Beyond the Kitchen

Papa Says


We can’t have a series about motherly life lessons without acknowledging some solid Dad-isms.   This Dad of mine has a lot of gems to teach.  To be fair, I was a little girl with curly bangs and a mild mullet… I needed a lot of guidance.  Mom is the guide to ‘act right, eat your apple, and don’t steal my scissors’.  Dad is the guide to ‘act right, watch this movie, and save me the last biscuit’.  All very important lessons.

I love the people who raised me.  Beyond!

Papa Says (or heavily implies):

I’m going to work literally aaallll night long because I love you and you require food and electricity.  When I get home at 5am, I’m going to wake you up so we can make a pie together.  You’ll moan and groan about it, but you’ll thank me later.

I know you’re six years old, and you can’t possibly understand the nuance and beauty of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, but we’re going to watch it over and over and over again.  One day it will blow your mind.

Whole Wheat Fig Newton Cookies are dessert.  (I still disagree with this notion, Father.)

Conversely, Carrot Cake is pretty much a vegetable.

Did someone say waffles?  Let’s definitely make waffles.

If there is an ant in the kitchen, it’s a family emergency.  Everyone UP!  Out of bed!  We’re getting to the bottom of this.

How many times do I have to tell you to rinse your dishes, to wrap up the bread, the clean up the cereal, to take out the trash, to clean up your room. How many times do I have to tell you?  (Answer, Dad:  you’ll have to tell me a lot of times… like A LOT.)

Don’t mess around with boys that disrespect you.  I didn’t teach you to put up with that nonsense.

If you’re going to bring a boy home… well, he best address me as Mr. Wilson (and you really shouldn’t bring very many boys home).

You do not give the expensive canned tuna to stray cats.  That is something you

Eat your vegetables.  Your mother and I bought them for you and you will, you really will eat them.

I’m not going to raise my voice very often, but when I do, it will shake you to your core.

Your mother and I are on the same team and you won’t be able to get one over on us with your child-brain trickery.  Did you Mom say no?  I say no too.  One exception:  I will buy you that Gap sweater even though it’s not on sale.

It’s midnight.  Let’s get doughnuts.

Whatever you don’t eat off your dinner plate, I will eat.  Most specifically, if you want to save me a few bites of your chicken and biscuits… I think that would be great.

Pie is not pie unless it’s warm.

Life’s a beach, as illustrated by my fashion.