Anyone else having a casual Crisis of Fashion? There’s something about the change in season, my increasing age, and the banishment of skinny jeans that has me simply confused/baffled/bummed about what to wear. It’s not so much about sliding my 40something year old self into the latest trends which… 90’s fashion is trending, friends and I’ve already done it. I’m also gently and willingly on way up in sizes and after months of being uncomfortable in jeans from 2019, I’ve decided I deserve clothes that fit my body and bring me joy.
But WHAT ARE THOSE CLOTHES? I think I’ve found them for myself and I thought I’d share.
Let’s talk general aesthetic because I’m not just whipping money out of my wallet without attaching it to a well considered vibe. The general aesthetic is three words I’ve defined for myself so when I’m out rummaging the thrift stores, I stay in my self-determined lane. My forever aesthetic is: classic French cowgirl. She is not one person – she is many people, she is a vibe.
All the trendy Tiktok girlies have transitioned from Coastal Grandmother to Coastal Cowgirl but this is more that alliteration. And I KNOW, I fall in love with a Texan and it’s all turquoise and cowboy boots but honestly, it really just appeals to me and feels comfortable and classic.
Classic – we’re talking loose men’s button down shirts, straight jeans, tortoiseshell glasses, white sneakers, a good heel, a perfect nude lip.
French – we’re talking sex appeal, ease, slip dresses, square necks, open backs.
Cowgirl – we’re walking denim on denim, turquoise, quality cowboy boots, yes absolutely a Stetson, good leather well worn.
Is this cool? I don’t care. Does it feel cool to me? Yes, and that’s all that matters.
• We all want different things from our denim. It’s very personal. I want a classic straight leg. Medium wash. Thick and non-stretch jean. When it comes to jeans I’m into a hard pant. I LOVE a Levi because they’re nostalgic and they still make great quality, long lasting denim that won’t completely break the bank. These Levi’s 501 Two-Tone Jeans have been my favorite find this year. They’re classic with a subtle Punky Brewster mismatch that I think will carry me for years to come.
• As a denim on denim monster, this Essential Western Denim Shirt pairs well with all my hears and clearly leans hard into my cowgirl aesthetic.
• I won’t talk myself out of how much I love this belt. I think silver and turquoise moments age well and this kind of belt is also great for belting long dresses.
• I could forever live in a crisp men’s button down shirt like this Tomboy Shirt or this Crinkle Gauze Shirt. But the best men’s shirts are always at Goodwill, second hand, nicely worn in and the price is right!
• I love a flowy short dress with long sleeves like this Noemia Dress from Sezane for spring. Sexy with a little shoulder coverage because it’s not all the way hot just yet. And these Pyne and Smith linen dresses transition really well into summer. I have a few I’ve worn for years and they’re workhorses!
• The grocery shopping or weekend morning outfit is as follows: bike shorts, a boxy oxford or a 3/4 zip and a baseball cap.
• I don’t have patience for a full makeup situation, especially as the weather warms. You’ll find me in a tinted sunscreen, this perfect Clinique Fuller Fig a-little-more-than-nude lip gloss, and this easy smudgey brown shadow pencil.
• For body care, I’m slathering myself in sesame oil just out of the shower. Basically, I’m edible.
• Shoes are hard. Shoes are always hard. With jeans I either wear suede heels or reeboks or I dig through the men’s section of Goodwill’s here in Texas looking for cowboy boots.
• One of my toxic traits is that I cannot keep track of earrings. One is allways disappearing I can’t explain it. It’s useless to me have any type of costly earrings. They just have short lifespans in my care. I humbly buy a bag of very cheap gold earrings and ride with em for as long as I have em.
Now, do share! Do you have an aesthetic? Sound off in the comments below!
(And thank you to Will for taking this picture of me on his lunch break.)
43 Responses
Being a New Yorker, I wear the “all black” uniform. Black trousers, black cashmere sweaters turtleneck, black suites, black/dark wash jeans, black tops you get the picture. Boring you say… I say no, it’s not… I do add interesting high end accessories. Chanel ballet flats in the summer, velvet slipper shoes (check out Jon Joseph) and black boots in the winter. Prada did a monkey shoe several years ago-amazing but unfortunately unavailable now. Pearl or diamond stud earrings, watch and rings. Rinse and repeat. Call me boring, but it works. Classics all day everyday!
Much to my husband’s dismay as he loves color and would love to see me in it. So, I do wear white and navy… sticking to the neutrals.
Whatever style make you feel your best and beautiful, I say go for it!
I am turning 41 in a few months and have found myself unleashing my wild feral self as I age: I’ve said good-bye to almost all waistbands and have a collection of fun patterned boilersuits (coveralls, jumpsuits…whatever they call them) and loose flowy shirt dresses. Leopard print is the new black and I frequently mix it with other patterns. I think the sad state of the world has made me go totally YOLO in terms of not caring what others think, not caring about “trends”, and not caring about what a 40-something “should” wear. Is it comfortable? Does it bring me joy? What I have noticed since going feral, I receive SO MANY COMPLIMENTS from strangers regarding my clothes. So it also brings others joy!
My go-to clothing for this feral shift is RedSky (shopredsky.com) – a small batch, queer + woman owned Canadian clothing shop. Highly recommend for others wanting to unleash their cozy feral side. ;)
I’m 45 and sticking to my skinnies. Tik tokkers be dammed. Other jeans make me look frumpy, and skinnies make me feel good. Wear what makes you feel good!!!
Not long before the pandemic started, I felt like I was landing on a style that I described as “a little bit Katharine Hepburn, a little bit Lorelei, a little bit Time Lord”. However, then I and everyone else landed solidly in the land of soft pants always. I’m slowly coming out of that comfort-hole.
For my birthday last year, I bought myself my very first pair of Louboutins (which I wore once before needed to repair them, because I was too excited and didn’t do research. Did you know you have to put a protector on the sole if you ever want to wear them outside?! 35 is clearly just as impatient as 12). Next on my fashion list is new pants: black skinny, black boot or straight, a dark wash skinny (clearly I refuse to give them up), and a mid wash boot or straight.
I’ve decided I’m in a transitional season with clothes, where I have do-fers that will keep me while/until I research the sustainable “best” version. I want to move away from fast fashion to truly sustainable/repairable/ethical fashion. Baby steps.
Yes. Joy yes! This is why I started a fashion blog 3 weeks ago, why leave style influences up to 20 year olds on TikTok? My three clothing adjectives are nostalgic, breathable and special which are also my life values.
A colleague once described my style as “black and a blanket”. And I have just embraced that to play with textures and accents ( for date night- black silk dress and a silk scarf, for work- a black cashmere sweater, narrow pants and a giant wool wrap, for the weekend, black joggers, a black denim shirt and a hand knit scarf). I love playing with the combinations and expressing my mood. Also keeps my impulse thrift purchases in check.
As a native central Texan, I am keenly aware of, but yet never ready for, our hot summers. While I try to be stylish, my wardrobe has to be comfortable.
I do love classic French looks. It always looks effortlessly chic. I only discovered Sezane last year but I have quickly become obsessed. Their Tomboy shirt (that you referenced) is wonderful – a beautiful, quality cotton and a perfect fit. I get compliments on it every single time I wear it.
I can’t wait to look at the links you provided. Thank you for sharing!
Oh man, I do love those jeans but I simply cannot figure out how I am supposed to sit in these rib cage pants without feeling like I am being cut in half by a magician! Look amazing standing, but I better not plan to sit all day.
i don’t know wth i would call my aesthetic, but lately i’ve been drifting towards simpler pieces that can be dressed up where i feel sexy (or at least sexy adjacent) or down where i’m comfy but still look polished. i’m living for solid neutrals (blacks, creamy whites, cognacs, oh my), playing with textures to make it interesting (please drape me in velvet for the rest of my life tyvm). satiny/silky/swishy camisoles, oversized semi-cropped shirts, high neck lines make me feel fancy AF. half tuck into the front of my high waist jeans, throw on my fave tennis shoes or block heels, dry shampoo tousle my hair, fill in my brows, mascara always, a creamy mauve lip, and i’m out the door! but that’s daytime jeannette! nightime jeannette wants to feel like a smokeshow! i recently dusted off a black Express jumpsuit – the top half is corset style with a strapless sweetheart neckline, and the bottom half is like the best fitting pair of slim slacks that hit just above the ankle. paired with high block heels, simple gold dangly earrings, and extra smokey eyeshadow – i was surrounded by tons of beautiful people but i still felt exquisite.
so, minimal polished smokeshow? is that an aesthetic?
I love that, Jeannette!
I am with you and I always lose one earring tribe! In addition I love hoops but struggle with many styles because I can’t close them!
I bought these in silver and just love them! Plus they have tons of styles if you don’t like the bling.
PAVOI 18K Gold https://a.co/d/jdczD41
What about perfume?
First of all, LOVE this. Thank you. My personal style/aesthetic quest has filled the edges of my brain, notes app, and pages upon pages of literalll journals for the better part of a decade and I’ve finally landed in the Classic/French/Bohemian camp. I’m with you in the non-stretch denim department (Levis & Point Sur denim are my faves), natural fabrics/materials, and classic cuts with some earthy, lacy, floral flair. For jewelry, I consistently reach for my chunky silver and turquoise cuffs that belonged to my mom and grandma and/or barely-there necklaces and earrings (speaking of, have you hopped on the “huggie” train? A more comfortable and secure solution to studs. I’ve loved my pairs from AMYO). I’ve got my makeup and skincare down to a pretty solid list of tried-and-trues, but the hair journey is another story–– but we are ON IT. Should we talk about this for several more hours? Always here for it, if so.
Ha! We should maybe talk about all of this for several more hours! I googled the Point Sur jeans and Amyo earrings immediately and THANK YOU! the jeans are out of stock but the earrings are so so cute! Definitely going to grab a few pairs once I lose my current batch of amazon goldies!
Finding my style has been SUCH a challenge for me but I feel like I’m ultimately drawn to what I’ve just now decided to call ‘summer camp chic’. Sometimes I’m the camp director in a button down and slacks, sometimes I’m a fun counselor sneaking out for a date in a flirty dress and reeboks, and sometimes I’m a nine year old in a tie-dye shirt and cutoffs running through the sprinklers. We’re working on it!
YES FRIEND Summer Camp Chic! I could instantly see it! You’re realy onto something. Oh I’m seeing cute bandanas, too!
OMG SAME!
I always have a meltdown during the initial spring and fall weather change. It helps immensely to have a plan, and I thank you for reminding me. It has been too cold and wet so far this spring in Oregon to worry about it, but I know that lever is going to come down fast. Thanks for some fresh ideas and new stores to add to my clothing bookmarks.
I hope some sunny spring days are headed your way soon! Wait… do those even happen in Oregon?
Thank you for always sharing! Always love your posts. Question: the chain in your palm – necklace or bracelet? I looked for a link but couldn’t find -perhaps it is a longtime favorite with personal history?
Oh you’re right! I don’t think I included a link for that! It’s actually from the jewelry section of Sezane. Admittedly a little pricey for what it is but I bought it for myself during spendier days, if you know what I mean.
Joy, what tinted sunscreen do you love? I used to use Kiehls’ BB cream but they discontinued it a year or so ago.
The crazy thing is – I’m not picky at all. I’ll use whatever free samples come my way or whatever is on sale at the time. I think my current is from La Rouche-Posay but I also like the one from Tower 28.
50something here! All of y’all have great taste! Especially those who have declared they will no longer truck with uncomfortable clothes!!Applause! I made that same decision about ten years ago and have never regretted it! For everyday I love a pair of straight leg jeans and a v-neck sweater or tee, with my fave slip on Chelsea boots if it’s rainy (and it always is in Oregon) or my Old Skool skate Vans. I fell in love with them when my kids were teens!
I’ve hopped over an bought those eyeshadow pencils, I’ve been looking for something like that. But could anyone suggest a really good non flaky waterproof mascara ? I always have smears under my eyes just an hour later!!
We are COMFORTABLE! Your style sounds easy and impeccable. Well done. Have you tried the Ilia mascara? I find that it goes on gently, like… not too thick and that help the flaking a great deal. Good luck in your quest!
Good for you to have a wardrobe plan! Y
ou know what works for you and with what’s in your closet. I do try, but I must have been in a mood one day, online I bought a T-shirt which said “Dogs Make Me Happy. …Humans Make My Head Hurt” ha.
Listen we all take our moods to our shopping carts sometimes hahahha!
Love the tee! My favorite is one I definitely bought when I was cranky. It’s a pic of a saguaro and it says “Go Climb A Cactus!” I wear it when I’m feeling prickly ;)
I feel this in my soul! I’m in a similar mode of life, though I describe my style as “late 90s Meg Ryan” from the movie French kiss, with a little NY edge (Re:Lots of black), and then a major focus on the tinted suncreen! The older I get, the simpler I am and the more myself my sense of style becomes.
LATE 90’s MEG RYAN YES! It’s also giving Early Internet Chic Librarian and I love it!
Love this post, and thank you for the links! I became instantly obsessed with Sezane (I’m a bit BoHo French Cowboy Hippie over here – took me until 44 to embrace that if I wanted to be all those some of the time and some of them all of the time, that is okay and no one really cares anyway…and if anyone gives me the side-eye, eff ’em). Love your style and your baking, thanks for being here!
I relate with this so much! I turned 40 this spring, and thought I was set, but in the last year moved to small town Texas (Cuero, if ya ever want to swing through please let me fangirl ?) from the North Texas burbs and whoah man. It’s not that I’m trying to match or fit in but the vibe is different and I’ve found myself grabbing at straws more often. As if that self identity is always changing and growing or something ??
Joy! Thank you for this! I turn the page to my 40s tomorrow and have been struggling to figure out how to approach this in regards to style. I just figured out how to explain my resistance to the 90s revival to my younger, trendy, NYC dwelling cousins: I’ve worn these clothes already, on what was basically a grown woman’s body. I’m allllll set with revisiting that. Love the links, love the suggestions, love your style! As a New England girl married to a man from New Mexico, I am very much on board. Happy Spring to you, and thank you so much again for the wonderful, accidental early birthday gift of this post :)
Joy,
I am in the midst of my own casual fashion crisis. I’m a 38 year old single widowed mama finishing up my first semester in nursing school and I am STRUGGLING with the change in season and what to wear. This post spoke to me so much. I have really got to name my aesthetic to help me make clothing decisions. Thanks for this post. It made me feel so much less alone in my crisis!
Also, love the look!
Michelle
funny that you are wearing similar outfits in the header picture and your about picture!
I’ve found the Alex Mill cotton shirts are absolutely perfect tucked or French-tucked into jeans, Roomy, breezy, classic.
Skinny Jeans aren’t going anywhere in my closet. Every once in a while they slide over for my Gap Long & Lean’s. Otherwise, it’s always navy, stripes and polka dots with either boat shoes or white sneaks. Baseball caps for early morning errands and easy breezy minidresses for the really hot ones. Loving the freedom that comes with being a forty-something!
You look mahvelous!!!
Happy Spring!
Love the look, but I am not giving up my skinny jeans. I notice many others are not either. I like straight leg and wide and have straight leg on right now. I actually wear whatever makes me comfortable at the time. That is a good look for you! I have New Balance dark grey sneakers on and a 3/4 sleeve polo shirt. I am walking this morning, so I need good sneakers. I also love Birkenstocks!! They are really good for bad feet. I guess I am sort of traditional, yet think I am wearing up to date fashion. lol
I’m a 44 year old perimenopausal woman who has decided that I’m done with trying to make my body smaller. I’m accepting the extra weight, rolls & roundness. I dress to feel good & happy.
My descriptive words would be comfortable rainbow vomit. I like a lot of colour. I feel dead & sad if I wear black so steer more towards navy as my neutral of choice. I like patterns, cardigans & boxy dresses. Jeans I opt for high waisted, flared, straight or wide legs. Shoes, I wear 3 kinds- converse sneakers, saltwater sandals & doc marten boots, mary janes & chunky sandal. I make sure I have a pair of ASICS for my work days where I’m taking clients out for exercise/movement & I wear them with active wear on those days.
I never change my earrings- medium hoops in first holes, a mix of studs in all the holes.
I’m dipping my toe into lipsticks & light coverage foundation. Mascara is my ride or die.
I say we wear what we want & screw any bullshit rules.
your style sounds awesome!! (**applause**)
Thanks Beth! It makes me happy :)
You actually are edible!