Friends, I’m still languishing in heartbreak, but you know what? It’s okay. I am very much in the thick of things, and things will shift, but for now I have learned to say, “I am sad,” pretty confidently. It’s okay to be sad, it doesn’t negate happiness or tranquility, but rather sits alongside it. As I navigate this journey I am making sure not to rush to say, “I’m healed! Look at me!” simply because it is about the journey. Healing, much like grief, is a journey, and there is no destination. I am relearning to be alone and reintroducing Abby to Abby. Lovely to meet me! I’m shaking my own hand here.
Fun things: I signed up for swimming lessons (again!) because I’m determined to be able to swim by the time I’m 40 next May. Tell me, as an adult continuing to learn to swim, how the HECK do you get over the panic that free floating in water equals death? Going against that learned behavior is hard! Also, I am committing to travel more, and that includes Joy’s beautiful home to stalk her cat, Tron. I’ll tell you about where my birthday trip will be in the links below.
This Sunday, take it easy, and if you have a pool/boat friend, it’s time to call on them before school really swings into session.
โข Saying this summer is hot is like saying you found a fork in your kitchen. It is sweltering in Chicago, and the Midwest in general. Do you know why? THE CORN IS SWEATING. Not gonna lie, sweaty corn aiding the heat feels like the fifth (secret) Horseman of the Apocalypse. (The Ohio State University)
โขย This right here is my dream – full stop. Today’s long read features 11 retired women who created their own utopia called The Bird’s Nest, a tiny-house village in East Texas. There’s dogs, no men, and wouldn’t you know it, no drama? What a concept. (NYT Gift Link)
โขย As summer winds down, something I’m not mad at because, again, the corn is sweating, I am still here for a good summer meal and drink. Joy’s Miches-in-a-can is perfect for public pool/lounging in the park hangs. While your friend mans the grill, bust out these root beer smash burgers and impress everyone. There’s nothing like a grilled hotdog or burger while outside with your friends. Make that hotdog extra charred for me! (Joy the Baker)
โขย Recently, I realized that eating for one is a scam, and probably why I’ve been having a hard time eating dinner at night. Who wants to mess an entire kitchen for just you? Make no mistake, I love romanticizing my life, but I also have to clean the kitchen when the romance ends. Well, enter me gently sobbing and eating a cheese stick for dinner. These crispy beef noodles are actually on my meal menu this week and I’m looking forward to it! (Instagram)
โข Have you heard of The Body Holiday? Well, that’s where I’m spending my 40th birthday (it’s where Amy Winehouse spent some time, too!). It’s a true wellness spa complete with a wellness consult at the beginning of your trip, spa/relaxation activities alongside sports, and a temple. A TEMPLE, which of course represents your body. Wild! I’m so excited!
โข Is it your dream to live abroad? I think it’s mine. Even if it’s not forever, leaving the US right now seems idyllic given the current administration. It feels like the ground is crumbling beneath my feet a little bit, and disconcerting isn’t the right word for this. Whenever I look for vacation spots, or anywhere really, I’m looking to see how safe it is for Black people – the unfortunate reality I have adjusted to. Well, some folks have become expats and they’re loving it. What are your living abroad thoughts? (CNBC)
โข Sydney, sweetie, why? What is this dang campaign ad?! A little weird internet drama for your Sunday. (New Yorker Mag)
โข Colorado’s poet laureate, Andrea Gibson, recently passed away, may their memory be a blessing. Their Love Letter from the Afterlife breaks me but I can’t stop reading it. Ease yourself into this, and maybe hold your hand on heart to ground yourself. It’s so good, and so very heartbreaking in the most beautiful way. You get this one fleeting life, live in the best way you can. (Substack)
โข Though I’m in the throes of heartbreak, I’m still a sucker for a love story. Actually, I have been and will always be a romantic, and I love that about myself. Give me a silly little romance, and I’ll make it serious, I promise. Ashley C. Ford, truly one of my favorite people in existence, writes about being in her marriage 7 years and finally exhaling; the other shoe isn’t dropping. As an anxious lady (ha, whatever do you mean?!) this resonates deeply with me, and I can’t wait to be in a love that makes me exhale. (Cosmopolitan)
โข Lastly, anย exciting thing happening this week, Secret Supper hosted by Le Creuset! Y’all, I am beyond excited for this. It’s a dinner hosted in a remote location, all over the world, catered by Michelin-starred chefs. There’s a cocktail hour, many, many courses of food, and of course, Le Creuset’s beautiful dishware all over the place. Tickets to the Chicago dinner sold out in about 50 seconds, so it’s clearly very popular, though I’m just finding out about it. I promise to post a ton of stories on my Instagram, so stay close!
11 Responses
For swimming, try walking in water (at least waist high) and with each stride try and make it a bit longer. See how few steps you need to go from one side of the pool to the other. I taught an adult swim class called, โSwimming for the Terrifiedโ and this exercise really helped.
If you can do it in the ocean, even better. Youโll get there!
Mary I wish you could teach me! The name of this class actually sounds like what I need. If they split us into groups I need to be in the “could flounder in shallow water” group LOL
“Healing, much like grief, is a journey, and there is no destination.”
These words, so wise and so true, have touched my heart, dear Abby.
Thank you.
As Joy the Baker’s reader from Maine, I am very used to being by water- rivers, lakes, the sea- and I can tell you one thing my Nana always told me before she threw me in the lake in front of our camp (there was an initiation at six months old with lots of aunties and uncles, no joke!) at a very young age, floating is freedom. You can always starfish (lay on your back with your arms and legs spread out like a starfish) and float. And don’t let your bottom sink. You can spend hours just lounging in the lake like that. Free floating without a care in the world. You just need some confidence, from a good amount of practice, and thoughts of freedom. Feel that cool water gracefully holding you up and let go of all that anxiety. I wish I was there to hold your hand like all my dad’s brothers and sisters did for me but know that I am definitely there is spirit. You can do this!!!
This is an incredible perspective!! I am scared but I’m also super excited. Floating is freedom :)
I took swimming lessons when I was 52 (now a decade older) so I could lap swim – and it turns out that lap swimming in 4 ft deep pools where I always know that I can just stand helped me get over my fear of sinking. And then after several months of lap swimming,I realized I could swim for real so deeper water doesnโt intimidate me like it used to. Good luck, such good exercise as you age!
Sending you love <3
Rather than thinking of โcooking for oneโ, maybe lean into the left over aspect of it? When I was in college, I was usually cooking for just me, but because I was a double major, I would often either double a recipe or make two (or more) at a time to portion out for the week. Iโll usually freeze half of three different recipes and portion the other halves, giving me a nice rotation of meals for the week, plus meals for busier weeks.
Those crispy beef fried noodles look SO GOOD. Yum.
Re: Swimming– one of the Peloton instructors (Tunde) just told a story on the bike about how she learned to swim this year, and she was talking about the moment when she first swam in a large body of water without a flotation device–it was so inspiring! I think there is a video on her IG (@tune2tunde). Swimming is amazing and I hope you do it!
I found a swim snorkel that helped a great deal with the panic of having water on my face. It was a great tool to help learn to swim without it :)
Best to you Abby, with swimming, cooking for one, and life in general. Sending you love.
YES that Andrea Gibson piece is </3 so beautiful & moving