Hello friends,
Can I talk to you about something?
I have a cookbook coming out soon. It’s about Brunch and don’t worry… starting next week (or sometime around then), I’ll shamelessly and relentlessly ask you to buy it and come see me as I’m traveling around. This is not that conversation, but that’s soon and won’t stop and I apologize (half-heartedly) in advance.
Over Easy will be my third book and I suppose by now I’m accustomed to the cycle of it. I’m not talking about the recipe testing and editing, or about the PR conference calls and the lists and emails… I’m talking more about the cycle of excitement and doubt that I work through in myself every time I release a new book.
It’s hard putting anything you create out into the world. I suspect that is especially true of the children some of you have made with your bodies. That’s not my experience just yet, but I feel a similarly about the books I make. It feels especially stomach-knotted for me knowing that the book is what it is. I can’t sneak in and make any changes or updates… or move this here or that there. I can’t move to Mars if no one likes it (I’ve asked). It’s final and we all did our best and pretty soon it’s up for your consumption and critique.
In that simmering of excitement and doubt is a sprinkling of self-criticism… a big sprinkling. Like I’m trying to toughen my skin before anyone else takes any lashes at it. Do you do this? Do you want to know how good I am at criticizing myself? Lemme tell you: I’m the best. There’s no one better. I’ve looked. I’ve asked around, but still… I’m the best at beating myself up.
I don’t mention this because I want you to fill the comment section up with encouraging sentiments. Really… that’s not what this is about. It’s more that I want to tell you how that sort of thinking takes root in my brain once it’s planted.
I had to look for a few television news clip of myself (which is a weird thing to do)… something to prove to national morning news shows that I won’t go live on their television airwaves and make a fool out of both of us. In that search, with a hands-up / I don’t know where I’m going to find these clips kind of feeling- I googled myself, trying to be specific, trying to just find the thing I needed that probably doesn’t exist anymore. In that search I stumbled upon one of those Hater Sites. You know… the kind where anonymous people say mean things about other people on the Internet. I clicked it. I read the nasty things people had to say about me.
(Don’t worry I’m fine. Remember, I’m the best at beating myself up. Ain’t nobody got sh*t on me.)
What I know now (beyond the fact that some people are like… legit-level weirdly mean) is that when the self-criticism weed is planted in the front of my brain, it seeks out external messages to confirm its validity. And when it’s looking, it finds them. It’s like watering the weeds. Yep… we’ll grow. Yep… we’ll stay. Yep… we knew we were right all along, see!?
Well, yes I do see that now. And it doesn’t take me on the loopy spiral of a rollercoaster that it used to. I care waaaay less about what strangers think of me. I’m not feeding or watering that part of my brain. I’m letting it be there until the weeds of criticism get thirsty, shrivel and wither. They will. Love lives in this brain of mine too and it always wins out.
This is just what it feels like wrestling with myself and creativity. So far I’m pulling right on through… if pulling through means making things that I feel proud of that are hopefully of use to you.
I’m grateful for all of it, weeds included.
Here’s where I’m finding inspiration this week. Some weeks we’re more input that output… that’s just the rhythm of life and I try to be honest about it. I’ll be in the kitchen on Friday baking up some Brunch treats to share with your future-self.
• Beyonce’s Grammy’s Performance. She wears the crown so well.
• I found my birthday cake with this Angel Food Cake with Heath Bar Whipped Cream
• The movie 20th Century Women is my favorite (of the three) movies I’ve seen this year.
Photo by Suzonne Stirling and her heart-shaped umbrella.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Joy
Nosizwe Martin
Happy Valentine’s Day, Joy. I think when you decide that negative vibes and people will not be a part of your life, it/they fall away, and what you get instead is amazing people and experiences, which, in themselves leave you in doubt that your self-criticism can be productive and positive.
All the best with your new book.
DJessup
Happy Valentine’s Day (it’s a BS holiday but go with it)! Sadly, haters are gonna hate. People are weirdly jealous and have a startling amount of time on their hands, don’t they?! We’ve all been given the side eye or had shade tossed at us. It’s whatever. It’s their problem, not ours. We’ve got things to do, donuts to eat, champagne to drink, & bacon to bring home. Let them be negative – it’ll probably age them prematurely anyway. Stay positive & choose love (which you are already doing). Because smiling increases your face value.
Julia
“Smiling increases your face value”
I love that. May I steal that sentence?
As for the haters, I’m kind of flabbergasted that you have any, tbh. I’ve been reading your blog for years and (sorry if that’s a weird compliment) you don’t come across as a person who would be easy to hate. But I guess being successful is reason enough for some
people. I kinda feel bad for them almost. How unhappy they must be with themselves and their lives.
Keep on being you, Joy!
Nicole
Happy Valentines Day, Joy!!! I love that you’re choosing to love yourself over letting self doubt and haters weigh you down. I’ve been following your website for years and you’ve yet to steer me wrong. I’m beyond excited for your new book and can’t wait to add it to my collection.
Don’t worry, you’re wonderful! I’m sure as more people respond to this post you’ll see (although you may not need to) that you are so appreciated! Enjoy your day today, you’re a rockstar (well, a baking rockstar. Maybe a singing one too, who knows :P).
Greg
Ain’t nobody got time for reading negativity and shade thrown by others at your hard work. Leave their opinions unread in the dust where they belong and keep moving forward.
Lola
I wish I were you.
Cindy
Have you considered possibly packaging your cookbooks as a set? I love to give them as gifts and I think the set would make lovely wedding, Christmas, birthday, you are special…presents.
Don’t mind the people who choose to spend their precious days on Earth being ugly. You have a 2 generation fan base in my family. My 20-something daughters directed me to you and we all love every thought provoking, tummy pleasing thing you share. While others are out there wallowing, you are actually DOING something! Mama sends a hug and says,”Hang in there and keep making your dreams come true!”
Amy
Confession…
I read your blog every day & I don’t really read it for the recipes or the mouth watering pictures of the calorie laden delights you create!
I read it because you are real. you are genuine. you are you.
Keep being you & doing what you do…it’s a refreshing rarity these days! xoxo
Suellen
Looking forward to your new book.
Twun
Congrats on the new boo k! You got this!
Victoria Sponge Pease Pudding
I never understand why people find those sites attractive – I remember hearing someone get upset about one, was confused then found it to see what they were on about. The way people can be so mean about one another over what I think are strange jealousies is just daft. I love your writing and your books, the Sunday posts, the lists, the occasional ramble. The first food blogger I came back to time and time again and I want you to know your readers have your back. Happy Valentine’s Day – have a cookie and a cocktail. Ya got this, your book sounds like a dream.
http://victoriaspongepeasepudding.com/
Dana
Eh! Stay away from those sites! Congrats on the new book and any chance you get at a TV stint.
Dani H
Have a super Valentine’s Day by enjoying the extra love you are given today and by giving out a little bit of extra love including to yourself.
I always think that you have the most perfect name because of all the joy you share with your gifts for cooking and blogging. Thank you.
I recently lost most of my belongings including an extensive cookbook collection as well as both mine and my late mother’s recipes. I think your new cookbook will be a wonderful book to start a new collection. I can’t wait!
Chocolatebaker
Happy kissy day. You really need to stop beating yourself up.you are doing a great job.please keep it up.
pinchofdelight
Happy valentines day – have a lovely day. x
Izzy -https://pinchofdelight.wordpress.com
Rena
Thanks for sharing your inspirations!
xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
http://www.dressedwithsoul.com