Hello, happy Sunday! I hope you’re well. Personally, I’m enjoying the dropping temperatures and the feeling that this year will soon be over. My current anthem is “This Year” by The Mountain Goats, and it feels true: I will make it through this year if it kills me. I’m ready for colder temperatures and socially acceptable hibernation.
Can I share one of my most vivid fantasies with y’all? We’re friends, right? Sometimes, I think about how it would feel to take a year away from the Internet and having an iPhone. I envision a life where my brain isn’t influenced by the accomplishments I see others celebrating and I don’t feel consistently sucked into buying dumb things. I realize that the often-posted sentiment “I miss my pre-internet brain” has become trite and twee, but it’s often how I feel. Every few months, I tell myself I’m going to buy a Light Phone (I’m OBSESSED, but it feels silly?), deactivate my Instagram account, finally fully delete Facebook, and write only in notebooks. I would buy this analog hat (Blackwing) and become one of those annoyingly self-righteous people, like that friend we’ve all had who doesn’t own a TV and claims they “don’t use their time for television.” WE KNOW YOU WATCH ON YOUR LAPTOP, SETTLE DOWN.
I’d like a factory reset of my brain. Because I am old, I remember the era when my brain wasn’t constantly craving the dopamine hits of my phone, I could read book after book, I allowed myself to be bored, to make things, and to be capable of original thought. I also know that for many of us creative, writerly folks, the constant onslaught of seeing people getting book deals or publishing or having all of these incredible opportunities can make me feel perpetually unsuccessful. I am exhausted by the vitriol in comments sections and feeling like everyone is angry or hustling or offering their life up for content.
I don’t know how realistic this fantasy is: I like taking iPhone photos. I like keeping in touch with people via Instagram and laughing at memes. I like online shopping (too much). I’m actively trying to build a writing career, and “having a platform” is a big deal.
I might decide to go all in on a year away from the internet and see how long I can make it how it feels, but until I decide how serious I am, I’m focusing on slowing down, taking things moment by moment, and doing miniature recalibrations of how my life looks and feels. I’ll give you all a heads-up if I decide to become a shunner of the Internet, but until then, let me know how you slow down and give your brain a break. Sending you all my good wishes and thoughts during these darker, grayer months.
• Wintering by Katherine May is my ultimate guidebook to slowing down, and I’m about to get into a re-read. A friend also recommended Slowing by Rachel Schwartzmann, and I just downloaded it. (Bookshop)
• Keeping the theme of the week with the piece “How to stop checking your phone every 10 seconds.” (Time)
• News you can use: the difference between a pinch and a dash. Also, if I never hear the phrase “measure with your heart” again, I’d be a happier person, I just know it. (Food and Wine)
• As a big Patchett-head, I loved this piece on Ann Patchett’s biggest regret. In a similar vein, poet Mary Ruefle does not own a computer. (NYT Gift Link, Substack)
• We’ve lost the plot on menopause. Perimenopause and menopause, and the lack of information about both, are two of my biggest rants right now. We quite literally don’t know…anything? And as a perimenopausal lady, any time I Google a symptom, it gives me the same answer: probably perimenopause, but IDK. Infuriating! (Allure)
• How to gently encourage a loved one to go to therapy. If you’re reading this, and you know I love you, and you’re not in therapy? Yes, this link is about you. (Self)
• Fall is time for cinnamon, and it’s also time for easy recipes. I’m grateful for Joy’s mom’s Sock It To Me cake recipe to meet this need. (Joy the Baker)
• Every year, I lovingly threaten to host a Soup Swap. Will this be the year I do it? If so, I’m using this guide from The Kitchn to help. (The Kitchn)
• What we know about Season 3 of Tell Me Lies and Season 3 of Big Little Lies. SO MUCH LYING. SO MUCH BAD/GOOD TV! (Marie Claire, Vulture)
• I love Chani Nicholas and I might have to treat myself to her new yearbook. (Chani Nicholas)
• If you’re into Halloween and want some seasonally-appropriate foods, here are 31 recipes to try! (The Everygirl)
• How I fell back in love with iPhone photography. (The New Yorker)
• “Art begins in the body; art is limited by the limitations of the body; at some point, art exceeds the body and can live beyond the scope of flesh.” Lauren Groff + Florence Welch = MAGIC (NYT gift link)
• Questions about early voting? Get them answered here. (TIME)
• Lisa Taddeo is one of my very favorite writers, and I loved this relatable piece about how she gets things done (we love an alarm-setting queen!). (The Cut)
• I thought this was a sweet and fun article about dinner party games and then I saw that the first one literally suggests throwing a glass of water in someone’s face. If someone did this to me, I simply would not ever let it go. (House and Garden)
• The benefits of alone time. (TIME)
• Fall is for scones, and these cranberry beauties are IT. (Joy The Baker)
• Why getting a manicure makes everything feel better. I’m a big fan of my bi-weekly mani-pedi appointments, and it’s true: I feel better about everything when my nails are done! (Self)
24 Responses
I am late to read and comment, but I could not relate to these feelings more! After the election, all I can think about is how we’ve willingly handed control to billionaire oligarchs because they offered us a few conveniences and the ways in which the internet has gone horribly wrong. I am about the same age as you, so I also miss analog times. But I would say, maybe equally, I miss the decentralized internet when social media didn’t yet have an iron grip. I am now trying to be more honest with myself about the choices I make that enable all these terrible things. I will tell you this, I’ve cancelled Amazon and deleted social media apps from my phone and I don’t miss either one bit!
Take the leap and host soup swap – I do one every year and LOVE it! I also use the guidelines you posted about (but have to look them up every single time, LOL). Soup in the freezer is like money in the bank and a gift to your future self!
Amy, I say this with love, but have you ever considered that writing this column is contributing to the feelings you described above? The pressure to have a list of things to read/watch/buy means that you have to seek out exactly the things you are trying to avoid. I mean, gathering a list of links about people who try to avoid building their lives around the internet seems ironic at best and maybe actually harmful to you as another arena where you are comparing yourself but can’t ever achieve the same. That’s the two cents of an internet stranger who doesn’t actually know you, so definitely ignore it if it doesn’t serve you.
Honestly, writing this column is a highlight of my month :) I can totally see what you mean; however, thankfully, this is all joy (pun intended) for me. Thanks for sharing that thought so kindly.
Florence, Anne, perimenopause, and permission to put down my phone (after I type this comment) — what a lovely collection of links and reminders that the internet isn’t all terrible. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Hailey! It really isn’t all terrible.
Such a good song pick!
Loved the recs as always… I’m thinking about my screen time but not feeling ready to do anything about it. Maybe someday?!
I think about pre-internet ubiquity a lot and honestly sometimes I want to cry. Sure we’ve gained…whatever we’ve gained…but the commodification of everything and constant never-ending search for validation and clout makes my heart sink for society.
Oooh, I’ve never heard of this. Thank you!
Hi! I love your posts here! I think we are roughly the same age (I just turned 45) and I also remember my brain pre-smart phone. A year and a half ago I decided to take an Instagram break. It took a couple of tries, and then there was a period where I would reinstall it once a week and lose myself for an hour and then delete it again. That felt like a good middle ground. Eventually, even that stopped. It has helped enormously in many ways- no more endless scrolling time suck, constant comparing, and definitely fewer impulse purchases. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing things. Most of the time I don’t.
I think that might be the best suggestion — some time off. Thanks for sharing!
I also deleted it from my phone and just have it on my iPad, which I leave at home! This means no mindless scrolling when I’m out in the world at least! It’s majorly reduced my screen time!
Omg. The perimenopause/menopause talk, or lack there of. I feel like we’re inundated with information about puberty and fertility, but there’s next to no guidance around the next big change. So frustrating! You’re not alone, Amy!
I’m in the menopause research space and highly highly recommend dr. Jen Gunters substack, The Vajenda, for all things women’s health, with a recent focus on menopause. Lots of research (with citations) broken down into digestible articles.
I understand how you’re feeling. I can’t count how many times I’ve bought something that someone made me think I needed. I just took a whole box full of stupid stuff to Goodwill! LOL. Now, when I feel the need to buy something, I put it in my cart and then take a day. I almost always take it out of the cart the next day and log off. Then I go play with my doggies. I’m doing better! By the way Amy, I think you are a wonderful writer! Never give up on your dreams. Great things are ahead for you! Sending love and hugs!
Thank you, Sara <3
No advice, just a ?. I love your writing for Let It Be Sunday.
Thank you, Jean <3
I quit Facebook eighteen months ago and have not once regretted doing so. The sheer amount of time that freed up was worth it. My mind and body thank me for getting rid of the daily shots of adrenaline that resulted from reading asinine and hateful comments by ignorant people. Just do it, and welcome the peace it brings you!
I quit Facebook roughly 2 elections ago and have yet to miss it. I deleted Instagram from my devices last week, but I can still log in via the actual website and it keeps me from doing it because it sucks. The biggest changes that helped me though were I stopped keeping my phone in/on me and leave it in the kitchen out of sight on do not disturb basically all the time. I was wasting so much time on my phone and between having an 18 month old, a husband at sea for the next year, and finishing my masters it was eating up what little time I had to read or work out or do any hobbies. I also wanted to model healthy technology behavior for my daughter… how can I expect her to think she doesn’t need a phone if mine is always glued to me?
(Also, you can turn an iPhone into a dumb phone using assisted access. I think the article I found saying how to do it was on Wired).
I quit Facebook years ago and truly don’t miss it. Instagram – can never remember my password….
So, do it, jettison some things and you’ll feel lighter. I am a practicing artist in pottery and paper so I always keep sketch books and notebooks, fill up a couple a year. I have them going back decades.
I do have a smart phone and take many photos on it. No need to give up everything.
Let your own creativity come out and quit checking on others. You’ll be surprised at all you have inside.
Happy Fall!
Thanks for these kind words.
Hi Amy, I am quite a bit older than you are so you may chalk this up to my age…Here are my tips for a few of the items you mentioned-Take what you need. I gave up Facebook over a year ago-I don’t miss it. In fact, I am happier without seeing/hearing things that make me crazy. I don’t have Insta. We don’t have a TV. I don’t watch or listen to news. I read books-lots of them. I am happy. As far as the perimenopause and menopause thing…I am way past both. Stop Googling. There are great podcasts for women out there. Maybe when you get off of Facebook and Insta you will have more time to listen to podcasts that will truly change your life. Try Cynthia Thurlow’s Everyday Wellness, Dr Mindy Pelz The Resetter Podcast, and Better! with Dr Stephanie Estima. These are all great podcasts that focus on women’s health. I am sure there are many more. Wishing you great health and happiness!
Thank you so much for these suggestions!