I turn 39 today!
That’s a mind-bender of a sentence to type. The only person it might be weirder for is my mom as we seem to be, someway somehow, approaching the same age. I stopped my mom’s age somewhere between 45 and 48. She’s older now and thriving thankfully, but if forced to say her true age I wouldn’t have it in me because I simply don’t know. 60’s? It’s much easier to just pause at an age and mature gracefully from there. So… it’s odd that my mom and I are approaching the same age and I’ll just let it be that way. Most miracles can’t be explained.
Over the past few quarantine months? years? millennial? I’ve received emails from so many of you detailing how you first came upon Joy the Baker in the Mocha Coffee Cake days 12 years ago… back when you were in high school, or law school, or living with five other girls at University. It’s incredible, we both agree, the things that stay constant amidst the changes 12 years can bring. You tell me how you’re married with children and your life has changed completely but you still come here, and I still come here and truly we seems to have grown up together. I can’t tell you just how much these emails blow me away.
We’ve done so much in these twelve years. I’ve detailed a lot of those loves and moves and thoughts here along with recipes. You’ve had your own loves, and moves and big deal things alongside those recipes. We’re connected. It’s like we pinky swore a long time ago.
In some ways though… can I be candid? I feel left behind. Like I surely should have figured out a marriage and family by now and how could I figure out so much nonsense, so many different chocolate chip cookies, but not that important… like, very important thing?
Those thoughts are as scary as you might imagine. Maybe you’ve had or have them, too. But here’s the thing- those thoughts only creep in when I’m only thinking about the things that feel missing… (is missing even the right word?). And really, the things that feel missing are so few in comparison to the things that are present and available and bountiful.
There are reminders everywhere of the bounty around me, around all of us. Even here and now, in… “these times” as people are saying. This year, and really for the past few, I tried everyday to take limits off myself – to have as many lives, in this one life, as I can. To be curious about everything that crosses my path. That means I paint badly, practice archery in my backyard poorly, play piano much worse than I did when I was a teenager – all while laughing at myself heartily, and getting frustrated, and getting better centimeter by centimeter.
That’s where I’m at this year. I’m setting aside the small story I have in my head about my life and just doing it all – everything that sparks a sparkle is worth doing badly, then less badly, then maybe almost well. On repeat.
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” – Joseph Campbell
And I just feel like who we are is so much bigger than what we let ourselves imagine.
That’s what I think this year. Next year, without doubt, will be and feel different. That’s the wonder of it all.
Here’s what I’ve thought in many years past…. oh geez. Oh geez. Hello, I’m 38 // This is 35 // Thirty-Two // Thirty.
I bought myself a piano for my birthday. I just… stopped waiting.
Thank you for being here with such loyalty and kindness.
My love to you!
xo Joy
PS. This post went live two days early because of my very own human error. Thatโs the way of it sometimes. Lol forever.
178 Responses
Happy birthday Joy! I’m rapidly approaching 30 (one month and a few days to go!) and also assessing where my life is now, compared to where I thought I’d be. I’m still single, child-free, renting instead of owning, and driving a shitty car. I only started a decent job/career 1 year ago. All that said, I am happy, healthy, I love my friends, I love my rental house, I love my cat, and I love my life! Even as we are all isolating, I can’t be too sad about approaching what feels like a milestone birthday with my life this good
Happy Birthday, Joy! I’m turning 39 in about 3 weeks too and your post makes me feels so positive and hopeful.
Happy Birthday, Joy! You’re not alone in feeling like whoa…I had so much fun with the little things, did I miss those big things? I guess it all just comes in its own time.
I like the way you put this Rachel.
Happy Birthday Joy! I met you several years (lifetimes) ago and it is still one of my favorite days ever. Each post from you feels like a letter from a friend. So from one friend to another, thank you for showing up for us every dang day. You are a gift! And I know you mention feeling left behind. Please know that you have shown this 30-something gal what it looks like to be your own dang hero in your life. And how to live fully and loudly and proudly in your own skin, every day. With or without a partner. It is truly an inspiration! Though I will always be hoping that you and Tron find someone worthy of living life with you. If only to fill those sparse lonely moments. Sending love and light to you on your birthday! (a few days late. This is my own human error.)
Happy birthday, Joy!
Love reading your thoughtful posts and have done so for years. Wishing you all the best and thank you for bringing sunshine into the world. A virtual hug (all the way from southern Germany)!
:)
And those of us who married and raised a baby and never got to see just how far we could have made it in our career look at a life like yours and share your same curiosity about the grass on the other side of the fence.
Happy birthday, You have done very, very, very well.
Joy,
Wishing you a happy birthday (belatedly, but with such gratitude for your contributions to our “joy” and with the best wishes for a wonderful year ahead).
Enjoy your beautiful piano and all of the magic that comes your way.
Happy birthday! Single Lady Pancake is still the only recipe I know by heart!
Oh Joy! Happiest of birthdays to you. Youโre right, itโs a weird, wild, beautiful world we live in. I also have that โmissingโ thing youโre talking about and I worry not only about it, but also about how afraid I am that it colors the rest of my world as it is now. Iโm inspired by your plans to do everything, exactly right or not. Itโs a short ride around here and timeโs a-wasting. – Katie. PS. Of all the bloggers I used to follow, youโre the only one Iโve kept. ??
Happy Birthday! That is so cool that you bought yourself a piano! My husband and I bought my eldest sibling a keyboard for her birthday a few years ago. I have respect (and jealousy!) for those with musical talent and desire.) continue to learn and grow with the gift of each new day????
Happy birthday Joy! It is truly a joy to read your posts and recipes. You live a beautiful, blessed life. May the year ahead bring you the best that life has to offer. Live, love and sparkle!
Itโs the day before my 34th birthday and I, like the sweet emailers you have mentioned, feel like Iโve grown up with you (salted caramel cheesecake pie for the girl who was terrified to try to make a full-on cheesecake, hello!). Thank you for writing such a relatable ode to growing up on your own journey, and finding joy in the things that you have and not seeking to fill the spaces youโve been taught to believe are the โwithoutโ. Cheers to a good year!
I’ve also been following you for years, but it was actually your Avocado Chocolate Cake that first drew me to your page, and I’ve never left. We’re roughly the same age – I’ve got 2.5 years on you, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed growing up iwth you, and your recipes and your ramblings for all these years. I’m belated in offering you a happy birthday, but I hope you have a wonderful you and don’t stop being you.
Happy birthday, Joy! One thing that I wish I’d known earlier (I’m 51) is how much better everything gets emotionally as I age. I was married at 33 (out of a feeling that It Was Time), divorced, and remarried at 48. I know so much more about myself and what’s important to me than when I was younger.
We’re not guaranteed anything, but try to give yourself the gift of time and letting things happen when you’re ready. <3
Happy birthday Joy! I turned 60 in January, and it seems oddly impossible. I know the years have passed, all 60 of them, but it’s still…strange. I just can’t be 60, isn’t that “old”? Shouldn’t I feel different than I have all the previous years? And because 60 was so big to me, I decided an Amber Rose short shave was on the list, I was so tired of constantly styling and spending time on my hair…I didn’t go full Amber Rose, but I went short, and I love it! AND me and my husband moved to South Carolina from California. We were both born and raised in SoCal but were no longer happy there, so when I was about to turn 60, I said something has to change…I mean if not now, when? We got here 3 weeks ago, and absolutely love the beauty, the people and our home. It’s the best thing we ever did for ourselves. Now I’m working on how to leave the job I’ve had for 16 years and brought with me from SoCal.
Keep moving forward, you’re doing a great job, I wish we’d started sooner in living our dreams.
Sherry
Happy birthday, Joy! You’re almost exactly 10 years older than I am (another Gemini within days of your birthday) and I’ve been reading your birthday posts for the last 6 years. And each year, I’ve found immense comfort and grounding in them. You manage to put moments both big and small into perspective. You find meaning in the good and the bad. After a particularly challenging year, I was so happy to come back here and find this birthday post. Happy, 39th! You are total light.
I’m late reading this but I loved your words here. There was a kind of poetry to them. I especially loved this line: “And I just feel like who we are is so much bigger than what we let ourselves imagine. ” <3
I'm not sure when exactly I started reading your blog, or how I found you, but it's been at least 9 or 10 years. Crazy! :)
Wishing you all the best for the coming year!
Reading this one week later. Happy birthday Joy. Sending you much much love. โBehindโ is only the expectations that society and then inevitably we set for ourselves. Take it breath by breath. So happy for you exploring all the different things you find interesting. Iโve been pondering what my 5 Nataliaโs are and slowly figuring it out. As always thanks for inspiring xoxo
Happy Birthday Joy!! Have a glorious birthday!! Thank you for keeping us all informed with the goings on in the world each week and all the delightful recipes! You are a special person so enjoy your day!
Happy birthday! I feel you so hard on this, Joy. I DID discover this beautiful space while I was in law school 11 years ago. And Iโve had so many adventures, baking and otherwise, since. But I feel you on the โam I behindโ worries that creep in. A number of years ago I got married and then the year after that, unmarried. And I moved back home and started over! I did all sorts of cool jobs, but now 7 years after law school is the first time Iโm working as a lawyer. And now that I am a lawyer, Iโm mostly just dreaming of the day I can run a small b&b, gourmet shop, event space goat farm. Wouldnโt that be amazing? Anyway, I love Joseph Campbell forever and Iโm also reminded of the scene in Somethingโs Gotta Give where Amanda Peet says sheโs never had the time of her life and her mom, Diane Keaton says, โwhat are you waiting for?โ The last few years, Iโve decided to start having the time of my life on the regular. You are beautiful and an inspiration and know that other girls are out there cheering for you as we all
just try to figure it out. Also, your Zoom biscuit class was amazing!