Good grief.
I’m freezing cold. I want Taco Bell. I want to eat vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce in a hot tub.
I can feel myself being a major brat.
I’ll settle for a giant scarf. A big bowl of this healthy soup. Hot chocolate and a bath… and I’ll stop being a dang brat.
Can we take a little break from the kitchen?
I’m full of food and there’s one monstrous pile of dishes that I’d prefer to ignore for as long as possible.
A few months back I showed you exactly what my 2010 has looked like. Let’s consider that Part One. Would you like to see the other half?
I dump all of the pictures of my camera phone and show you what my silly world looks like. Its fun, there’s food, I like to share… and we’re all friends here.
Beauty! Look at these cranberry gems! I’m turning them into cranberry sauce.
Super easy. Are you doing this too?
You’ll probably be cranking food out of your kitchen all weekend. Need a few more ideas? I’ve got everything! Everything but the turkey, stuffing, and cornbread… Yea, I know. But I have everything else!
I feel like Thanksgiving is an experiment in just how many things you can jam into your oven in a two day period.
Turkey. Other birds. Stuffing. Yams. Green beans. Pie. Cakes. Owls. Ash trays. Lasagna. Kittens. Ravioli. Squashes.
I mean…. Seriously. That’s a full oven.
Because I only want to partially horn in on that oven action, I’ve made an Almost No-Bake Pumpkin Cream Pie.
When you call it Aaaaalllllmost No-Bake Pie, it’s actually a Not No-Bake Pie. We’re working with a passive aggressive double negatives here. My apologies.
You’re probably going to be loading up your cart at the grocery store with all kinds of Thanksgiving things this weekend.
Can you do me a big favor? Don’t buy that stupid little jar labeled Pumpkin Pie Spice. It’s annoying. It’ll only get lost in the back of your spice cabinet until three years from now when you move and have to clean out your kitchen and find seven stupid little jars labeled Pumpkin Pie Spice.
I think you should make your own dang spice. You probably already have every spice you need in your cabinet… in front of the forgotten little jars of Pumpkin Pie Spice.
Wanna do it? Sweeeet.
Something pretty remarkable happened. I stepped in my kitchen and baked something without flour… without milk or eggs or butter… and without sugar.
I was wide-eyed. I was nervous. This sort of thing is way out of my sugar/butter/flour comfort zone.
It turns out… I might have a new comfort zone.
… A new, delicious comfort zone free of all of the fats and flours I know and love.
Have you ever watched Sex and the City 2 with a straight dude who is waaaaaay more into it than you?
I have. That happened.
Have you ever thought about renting Steel Magnolias, buying a box of tissue and inviting this same gentlemen over… just to test the waters? I have. Duh.
Would Driving Miss Daisy be too far? Eat, Pray, Love?
This is just craycray. I need a Bloody Mary… and a few hours working on my Netflix queue. I might have a winner here.
I decided to make apple muffins…. then I thought cranberry bread would be a better idea.
I wanted pumpkin pecan pancakes…. then I thought that plain old cinnamon toast would be the best idea ever.
Instead… I just combined every possible holiday flavor into this vegan quick bread.
I did that, and I’m glad I did.
Are you one of those people who perfectly toasts their marshmallows to a golden brown?
How on earth do you do that!? I don’t get it. You must have the patience of a marshmallow saint.
I’m a burn-and-blow kind of girl. Turn the marshmallow into a torch… blow it out… repeat.
The patience technique baffles me. In fact… I secretly looooove to brush my marshmallow torch against the slow rollers and set their marshmallows on fire. They totally hate that.
Marshmallow meets open flame… it’s important in this recipe.
How to make and photograph Browned Butter Cranberry Lime Muffins:
1. Walk to the coffee shop around the corner for a small cup of coffee. Drink it.
2. Plug in your camera battery.
3. Look for your camera’s memory card.
You can’t find it. Ok… no problem. Keep looking.
Still can’t find it. Ooooookkk. Look some more. Maybe it’s in that spot that you’re absolutely positive you left it last. No? Can’t find it?
Super impatient? I understand. Camera phone will do. It just will.
4. Find your phone.
5. Arrange cranberries and lime on that white thing that you like.
6. Try to get the kitten to move.
The kitten doesn’t want to move. The kitten wants to play.
It seems like I’ve been exactly everywhere but my own kitchen this past week. My oven is lonely and my kitten is pissed.
Let’s play a game. I need your company with all of this airport time I’ve got on my hands.
Let’s play Ask Joy the Baker.
You leave a comment asking me dang near whatever you like. I’ll respond to your question right there in the comment section. Boom. Instant gratification.
Go on…. ask me why I’m eating Chicharrones in Tracy’s parents’ guest bedroom at midnight. Ask me if the boy I’m dating has longer hair than I do. Ask me if I think you should move to Los Angeles. Ask me what the capital of South Dakota is. Ask me what Washington’s state bird is. Ask me if I’ve ever met a clown. Ask me why George Clooney has never asked me out on a date. Ask me why I could watch Sean Connery in The Rock on a constant loop for seven weeks straight. Or… ask me about cookies. Whatever.
Yes. I’ve sorta done this before.
Answers may sometimes be limited to statements like “huh!?” ”no” “duh” or “let me google that for you”.
Starbucks switched their paper cups to their festive holiday cups.
That can only mean one thing: it’s time for Dad’s Sweet Potato Pie with Easy No-Roll Pie Crust.
Two random notes:
ps. Pumpkin Spice Lattes are weeeeird.
pps. I like coffee that tastes like coffee, not pie.
Persimmons are like cartoon fruit.
They’re so bulbous, sweet and juicy that… I dunno… I have a hard time believing that they’re a real life fruit.
Every year around this time, my mom shoves giant bag of super ripe oozing persimmons in my hands and I’m left to figure out what to do with them.
Soup? Gross. Candy? Weird. Softballs? Possibly. Inside of the refrigerator decorator? Yes.
Bread? Why the heck not?
I like to show you how to do things… like how to make buttermilk if you’re fresh out.
I also like to give you things.
This post will combine these two wonders.
At the top of the page you’ll notice a new page header called November Giveaway. That’s the page you should be glued to every single day this month. That’s the page that will change every day with all sorts of prizes and such. Visit. Often.
Now! Let me show you how I show you how to make things.
Ps. I’m glad you’re here.
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