Joy the Baker

This Week: Finding Inspiration

by 85 Comments

Hello friends,

Can I talk to you about something?

I have a cookbook coming out soon. It’s about Brunch and don’t worry… starting next week (or sometime around then), I’ll shamelessly and relentlessly ask you to buy it and come see me as I’m traveling around.  This is not that conversation, but that’s soon and won’t stop and I apologize (half-heartedly) in advance.  

Over Easy will be my third book and I suppose by now I’m accustomed to the cycle of it.  I’m not talking about the recipe testing and editing, or about the PR conference calls and the lists and emails… I’m talking more about the cycle of excitement and doubt that I work through in myself every time I release a new book. 

It’s hard putting anything you create out into the world.  I suspect that is especially true of the children some of you have made with your bodies.  That’s not my experience just yet, but I feel a similarly about the books I make.  It feels especially stomach-knotted for me knowing that the book is what it is.  I can’t sneak in and make any changes or updates… or move this here or that there.  I can’t move to Mars if no one likes it (I’ve asked).  It’s final and we all did our best and pretty soon it’s up for your consumption and critique.

In that simmering of excitement and doubt is a sprinkling of self-criticism… a big sprinkling. Like I’m trying to toughen my skin before anyone else takes any lashes at it.  Do you do this?  Do you want to know how good I am at criticizing myself?  Lemme tell you: I’m the best.  There’s no one better.  I’ve looked.  I’ve asked around, but still… I’m the best at beating myself up. 

I don’t mention this because I want you to fill the comment section up with encouraging sentiments.  Really… that’s not what this is about.  It’s more that I want to tell you how that sort of thinking takes root in my brain once it’s planted. 

I had to look for a few television news clip of myself (which is a weird thing to do)… something to prove to national morning news shows that I won’t go live on their television airwaves and make a fool out of both of us.  In that search, with a hands-up / I don’t know where I’m going to find these clips kind of feeling- I googled myself, trying to be specific, trying to just find the thing I needed that probably doesn’t exist anymore. In that search I stumbled upon one of those Hater Sites. You know… the kind where anonymous people say mean things about other people on the Internet. I clicked it.  I read the nasty things people had to say about me.  

(Don’t worry I’m fine.  Remember, I’m the best at beating myself up. Ain’t nobody got sh*t on me.)

What I know now (beyond the fact that some people are like… legit-level weirdly mean) is that when the self-criticism weed is planted in the front of my brain, it seeks out external messages to confirm its validity. And when it’s looking, it finds them.  It’s like watering the weeds.  Yep… we’ll grow.  Yep… we’ll stay.  Yep… we knew we were right all along, see!? 

Well, yes I do see that now.  And it doesn’t take me on the loopy spiral of a rollercoaster that it used to. I care waaaay less about what strangers think of me. I’m not feeding or watering that part of my brain.  I’m letting it be there until the weeds of criticism get thirsty, shrivel and wither.  They will. Love lives in this brain of mine too and it always wins out.  

This is just what it feels like wrestling with myself and creativity. So far I’m pulling right on through… if pulling through means making things that I feel proud of that are hopefully of use to you.  

I’m grateful for all of it, weeds included. 

Here’s where I’m finding inspiration this week.  Some weeks we’re more input that output… that’s just the rhythm of life and I try to be honest about it.  I’ll be in the kitchen on Friday baking up some Brunch treats to share with your future-self. 

•  Beyonce’s Grammy’s Performance. She wears the crown so well.  

•  I found my birthday cake with this Angel Food Cake with Heath Bar Whipped Cream

•  The movie 20th Century Women is my favorite (of the three) movies I’ve seen this year. 

Photo by Suzonne Stirling and her heart-shaped umbrella. 

Happy Valentine’s Day. 

Joy

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Jeannette

    Not that you need the validation, but you should know that you’re honest, amazing, and kick ass. Haters are more unhappy with themselves and need an outlet to distract them from how awful they truly are. You do you, booboo. Rinse and repeat.

    Reply

  3. Lauren

    Last time you visited King Arthur, in Norwich. Any plans or that again? My MIL lives up there and we’d love to come visit you!

    Reply

  6. naomi

    A few weeks back when I was questioning my direction at the studio, a studio mate stopped by and told me: “The brain cannot create and critique at the same time.” I have it written on a card in front of my workspace, and find I’m more productive.

    Reply

  7. Bob

    Joy-Never Doubt Yourself. When you start to doubt and second guess yourself, say it out loud. Haters hate because you have something they want and can’t have. Pray for them, then ignore them and their dark little no-cupcake worlds.

    Reply

  9. Brandie

    In all seriousness, your my idol because of your arms (couldn’t resist) and what you’ve built for yourself. Those that hate are jealous. Those that don’t waste time on such meaningless pursuits create amazing recipes, cookbooks and supply us with New Orleans Charm and awesomeness.

    Keep being you Joy, the world is a better place for it!

    Reply

  12. Carie-Ann

    Joy! You have made my life so much better! You literally bring joy to me and all the people that I cook and bake for. Your recipes bring smiles to faces and even bring picky eaters to eat things they don’t normally enjoy. I’m amazed by your creativity and passion for what you do. Drake on cakes! Blows my mind every time! I also laugh at how oddly similar we are… example… homemade eggnog first words.

    I feel you in every step of the way through the writing process. I stumble through it as much as you do, even if it’s in a totally different environment (I’m a sciency grad student). There is something truly TERRIFYING about putting yourself out there. Not knowing who is going to read it and hate it… or even if people think it’s right. Yet… we persist. We write, we pour our hearts and souls onto the page, hoping to bring something into this world that makes a difference. We’re never truly happy with what we write because any glaring error is a reflection back upon us. But we love what we do and just want to tell the world all about it!

    Writing humbles me. It brings me to my knees and tears. It keeps me awake at night, wondering why I decided to do what I do. You’re not alone. Every step of the way is a struggle, but the steps are mostly forward.

    I want to also say that I’m proud you also say things like this, because it’s how we cultivate empathy and compassion for each other. And our world needs more of it. You’re amazing. Keep doing what you’re doing. Baking and other things!

    Reply

  13. Megan

    Hi Joy!! Congratulations on birthing another amazing book!!! I’m so inspired by you! I’m going thru similar feelings with my own work. I was just listening to this podcast this morning & i thought this interview was really great – I think you might be inspired by it too — have you heard of Tiffany Dufu? She also has a new book called “Drop the Ball”. The interview is on The Good Life Project Podcast. I hope you get a chance to listen & it makes you high five yourself!! Xx

    Reply

  16. Karen B.

    Your wisdom always seems to come when I need it most. I believe most of us (especially women) are mean girls with ourselves sometimes. I’m about to leave the house for a second interview for a job I believe will be a good fit for me, still that crummy self doubt wiggles in and makes me a little nervous. Thanks for helping me shove it aside and remind myself that this hardworking, loyal person can do whatever tasks are thrown my way. Yay me! :-)
    Congratulations on your soon to be delivered 3rd book.
    xo,
    Karen

    Reply

  17. Fran

    My coworker makes that angel food cake but in topping she adds a jar of fudge sauce.

    My favorite part of your blog are your well curated Sunday posts.

    Reply

  19. Tracy

    Joy I cannot wait for your next cookbook! I have your two others and have the third pre-ordered. I want you to know that I not only love your blog and recipes but I love your authenticity – you are so inspiring!

    Reply

  20. Sarah R

    Joy- I have both of your cookbooks and wouldn’t dream of NOT getting your third. I’m an avid baker and I have a zillion cookbooks and yours is the one I turn to for my go to basic vanilla cake. I even read your recipes that have meat in them despite being a vegetarian, just because your writing makes me happy. Shove those inner doubting voices away because they’re wrong! Those people who randomly hate on people anonymously on the internet are jealous and if they used their time and energy for good maybe they too could be a self made independent baking blogger too.

    Reply

  21. Jerri

    I love your blog and so does everyone I recommend it to! Please don’t let the ugliness in our world affect what you are doing and putting out in the universe for readers to enjoy. I also read a few running/nutrition blogs and had a favorite for a few years of a vegetarian runner. She posted daily and one day it stopped; after a few days I began to worry that something happened to her – so I googled her blog and somehow found this hateful message board with all these ugly comments from people about her blog and her personally (and most admitted they weren’t runners so why were they reading her?). It was childish, hateful and petty. This was back in November of 2015 and she hasn’t blogged since. I enjoyed her blog and so did quite a few thousands of runners. So I say – please shut the door on any ugliness you read about yourself. I would so miss your blogs and most especially your Let It Be Sunday which is my absolute favorite read of the week. At work we have a saying when dealing with grumpy customers – “Don’t let them steal your joy!”… So please don’t let them! Look forward to your next cookbook!

    Reply

  22. Cathy Lee Gruhn

    Joy, you’re my inspiration in so many areas. Of course for your incredible work, your amazing kitchen, you voice. But most importantly, your spirit. I try to carry that spirit especially now as my own world has been shattered – my boyfriend was given devastating cancer news and we need a miracle to make it through this. I have a very small blog, http://www.ButterFlourSugarSalt that I started a few months back and now, I’m trying to channel energy to work on it as my outlet for what I’m going through. This morning, I opened your “Finding Inspiration” post and that image captured me. I’m climbing a staircase of love and heartache…. Thank you for your words and spirit
    cathy

    Reply

  24. D

    Every single recipe I have ever tried on your site is delicious! You are my go-to baker extraordinaire. I only follow you multiple times a week. Thank you and your recipes!

    Reply

  25. Brooke

    I’ve always thought it was fascinating that I could hear 20 different people share something that they appreciated about me (when I was a manager) and the one person who had an axe to grind… yeah, those are the words that stuck and built roots in my insecure psyche (this is not to be confused with constructive feedback!). Anyway, the more yoga I practice on my mat and off, the more I recognize that what anyone has to say has very little to do with me. It’s more about the person and where they’re at in their happiness journey. I hope you’ll be able to catch some good classes in between the PR. Sending you all the light and love as you venture into this cycle!

    Reply

  26. Nina

    I read you every week – it’s just part of my life. When I want to cook or bake something good – this is one of the first places I check. I may not go with a recipe I found here but I always find inspiration. Happy Valentines Day <3

    Reply

  27. Jeanette Morelan

    I have always admired you for your wit, talent, and honesty. Thank you for speaking truth into fears we all have, but being bold and brave enough to go for it anyway. Can’t wait to read, love, and cherish the new book. Hope you’re coming to DC!

    Reply

  33. writely2015

    I’m a writer with years and years of experience and I hear you. Every single time…waiting for the feedback. I can’t wait to buy your book. I know it’s going to be amazing because you have a unique voice that strikes a chord.

    Reply

  34. Jenny Chan

    I’m looking forward to your new book! I love brunch so this will be fun. I have all of your books and admittedly I don’t really bake from them but I like to support you since you are one of the first food blogs I followed.

    Reply

  36. Ursula

    Beautiful Joy. If only you could see all the good you bring into the world, just by being you. You are something really special xx

    Reply

  37. Brittany

    Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank you for your truth! I’m sure writing that may have had some difficulty. No one really wants to be exposed. Always wanting masks to hide and once they are down, there goes the finger pointing or the “I knew it!”

    I feel it shows your groundedness and humbleness. That hey, I’m human. If everything was easy, no critics and no self doubt, there would be no growth. Love the quote by Roosevelt:

    “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

    Reply

  38. Mary

    I am a pastry chef from the East coast of Canada who loves your blog. I received Homemade Decadence for Christmas and am so excited to hear you have a new book on the way. Keep on doing you- you are fabulous!

    Reply

  40. Marilyn

    Joy! I’m quite excited about you new book. Your first book is still my go to Cookbook that feels like home. The fact that it’s easy to carry and flip through. Know that it’s well loved. The wooden spoon with your name on it has aged a bit but nonetheless always gets the job done. We know that’s what counts, right? Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Tron!

    Reply

  41. Katie @ Katiebird Bakes

    Joy, you have brought light and happiness to my life since 2010 when I first discovered your blog. I own both of your current cookbooks and can’t wait to buy and savor the new one. I admire your bravery and courage in discussing the struggles you go through, both big and small. Please never doubt that there are so many of us who love you and everything you do. Sending all of my love and light to you on this Valentine’s Day!

    Reply

  43. Diane from Suffolk, VA

    Happy Valentine’s Day! I cannot wait for buy your third cookbook! I am so excited that you have been blessed with the opportunity to publish cookbooks. I am working on a few myself and although I do not have a clue how to get them published, I know that I will be blessed when the time is right. Please keep doing what you do! God gave you these talents so you can share them with the rest of the world and you share so beautifully! Have a blessed and beautiful day!!!

    Reply

  44. margaret

    You have performed a great service to the BLOG community Now,…….have courage; hold on to what is good; honor all…. You will do very well with your new book. We are all with you !!!

    Reply

  45. Tori

    Thanks for this, Joy! You really hit the nail on the head with how so many of us struggle with self criticism. I love your advice- I’m going to ignore that part of my brain and let the weeds grow- and instead water the kind parts. By the way, as a weekend baker, you’re always my first source for recipes and techniques- thank you!

    Reply

  47. Missy@My Sh!tty Kitchen

    Congratulations on the book! Ugh, people are so mean. Just keep being you, and the best version of you, which you always do. I find that age has a way of helping us along the path of not caring about what others have to say and that is my favorite part of aging (I can say that since I am under 40). I love the rusty rainbow! Went to crescent park last weekend for some inspiration. Now I am going to go drool over that cake.

    Reply

  49. bco321

    This reminds me a bit of a line from Girls, season 1, that has stuck with me. Hannah says, “No one could ever hate me as much as I hate myself. OK? So any mean thing that someone’s gonna think of to say about me I’ve already said to me, about me, probably in the last half-hour.”

    I feel the same way sometimes, and I realized that it’s okay that I’m my toughest critic. I’m also my biggest fan, and when I look/feel/do something fly, I’m also my biggest cheerleader. Life is about balance.

    Reply

  51. Fallon

    I’ve just discovered your blog recently, but I love brunch and am definitely looking forward to getting your new cookbook!

    Reply

  52. Caitlyn

    Happy Valentine’s Day! I love this post. It really resonates with the message from Shonda Rhimes book “Year of Yes” that I recently finished. She wrote about learning to love yourself which includes not only admitting your strengths but being confident in them. Accept that compliment! I blame society for why women aren’t yet able to easily do this as our male counterparts. But I’m excited to see that we’re opening dialogue about it (e.g. your post).

    And if you haven’t seen it, Hidden Figures is a great movie about badass women that I found very inspiring.

    Reply

  53. Tina Vogt

    I can’t wait to get your new book. If it’s anything like your last cookbook, Homemade Decadence, it will be a hit. Some of my favorite recipes are from that book. I made your Dark Chocolate, Pistachio, Sea Salt cookies for 4 different families this past weekend and all LOVED them. Your recipes are timeless, unique and so, so tasty. Thank you for doing what you do and inspiring all of us!!!!!!!

    Reply

  55. thebusyspatula

    Freaking LOVE brunch. I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t love brunch. It’s going to be a hit! I also love your work. Haters gon’ hate.Don’t pay attention to them. You’re awesome.

    Reply

  56. NJ

    It’s proportional, Joy. Those who like us and those who hate us: just math. at 6:53 am on the West Coast you have 26 positive comments this morning. Guaranteed that there is a proportional negative response out there somewhere. You are successful. Some of us will be inspired. Some of us feel hopeless about our own lives and will only feel successful by tearing you down. Take some bitters with your sweet. It improves the cocktail!

    Reply

  58. DisplacedHousewife

    Sorry, I have to fan girl out a sec and say that I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t think you’re amazing?!?! From your awesome recipes to your warm, real-lady style. I know you’re not looking for external props but I’m giving them and can hardly wait for your book. MAN, people can suckkkkkkkk. You said it perfectly. Just weeds. Sending lots of love!

    PS that first sentence was a double negative party.

    Reply

  59. Jan

    People wouldn’t hate on you if you didn’t matter, and they wouldn’t hate on you if they weren’t, deep inside, hating on themselves. Light a candle for them. Then light a candle for yourself so that you don’t carry their darkness around. Move on. What you do, on this site and in your books, is brave and real and tons of fun. Making people smile is never a small thing. I’ve been reading your blog for years and never left a comment, I’m doing it today because I appreciate what you’re doing, and who you are. Carry on.

    Reply

  60. Ellen

    Love the umbrella, beautiful photo too! I can’t wait for your new book- brunch is my favorite. Thank-you for this post, but try not to judge yourself harshly. You are an inspiration to many, many young women and lots of us older women too! Your accomplishments are amazing and I salute you. There will always be those who view you negatively and they don’t matter because they are so wrong. Happy Valentine’s Day to a real sweetheart!

    Reply

  61. Michelle

    You are so wonderful! I love the way you approach work/life with humor and staying real – keep it up and don’t let the haters get you down!

    Reply

  62. Laura Olinger

    I read your blog not just for the recipes, but also because I genuinely love your style of writing. You’re awesome. Just thought you should know. (Also, that Heath bar cake is awesome…my grandma-in-law makes it for all the family parties and it never disappoints.)

    Reply

  64. Alexandria Flynn

    Pre-ordered on Amazon last week! I do not discriminate when it comes to brunch, so I would be happy if it was 50 pictures of over easy eggs. You are a continual source of inspiration for both my sister and I! We talk about you like you are our friend, so maybe we are the ones who need to do a little self-evaluation haha….Hope you come to Cleveland/Ohio/ Midwest so we can meet you and have some proof that we are friends. Happy Valentine’s Day, Joy!

    Reply

  65. Katie

    my mom always said that people who take time out of their lives to talk badly about others are envious and insecure. Also, they are jerks. That’s me adding to mom’s wisdom!

    Reply

  66. Angela Muller

    In addition to your mouth watering recipes, step by step instructions, cheerleading prompts along the way, because you know exactly where we might falter, which, by the way, makes you the best teacher, is your authenticity…which shines through every post. You go girl!

    Reply

  67. Nosizwe Martin

    Happy Valentine’s Day, Joy. I think when you decide that negative vibes and people will not be a part of your life, it/they fall away, and what you get instead is amazing people and experiences, which, in themselves leave you in doubt that your self-criticism can be productive and positive.
    All the best with your new book.

    Reply

  68. DJessup

    Happy Valentine’s Day (it’s a BS holiday but go with it)! Sadly, haters are gonna hate. People are weirdly jealous and have a startling amount of time on their hands, don’t they?! We’ve all been given the side eye or had shade tossed at us. It’s whatever. It’s their problem, not ours. We’ve got things to do, donuts to eat, champagne to drink, & bacon to bring home. Let them be negative – it’ll probably age them prematurely anyway. Stay positive & choose love (which you are already doing). Because smiling increases your face value.

    Reply

    • Julia

      “Smiling increases your face value”
      I love that. May I steal that sentence?
      As for the haters, I’m kind of flabbergasted that you have any, tbh. I’ve been reading your blog for years and (sorry if that’s a weird compliment) you don’t come across as a person who would be easy to hate. But I guess being successful is reason enough for some
      people. I kinda feel bad for them almost. How unhappy they must be with themselves and their lives.
      Keep on being you, Joy!

      Reply

  69. Nicole

    Happy Valentines Day, Joy!!! I love that you’re choosing to love yourself over letting self doubt and haters weigh you down. I’ve been following your website for years and you’ve yet to steer me wrong. I’m beyond excited for your new book and can’t wait to add it to my collection.

    Don’t worry, you’re wonderful! I’m sure as more people respond to this post you’ll see (although you may not need to) that you are so appreciated! Enjoy your day today, you’re a rockstar (well, a baking rockstar. Maybe a singing one too, who knows :P).

    Reply

  70. Greg

    Ain’t nobody got time for reading negativity and shade thrown by others at your hard work. Leave their opinions unread in the dust where they belong and keep moving forward.

    Reply

  72. Cindy

    Have you considered possibly packaging your cookbooks as a set? I love to give them as gifts and I think the set would make lovely wedding, Christmas, birthday, you are special…presents.

    Don’t mind the people who choose to spend their precious days on Earth being ugly. You have a 2 generation fan base in my family. My 20-something daughters directed me to you and we all love every thought provoking, tummy pleasing thing you share. While others are out there wallowing, you are actually DOING something! Mama sends a hug and says,”Hang in there and keep making your dreams come true!”

    Reply

  73. Amy

    Confession…
    I read your blog every day & I don’t really read it for the recipes or the mouth watering pictures of the calorie laden delights you create!

    I read it because you are real. you are genuine. you are you.

    Keep being you & doing what you do…it’s a refreshing rarity these days! xoxo

    Reply

  76. Victoria Sponge Pease Pudding

    I never understand why people find those sites attractive – I remember hearing someone get upset about one, was confused then found it to see what they were on about. The way people can be so mean about one another over what I think are strange jealousies is just daft. I love your writing and your books, the Sunday posts, the lists, the occasional ramble. The first food blogger I came back to time and time again and I want you to know your readers have your back. Happy Valentine’s Day – have a cookie and a cocktail. Ya got this, your book sounds like a dream.

    http://victoriaspongepeasepudding.com/

    Reply

  78. Dani H

    Have a super Valentine’s Day by enjoying the extra love you are given today and by giving out a little bit of extra love including to yourself.

    I always think that you have the most perfect name because of all the joy you share with your gifts for cooking and blogging. Thank you.

    I recently lost most of my belongings including an extensive cookbook collection as well as both mine and my late mother’s recipes. I think your new cookbook will be a wonderful book to start a new collection. I can’t wait!

    Reply

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