Friends, good morning! Iโm so grateful we get to catch up today. How are you feeling?
Me? Wellโฆ a little distractible, if Iโm honest, but doing my best to stay on task. The slow change of season has me holding onto hope. Summer was a heavy lift for me this year, and Iโm craving the different kind of energy that fall always seems to bring.ย I can already feel it in the air via the apple cider doughnuts I made a few days back.
In the spirit of fresh energy, I volunteered to bake a cake for a dear friendโs 40th birthday.ย It’s a big, cocktail-attire, restaurant-rented kind of celebration. It feels like the perfect excuse to make a bit of a showstopper. Iโm imagining a tall, two-tier doberge-style cake, finished with fresh flowers (obvi I’ll be raiding Trader Joeโs!) and maybe even a little gold leaf for good measure. Of course, Iโll need to brush up on my dowel skills, cake transport strategies, and maybe whisper a prayer to the baking gods because it’s been a long time since I’ve made such a cake.. But Iโm looking forward to spending my off-hours this week in a proper project. Effort for a friend entering the best decade yet feels exactly right.
Hereโs this weekโs offering, friends. As always, take only what you need.
โขย In this very unsteady moment, I really appreciate Ross Douthat’s thoughts on the assassination of Charlie Kirk.ย “The decisive battle, now as always, is inside the individual human heart. At his wisest, Kirk knew this.”ย I mourn for Charlie Kirk and his family. May he rest in peace and may God be with us. (NYTimes)
โขย This essay, Joy is Collective Medicine, is such a lovely reminder that joy isnโt frivolous. Joy doesnโt have to wait until after the hard stuff is over; itโs part of how we move through it. A beautiful perspective on why joy belongs right here, right now, and why itโs stronger when we share it. (Substack)
โขย I didn’t want September to get away from me without making a batch of Apple Cider Doughnuts (minus the rose water, and with an overnight rest). I immediately scarfed a fresh doughnut and took the rest to the nurses at a doctor’s appointment this week. What really takes these particular doughnuts over the top is the freeze-dried apple pulverized into the cinnamon-sugar topping.ย (Serious Eats)
โขย This is brilliant: How to include kid’s without centering them. (Substack)
โขย Be honest, how many people can you maintain daily texting with? I can maintain a solid five to seven text threads daily, but beyond that, I’m bound to miss some replies.ย Within those seven threads, I wouldn’t say I have a capital-B Best Friend. No, You Don’t Need to Have a “Best” Friend reveals that the truth is, most of us donโt have that one all-encompassing BFF. It’s more about the patchwork of people who bring us joy.ย This article left me with my head nodding yes.ย (Self)
โขย We have a few good days of September left to make the rest of the year feel fresh!ย This week on Substack, a little inspiration to just clean to car for a few minutes this weekend: 10 Things I Do That Make September Feel Like The New Year. (Substack)
โขย Social media chaos had me down bad this past week so I pre-ordered a very offline holiday project to do with my mom this December.ย It’s the vintage-inspired Hello Bargello holiday ornament kit.ย Take me away!
โขย I made the mistake of falling in love with Tulsi and Snow Mushroom Cleansing Milk after using a sample and… I just can’t justify a $60 face wash. Taking your recs for a creamy cleanser as we sneak into winter. Also: snow mushrooms!?ย
โขย In related news/retail therapy: this cuteย little necklace hopped in my amazon cart this week and I didn’t fight it. (Amazon)
โขย Erica went and made the epically fluffy Golden Diner Pancake, and now Iโve got two tabs open: one for Delta flights to NYC and one for the NYT Cooking recipe. Pancakes or plane ticket? Honestly, both feel necessary. (Instagram)ย
โขย The dogs were good again this week. (TikTok)
My love to you, friends! Take good care.
xo Joy
20 Responses
I really like this cleanser by Caudalie: https://us.caudalie.com/p/307C/307c-gentle-foaming-cleanser.html?ODE4=Y29uZmlndXJhYmxlLzgxOC8zNDc=&q=Foaming%20cleanser
I’m in Europe, so it’s a lot more expensive in the US ($30 vs โฌ16.90) but still a more affordable option. There’s another one by Pai which is very hydrating, but quite expensive in the US.
I’ve made that mistake many times. A serum worth more than โฌ100 is not in my budget… But man was it fantastic.
Ty, Joy! What a perfect list for how I am feeling this week and to get ready for fall. Last winter my skin was so out of sorts. I tried Byoma Milky Mouisture e cleanser and never looked back. itโs great and affordable. The only things that bugs me is that you canโt see how much is left in the packaging. But itโs cute and lasts a long time.
I think youโre spot on, Tina! I have a Byoma toner I love, so it only makes sense I try the cleanser! Thank you!
When I wanted to have a bakery cake decorated with fresh flowers, the bakery owner told me to buy organic flowers and that Whole Foods has them
Ah good call, Kim! Iโll keep that in mind!
I am so disappointed to see you calling out Charlie Kirk in any way other than to point out what a bigoted, hateful man he was and that the countryโs decision to honor him instead of realistically describing the work heโs done to lead us to this divisive moment in history is nothing short of shameful.
And isn’t it amazing that we get to disagree with each other in this country? To be “disappointed” in what you perceive to be their opinion but still respect their right to have it?
My opinion, that you can disagree with as you like, is that a huge part of what lead to this divisive moment in history is the policing of people’s thoughts, writings and feelings the way you are doing here.
Fancy that!
Unfollowing. Support for the hateful views of Charlie Kirk and then platforming a conservative NYT commentator is disgusting. Trying to hide your conservative politics and Trump support behind the writings of your contributors is also disgusting.
Iโm not hiding anything. You assume so much, incorrectly. Itโs comments like this that make me feel like, if I donโt pass your very specific purity test, thereโs no space or tolerance for me on the left, and thatโs a shame.
I really wish we were in a place and time in which we could have nuanced conversations and understand that humans have dynamic experiences, priorities, and values in life. Maybe we are, when speaking to others in person, but the internet is not a place that seems to facilitate productive discussions that bring people closer together. A difficult conundrum is that if we don’t talk about these important issues, it feels like our heads are in the sand or the platform is blind and vapid. But how to bring up what’s important without attack? I don’t have the answer but suppose it takes time to facilitate an online community that is open to discussion, rather than leaving black-and-white statements and shutting off.
I sometimes agree with aspects of Ross Douthat’s writing, and I appreciate that his voice is included in NYT. I also absolutely understand mourning for a person’s family and being against political violence. But I find it odd to not acknowledge, while speaking out against political violence, the violence of Kirk’s rhetoric. The way he died was horrid, but I am having a hard time with people seeming to lift him up as though he contributed to bettering the world. It seems like there’s so much I don’t understand when it seems like people are completely turning a blind eye to what feels clear. I can’t wrap my mind around Joy’s seeming political swing, but I certainly am very curious and want to understand more.
Maybe it does have to do with what feels like policing or little room for nuance on the left; however, I acknowledge this but also absolutely see it on the right. There must be more to. To evolve is one thing, but there must be more behind what seems to be a bit of an overhaul in views on society.
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Courtney! I think youโre so right – the internet is not currently a place for nuanced discussion. Hopefully we can grow into more understanding conversations in person.
I also wanted to acknowledge that, again, youโre absolutely right – I have seen similar policing on the right. Both sides can be so contentious and unfortunately, we all suffer for it.
What I appreciated about Rossโ piece in the NYT are the questions it left me with. It left desperately wondering: What are we going to do with this moment? How are we going to get through this together? Thatโs why I shared that particular piece. Because we have to do this together, somehow.
To be fully transparent, Iโm left feeling politically homeless in some ways. Not absent of my core care and values, of course, but with beliefs that extend to both sides of the aisle. I suppose that makes me an Independent.
I hear you re: neither party feeling like home. Are you familiar with the Working Families Party? I am genuinely moved by the work they do. Their big membership calls on Zoom were helpful to me following the election last year.
I’m a long-time reader who’s never commented, and I kind of hate that THIS is the first topic I’m chiming in on but here goes…
I truly don’t know what that first commenter had in their head, but I’ll admit to being similarly put off by your blurb accompanying the Ross Douthat link. A statement that short can’t possibly convey the nuance of your last comment, where you point out the questions of how we move forward as “One Nation.” That first commenter saw a simple statement about mourning the deceased and his family, and interpreted it simply because they didn’t have much to go on.
With that in mind, I got over my initial gut reaction and took the time to listen to what Ross Douthat had to say. After listening, I think he too is oversimplifying the context of what’s going on. Ross Douthat completely ignores every hateful thing the deceased said during his lifetime, as if the sum total of his existence was:
a) he debated people sometimes,
b) the manner in which he was killed.
Then I came back here to the comments, where I was disappointed by all the “both sides”-ing. I feel that’s losing the plot: we’re still talking about a person who repeatedly, purposefully, made numerous inflammatory statements with the intent of making people angry… and unfortunately made someone angry enough to murder him. Because we live in a ridiculous world where I have to state the obvious: murdering him was WRONG, unequivocally. But this is not some martyr who spent his life “reaching out to people who disagreed with him” and was killed for it, and I think Ross Douthat is being a little disingenuous in presenting him that way. “Debating people who disagree with you” is not some heroic act, particularly not when said “debate” is started by making nasty statements about entire demographics in hopes that more people will listen to your podcast.
Just the term “both sides” implies a false dichotomy, where you always have to be either “for” or “against” something. As pointed out above, virtually no real-life person is going to stand up and say “I’m glad this guy was killed.” Anyone who really feels that in their heart is probably a psychopath! But let’s not forget that:
– One “side” is a large portion of the federal government, who are martyring some inflammatory podcaster as if he was Martin Luther Freaking King Jr. and using the FCC to bully people into silence whenever it’s pointed out that we’re NOT talking about Martin Luther Freaking King Jr.
– I don’t even think anyone knows who the other “side” is supposed to be. I hear it’s “The Left”? Which at face value would seem to be “the Democratic Party,” but I don’t think that’s it. I think the “other side” of this issue actually doesn’t exist, and instead only serves as a mechanism to rally people behind the first “side” so that we’ll all be cool with further consolidation of power and letting our rights as individuals whither away… And using someone’s murder as an excuse to do that is pretty gross.
I guess what I’m getting at is… this “two sides” stuff actually boils down to Most of the Federal Government, versus a bunch of nobodies on the internet who might have been offended by something the deceased said, and are now simply pointing out that his death may not be worth an “order the flags at half staff and pass a Congressional resolution” level of mourning. The federal government using the FCC to silence people is a very different level of “purity test” than some rando on the internet saying they’re going to unfollow you, you know? One of those has a lot more consequences on where we end up as a nation.
Unlike that first commenter, I’m not going to weigh everything you’ve ever said against that one statement of sympathy… But the “both sides”-ing does get me, and I simply would like to encourage a bit of perspective.
Maybe this as my first ever comment wasn’t the best way to illustrate it, but I really do love this blog and hope to continue reading and participating in the discussion (maybe next time I’ll chime in about something a little lighter… lol).
Did you even bother to read the article you’re so angry about? If you had, you’d see that it’s as measured and fair as we need everything to be in this moment. As measured and fair as media always should but has failed to be for decades, on both sides, which is exactly how we ended up in this moment. Refusing to leave your silo to hear other perspectives will only perpetuate more violence and misunderstanding. You think you’re the good guy but you are no better than the people you so despise.
The last time the NYT published a piece by a conservative, the opinions editor had to resign because of the backlash. I bet you’re crying “Free Speech!” about Jimmy Kimmel but up in arms that the Times actually did their job this time and platformed someone outside of their normal echo chamber for an opinion piece. Imagine how much better a place we’d be in now if they’d done that before!
I’m reluctantly piping up to note that Ross Douthat is a regular contributor to the NYT Opinions section. The publication of this piece is not a unique or a rare phenomenon, and he’s not the only conservative columnist in NYT’s employ.
Those ornaments look like a fun festive project!
Hadnโt heard of the golden pancake before and am now so intrigued.
Hope everything went well at the doctors. Have a great week!
I think youโd like these kits too! https://craftedbyc9.com/
(I have no affiliation)
Unfortunately this kind of nonsense is right up my alley! :) Thank you!
Reading from Europe, itโs difficult to really understand who was really Kirk. The perspective is interesting. Itโs frightening to see what happened.
But what is happening in the USA (still no gun control, migrants deportation, bad advice about vaccine by the authorities, and now about pregnancy (so weird!) โฆ) looks very frightening too. And itโs difficult to understand from abroad why this kind of murder doesnโt lead to gun control advocacy.