Hello my friends!
These aren’t easy days, are they? When I’m paying attention, it feels like chaos in the world. When I’m not paying attention (aka, when I’m Watching Real Housewives of New Jersey) I feel guilty that I’m not paying attention. Here’s what I do know from the paying attention part of my week. We need one another and right now that means donating any extra dollars we can to our friends in Puerto Rico and Northern California. We need compassion for one another… and in addition- we need to vote with clear minds, stand up for our neighbors, and be decent, and kind, and here for each other.
• This short documentary from the New York Times is really powerful and I hope you take a few moments to watch it. I Have A Message For You. You’ll cry. I cried.
• This week I was taking a walk with a male friend and I saw two neon-vested worker-type men standing on the street corner ahead of us. One of the vested men nudged the other with his elbow and they both looked up in my direction. If you’re a lady reading this, you know where this is about to go. I knew that once I walked past them, they would turn to look at my butt… or whatever else on my body they thought they could get away with looking at NOT SUBTLY AT ALL. I lamented to my male friend once we were passed them (and they had likely gotten their look) and his response: You should do something about that. Yea… but what exactly does that look like? This is exactly why women lament and laugh and share with one another… because we know this is nothing new and nothing soon leaving. Thank you for the link Suzonne. Laughing Until We Cry: Conversations About Getting Grabbed, Flashed, and Groped.
• I think very often about how much meat I eat and which meat I choose to eat and this article about antibiotics has me thoughtful: Read this and you may never eat chicken again. Helpful along this: Olive Oil Braised Chickpeas with Feta for dinner.
• Two ways you can help the many victims of the fires in Northern California: The Tipping Point Relief and The Napa Valley Community Foundation. Y’all this is devastating and so much seems like it’s devastating these days but we can’t tune out. We gotta stay in this. Donate if you can.
• This week I’m going to search out palm sugar and make pad thai from scratch. This version of Pad Thai from The Kitchn is made with spaghetti squash.
• Have you listened to the Dirty John podcast? It’s one of those things everyone is freaking out about and I get it… but I also yelled up at the heavens listening to this because human are frustrating and flawed people. Speaking of other podcasts with flawed (but hilariously charming) people, I was a guest on my friend Whitney’s new podcast last week: Reality Reality. We talk about reality television and it’s VERY not important / maybe hopefully entertaining.
• Offering Morning Glory Oats for your comfort this week. Also, Peanut Butter Pecan Biscotti (pictured above with a handful of chocolate chips.)
• This sweatshirt seems like a good idea.
• In times of need I watch Oprah videos on YouTube, ok? Super Soul Sunday with Tich Nhat Hanh. Peace, presence, and the beginner’s mind. Darling, I am here for you.
xo Joy
Jessica Lee
We should be helping Puerto Rico these people are need
Debbie
Joy, I am finally catching up on your blog after a couple of horrific weeks here in Sonoma County. Thank you for sharing the links to the fire relief funds, we desperately need the help. My home is safe, I wish I could say the same for all of my friends. It feels under-reported, the magnitude of devastation is enormous here. Thank you ??????
joythebaker
You all are still in my thoughts so much!
Debbie
????????. Also- did not mean to have question marks at the end of last post. Meant to have exclamation marks. It was a late night!
Olga Otero
Being from Puerto Rico, I JUST got my internet service back, still no electricity (living at my Dad’s who has a generator). Still, I count myself and my family as part of the lucky ones whose biggest loss has been a lack of electricity and internet. I am in my forties and I NEVER thought I’d live through something like this. The day after the hurricane, it looked as though we had been nuked, thankfully, nature is wise, and foliage is growing back everywhere. It still feels as though we’re living in a zombie apocalypse. That’s the closest description that comes to mind.
Thanks, Joy, for making your audience aware of our situation. We all share our planet with many millions of human beings who can help each other out in their times of need.
Caitlin
You can get palm sugar at the Hong Kong Market on the Westbank. It’s where I got mine when I tried out making pad thai! (you can get tamarind there, too)
Debbie
My “heart” emoticons are turning to question marks. Thanks iPad. Ugh
Prianca
I remember my grandma saying the same words: These aren’t easy days, are they? She was expecting the end of the world forever. Thank you for documentaries!
carol
thank you for mentioning the northern california fires, which are still burning tonight. and for the “i have a message for you” link. it reminds me of the signs being posted in sonoma, “the love in the air is thicker than the smoke” #sonomaproud
Jenn
Thank you, Joy, for brightening my Sundays with your thought provoking, wide ranging posts. Today’s was especially powerful. Klara’a story is unforgettable.
Kristen
Cried so hard I could barely read the subtitles. Thanks for sharing that. After the article on groping, I had to cleanse with Reddit’s “humans being bros” page. Much better.
S
Here is a way to take back some power: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/woman-selfies-street-harrassers-harrassment-catcalls-men-instagram-noa-jansma-a7983991.html
Jennifer
Joy – First a huge thank you for your thought provoking Sunday posts, they have become part of my Sunday ritual. I waited till today to Listen to “I Have a Message For You” and was so moved by it and wanted to take a minute to thank you for sharing this story!
Shewani sian
What about Indian food! If u need packed lunch or dinner! I can help little bit
Babs
Joy, thank you for your Sunday posts. I look forward to them every week.
The Dirty John articles/podcast were too difficult for me to finish. I read the third section, about the murder of the sister and the family’s actions, and I had to stop. This story is an extreme example of everything in the media this week – who can women go to when men are abusive and need help? What are the consequences for the men? For the women? For the former, very, very little, and for the latter, they are fatal.
joythebaker
That’s exactly the point in the story where I was pulling weeds in my backyard thinking…. I don’t know about this podcast. I think they’re really glossing over the deep and painful roots of this story.
Rachel
That harassment article was spot on. Most of what I’ve experienced has just been verbal (I say “just” as if it’s nbd), but no matter what happens, it always feels terrible and I feel powerless. Usually the comments are meant to flatter me, but I was recently yelled at by a guy driving a large van while crossing the street for not walking in the crosswalk (not that this should matter, but I was very close to the crosswalk and me not being in it yet was not making it any harder for him to turn than if I had been in it). I think he said something like “get in the crosswalk you fat bitch,” and it’s the worst that in that moment I was somehow grateful that he stopped to yell at me and not try to drive into me or something. Why do men feel the need to exert power so often and in such an awful way?
Courtney
Rachel, I think your question at the end gets at the heart of this rampant problem. It’s not a question of “why are women victims”, but we need to look at what is going wrong with boys and men in our society and why perpetrators are acting the way they do. It’s really hard to look it all in the eye in recent weeks, but it’s important that so much is coming out to say that yes, this is pervasive but no, it’s not ok.
Amy P
Hi Joy! I love and look forward to your Sunday posts. Oh I did listen to Dirty John and yelled RED FLAG over and over and over…the scrubs alone is all I’ll say :)
Paula
Thank you Joy for these weekly posts. I truly enjoy them with my Sunday morning coffee. The world feels heavy to me right now and with a three year old and a 4 month old baby I can’t help but feel anxiety about the state of everything and what the future holds for them.
And when I need a break Real Housewives is my go to as well as this season of Project Runway. You can’t beat some twin drama (when you watch you will see) and Tim Gunn.
Emily
It is true that the world feels crazy! I feel just like you. I feel like running from the world but I know running won’t help bring change. We need to help our neighbors and our friends. Those in California and Puerto Rico need as much love and support as they can possibly get.
Mary Ann
I cried.
Jacquie
Thank you for that documentary link. It’s exceptionally powerful and moving.
Having followed your blog for the past years, I feel like your posts have come to include more complex issues (since maybe your move from California?) and have become more thoughtful and critical in general, something I really welcome. I applaud the change and would love to see other bloggers follow suit – I love food and food blogs but we don’t live in a bubble and I’m glad to see you so openly and often acknowledge that fact in so many ways.
joythebaker
It’s all too much to ignore. Thanks for being here.
Lynn
Watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday whilst playing Angry Birds is my happy place.
Ellen
“I Have A Message For You” is so powerful and yes, has reduced me to a puddle. We must never forget! I had read the article, but it is the video of these courageous people that makes it very real. The last of these survivors must be heard and seen, before the opportunity is lost forever. Thank-you, “Let It Be Sunday” is always filled with treasures that I revisit all week.
courtney
A friend gave me Thich Nacht Hanh’s “Eating Mindfully” book. It’s wonderful!
Mary Ann
Courtney, I don’t find that title associated with him anywhere. Would the book possibly be titled “Savor”? If you have a link, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you!
Claire, UK
That article is bang on that harassment from men is about power and not the attractiveness of a woman. I’m very average looking, but I know that there are two things that will hugely increase my risk of being bothered by men as I walk through my town on my own. One is if I am wearing clothing that allows them to see that I have a large bust (which is why I can count on one hand the number of times per year that I go out of the house without making sure I have a figure-concealing loose top-layer on). The other is if I appear to be in any way vulnerable. Now the nights are drawing in, I know that I will start to get more men bothering me. Yes, it could be that I appear to be more attractive when they can’t see me well, but I think it’s really that I look like an easier target when I’m alone in the dark. If I’m feeling low or worried or scared (i.e. not rocking the don’t-mess-with-me confident head-up gaze that most women master by their early twenties), men that I pass will pick up on that and I will get bothered. One time, a passing driver followed me down a dark hill as I was walking home and repeatedly asking me to get into his car. After I refused, he slowly drove past me multiple times as I continued on my way. I was really scared and it must have shown on my face, because I went on to be bothered by more other men on that 45 minute walk home than I ever have been in one go before.
The worst thing is that it starts so young – the boys in school who kept touching my bottom when I was 11, the trusted older man who “playfully” (but very insistently) bent me over and spanked me when I was 12 or 13 (the first time he got me somewhere private), the group of tipsy middle-aged men who touched my legs at the back of the bus when I was 17, the professional looking man who stopped in the middle of the street to tell me that my breasts were enormous when I was 19… No, maybe the age when it starts isn’t the worst thing. I think the worst thing is the look of disbelief from men when you try to tell them that this happens, that it happens all the time, to all women, always. That just because they don’t do it, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t going on around them every day. That just because I’m nothing special to look at, that I’m not exaggerating how often it happens to me.
Taste of France
Is there any woman who hasn’t been subjected to this? The grabby pre-pubescent boys, the grown men “playfully” or “affectionately” touching inappropriately, the catcalls, the protected perverts in the workplace. At one job, on the very first day, every woman came to my desk to warn me not to give a ride home to a co-worker who had stripped naked in the lunch room and raved and who another time had gotten off on reduced charges for molesting a child. He did indeed harass me, and when I complained I was told he was a father and that firing him would be terrible for his family. Meanwhile, women got frozen out of promotions as soon as they had kids. I got out of that place as fast as I could. Pervert man got a full retirement.
joythebaker
Good grief. I’m really sorry you had to go through that.
Rebeca
I don’t think there is, we’ve all suffered it. The first time I remember feeling really disgusted by a man’s attitude was when I was 12-13. It was 3 pm and I was waiting for my dad, who was just around the corner. A man who must have been in his forties stood next to me with a sick smile and told me how much he liked young girls. To this day, I swear I can still remember his smell.
It has happened many, many times since then, and I’ve spoken up more than once, but it’s never made a difference. There was the police officer who told me to “relax, honey” after I told him that a guy was following me. So womanly of me, exaggerating because I need to relax.
joythebaker
Claire, I appreciate you sharing all of this so much and that driver who followed you as you were walking home, CALL THE POLICE. Get loud. Get help. Don’t suffer like that alone. I feel like a lot of women are conditioned to be quiet and polite and not make a fuss to some degree and some men who want to take advantage count on that. Call someone. Ask for help. SSDMG.
Claire, UK
The thing is, you think you would make a noise, shout out, call the police, stop it from happening. But then it happens. And you don’t.
I’m a strong independent financially-secure educated professional white cis-woman. I am exactly the kind of woman who should be able to shout out and make a noise, who should expect to be listened to (obviously, we should ALL expect to be listened to, but that’s sadly not the world we live in). But I just assume that nobody will believe me, or think I am making a fuss over nothing. I have called the police precisely once in my life. I used the non-emergency number and only after checking with other people what they would do in that situation (because yes, we are conditioned to not make a fuss). I had been woken from a weekend lie-in by somebody fake-washing (just rubbing a dry dirty rag over) the upstairs windows of the house where I lived alone. I didn’t have a window-cleaner and they clearly weren’t doing a real job, so it couldn’t be that they had just got the wrong house. I thought they were trying to look into the windows with a view to burgling me. When I did call the police, I was made to feel terrible for bothering them, and repeatedly asked why I hadn’t gone out to confront the window-washer (I’m a female living alone and I was afraid didn’t appear to be an acceptable answer). Needless to say, I would probably only contact the police in future if I had suffered physical harm. I could just imagine what they would say to me calling about the car driver: “Oh, so a man offered to give you a lift a couple of times and then drove past you? He was probably just worried about you, walking home on your own in the dark. He was probably trying to protect you…”
As an adult, most of the harassment that I have suffered has been physically separated from me (verbal, being followed, etc.) and I remembered the times when I had been touched against my will as a child and thought that I would NEVER let that happen to me again. But then I was thirty years old and at a meeting in work, and as the meeting was dissipating and people were milling around, a middle-aged man came up behind me and caressed my back. Just a long slow swish from my shoulder to the curve above my bottom. This wasn’t a gentle, just step to the side so I can pass touch. You know an assault when you feel it. And I froze. I just froze. By the time I had gathered myself, had realised what had happened, it was too late. To this day, I wouldn’t recognise the man who did it. To this day, I am angrier with myself for not reacting than I am with him.
And I think, because I’m nothing special, because I’m privileged in so many ways, that what I experience is somewhere near the tip of the iceberg of female harassment. That it could be so much worse. That it IS so much worse, for so many women. Wow, this stuff is depressing. Thank you for making Let it Be Sunday be a safe place, where you bring us biscotti alongside the misery in this world :-)
Saurs
Thanks for the link on industrialized agriculture, Joy. Of course, individual people making individual choices outside of collective action and stronger regulations throughout the world won’t nip this problem in the bud. We’re exposed to and at risk of interacting with resistant bacteria irrespective of our eating habits and whether or not we are, as individuals, overprescribed antibiotics (McKenna is wrong that the world has made substantial and universal changes in how medicine is doled out to humans, as her example of the Indian infant death rate demonstrates; she also overstates the use of antibiotics in US livestock for the purposes of “fattening up” animals, as that particular practice accounts for only a fraction of antibiotic use on farms and American farmers are no longer permitted to use any such growth promoter that has a medically significant impact on humans, a small step that now needs to be replicated and reinforced with better, more sustainable agricultural, veterinary, horticultural, and food-processing practices and the development and prudent use of more sophisticated antibiotics in hospitals and healthcare facilities). Abstaining from chicken in the US is going to have precisely zero effect on the spread or containment of things like NDM-1, for example.
joythebaker
You’re absolutely right. My comment alongside the article was small-minded and very individual. Thank you for your perspective and knowledge.
Saurs
Joy, you are never small-minded! You are always big-hearted, thoughtful, and intent on looking out for your fellow humans. Your cooking drew me in, and your humanism keeps me reading. Thank you for all you do, sincerely. :)
Rena
Really hard times at the moment… Corresponding meat: fortunately, I live in the Bavarian country and when I buy meat I know even the farmer of the animal who gaves the meat. Most of our cows are in summer outside on the meadows and in winter they get the hay from these meadows. Nevertheless, I eat meat seldom more than once a week.
xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
http://www.dressedwithsoul.com
Maja Harder
I really agree, it is hard to know exactly what you should do and when and where to donate. I will definitely watch the documentary that you linked to !