I have lived a full thirty years. ย Thirty years full of fumbles and mistakes. ย Thirty years of accidents and apologies. ย Thirty years of learning.
These are the trivial bits of thirty years of learning. ย Some of these lessons it took me three minutes to learn, others… about 29 years and 347 days.
If the word ‘you’ ever appears in this list of learning, please rest assured that I am referring to myself. ย I’m still learning… you, surely, are good as gold.
These Thirty-ish Things:
Go to college. ย Just go. ย It’s where you’ll learn how to be, how not to be, and how to set booby traps in the shower so your roommate stops using your expensive shampoo.
Learn how to apologize sincerely.
Eye contact is major. ย Get into it.
Talking crap about people sometimes feels good (just admit it), but tastes bad. ย It’s the opposite of eating McDonald’s.
If it hurts, don’t wear it. ย At some point the pain will show.
Learn how to wear lipstick and werk.
The day you look dumb in the grocery store at 7:19 in the morning is also the day you run into that duuude you don’t want to run into, and his stupid-hot-at-7:19-in-the-morning girlfriend. ย Don’t worry. ย You’re buying kale and olive oil. ย At least you can cook.
Overdress, always. ย Unless it’s heels in a park… that doesn’t work.
(thank you for the picture above, michael.)
In every situation, consider the likelihood of skinny-dipping. ย Act accordingly.
Check out your hair from behind… yea… you’ve got a whole situation going on back there.
Exfoliate: ย your kitchen, your shower, your carpets, and your body.
Find out what color ย dress/shirt/lipstick makes your eyes pop. ย Buy a lot of it.
Never ever ever ever EVER ever ever take your shoes off in the club.
If you feel a deep need to take your shoes off in the club, walk your butt outside, get in a cab, and go home. ย Game over.
No one keeps secrets. ย Remember this when you’re telling people all your business.
Life is not fair. ย That fact is profoundly frustrating. ย My Mom taught me this… dang was she right.
Don’t wait for some dumb boy to give you closure. ย You give yourself closure. ย That’s real. ย Tie that mess right on up. ย Buy ice cream if necessary.
Sometimes it’s not fate, or a sign… but just a coincidence.
You are not inherently patient. ย It’s an exercise.
Learn how to do something exceptionally well. ย Never apologize for that. ย Step up.
Watch Inception as many times times as you need to. ย Joseph Gordon-Levitt floats and Juno flips walls… It’s just a whole thing.
Learn how to make cookies.
Frozen peas, unfrozen, can be a meal.
Kittens grow up to be cats. ย That’s when things get a little scary.
Don’t beย thatย girl, in any and all situations. ย Unlessย thatย girl is the awesome girl passing the boards… then you should totally beย thatย girl. ย I’m talking to you Andrea.
If a girls says she “just doesn’t really get along with other girls” that means that she’s probably not that nice to other girls… I’m just sayin’.
Ladies should be kinder to one another. ย Teamwork, ladies!
Never be early for a party… unless you plan on helping. ย By helping I mean, pouring tequila shots.
Being fourteen sucks and there’s absolutely no way around it.
Being thirty one does not suck unless you think it sucks for some reason.
Sometimes you go to restaurants and you just don’t get what you want. ย It’s cool, just get ice cream on the way home.
Over-tip.
Just admit that you’re watching My Big American Gypsy Wedding because you’re completely obsessed and you really need to talk about it with someone.
God is good even when you doubt that God is good.
Happy Birthday to me. ย Happy Living to you. ย I love you dearly, I really do.
640 Responses
I’m so glad you posted your birthday articles. They are all super! You are one-of-a-kind, in the BEST way!
I love this post! I’m turning 30 soon and these are great! Love you sense of humor and wit ;)
Just reading this after reading your current birthday post (love that put links to other words by the way). I have always been inspired by your words. I am a longtime podcast listener and recent blog reader (I know, the order is weird) and I just want to say as a young 20 something figuring it out, your wisdom and grace continue to guide me everyday. Anyways, the point of this is not to tell you how fabulous you are (though you are) but to ask about the second to last line “God is good even when you doubt that God is god.” Is that a typo? Either way I kind of think it works brilliantly but just wanted to know your take :)
thank you for finding my typo! i really appreciate your words!
I AM LATE BUT Happy BIRTHDAY 2 U!! I will be 30 august 11 and I NEEDED TO SEE THAT!!
Hi,
I’m a little late on this one but I stumbled across your blog just today and was immediately absorbed in it. Particularly, this post. I recently turned 32 so am at a similar place in my life. Love, love, loved this and found it to be one of the most relatable statements on women our age that I’ve seen. XOXO
I wanna be you when i grow up. I’ve got a few years before i hit 30 but everything you said sounds perfect for me.
” God is good even when you doubt that God is god.” Is my new favorite saying, and is exactly what i needed to here right now.
Thanks:)
So. 13 days ago, I decided to say peace out to my blog. Pow. Bam. Boom. Over a year had passed since I last posted and who was I kidding? The baking fever had long since subsided. For that year, I took a break from reading food-related blogs (yours included) while my right brain sort of wandered around in limbo, waiting for that operatic kick to bring my creativity back to life.
Something in the air…the water…the shitty (but free!) work coffee urged me to visit your blog today. I finished up the work on my desk, cozied up to the monitor with my mug of terrible coffee and did some catching up.
Suddenly, I’m feeling motivated. DAMN motivated.
Thanks.
Joy, you wrote:
“Ladies should be kinder to one another. Teamwork, ladies!” -You should follow your own advice
I find it CATTY that you wrote: “Check out your hair from behindโฆ yeaโฆ youโve got a whole situation going on back there” – Who cares! Maybe they want their hair that way!
“If you feel a deep need to take your shoes off in the club, walk your butt outside, get in a cab, and go home. Game over” – Who cares! Maybe they’re having fun! You should too!
“If a girls says she โjust doesnโt really get along with other girlsโ that means that sheโs probably not that nice to other girlsโฆ Iโm just sayinโ.” – I believe being nice to girls also means don’t talk shit….i’m just sayin’ too!
you clearly don’t understand what’s going on here. i’m talking about MYSELF in all of these situations.