Joy the Baker

There’s something happening in my email inbox.  I’ve gotten lots… and I mean LOTS of emails from you about what to bake for boys.

Boys in the dorm room down the hall from you, boys that you work with, boys that live far away from you, boys boys boys.

You people are crushin’  hard. I like this.  I say thumbs-up.  I say dive in, head first!… as long as you’re not diving into the shallow end, and you’ve waited an hour after eating, and you’re wearing your floaties… other than that… dive in!

Or just slip n slide it… but go for it.  It’s Spring, why not love somebody!?

You come to me with your boy and baking questions… you know I’m no expert, right?  I mean… clearly.  I’ve addressed this issue before, but I think it’s worth revisiting.  I’d like to answer all of you boy/baking questions in one fell swoop (I love that expression.  It makes me feel like Braveheart… but prettier).

Ship these Oatmeal Pecan Chocolate Chip Cookies to a boy that you like that’s far away.  Cool these cookies completely.  Wrap in plastic wrap.  Place in a zip lock bag and package in a shoe box (scratch off the shoe size if you have gigantic feel like I do).  Stuff with tissue and other packing supplies.  Include note that says something to the effect of:  hey.  obviously I like you… like a lot.  I baked you cookies and shipped them to you in a box that I decorated with crayon-drawn hearts.  Ask me on a proper date.  Like a gentleman.  Please bring flowers.  Love, (your name)

For a boy that you work with… brownies.

Add peanut butter and pretzels.  That boy will think you’re a genius.  If he doesn’t, he’s a nutcase and you should stand clear.  In the very least, your boss will probably love them and give you all the days off you’ve requested.  True fact.

Boys in school probably want something that their mama used to make.  What do you think about this apple crisp?  Too much?  How do you show up at a boy’s doorstep with a tray of apple crisp?  That might be awkward.

Maybe you should stick with banana bread.  Wrap it up nice.  A little bow doesn’t hurt.  Don’t tell him it’s vegan.  That’s none of his dang business… unless he’s actually a vegan, then he’ll probably want to make-out with you.  No biggie.

Lunch date?  Hm… is he too cheap to buy dinner?  Chocolate chip cookies.

… and there’s nothing wrong with a lunch date, unless the guy is a jerk… then there’s everything wrong with a lunch date.

Dinner date?  That’s more like it.  Brown Butter Blueberry Muffins.  He can have them the next morning for breakfast.  It’s a nice touch.  Do not, however, offer to spend the night and share your breakfast gift.  Not classy.  Keep it (classy).

He’ll think of you the next morning… and he will text.  He’ll also tell his mom about you.  I promise.

A boy wants to bake with you!?  Holy cow.  He must like you.  Or he’s a pastry chef and he wants to show off… which also means that he must like you. Make doughnuts.  Make something with yeast.  You’ll both get your hands dirty, you’ll have time to chat while the dough rises, you’ll see how he deals with stress.  If he protects you from hot frying oil… that’s a nice touch.  And if the doughnuts totally fail (which they won’t because he’s a secret pastry chef), then you can just shrug your shoulders and go out for french fries.

Yea… I’ve got it all planned out for you.

Want to make him fall in love with you?  Careful with this one…. don’t go throwing these dishes around.

Shrimp and Grits.  Cheddar Black Pepper Biscuits.  Biscuit Pot Pie.

This is boy food.  Careful.  They won’t even know what hit em.

Now go put some love and sugar in the world.  Knock em dead.

I love you.

Love,

Joy