needle out, put a band-aid on it, then made her go back to her sewing lesson. Me, on the other hand…was running to get to my mom who was yelling for me down the hall. In my haste, I ran into a doorway and bent back my toe. I told my mom it hurt A LOT but she made me go to my minimum wage restaurant job anyway. Came home, took off my sneaker, and my second toe was the size of my big toe. Yup, broken. Worked on my feet at a fast-food joint for 5 hours with a broken toe swollen inside the shoe.
Thanks for giving us a place to share bits of ourselves with each other, Joy!
I didn’t even try to read “Why Don’t Doctors Trust Women,” because it will enrage me, but I’m so glad you mentioned it. I have Lyme Disease that did not initially present with common symptoms (mine attacked my gastrointestinal system and caused excruciating pain after eating). Before I was accurately diagnosed with Lyme, one male doctor told me to “try eating through the pain.” I immediately walked out of his office. I still don’t know what that even means! That is one story of many, and the similar stories I hear from other female Lyme patients are absurd.
Yay, signing up for your WaPo series! My daughter is an accomplished baker… I am not! My “child of the 80s” story: I gashed my knee to the bone with an exposed metal piece of my bicycle and bledbledbled through gauze and bandaids, but my parents insisted no need for stitches. I still have a 2 inch raised scar on my knee! … But then it’s swung, what, 180* with my own kids — in the interest of being cautious and respectful, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been to urgent care with them writhing in stomach pain and come away with x-rays of their digestive tracts showing that they need to go poop. It’s tough to find the right balance. :)
When he was in high school my husband got Meningitis. His mom thought he was lying about being sick to get out of school, so he spent like 4 days on the couch hallucinating with a super high fever until she finally relented and took him to the doctor. He almost died!
Taste of France
Congratulations on the WaPo series!!!
I spent all morning reading dadman walking and laughing my head off.
I broke my arm three times as a kid! By the third time my mom didn’t believe my best friend when she called her to tell her my coach had taken me to the emergency room. I ended up having to wait longer in the waiting room with a bone almost sticking out of my skin & my poor pale faced basketball coach who was probably questioning why he ever volunteered to coach our team looked like he was going to puke or pass out the whole time, he kept checking his watch. He ended up twisting his ankle at a practice later in the season & had to walk down the isle at his wedding on crutches, he never coached again! And I still give my mom crap for not believing my best friend!
Oof, the link to the Atlantic article re: the woman who raised her 2 daughters alone after 9/11 left a lump in my throat and heart the whole read through. What a strong and courageous soul.
YES! I walked around on a fractured leg for 2 whole days before my mum relented and took me to Accident and Emergency.
She felt terrible.
I still bring it up.
Love you Mum!
Thank you. I read your posts every Sunday. I don’t always comment, and want to thank you for taking time to do the work. Thank you.
Excited about your new series but I cannot subscribe to the Vvoraciously link per your above announcement without having to subscribe to the Washington Post- can you offer a clue? I would love to see/hear more of your baking expertise. Thx much??