I accidentally saw a picture of you because you are still a friend of a friend of the Internet.
It was a picture of a party with the appropriate amount of cool people in hip glasses… and a dude in a Paris, France t-shirt. ย I didn’t know that Paris made shirts.
In this photograph, people are mid-conversation, their mouths shaped with what are surely interesting words. ย One man stands awkwardly in his beard choice. ย Old friends embrace center frame, most sincerely, with open clenched hands and softly closed eyes.
You stand in the back, slightly off-center, the only one looking at the camera. ย You have that half-smile I recognize. ย The one between pleasure and obligation. ย You’re wearing your shirt the way you did… and do… down to the third button (or is that the two and a halfth button?). ย You look comfortable and relaxed, with just the most tender amount of self-doubt.
You’re with a girl. ย She’s brown-haired and side-swept. ย I imagine that she’s the kind of girl who can easily shop for jean shorts, and speaks kindly more often than not. ย She seems like the kind of girl who hates New York City because it wreaks havoc on her shoes (really she just thinks it’s a big and scary place), but once had the time of her life in Spain on a backpacking trip when she was 23. ย Her gaze is focused on the embracing couple as near strangers capable of judgement. ย She stands bolted next to you like you’re her anchor in the social storm.
You two seem finely matched… but what do I know? ย (Nothing at all.)
I accidentally saw a picture of you and it reminded me that I was dating a man rightfully shaking his fist at God, while trying to hold my hand with the other. ย I was reminded of how fiercely we tried to hold our relationship together, ย and howย devastated and relieved we were in its destruction. ย There’s water under that bridge.
I accidentally saw a picture of you. ย No big deal. ย I wrote about it.
327 Responses
I re-read this post every so often. Ever since you wrote it I’ve remembered it. As you re-vamp and delete old posts on JTB please never remove this gem.
I read this when you first posted it, came back tonight…5 weeks out of a 10 year abusive relationship. Pictures still hurt, someday they’ll just be pictures. I hope. You’re the best friend I’ve never met, much love to you and Tron.
I just wanted to say that I come back to this often. Thank you for your beautiful words.
Every few years when I find myself heart sick I re-read this. Because its a universal pain and its nice to be apart of something.
I read this years ago. It stuck with me. Thank you Joy.
Wow I just read this via a link in a recent post of yours. It is so beautiful and brave. You have such a wonderful voice and I thank you for sharing it with the interwebs. xo
I couldn’t put the love I have for this article into words if I tried. This made my Wednesday in the most unassuming but relatable way. Thank you.
It’s 22:40 something on my planet, still 1st of March 2017… and juat like that, out of the blue I remembered this post… still loving it!
These things sneak up, don’t they?
Four years later and this post still gives me a little comfort when I accidentally see a picture of someone on the internet ????
The internet needs more of this. More of you :)
Thanks for sharing
it’s raw and honest. i love the sentiment. no big deal
Sad.
I still go back and read this when I feel a little sad. It reminds me it’s ok. Thanks a million (again) for writing this. I can’t be the only one who really needed to read it.
Dude, Joy.
This seriously made my eyeballs leak a little. I might just be a little bit drunk at work. But this is some deep shit girl.
Keep on keepin’ on. Please. Sometimes you help me keep my sanity. I like to pretend we would be friends if we ever met. But not in a creepy way. Ya know?
I loved this post. I appreciate that your blog is a brilliant mix of food, life, and the intermingling of the two. Some people blog on the straight and narrow while others blog as an extension of their mind. I had a similar ex-experience , blogged about it, and received the same mixed bag of reviews. I didn’t care and kept my post up. I’m glad you did too. It’s therapeutic for both you and your readers; those that can’t share in the camaraderie don’t need to understand it.
I love this post Joy, and today I was reminded of it. So I revisited and this is why.
I accidentally stumbled upon your girlfriends instagram, I was doing a bit of harmless internet stalking and then i saw it. All the pictures of you, taken by her and I realised why my infatuation with you is wrong. I realised why our flirting and those hugs that linger just a bit too long make me feel a bit sad. Now I feel a bit sick.
It will be fine, it is only a silly crush. But right now I feel a bit sick.
such a beautiful and tender piece!
I just discovered your blog and I’m so grateful that I did. Besides the recipes, THIS post. Oh my.. I feel like I could have written it myself. I know 100000% how you feel.. my ex and i broke up (unexpectedly — but isn’t that always the case?) in summer, and I recently decided to take a little Facebook break because it was just.. too much. Even if you’re okay with things, it’s still hard to be smacked in the face with the other person looking happy while you’re still figuring things in life out.. You know?
If I was alone while reading this, I might have teared up a little more.
Beautiful.
I followed the trail from the Simple Mom podcast to your podcast to your blog, and while eating one of your pumpkin butterscotch cookies I found this post. Beautiful. Yes. That’s exactly how it feels.
i’m so glad you found me!
This.
“…it reminded me that I was dating a man rightfully shaking his fist at God, while trying to hold my hand with the other. I was reminded of how fiercely we tried to hold our relationship together, and how devastated and relieved we were in its destruction. Thereโs water under that bridge.”
For nearly a year I have been unable to sufficiently articulate the gut wrenching blessing it was for me to leave an amazing, but ill-fated love. Your words are perfect. Thank you for sharing, Joy!
Oh, man, Joy. This one made me teary. I feel you, Lady! You are such a beautiful person.
Oh Joy! I’m catching up on your blog and I see this – and I love love it. I read it and I can feel your emotion and its real. Its like I know you…and we’re friends. Its like @grubarazzi said: “this post made me love you even moreโฆ if i could love a girl like a friend that i donโt even knowโฆthat would be you :)”
This post made me love you even more… If I could love a girl like a friend that I don’t even know…that would be you :)
thnk u.
I want to like this on fb, I want to pin this. I LOVE it. But I’m at work… This is lovely.
Just now catching up on my blog reading….finally got to yours. I HAD to say this was so beautifully written..so relate-able…
Good stuff.
Wonderful writing. I know we’ve all been there. Thank you for sharing a little part of yourself.
You are awesome, Joy!!
More of this. Oh, please! More of this.
Ummmm…this is great and where have I have been and you wrote a book?! (see second question)
we need to be friends again. Or friends for the first time. I’m in LA a lot these days… sooooo that’s actually kind of a possibility.
paradox right? you kind of miss knowing someone so well but, then you are also glad it is in the past at the same time. awkward and perfectly human. thanks for sharing beautiful sentiment.
Oh my. You just managed to articulate the state of my heart right now more gracefully than I’ve ever been able to muster myself. I’m so grateful for your vulnerability. And your cookies. It just makes me want to sit down with you over a glass of bourbon and toast to water under bridges.
thanks for writing this. It tottaly hit home. and it’s why i love you!
This was beautiful. It’s poetry and prose, all together. It’s strength, and heartache, moving on, and reflecting. Thank you for writing it.
Oh, Joy, wow. What a haunting and eloquent piece of writing. Thank you.
Eloquent and spot on. There were tears when I read this. Real tears. Followed by cookie baking. Because, really, what else is there to do?
You’re the best.
very beautiful writing.
This post gave me chills, Joy. What a great piece of writing…and oh so true. Thank you for sharing this.
So well written. Thank you for putting into words what most of us think during that moment…
I hope Joy can delete negative posts re her description of seeing a photo accidentally of an ex. This was a stellar piece of writing and the judgments of others are not called for. I’m afraid it’s an internet phenomenon that we have to deal with, but most bloggers can control what appears on their pages, including comment section entries that are inappropriate.
I read this post and cried, because you expressed exactly what I dread feeling a few months from now, seeing him with someone else.
beautiful poetry…been there…felt that. period.
so raw, so beautiful. thank you for putting it into words so eloquently.
Aw, I’m trying so hard not to cry right now. Love your ability to be raw with the world.
Lovely post. Thanks for sharing such a deeply personal feeling. ((hugs))
Wow.
It’s like that moment when you drive over a hill too fast and leave your stomach behind for a second.
I love this, thank you for writing it.
man oh man… did that hit home.
Real Life. I wish we could read more of this style of your writing. Another blog!! ; ) You are quite talented. I think you know, but I say that because sometimes I think you forget also. Maybe this post need not be commented on even, eh?
Joy, thank you for sharing this. It’s good to hear that others feel the same in a situation like this.
Joy, What a gift you are! Thank you for your fabulous blog. MC
joy, this is the first time i’ve commented, as well; however, i’ve tried several of your recipes/crafts. although a bittersweet emotional reflection, you hit the nail on the head. and it is so refreshing to be reminded that others feel it, too. please write more often, because for your fellow single ladies, this is much more love- and growth-enducing than a pregnant or happily engaged woman. thanks for being you.
Joy – beautiful. Painful and accurate. That will be me in a few months. I’m in the desperately trying to hold it together part.
Thank you, Joy. Thank you for the honesty, the vulnerability, and the truth. You touch me all the time, but with this post, in an entirely new way.
Thank you.
What a beautiful post. I think we have all been there, but most aren’t brave enough to write about it. Good for you.
Very nicely written. Oh have I been there. Social media has this awful way of smacking us in the face with memories we’re better off forgetting.
By the time I finished reading this I had chills. You’re a wonderful writer, Joy. I just wanted to jump through the screen and give you a hug, because no matter how long ago it happened, it always stings just a little bit.
And I am totally sure that NO ONE can easily shop for jean shorts. Jean shorts are worse to shop for than bikinis- true story.
Thank you for this wonderful post, we’ve all been there at one time or another :)
Beautifully written… beautifully felt. Plus, it’s lovely to hear something more about your life. We’re all here in it with you, girl.
I think you have just written the thoughts of a thousand individuals. One way or another, we have been there. it is bitter. it is sweet. it is life. thank you, Joy, for not only sharing the most beautiful photographs of food, the recipes, but making us feel emotions that tug the heart.
Oh Joy. I totally made your single girl pancakes the other day. It was sort of a cathartic thing. And then I read this post and I don’t really even know how to describe my emotions. Thanks for being so open and honest with us.
beautiful and inspiring….if only i could be as brave to acknowledge certain feelings and emotions head on. its hard enough being honest with oneself…you open your heart to all of us. i hope you can sense the love and appreciation we send back to you in response.
Joy, this is the first time I’m commenting on your blog (yes, long overdue, I know). But this piece so rich, so terribly evocative–even more revealing–is the kind of writing I’d wave in front of my students saying, “See, it’s possible! It’s possible! Life, love, moments, atmosphere all in a few grafs.” Yes, you showed it’s possible.
Joy, this is the first time I’m commenting on your blog (yes, terribly overdue), but this piece so short, so terribly evocative–and even more revealing–is the kind of writing I used to shake in front of my students and say, “See, it’s possible! It’s possible. Life, love, moments, atmosphere in a few paragraphs.” Yes, you showed it’s possible. Thank you.
This is beautiful. You are beautiful. You cook beautiful things. You write beautiful things. Thanks for being a lady and understanding women and having the guts to write about it. Inspiration.
Oh, Joy.
No words, but a full heart..
beautiful. beautiful. beautiful.
You have the wonderful ability of connecting with your readers through writing, whether it be about difficulties, joys, lessons, or delicious food. I absolutely love your beautifully honest writing on your life and how food ties into it, making me return again and again to your blog.
This post is no different – powerful, genuine, and illustrating emotions many of us know well. Thank you for sharing with us.
Yes.
I think you have the lyrics for a great song right here. Hook-up with a musician and make this happen. You hit the nail on the head with this one. I think we can all identify with this in some way.
beautiful and hauntingly familiar for most of us. the judgements we make on the new girl without wanting to be bitchy because deep down we know that guy would never date someone horrific.
That accidental photo sighting can lead to mini-meltdowns. You seem to have held yourself together.
Accidents happen…but we learn from them and then find our true happiness. Thankfully I know from experience xoxo
This was an absolutely beautiful post. I’m thankful that you’re so comfortable in your space that you were able to share this with us.
Also: shopping for jean shorts. That’s never a fair thing.
i purposely saw a picture of someone after reading this post. i never thought seeing those wrinkles by his smiling eyes would be bittersweet instead of simply sweet. and though it’s sad thinking about it now, i wouldn’t change anything.
thanks, joy…
Thank you… I’m still in the ” devastation ” phase… Can’t wait Til it is water under the bridge…. ThanksJoy for sharing emotions
Thank you so much for this.
I just had a similar experience – happened upon an engagement photo in an unexpected place.
You put into the words what I was feeling and it helped me let it go.
Thank you
wow. beautifully written. I feel ya.
the beautiful rhythm of this post reminds me of a song by james yorkston, “woozy with cider”. you’re just so great with stringing words. truly great. keep on keepin’ on j.
like you so much more for this. no recipe, nbd. because this is real f’ing life here. oh man, real life.
thank you for sharing this, thank you times a lot.
So honest and beautiful. Thanks.
NBD. and yet.
everything.
(thank you)
love you. love this.
hate seeing those pictures of them after me. but am trying.
xo
i really enjoyed reading this โ totally relatable!
wow. wonderfully said. very real and raw. you know it’s great writing when it evokes emotion without needing to know the story, the person or situation at most. wonderful!.
Aww JTB! Chin up! I want to send you cookies and a sharp object to key his car/bicycle with!!!
joy. thank you.
Joy, Joy, Joy that was beautifully written!!
like what others have said. beautiful :)
Now.. let’s bake! :) <3
Love your writing! Thanks for sharing those emotions and thoughts that slip through your mind and seem to have no where to go but out…
wow – i love this, so beautifully written. I think your next book venture should be a sure-to-be-witty/quirky/love-gone- bad-gone-good novel (please?) i also giggled out loud about the “can easily shop for jean shorts” – (sucks so bad!)
been there and i know how you feel… it feels momentous and insignificant all at the same time
I’ve been there before…beautiful writing Joy.
you’re awesome. haha! this was awesome….and brave…and beautiful.
lovely writing.. it just resonates with me. You have put into words what I felt but couldn’t express a few weeks ago, thank you.
you have a way with words, miss joy. thank you for sharing. it reminds me that i’m far from alone <3
Sometimes when I hear you, and it’s important, I stop breathing for a moment.
In Love with this.
You go Joy the Baker! You just do you!
He was” passing through” and you are lucky he didn’t stick. Sending you kind thoughts.
I’m torn between being heartbroken because I know how much it sucks and being elated because it only means that better things are waiting for you.
Beautiful writing :)
I love this.
Wow. Just wow.
I love this so much.
A very powerful post. Thank you for the honest and moving words.
So.. I just cried. But it was actually okay, thanks.
Thank you. This rang true for me: “…how devastated and relieved we were in its destruction.” Powerful.
this is so beautifully written I have goosebumps. you are amazing Joy.
The internet and being friends of friends does tend to bring out memories of people whether good or bad…. but that is all they are memories of who we once were and experiences we lived times ago.
Been reading your words and enjoying your site for a while now – but am finally taking the time to comment so I can thank you for this entry. As evidenced by many of the comments before me, the experience you describe here lands you in good company indeed. So many of us have been there. Thanks for being brave enough to raise your hand and say it out loud. You certainly have a gift!
Joy–
Thank you for sharing your deep, moving, sad, hauntingly beautiful thoughts. God Bless you because you GET IT and you don’t mind sharing it with us!!
wow. this left me breathless. this could have easily been me writing. but I’m not able to write this with such grace and eloquence. not yet, anyway. thank you for sharing.
this is so brutally honest, beautiful, and completely real life. i have had this happen to me so many times, but i could never have put it so eloquently.
Amazing. So raw, and so real. You didn’t have to put this out for the world to see, and the fact that you did means you have major cajones. (Cajones maj?)
You’re a funny, sweet, and amazing woman, and I feel like I have a right to say this, now that we’ve met and hugged. No bigs.
So sending you a note with lots of love and support. You make me want to wear a blazer and be bold. So with that I wish you a happy Monday!
That’s exactly how I felt when it happend to me. While I dont have the guts nor the way with word you were. There’s a bit of thoughts of “what if” came up in my mind. Your words are encouraging to me. Thanks for sharing! (*tear)
this reads like a poem or lyrics… I just had to comment. something so brave and so vulnerable and yet just this side of peaceful too.
this post is my heart song. i love how a picture or a song can take your heart back to a time in the past, even for just a brief moment.
Completely been there–multiple times. So perfectly said.
-Alyssa
The Glossy Life
oh, Joy! took my breath away
You wrote about it, and even though you did see the picture – – you were an adult about it. And you wrote about it… and it was beautiful. You truly have a way with words xo
Oh, Joy. You made me sigh some form of relief today. You are such a true person, I don’t know how else to describe it. Hugs and warm brownies to you. xx
You are so brave for writing this post! Thank you for putting it (and yourself) out there…as we’ve all been there and fear the possibility of unintentionally going there. Yet, as you’ve so frankly described, once you’ve arrived, things don’t fall apart, they don’t collapse inward; rather, the world just keeps moving. And sometimes you should write about it.
Hugs.
A really beautiful and moving piece.
Joy – I’ve followed your blog for ages but this is the first time I’m commenting because normally I’m too busy rushing to the grocery store to buy ingredients to attempt your amazing recipes :) but I loved what you wrote and how you wrote it &, sweetheart, having been there & somehow made it out of a similar experience, I’ve got to promise you that there are men out there – good, handsome, God-loving men – that will hold your hand while in Church and enjoy your food with reckless abandon. and once you find the one that fits the bill, marry him! – because it really does keep getting better! sending you much love :)
Wow. Just…wow.
This is a lovely essay. An ode, really. Bittersweet. I admire how the gentle fondness for this person comes through, and how there is a hazy distance between you. Cultivated but necessary.
Were I to stumble across a photo of my most recent lover, a well-intended but lost man several years older than my 48-year-old self – I would not be as tenderly reminiscent (despite wishing I could). Your treatment is mature and evidence that people do move on and heal. Thank you for the timely and needed reminder.
ahh!!!
Joy! We <3 you! stay strong my dear! You have an army of foodies all across the world ready to embrace you.
That read like a poem, beautiful.
powerful words. it’s amazing what the heart holds onto, good and bad, despite the passage of time.
Thinking about you Joy – I’ve been there, wish I could be as mature as you though!
Courageous! Honest. Thanks for trusting us, or not having to. I know this feeling.
I know how you feel. It’s beautifully written too. and definitely expresses what many of us (me included) have felt. don’t know if this is why you needed to stand and stir, but…
Anger can be rightful for awhile but eventually everyone has to decide whether to stay angry or make peace with their lives… I dated an angry man and had so much empathy for what he went through… But the day I realized he would never give up his anger was the day I realized I didn’t have it in me to be anger’s soulmate. Hope all of you with broken hearts are making the tough decisions to heal well and recovering pieces of your hearts that were lost along the way.
In a way, I’m glad I went the “creeper” route and subscribed to follow-up comments by email because of comments like this one. My inbox may be flooded, but it’s full of support and encouragement about how none of us are alone in this beautiful, bittersweet struggle of life.
Wow. Beautiful.
Lovely. Poignant. Heartbreaking. Been there, too.
Joy, this is beautiful. Very touching and I could totally relate to those feelings. Thanks for sharing
Your writing has a beautiful cadence and voice. As much as I love your cookbook, I’d love to read the Joy The Baker book of essays.
thank you! It feels good to know that I am not alone!
LOVE!
been there.
thank you for this. it’s refreshing to know that i’m not the only one who comes across old pictures and feels this way. you just put those feelings into words much more eloquently than i ever could.
and is that your bed? if so…those sheets are too adorable.
This exact situation happened to me…only she’s engaged and pregnant
Loved this post. Moving and beautiful…you write so well – it’s like we’re sitting in a coffee shop listening to you tell us this story. (wait…did that make sense? probably not!)
Thanks for your blog! I love reading it!
Thank you for your beautiful words and honest thoughts.
I loved how you shared this with us..it really touched something inside me.For a moment there i thought i had lived that moment myself sometime ago…maybe i had :(
Love ur writing and <3 your recipes. kisses from sunny Greece!
When we are young, we are so eager to love. As we get older, we start to build walls and some of us are never able to get close to anyone or let anyone get close again. Young love is innocent and pure but no love equals the love of a mother and a child. Once you experience this great love, you realize no man can ever hurt you again and the past hurt fades away.
Such a beautiful write-up!
It’s interesting that I just read this this very minute, because my ex but de-friended me on Facebook and I felt strange for about a minute. I’m sure I’ll have a moment like this in the future…
Whow!
you know what I love about your blog?
you get to do whatever you want!
you amaze.
as per.
P.S., And take it from this older gal and sometime poet and blogger — never, ever let anyone discourage the writer in you! You are talented and truthful. As for the variously offended, I bet any intelligent and sensitive ex reading your post would also applaud your muse and musings. The rest of us surely do!
I love it when the cook turns literary! Seriously. More, please.
i love and respect honesty. great piece – vivid and moving. thanks for sharing :-)
tears. i think i’m at the stage of fiercely holding to the devastating, destruction that somehow I’ve become lost in….Joy you are truly are a beautiful person inside and out. Thanks for sharing.
i’m glad you are brave enough to blog about these feelings. sometimes i feel like people think it is in bad taste, but i truly think it is just about being human, about being honest and true to ourselves. and we all know that writing about things takes the edge off that feeling we all have experienced.
Wow this post took me back. I have been here before, and it’s a relief to see that so many others, including yourself, have been there too. I had to let a relationship just like that go. If I hadn’t chosen to let it go, I wouldn’t have met my husband. I like that your blog has become a bit more personal lately. It’s really special to be able to peek into the lives of other people. It enables you to tackle your own issues and realize that you’re not alone. Thanks a lot for sharing that with us!
oh Joy,I hate that you went through something like that. You’re sweet and tender and the world is tough for people like you. Glad you’re in a better place now ….perspective rally helps, doesn’t it?
woah, beautiful Joy. I love how romantic this was, but not in the i-love-you romantic way… in the evocative-of-the-imagination Charles-Dickens way. I seriously needed to read this post today. I have been having my own intense, perhaps dark-ish relationship thoughts recently, and its nice to know someone out there, in a quiet way, thinks about them too, somewhere. :)
What a beautiful post. So Real. Thank you for sharing.
Simply beautiful and eloquent. Lots of love to you.
Joy I found your blog a month ago and this is the first time I’m. writing a comment here, you really inspire me.
I’ll send you a bear hug, and if I could , I would bake cookies for you, but I can’t ‘couse I live in Buenos Aires.
This is magnificent, Joy. I so appreciate and adore how personal your posts are. I read this and immediately empathized — while I’m over a year out of an emotionally destructive relationship, I still have moments where I feel vulnerable about it and hurt over it. Moving forward from it is an ongoing process.
Thank you so much for sharing. You are lovely. Keep doing what you’re doing, lady.
I’ve never posted a comment before, but this was beautifully written and very touching. Thank you for sharing.
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Reading this today I can’t help but be reminded of my own similar situation. Trying to hold the pieces together of a crumbling relationship. How easily I can remember the pain and the loss. But what a relief and a joy I felt today reading this post. I looked in the mirror and realized that I am not the broken girl I was at this time last year. I am happy. I am grateful even. I feel like I need to thank you for this post. You helped me realize I am not alone in this feeling, and in that fact there is beauty and grace and healing. Thank you for your wise words Joy.
I look forward to the day when I can have this reaction to an ‘accidental picture’. You are more steps into your journey than me, truly, and it’s wonderful to see.
Your graciousness shines through each and every word, yes even ‘random black dude’, ( Lin ). (BTW, I can totally hear you saying that.)
Hugs.
Lovely. It has plot, it has a voice, it has emotional pull without being overdone and it has that fantastic image of the one shaking fist in the air and the other holding the hand of my favorite chef. If it were fiction, everyone would accept and cheer. Just because it’s not, don’t let anyone bring you down.
The only way I got through my divorce was to blog about it. I changed the names to protect my children but, other than that, I said what I had to say and felt years younger and tons lighter. You do what you gotta do. :)
Hi Joy,
I just wanted to thank you for your beautiful humanity and unfailing sincerity. Beyond being a constant inspiration, you truly are a beautiful person.
So thank you for being you.
Sara <3
This is exactly how I feel right at this moment. My ex just got a new girlfriend.
Thanks for posting this.
Ohh I feel your pain- my ex got a new girlfriend back in March and that was the worst feeling I have ever experienced. Though we were apart for three years, we stayed in each other’s lives because we were just so comfortable with each other, which made it all the more devastating. However I can say that I have broken up with him “properly” this time around and though it’s two steps forward and one step back, there’s progress and healing for me!
The image speaks so directly – the slanted, muted sliced diagonal of light on stripes of colour, foregrounding the subject of contemplation in the nondescript background.
When you were going through this (well I think this was when you were going through this breakup), there was an edge to your blog posts … and you were a lot more restrained than usual. No mention whatsoever about the loss of the hopeful dream/s you had for and alongside this person any longer. I thought you showed remarkable restraint and now … right here in this post, you’ve succinctly and delicately expressed what the French call ‘tristesse’ – tristesse of many kinds of shades, hues and depth.
You’re not just a baker of organic products Joy – you’re a born alchemist. With is your brand of magic, you spin with words, clarity of hope for others as well as yourself. You’ve expressed here what so so many of us learn in retrospection … pain is pain and as Victor Hugo said, “?”The pupil dilates in darkness and in the end finds light, just as the soul dilates in misfortune and in the end finds God.”
Where else can we express our profound and paradoxical sense of loss but to others when we’re in the raw freshness of rediscovering these feelings of loss of fantasy. I thought above all, the image itself is very telling and so beautiful.
There is a poem by Boris Pasternak which I will try to find for you – and post later. It so evokes what you have written here. Go well Joy – you are a gem.
That was really beautiful to read, thank you for sharing this on your blog.
Oh, man– you made me feel that feeling with you in this post. It makes my heart ache … big, big hug to you!
I Facebook stalk my exes every so often myself (I can’t help it – heh)…my first love is married with three beautiful children, another seems to be a (happy) single father, another is now with his cousin (ick), one is flamboyantly gay and wonderful, and another has become one of my biggest supporters – they are all living their lives. Neither of our lives ended when the relationship did, and I hope that if they accidentally-on-purpose-ly see my photos and my life, they will realize that I have found my happiness, I got my house (eeep!) and my true love – and that they helped me pave the road to my happiness, as I hope, I was able to add a cobblestone or two to their paths as well. (Just not sure what I did wrong to the cousin bit…again, ick) teehee.
All this, to say to you Joy, that it was wonderful to read this, and it was oh-so-beautifully written. Thanks! xoxo
Heartfelt and nice.
Joy, you are an absolutely lovely lady! I feel as though we are amazing friends and I’m totes in love with this post! Thanks for inspiration!
beautiful writing, we’ve all been there!
Beautiful/Sad/Honest/Painful.
You are a fantastic writer, Joy. You are far more insightful than I was at your age. This might not prevent you from difficult emotional experiences, but it means that you will always come out of them stronger and wiser. You are an incredible role model for women; you are a brave, sensitive, beautiful person.
Your sweet and poetic words touched my heart and made it ache, just a tad.
Joy, this was just…I don’t even know. Is it ok to say it was awesome? Love it and you.
Amen girl.
Joy, I love this! You are so talented!
I love the image of holding the hand of a man shaking his fist at God. I was once there, too.
“I was reminded of how fiercely we tried to hold our relationship together, and how devastated and relieved we were in its destruction.”
When I look back at who I was while dating him, I see myself as a fragile piece of glass. When things ended, my heart shattered and I thought I was beyond repair. Now, years later, I look back, thank God for taking the broken pieces, cementing them with faith and leaving a beautiful mosaic in its place. You too are a beautiful work of art :]
Wow. Just wow.
You are so brave for putting yourself out there like that.
A couple things:
1. You are a WRITER!!! Like the kind that makes your readers totally and completely feel and understand what you’re saying.
2. I am sorry you lost a relationship but remember that everything happens for a reason.
3. You’re AWESOME!!! Don’t ever forget that! You seem like such a cool, talented girl with a big heart.
Keep up the amazinggggg work :)
I love this post, it struck home for me.
I also love how well you take people’s comments when they’re acting offended, you do it with such grace.
Your inspiring and I appreciate getting these glimpses into your real life. It helps to know that no matter how perfect other people’s lives can seem, that we all have our own heartbreaks that heal with time.
Oh, Joy. You write so beautifully. So openly.
What a pleasant surprise – I love the change of pace from your usual. :) You rock, friend.
(We’re friends in my imagination. You and Tracy talk to me while I train for my half-marathon. Just go with it.)
Dear Joy,
Love your post,
…it is poetic and
……universal
because we have all experienced
this kind of terrible, mad love..
Love Your Blog…
You’re a very talented Arist.
Brunie.
I love this. It’s so poetic and revealing….I know that feeling as well…..-Jessica L
Heartbreaking. Love it.
we’ve all been there and it sucks, but was the “random black dude” remark necessary? really hard for me to get past that sentence…
Oh if you only knew me… How about I take out the word random… Still offended?
I needed this today. Thank you.
And, Joy, this is what makes you the best food blogger on the internet :) I feel like you are inviting us not only into your kitchen but into your life. It’s lovely.
Wow…this is great. We’ve all been there/will be there/are there still. Ahh…the fresh taste of relief with the bittersweet twang of the past. Thanks for this.
thanks for sharing this personal and incredibly heartfelt post.. it takes so much courage to walk alone, even when things aren’t working or we know it’s not right.. i am so inspired and also sending you some comfort and space to fall apart. it’s all okay… thanks for sharing!
love the entry and the words. beautifully said and written.
loved it.
m.
Beautiful!
I’ve always envied those girls who jean short shop with ease….shorts in total, actually.
aahh those girls. envy.
Joy, your blog and podcasts inspire me so so so much. Thanks for sharing your life with all of us.
I finally broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. It was a complicated and painful almost-4-years. And though it feels weird to say it, you helped me find the strength to finally say goodbye. Reading your posts and listening to you and Tracy laugh about some of the most ridiculous things helped me remember who I am. I am a strong, independent woman! I have dreams to chase and friends who love me and want to see me succeed! Hanging onto the arm of a relationship going nowhere isn’t getting me any closer to success. Goodbye bad relationship. Hello next chapter!
I didn’t cry when I broke up with him. I’ve wondered if the tears would eventually come. They did. Just now. Thank you. I needed that closure. Let’s e-hug it out. Love to you! <3
Oh my goodness sweet lady. Big hug and love to you.
I remember this exact feeling – coming across a picture I wasn’t expecting, of someone I hadn’t thought about in a while, and being overwhelmed with that feeling of dread and intrigue, like I’d just walked into the wrong room at someone else’s house. You painted it perfectly.
Imagine how many people have come across photos of you and felt that :)
woah, that’s good stuff. rock on ;).
Beautiful post.
I just want to give you a BIG bear hug and soothe your heart with a carbohydrate of some sort, maybe sweet, maybe savory, your choice. Thanks for sharing & baring your soul with us. I have sooo been there, felt that.
Love ya!
What an amazing post, Joy. You are a seriously talented writer! I hope there will be more posts like this in the future to look forward to.
Hi Joy.
I think this is nicely written and like others said, poetic. I also think I would be mortified if I were the person in the picture you’re talking about.
You have a lot of influence, which is awesome. No, I mean that. It should make you pause and think, “Wow. All these people are reading this. All these people care what I think and feel” and be grateful and humbled, which I think you probably are. And I think you were careful to not say anything hurtful or about being hurt. But if someone had posted a picture of you and used their influence to air, however cryptically or politely, their feelings, on a blog that was otherwise not at all about their feelings about you, wouldn’t you maybe feel singled out? Or, for example, if you had “grievances with god” would you want someone with a huge readership to be talking about them to strangers?
I don’t know, I understand why you wrote this and how it probably made you feel lighter, but I bet you’d feel the same way if you wrote it and never posted it here.
This post was written with care, tenderness, and in imperfect humanity. I love this space that I’ve created to share what I like.
do not let anyone make you feel bad or guilty about showing your vulnerability in a public form. I applaud you and your honesty. I LOVE THIS POST
I agree share what you like!! I felt this with you! I think we have all been there!! :). Kudos & thank you for sharing this with us!!
I think that there are many women out there that have had this same feeling and I am happy you wrote about it here. If the people in this post DO happen to see it they should feel honored that it made you express such beautiful words and that you said what so many readers have felt so often before in “accidental” glimpses of their past. Thank you :)
This is so poignant, so honest & human. So glad you shared it.
Seriously gorgeous post, lady. Coming from someone who spent most of the morning FB stalking an ex just to see what life looks like for him now.
Thats real.
Damn, girl, you’re brave.
If I was in your situation, I’d have made some birthday cake popcorn and called my girlfriends over armed with boxes of wine.
But you, you write poetry.
Inspiring and beautiful, that’s what you are. ;)
Tears! So well-said, and so heart-string-pulling. You deserve only the best, Joy, you amazing, amazing madam! xoxoxo
Love this. So perfectly written and, clearly, we can all relate.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Oof. Sorry Joy. My relationship of 3 years ended last month, so I can (unfortunately) empathize with you.
This is a beautiful post, and I hope things get better soon!
Awww…I loved this ! touching and bitter sweet, I loved it :)
i thought it was offensive to describe the black guy as “some random black dude” …poor choice of words. doesn’t sit well with me.
Ooh. If you knew me at all…
seriously lol… have you read her blog? Racist is the last thing I’d call Joy. Her family background totally goes against that, too.
Moments like these, I really do hope that you write a non-cooking book, because I will definitely be buying that too.
Thank you for sharing this, you have the ability to turn hurt into a beautiful piece of writing. We’ve all been there, we all can relate, and the fact that you were not afraid to show your vulnerability here, only makes me admire you even more. You deserve the most amazing things.
I’ve been there. I admire your positive spin on the encounter.
Here’s to being in a better place now :) Cheers!
Very beautifully written. Makes me want to hug you over tea and have you divulge secrets about him over drinks at the same time.
You are so wonderfully you, it’s more than enough.
well done and well written. I feel ya!
I’ve seen a few photos like that myself. I love this, Joy. Your talents extend far beyond the kitchen :)
Oh social media. Great post. You are such a wonderful writer! Enjoy your weekend and your Flea Market finds.
“I was dating a man rightfully shaking his fist at God, while trying to hold my hand with the other. I was reminded of how fiercely we tried to hold our relationship together, and how devastated and relieved we were in its destruction.”
Woah. I can relate to that on so very many levels, and after having had a similar experience yesterday, this was just exactly what I needed. Thank you.
That was beautifully written Joy. It’s also nice to know a little more of you through your blog beyond your amazing recipes. Btwy, I’m in Hawaii right now and on some days I hang out in the cookbook section of Barnes and Nobles at the Ala Moana Mall. Your cookbook is here and it was awesome to see it :)
I hope that it helped to write the post. I know it often helps me to express it in words.
If for whatever reason, baking fails for you (god forbid), you should be a writer. That was beautiful.
Hey Joy. Wish I did not read your post today. Sorry. I am still fiercely trying to hold “it” together, still trying to avoid the pain and relieve of total destruction. Love bites! Now, what should I bite into to make mt heartache go away???
You’re such a talented writer.
lovely and heartbreaking and true. how things like this can knock us back a few steps – it’s astonishing, and yet also not at all.
I, along with everyone else, love this post.
I love and admire how vulnerable you made yourself in this post. I could feel the vulnerability. And I love it.
Thank you for writing this.
Also, yes. Been there. Totally.
Like many have said, this was a beautiful post. The internet is awesome, but shouldn’t exes just like, be banned from using it or something?
um i’m hugging you right now. with my mind. nbd.
love your writing and love that you share your self and not just your baking.
Such a well written post. i think we’ve all seen a version of this picture on fb and it always brings back so many mixed emotions.
i love that you said the girl he’s with probably doesn’t have trouble shopping for jeans shorts…guess she doesn’t have to shop at chicos ;o)
Oh my, I love this. x
Joy,
After reading your blog for several years, this is my favorite post by leaps and bounds. I love your joyful and playful writing, but I think this demonstrates more than anything how you’ve grown.
Thank you for putting your hand and heart out here for us to hold.
Rebecca
Wow, this is not your typical post but it’s just beautiful! Thank you!
thank you for sharing your life with us joy. we all have these days and you chose to share yours with us – making us all feel a bit better about the times we were there. thank you for always being so vulnerable. it makes me love you (even though i don’t really know you…) all the more!
beautifully written. love the detail, joy.
Oof.
That literally hurt my heart a little bit.
Wistful and beautifully-written. I was right there with you when I read that. You truly do have a way with words. =)
i felt that one right in my heart. beautiful post, joy.
Beautiful, Joy. That last paragraph took me back to a time in my life when I was grasping on to a relationship that wasn’t worth all the grasping. It reminded me all too much of my divorce and the bittersweet relief that came from putting an end to unhappiness. Thank you for your beautiful words.
P.S. I’m loving the non-food posts just as much as the food ones! Keep doing what you’re doing, pretty lady :)
Your words felt electric. I recognize this well. I am so glad you wrote this, Joy.
Love.
absolutely beautiful. <3
i love where your heart is & the enchanting way you tell this story. it is a treat to read. thank you so much.
Wow, the more I read, the more I wanted this post to go on and on. But it has to end somewhere–after all, it’s water under the bridge. This was the first post I read this Sunday morning–voice still groggy, eyes half awake–but my emotions were there with you, on full throttle.
wow – so refreshingly honest and real and unapologetically confessional.
thank you for sharing and letting us peep in on a moment/time of your life!
That felt a little too real reading your words. Thanks for sharing…it is reassuring that there are others out there who experience the same kind of emotions when we see someone we used to know and love.
Lovely post.
Joy, that brought tears to my eyes. I wish you the best. Eat lots of chocolate – it’ll help.
lovely.
so glad you decided you could JUST write on your blog. =) xo!
Joy, sorry for creating an email address in mid air without checking it first. You can share that if you like using my newly created address above. Just don’t share this.
Life can be painful but always know you will get through it. I have a wonderful family and life. The past molds who we are today and although we may not unveil ourselves entirely to others what they see is who we are. Always be true to yourself
You have a lot going for you. My grandmother always said to me, “find some that appreciates the value in you.” We all deserve that. I’m sure your dad would agree.
oh wow, this is a beautiful entry and I am so happy that you posted it.. <3
Loved it.
Perfect amount of emotion without over doing it.
Seeing pictures on ‘accident’ does not always bring about the most pleasant of feelings or reactions.
Hugs to you though.
amazing. period. <3
Beautiful writing. Sharply brings me back to the same exact emotion.
Loved this.
Thanks for sharing, Joy.
:)
I’m probably one of the many that have/ are going to say this: this was a beautiful post. I love your words.
Thank you for your post, Joy. You are such a talented writer and your words are so powerful and so true.
Thank you for the kindness!
thank you for being bold.
joy — just read this post to my mom and sister while they were drinking their coffee and now they’re both crying. what beautiful, true words. you’re a cook AND a poet. thank you so much for writing!
I am in my first real relationship and petrified that someday this might be how I see him. Thank you for proving that it can be ok.
You had me with every word because I have been there but I never actually wrote it down or said it out loud – it always remained inside.
I think having it out there is better because you connected with all of us and we connected back to you!
You go Joy, you go.
Beautiful words, and sums up an emotion I can relate to. Thanks for sharing this with us.
“One man stands awkwardly in his beard choice.”
This! One short sentence that paints a perfect picture of that hipster.
thank you for this post and sharing your thoughts and beautiful writing- and it sounds like you are in a MUCH better place now then when you were with him. Good for you, Joy!
My dearest Joy: As many others have commented before me, you eloquently wore your heart on your sleeve in this post. My sincere thanks for showing your vulnerability to those of us who love you so…
Waxing poetic about a past love will only strengthen your resolve to never ever let anyone but yourself control your own happiness. Broken love hurts, but only for as long as we hold on to it. Releasing the pain through writing, prayer, and tears will allow the sun to peek through the cloudy skies so that we can think clearly again <3
Joy, what a beautiful entry, made me remember and relate. You have endless talent – a true gift. Thanks for sharing such a personal moment – we’ve all had them. Superb!
I don’t know the words in English, but like Charlotte “I felt my heart flip and a little tear form reading this.”.
It’s sad and wonderful at the same time. Thanks for sharing.
I just want to say that we all go through this and as painful as it is, we survive. I dated a guy I adored for 5 years back in the 70s. I always imagined one day we’d meet on a corner like in the movie “the way we were.”. I deed years later we bumped into each other, he was in my state with his girlfriend, I was out to lunch with my sister and my 3 year old son, I’d already been married 4 years. My heart sunk and although I loved and still love my husband deeply I wanted to wrap my arms and legs around him and hold him. Instead we gave each other a kiss, had small talk and went back to our seats. I ha ent seen him since but it 20 years later and occasionally we will talk. Sometimes you just never forget but move on because it’s the best thing to do.
love this
I’ve had those moments as well. Not so much accidentally. Sometimes I have to see their face and let the years take away some of their awesomeness.
I read this post in my google reader without paying attention to which blog it was from … I was surprised to see it was you, Joy! Very beautiful and poignant. I’m just going through the breakup of a 5.5+ year relationship … I wonder if this will be me, later. Probably.
I feel ya, baker-lady.
Wonderful words. You’re brilliant.
It’s funny, reading this, makes you stop and think just for a moment, about those in our past. It makes you think about how you feel about them, if you feel anything.. sadness, anger. Hrmm.. makes you think.
This really touched me. With everything and everyone being on the Internet nowadays, it’s not surprising it happened. But I love that you acknowledged it!you are a strong woman and every time I see my ex, I get nervous and cringe (we work in the same building, never doing that again), but this made me feel like I’m not alone!
Your writing is superb! Have you ever thought of writing a book or love story? Sometimes when we have so much built up inside its a great release to write. Based upon this small writing sample I think you’d have a best seller. You’ve already done a cookbook, might as well go for the gold and write a novel. Beautifully written.
I can read your pain Joy but it is a really beautiful post xx
I squinted and looked and saw the picture too. I saw this unbelievably talented, beautiful girl with grace at her fingertips standing looking at the murky water under that bridge. I placed in her hand a prayer of comfort. It was wrapped in parchment paper.
Oooh, boy did I feel this post….
Your words resonate with so many people…. thank you for writing about it.
Oh Joy, I felt my heart flip and a little tear form reading this. I truly hope, though in reality you are a person I have never met who lives across the world from me, that you are happy. I love to read everything you write, it’s like an old friend is speaking to me, giving me the great advice I so rarely find from my actual friends. I agree with other comments here, you should write a book – you have that quality of making your words seem effortless, though I’m sure posts like this take a great deal of effort and courage to share.
Keep it coming – your food posts, your ‘real life’ posts, your poetic posts like this one – I love them all. You are totes maj girlfriend!
Oof. I been there. <3
oh joy. it’s the worst isn’t it?
no big deal…
just a moment when the chest tightens and memories flood thoughts
Diane, A Broad +1
tears in my eyes, sparkles of happiness for what you’ve got now. thanks for sharing. those catchyouoffguardpics are beeps.
<3
relationships are weird. it’s always strange seeing the person you once spent so much time with when they’re not “yours” anymore. it’s almost too hard to take! I totally understand how you feel. your writing is beautiful!
This was a beautiful post.
Thank you for sharing.
Florence and the machine have some great songs for this occasion.
beautiful story, very raw. We have all been in those shoes. xx
Beautiful written. You really have a way with words. And your truthfulness is inspiring.
This makes my chest ache and my eyeballs feel a little trembly.
This is truly a great post. It was a nice change from the usual and I know I’ll be thinking of this for the next week or so.
This is amazing and saving me from da books hell. Thank you, I hope you’re truly happy
i was here recently. i found out, accidentally, that he is unhappy. and i hate to admit it but i’m happy that he’s unhappy…
I have been reading your missives for a few years but lately have been otherwise occupied and not had a lot of free time. However, this morning at 4:55 am I took my coffee to the computer before I began to get ready for church. I had a free hour and I decided to read a bit. Your opening line was eye catching and after reading through it I thought, it could easily be the first page of a novel. For a young person, you have done a lot of living. Please take some advice from a person who has lived probably two of your lifetimes, put it into a book. Now that you have the proper connections, it will easily get published. I have been saving my heartaches for the right moment, and here I am 73 years old, still waiting. Don’t wait, hang your hat on that star and fly it to the moon. Love to you and your happiness. Cathy
I TOTALLY agree with Cathy! You have such poetry when you write, you have IT!! Now, just go forward with your writing. :)
Can *so* relate. This post – although there have been many others on non-foodie topics – this post is the one that for me flipped the switch from “Food Blog” to “Life Blog”.
You, madame, are a delight in all ways. Thank you.
Joy That was really beatifully written. Thanks for being so authentic and wholehearted! It’s inspiring…
Joy I love that you wrote this! We have all SO been here. I am in massive agreement with crazy_athens – I love the way you post non-recipe stuff too….actually I really quite prefer it because I get overwhelmed by all the yummy stuff I am desperate to make from your site! So ignore all the ridiculous people making comments about the reduction of foodie posts of late (just listened to podcast no. 59!)
Goosebumps. Wow. Thank you for this. X
You made my heart melt. I don’t know you but I feel like I do because I read your blog quite often. I love your ramblings and recipes and sometimes crazy food combos. This post is so beautiful and so raw. you are so talented.
Wow I’m so thankful for your honest words. Keep being keeping it honest because it’s inspiring.
More of this, please. Very beautiful and very true.
What a beautiful piece of writing, Joy. You are brave.
Yesterday I accidentally saw a live version of what you describe. Ex boyfriend and new girl live in front of me. No hard feelings there either. Water from bridge too. I just wanted to say that I like the fact that although your blog has a cooking base you put bits from other things in there now and then.
(ps I’ve finally ordered your book from the book depository and I’m waiting for it to arrive!)
Joy… My heart just did a little jump for you in reading this… I hope you are truly OK.
Even now, your writing is just beautiful and articulate and so very, very real. I’ve accidentally seen pictures of those people as well, and it’s the strangest sensation.
Thank you again for being brave enough to share you’re vulnerabilities with the world… You are never alone for this and surrounded by many people (too deep?)
PS – I have the same Mac as you… Snap! x
Thank you for your post. I discovered your site months ago, and have followed it quietly but avidly ever since–as much for your tasty food exploits as for your expressive vignettes. You have a knack for pairing life with food like a practised sommelier. Your posts have always spoken to me, in part because of your perspective as a fellow Angeleno but also because you don’t shy away from sharing blunt, emotional experiences.
Today I also accidentally saw a picture, but your post just dulled the sting of it. (Almost as much as the chocolate I’m about to eat will!) So again: Thank you.
Beautiful.