Hello friends! Today’s Sunday post is a bit different. I turned 38 this weekend and each new year has me feeling reflective of years past. I stood in my closet yesterday, suddenly deep in my thoughts, staring blankly at a few cotton dresses I might throw on when I thought – wait… did I make like, a five year plan a few years ago? Did I leave a note for myself? I know what I’m doing, right!?
I freaked out for a moment. Then another moment. Then I chose a floral cotton dress and took a deep breath. I’ve been leaving myself notes all along. For the last 11 years. Here, for better or worse, with you.
It’s funny having a record of all the things I’ve been SURE about for the last 11 years, though funny isn’t the right word. The right descriptive word exists somewhere between ‘mortified’ and ‘I-don’t-give-a-f*ck’. What’s that word?
Most of the word I’ve shared here over the years have been about butter, cream, pies, and cakes though some have been about boys, and future-husbands, and potential love interests. I expressed a lot of confidence in the words about butter and cake because I wanted you to charge into your own kitchens with that same fortitude. I felt a lot of hope and surety in the words about my future as though loveandsuch was mine to plan and control.
It’s a wonder to grow older and grow deeper and to have so many more questions that answers. You know?
I left a lot of notes.
In 2009 I left this note to myself (Dear Future Joy the Baker) after my first solo vacation. I took myself on a short road trip up California to finish my first book proposal and I wanted to remind my future self (I thought by then I’d surely be married with children) of what a glorious and freeing time I’d had. I’m happy to still be thriving in that glorious freedom – still buying myself the fancy shampoo – not stopping anytime soon mmkaythanks.
A few months later, in what can only be described as absolute boy-crazy blatherings I wrote How To Impress Boys With Baking. I think my current essay in the same vein would be something like Don’t Let A Dude In Your House – It’s So Nice They Won’t Ever Want To Leave. Which is the truth… hand to God.
In a moment of early social media heartache I wrote I Accidentally Saw A Picture of You. Now, those sorts of accidents are more ubiquitous and we have to stop ourselves from going down a late-night Instagram stalk. Honestly now I know that there’s nothing an Instagram-stalk can tell me that I actually want to know. I would now write the post, Wow I’m So Glad I Didn’t Marry You (or anyone, really). Aaaand, that’s that about that.
I still stand by this advice from eight years ago: In every situation, consider the likelihood of skinny-dipping. Act accordingly.
Other such gems can be found here, Things I’ve Learned In Thirty Years.
At 32 I visited New Orleans with two friends, not knowing that one day I’d live around the corner from where we rented bikes and tooled around. Proof positive that the future is a wonder and a mystery. I also felt really compelled to tell myself how to act in ‘the club’: Upon entering ‘the club’ where people are drinking and dancing and acting a fool (and it’s so much fun), be aware of the fact that you look like you’re in your 30’s… because you are. You’re not fooling anyone. The 25 year old guy that yells in your ear that you look 28… he’s being nice and he’s a liar. You look 32. It’s ok. Dazzle him with your awkward dance moves. He’s 25… who cares (not you!).
I wasn’t wrong. More: Thirty-Two.
Just a few years ago I was feeling pretty content at 35. I bought a house and a pair of diamond earrings. Just things – but that contentment continues and I try to foster it daily. This is 35.
In many ways it feels like Joy the Baker is a space that sort of stands still, but that can’t be true. I’m here swirling around, growing and learning, laughing and hurting – but the root as always been in butter and flour – sharing cakes and cookies. So many of you have been here since the very early days, finding your own way. Graduating and marrying and starting families and celebrating and mourning all that life is.
I hope today’s post inspires you to think back to your growth the past 11 years. It’s momentous – there’s no way it’s not. And for all the cringe, there are signs of growth as we expand the capacity of our hearts and the reach of our arms. It’s real hero-work to be look back and welcome your past self forward.
Let’s high-five and blow out another year of candles because wow what a privilege it all is.
I hope you have a most beautiful Sunday.
My love to you.
xo Joy
Gabrielle
What a letter! What a beautiful post! Thank you for your musings and encouragements and for sharing more than cakes with us. I’m one of the long time readers and it’s been so great having you in my life. Happiest of birthdays to you!
marie
Not embarrassing at all! Please don’t view it that way. Lots of wisdom in all those posts. As a long time reader (I remember that turning 30 post), please know that it inspiring to see how you’ve chased your own specific dreams and not just plugged away at the normative milestones that can be addictive to fall in line with – you have been relentlessly honest about your own joys and so few people in this world let allow themselves that bravery. Please know that you give out an impression of a life deeply well lived, one with honesty, integrity and joy. How many can say that? Here’s to more decades ahead of diamond earrings, good relationships and delicious food, and congrats on the life you’ve built.
Dana
happy birthday gorgeous, friend!
Taste of France
Joyeux anniversaire. Our discoveries are one thing, and what we really understand with age are another. Marriage is irrelevant, a social concept.
Adrienne in Atlanta
Amen.
cat
happy birthday!
I have goosebumps and will sit on the sofa crying for a few minutes, this is such a lovely post.
here’s to remembering our growth.
take care
cat
Emily
Happy birthday, Joy! It’s funny how time works. I absolutely remember reading the post about accidentally seeing a photo of a guy, when you first posted it. But I never would have guessed that was 10 years ago. Thanks for sharing so much of your life with us.
Susan
Happy birthday!!! Live reading all of your words, and looking forward to all that is to come.
Susan
*Love reading
Mo
Beautifully written. Have a happy birthday. Buy some fun hoop earrings for yourself today. Nothing says happy like hoops!
Emily Bartnikowski
Happy Birthday to you! Thank you so much for sharing your life and recipes with us! <3
Briel K.
Happy Birthday Joy! It’s pretty cool to be able to look back at your life all these years through your posts, embarrassing or not! :) I hope you had the best day! <3
Katie
Surely the Germans have an unwieldy compound word for that liminal space between being mortified and giving zero fucks. Happy Birthday!
Lisa
Yes, indeed, we do.
It’s “Ach” and you have to say it with a little bit of an… attitude.
Suellen
Hahaha!
bonnie
What a lovely wise guide you’ve been along the way for yourself, Joy. This has been such a joyous Let it Be Sunday post and birthday celebration! So gentle and deep down good. There’s more than butter and sugar and flour forming a solid foundation. It’s been such a pleasure to be along for the ride, for all the revelations — cringeworthy or not. We are all the same in it; you in such good company here! Thanks, Joy, and happy birthday weekend!
Valerie
Dear Joy,
Happy birthday. This column, like all your Let It Be Sundays!, is a delight.
I will be 67 this year. After decades of long term, monogamous relationships and a brief marriage at a very early age, I have been blissfully single for the past 11 years. This has been a decade of slowly learning how to have a relationship with myself. It’s also been a decade of embracing the amazing pleasure of getting to know myself and immersing myself in living happily alone.
Sounds like you are well on the path of loving yourself. So very glad that you did not let most of your life go by before you set foot on it. I wish you at least 38 more years of being your best self.
Thanks for all the Sundays. : )
Martha in KS
Valerie,
I am 67 & also use the term “blissfully single” but I’ve been single for 40 years – after an abusive marriage. I love my life & wouldn’t change places with my married friends for anything. It took me many years to get here.
Martha in KS
Happy Birthday to you. Thank you for your inspiring posts & wonderful recipes.
Michelle
Happy birthday! Thank you sharing you continuing story with us.
Amanda Bell
Happiest of birthdays, Joy. Thank you for being a consistent space to come to in everything—Joy, grief, growth, and wonder. It’s been many years since I first found your blog, and I’m so grateful for every recipe and post, all the wisdom and all the lightness. Thanks for sharing your life with us.