There’s something happening in my email inbox. ย I’ve gotten lots… and I mean LOTS of emails from you about what to bake for boys.
Boys in the dorm room down the hall from you, boys that you work with, boys that live far away from you, boys boys boys.
You people are crushin’ ย hard. I like this. ย I say thumbs-up. ย I say dive in, head first!… as long as you’re not diving into the shallow end, and you’ve waited an hour after eating, and you’re wearing your floaties… other than that… dive in!
Or just slip n slide it… but go for it. ย It’s Spring, why not love somebody!?
You come to me with your boy and baking questions… you know I’m no expert, right? ย I mean… clearly. ย I’ve addressed this issue before, but I think it’s worth revisiting. ย I’d like to answer all of you boy/baking questions in one fell swoop (I love that expression. ย It makes me feel like Braveheart… but prettier).
Ship these Oatmeal Pecan Chocolate Chip Cookies to a boy that you like that’s far away. ย Cool these cookies completely. ย Wrap in plastic wrap. ย Place in a zip lock bag and package in a shoe box (scratch off the shoe size if you have gigantic feel like I do). ย Stuff with tissue and other packing supplies. ย Include note that says something to the effect of: ย hey. ย obviously I like you… like a lot. ย I baked you cookies and shipped them to you in a box that I decorated with crayon-drawn hearts. ย Ask me on a proper date. ย Like a gentleman. ย Please bring flowers. ย Love, (your name)
For a boy that you work with… brownies.
Add peanut butter and pretzels. ย That boy will think you’re a genius. ย If he doesn’t, he’s a nutcase and you should stand clear. ย In the very least, your boss will probably love them and give you all the days off you’ve requested. ย True fact.
Boys in school probably want something that their mama used to make. ย What do you think about this apple crisp? ย Too much? ย How do you show up at a boy’s doorstep with a tray of apple crisp? ย That might be awkward.
Maybe you should stick with banana bread. ย Wrap it up nice. ย A little bow doesn’t hurt. ย Don’t tell him it’s vegan. ย That’s none of his dang business… unless he’s actually a vegan, then he’ll probably want to make-out with you. ย No biggie.
Lunch date? ย Hm… is he too cheap to buy dinner? ย Chocolate chip cookies.
… and there’s nothing wrong with a lunch date, unless the guy is a jerk… then there’s everything wrong with a lunch date.
Dinner date? ย That’s more like it. ย Brown Butter Blueberry Muffins. ย He can have them the next morning for breakfast. ย It’s a nice touch. ย Do not, however, offer to spend the night and share your breakfast gift. ย Not classy. ย Keep it (classy).
He’ll think of you the next morning… and he will text. ย He’ll also tell his mom about you. ย I promise.
A boy wants to bake with you!? ย Holy cow. ย He must like you. ย Or he’s a pastry chef and he wants to show off… which also means that he must like you. Make doughnuts. ย Make something with yeast. ย You’ll both get your hands dirty, you’ll have time to chat while the dough rises, you’ll see how he deals with stress. ย If he protects you from hot frying oil… that’s a nice touch. ย And if the doughnuts totally fail (which they won’t because he’s a secret pastry chef), then you can just shrug your shoulders and go out for french fries.
Yea… I’ve got it all planned out for you.
Want to make him fall in love with you? ย Careful with this one…. don’t go throwing these dishes around.
Shrimp and Grits. ย Cheddar Black Pepper Biscuits. ย Biscuit Pot Pie.
This is boy food. ย Careful. ย
They won’t even know what hit em.Now go put some love and sugar in the world. ย Knock em dead.
I love you.
Love,
Joy
220 Responses
Dearest Joy,
I am equally enthralled by your sense of humor, astonishing wit, and sheer brilliance when it comes to butter, sugar, and boys. Brava! I will most definitely be trying the brownies on my co-worker… I’ve already made him peanut-butter chocolate chip cookies, but I feel the brownies just might be the hook-line-sinker.
Thank you for your wisdom and for casting light among the rest of us: head-over-heels-in-love-baking-enthusiasts.
Much love & sugar,
jb
While yes, I am commenting on this post almost a year after you have posted it, I was looking for the recipe to your Brown Butter Blueberry Muffins. You crack me up; humor and baking, my two favorite things rolled into one! Your blog is the best! This post is the best! I’m obsessed! Now that I sound like an oober cool, not pathetic freakazoid fan stalker, I would just like to say: you the bomb girl. Wishing you some sunshine and inspiration from the east coast!
Joy,
How do you go about giving these treats to boys?? I’ve been dating a boy and dream about giving him brownies per your advice. I mean, I would love anyone who gave me homemade brownies….But, since it’s new, I feel like I need to say something like “Oh, I made these for something else…no big deal.” So, I ask you to stretch your boy genius a little further and help!!!
Joy, have you ever tried Deb’s (from SK’s) recipe for blueberry boy bait? I am convinced I once baited a boy with this gem. Never doubt the powers of anything containing 2 sticks of butter.
https://smittenkitchen.com/2009/07/blueberry-boy-bait/
This is my first day on your website. Is it bad to say that, well I think your awesome already!? (:
forever saving this…who needs womanly wiles when you have butter and sugar???
A previous commenter asked about boy retention. Yeah… this stuff definitely works for that. I made and kept a lot of male friends in college just by baking apple pie. Now, I never wanted to date one of them, but eh, I probably could’ve. :)
These days I’m married, and baking definitely greases the wheels of our relationship. (My darling husband would stick with me even if I didn’t make him peach cake and chocolate mint squares. But I like to tease him that he’ll never leave as long as I keep baking.)
Milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard… ok, i’ll stop now. Just had to say it. :-)
Joy. I just fell in love with you.
I mean, I guess I’ve BEEN in love with you…so….now I’m MORE in love with you. Thanks for that. Jeez. :)
Ok, now call me crazy but I’d never considered it before. There is a guy that I’ve been admiring lately and was at a loss as to how to get him to admire me back. I’m now comtemplating how to bake him something without looking weird, but I certainly LOVE the idea.
Thank you Joy.
Smiles.
I always read your blog, and I always type up a comment praising your hysterical humor and food. But I never post it, maybe I don’t want to sound weird, or something. I don’t know. But not this time, nope this time I just have to tell you, that you are so on the money with this post.
I’ll even venture to say “for reals” because everything you’ve said is true, and clearly there is some kind of baking magic at work with guys and these foods you have ingeniously suggested.
<3 So thank you.
And you rock.
just wanted to say…i love this. :) majorly.
Hi Joy – I think you are the greatest and I wish we were friends. And this post led me to mail a boy some cookies. We’ll see if he gets the hint.
This is too funny!!! I love it and totally am going to try some!!
I can’t be the only one who wants to see a Joy the Baker cookbook, entitled, Boy Bait…….
i, too, want to see that cookbook.
Awesome post! I’m married and want to make all of this for my husband! Unfortunately he wouldn’t eat much of it, but that means there’s more for me! Who knows, I might even share with our girls (ages 6 and 1) or friends and family. Thanks for sharing!