November 20, 2011 
Here’s the thing about a trip to the Emergency Room. In most cases, what you wear stumbling into the ER is what you wear walking out of the ER.
So… what you’re able to throw on as you’re stumbling around your bedroom, trembling like a maniac, halfway doubled over in pain, just trying so so hard to find your favorite scarf… those decisions that you make in those moments, are decisions that you’ll be living with once the ER times are over. It’s not a time to worry about fashion. I know this. Believe me… I know these things aren’t all that important. I’m just saying….
I’m just saying…
If you find yourself leaving the ER wearing the cropped lavender pajama pants that your mother handed-you-down, the cardigan you addicentially shrunk in the dryer, and your furry floppy slippers… the only thing that will be on your mind is how grateful you are for IV medicines and doctors that know things.
And the other thing that might be on your mind is… well, the fact that you’re wearing all of the things that you shouldn’t be wearing… in public. But you’re healthy. You best walk tall.
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November 4, 2011 
My hair is in rollers. Like… kickin’ it old school in Velcro rollers.
No one needs to know that besides the 137 of you who read this blog, my cat, and any random person who comes to this blog after Google searching “the most awesome biscuits ever made, for real”.
Ah.. the rollers. It’s amazing how un-cute you have to look to eventually look cute-ish. Boys don’t do this. They just put on cardigans and look hot.
Now… there’s a lot of good news I need to tell you about these biscuits. First: bacon. Second: brown sugar. Third: butter. Fourth: they’re freaking biscuits!!! And fifth: they do not have an un-cute phase. They’re all cute/delicious/freak-out-worthy, from beginning to end.
Do you really need convincing? No. Do I really need these rollers? Um… today? Yes.
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October 30, 2011 
Apparently we’re quickly approaching November. Wait… what!? In the blink of an eye we’ll be eating turkey for Thanksgiving, wrapping holiday gifts, and kissing at midnight… that’s how fast this year is going!
What are we going to do about this? Is there some sort of pause button.
The only thing I can think do to do slow things down involves these healthy-ish Pumpkin Millet and Chocolate Muffins, a cup of milky tea, and Food and Wine Magazine. Did you slow things down this weekend? Was there pumpkin and chocolate, too?
This is real life. Warm muffin. Milk tea. Food magazine.
I don’t slow down very often… I’m a terrible relaxer. A short moment that looks like this? Yea… it’s a nice and necessary recharge.
Ps. You should totally know that I ate three muffins… not just the one pictured here. Three. They’re small. No biggie.
Oh! My little bit of downtime has given me all sorts of holiday pie ideas. Get your pie tins out! It’s going to get delicious here.
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October 27, 2011 
Under no circumstances do I want you to come to this blog, read it, and leave with the sense that I have my act together. I don’t have my act together. If it looks for a moment like I have my act together… I’m just barely holding on. Hear these words.
I was reading a website last week, and the writer posted a picture of her nightstand. Perfectly mundane. Perfectly innocent. Except… the nightstand had three things on it. Something fancy made by Steve Jobs, something that probably smelled like roses in heaven, and a perfectly placed tube of designer lip gloss. Perfect layered on perfect, with a dash of perfect. Maybe I freaked out a little on the inside. Maybe my nightstand is a dusty clutter of books that I’m currently ignoring. Maybe I can’t find my lip gloss… and if I could it surely would not be designer… and it surely would have cat hair on it.
I’m not much for comparing myself with others… but I am for comparing nightstands apparently.
Mine is not put together.
Also… while we’re here… you should also know that I have to throw my phone in the back seat of my car to keep myself from texting and driving. All the way in the back. Otherwise I can’t help myself.
Oh. Sometimes I daydream about running into the boy I used to date earlier this year. In my fantasy, I look fantastic… like fatally fantastic. I’m also with my new (majorly amazingly tall) new boyfriend…. thus making this dummy dude feel like a total shrimp. I so so so wish for that to happen.
See? I’m fickle, and messy, and texty… AND I CAN TOTALLY COOK SOME APPLES!!!! So there…
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October 23, 2011 
Who am I to tell you how to make a dang sandwich?
I don’t know how much mayonnaise you like to spread on your bread. I don’t know how spicy you like your mustard. I don’t know how cheesy you like your situation. I can’t know how tall you like to stack your ham.
I don’t want to get into your sandwich making business. It’s a personal thing. I know.
But! May I just offer you two humble suggestions?
Pickles and Potato Chips. Inside.
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October 4, 2011 
I can and I will.
I can and I will.
That’s what I’ve been telling myself lately. I can and I will… about everything. I’ve also been saying YES to just about everything. Do you know what can open up when you say Yes.. I can and I will? Whoa. Major. Going to the gym? Done. Having an uncomfortable conversation you don’t want to have? Done. Offering a lady at the laundromat my laundry soap? Done. Paying that dang parking ticket. Fine, done. Helping a friend with a photo project. Donedone.
I’m not looking for any sort of award. I realize that this is all just everyday living… but it really is a lovely brainchange to think YES first… and I CAN second. Really cool things can happen. Like tacos… tacos can happen.
Amendment: I think the only thing I’ll say no to right now is… seeing that 3D dolphin-without-a-tail movie. I can’t handle it… mostly because it would probably make me cry. Ugh.
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October 2, 2011 
If I could have made a U-turn on the freeway, I would have… that’s how much I didn’t want to go to this party.
The sheer fact that I was forced to drive in a straight line at high speeds is why I made it to this party.
Now… nothing was wrong with the party. It was set to be a perfectly fine evening of good food and tons of people that I didn’t know. Food and new friends? Come on Joy… get into it!
But sometimes it’s just hard to get into it… right?
I tried every trick in my book. I painted my nails pretty. That usually ups my game. I shaved my legs even though I was wearing a long skirt… you know, for inner confidence. I wore my favorite watch. I wore my favorite ring. I washed my car. I said some prayers. I even made this Almost Vegan Zucchini Bread.
I just couldn’t snap out of my recluse/hermit/ohmygod itotally justwant tostayat hhoooommmmeeee tendencies.
So I drove down the freeway to a party.
Guess what?
I had a good time. Yea. Totally. Of course I had a good time.
Guess what else?
I was so so so glad to get home and sneak a slice of this bread and call it dessert.
Real life. Happening.
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September 30, 2011 
Uh-huh.
It’s onion ring time.
Were you the little girl that would put a small onion ring on her ring finger and pretend that she was married?
Yea… me neither. That’s weird.
… And I definitely didn’t do that today, as a grown-ass lady. That would be even more odd.
Except I totally did. Yea. So what.
Onion rings can be baked. Onion rings can be fried. Onion rings are always delicious. Especially when eaten off your finger.
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September 20, 2011 
I don’t have one single recipe memorized.
Actually wait…. I have the recipe for a Bourbon and Ginger Ale memorized. That’s two ingredients. That doesn’t really count.
I don’t have one single baking recipe set to memory. Not my Dad’s Buttermilk Biscuit recipe. Not my favorite pancake recipe. Not the best Creme Fraiche Quiche ever. None of those are in my brain.
What I do have in my brain is: my best friend’s parents’ phone number, from 1988, the license plate number for my first car, and every single lyric to Blues Traveler’s “Hook”.
Wwwwhhhhyyyyy?
Can we erase these three useless pieces of information, and replace them with: a buttermilk biscuit recipe, the quadratic equation, and something awesomely conversational… like the lifespan of the beluga whale. That would be better, don’t you think?
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September 18, 2011 
Here’s a few things I’ve learned from life… they definitely have nothing to do with cookies:
Don’t laugh when someone asks you out on a date. They’ll think you’re laughing at them. They won’t understand that you’re just flattered and awkward and your head is about to explode. Don’t chew gum in a public restroom. It sorta feels like you’re eating bathroom air. Capital Gross.
Lastly, don’t drink wine past 3:30am. It’s totally past your bedtime and you won’t look pretty in the morning.
It’s just that life is so beautiful, I’d hate for you to make these mistakes.
Can we talk about cookies now? Geez.
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September 4, 2011 
I have a super power. I can look at a sad, understocked, and unloved fridge… and find a dessert in it. You have the bottom scrapings of the peanut butter jar, a bit of powdered sugar, and some random chocolate chips? Dessert. You have honey and walnuts? I think there’s something we can do there. You have marshmallows? Um… that’s totally dessert. You’d be surprised of the wonders you can work with strawberry jam. Bacon can be salty dessert. Bake it with brown sugar, you big dummy. Granola? Put that on anything and drizzle it with honey. Barbecue sauce!? Wait… only if you’re desperate. Capers? No… those aren’t ever dessert. Maybe I’ve gone too far.
Here’s a dessert that came from my (slightly) understocked fridge. Ok.. truth be told, I had lemon sorbet in my freezer. Maybe that doesn’t exactly count as understocked… but maybe I’ve just spoiled myself. I mixed tart lemon flavors with creamy milk and crunchy graham crackers. The result is a no muss, no fuss, anytime dessert-y good time.
This is another one of those loose recipe situations. Life doesn’t always require lists. Let’s just go with it.
Grab a blender and a pint of tart lemon sorbet. Blend sorbet with about 2/3 cup of milk. I used a few splashes over 2/3 cup. Once milkshake is blended smooth and thick, add a hearty handful of crumbled graham crackers. Stir with a spoon. Spoon the milkshake into 4 small glasses. Top with whipped cream and more graham cracker crumbled. Eat with a spoon and big ol straw. Enjoy immediately. Recipe makes about 2 1/2 cups of milkshake.
It’s creamy, bright , crunchy, DELICIOUS!
August 29, 2011 
I made a thing that tastes like another thing…
Salad that tastes like chips.
Wait… would anyone sign up for chips that taste like salad?
No.
Wait…. Cobb Salad chips? Yes. How can we make this happen?
Ok. I’m totally distracted. I need to tell you about potato salad before the summer slips away.
This salad is special. There’s pickling and beans involved.
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August 18, 2011 
I know what you’re craving. I know what you’ve got on your mind. I know juuuuust the thing you need.
Cold. Green. Soup.
Sexy right? Just the thing you’ve been yearning for? The answer to all of your burning questions? The great treasure?
Wait…. no!?
Cold green soup isn’t your thing? Come on…. let me at least try to change your mind.
This soup starts with creamy, ripe, delicious avocados. We’re off to a wonderful start! It’s the start of amazing things like guacamole. But wait… stop thinking about guacamole. We’re not making that.
Psssst! Sneak up top and check out the podcast page for the latest Joy the Baker Podcast!
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August 10, 2011 
Update! Check out the latest Joy the Baker Podcast! Episode 13 is LIVE!
Things I Say Too Often:
- Duh. Totes.
- How you livin’?
- Why is this orange juice making me more thirsty!?
- Shut it.
- Huh?
- Dddrrrriiiiiiiiivvveeeeee (faster please)!
- Small coffee. Room for cream, please.
This I Don’t Say Often Enough:
- Hey Mom. Thanks for birthing and raising me. That couldn’t have been easy. You did a great job.
- Hey Dad. Thanks for working so hard to 35 years to support your family. I appreciate you so much.
- Oh geez. Was I being passive aggressive just then? I’m sorry. I understand that that’s totally annoying. I’ll try to be aggressive aggressive next time.
- Thank you for reading my blog. I appreciate you so much.
- I understand where you’re coming from.
- I love you. From on the inside. It’s major.
- More pie, please.
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August 8, 2011 
Dear The French Laundry,
How did a humble baker girl like me end up at a fine establishment such as yours? Seriously. Breathtaking. How did this happen?
Ok… truth be told, my friend Tracy extended a last minute invite, I basically ran to my car in my slippers, a dress on a hanger flying behind me, and I sped from Los Angeles to Yountville in a cool 7 hours. I forgot my lipstick. Thank you for not judging.
Is it The French Laundry, or can I just call you French Laundry?
We’re on a first name basis, right? Good. Thank you.
French Laundry. You are Fancy. Capital F, Fancy.
… I can tell by the generous amount of gorgeous Thomas Keller flatware, delicious amount of caviar, and generous amount of champagne.
You brought me this tiny pearled spoon scoop and I thought about accidentally putting it in my purse for 3.45 seconds. It’s a good thing I remembered that I don’t steal things. I love that little scooper. Well played.
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July 27, 2011 
I’m slightly confused by vacations.
So I’m supposed to get on a plane, go to a place, wear a bathing suit, and… not blog?
That’s strange. That’s confusing. That makes me uncomfortable.
I’m not good at vacation. I can’t be the only one.
I threw together this super easy lunch salad before I left.
It’s healthful! We’ve got fruit, bean protein, and great grains.
I was thinking about bikinis when I made this.
As soon as I get back, I’ll be thinking about butter again. Promise.
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July 18, 2011 
Here’s a peek inside my crazy brain.
Sometimes… I wonder how many years I’ll get to live. Not in a morbid way. Come on. I’m totally into living. I just wonder. It’s healthy.
I wonder how many years I get to live… and what the sum total of that living will look like.
How many people I’ll love. How many people loved me. How many songs I’ll sing loudly and badly. How many prayers say. How many communions I’ll take. How many sunburns I’ll endure. How many gardens I’ll plant and kill. How many cats I’ll have. How many pairs of jeans I’ll buy. How many miles I’ll bike ride. How many bottles of wine I’ll drink. How many tears I’ll shed. How many slow dances I’ll have. How many letters I’ll write. How many people I’ll smile at. How many times I’ll apologize. How many cookies I’ll bake. How many first kisses I’ll have. How many kids I’ll have. How many photos I’ll take. How many flowers I’ll smell. How many countries I’ll visit. How much life I absorb.
Mostly though… I just really like lists, and cookies, and chocolate, and toasted marshmallow.
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July 13, 2011 
Was it you who spent last Friday night with a bottle of white wine and a truly GIANT bowl of salty, sweet popcorn.
Did you find yourself 4 hours into a Say Yes to the Dress marathon? Wait… did you cry a little bit?
Was it you who glanced at the random pair of scissors on your coffee table, then took a quick glance at the sleeping cat sitting to your left? Was it you who again glanced at the scissors… then back at the unsuspecting cat? Scissors. Cat. Scissors. Cat.
Wait… was it you who decided to give your poor, helpless cat a summer hair cut?
Was it you who found out that trimming a cat’s hair is actually waaaay harder than it seems?
Was it you left with the kinda silly, lopsided looking cat?
Was that you? Oh. Wait. No.
I guess that was ME. My bad. Honest mistake.
I can’t show you a picture of the cat. It’s downright embarrassing.
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July 5, 2011 
Real talk:
I’ve never once made an Angel Food Cake.
Real talk:
It has scared the heck out of me.
Wait… I need how many eggs? Wait… I don’t grease the pan? Hold on just a second… I have to hang the cake upside down!?
What is this? Is this science? Is this some sort of trick?
Real talk:
I finally made my own Angel Food Cake.
Real talk:
There were only two moments during the making and cooling of this cake that I thought I had completely ruined the whole thing. I hadn’t. I was just kinda freaking out for no good reason.
Real talk:
You need a fancy pan (not that fancy, it’s just a tube pan), and enough faith to hang this cake upside down for a bit… but it’s totally worth it. These are true words.
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June 28, 2011 
Everything is as sweet as dessert in the summertime.
Living is totally easy:
Morning warmth and sunshine. Just like dessert.
Granola with berries and sweet coffee. Reminds me of dessert.
Chicken salads and pink wine for lunch. Desserty.
Peachy blue sunsets, popcorn for dinner, and roasted apricots for dessert.
Gin and tonics. Totally dessert.
Sleep. Wake. Repeat.
(Oh, but let’s not forget the fact that we still have to totally work hard, and get our hustle on, and keep our eye on the prize, and keep our nails did, and eat our vegetables, and pay our bills, and stay inspired, and just when we think we’ve worked hard enough… we have to try to work a little harder)
But other than that… summertime is totally all dessert, all the time.
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