I’m not sure if I’m completely mortified by what’s about to happen, or if I’m giddy with excitement.
I’m leaning towards completely mortified. This is the part where you have hard evidence that I’m weird. There’s no denying my CatLady status now.
I made my cat a birthday cake. I’m about to tell you about it. Run away now, if you must. I’ll understand.
What is to follow is the life of this young feline, Jules (Cat) Stevens. It’s complex and it ends in an ugly yellow bow. Welcome to my life.
This is the creature that I lived with this last year. I still live with a version of this creature… you’ll see what happens towards the end.
But this creature… this creature had a passion for sunny windows, and a love for his mother (that’s me, DUH) like no other.
This creature grew. Found his voice. Started yelling…
and never wanted to stop yelling. He has a lot to say… mostly about how he wants to go outside, and what he wants to eat.
Sometimes he wants to eat his own tail while sitting in my camera bag. He’s being cute for dramatic effect. I feed him actual food.
At some point early this year, this young man started to get weird. Exhibit A.
He got really weird.
You know I can still see you kitten, right?
He found awesome things to lay on and next to.
And I love his striped tail.
He looks so sweet and innocent.
He looks so curious and rugged.
But do not let this wet animal fool you.
He is a monster. He will hunt you down and swipe your leg. If you are moving, he is hunting you.
This kitten has the soul of a warrior. He’s ruthless, and he loves when your feet move under the covers.
Go on… move em.
He’s been waiting all night for your to roll over in your sleep. Aaaaalllll night. Sucka.
I love this animal. He has an attitude. He can be a jerk.
Everyday he sits between my desk and the front door like a little, furry guard. If the front bell rings, he’s at the door faster than any dog I’ve seen. I like to think that’s he’d scratch an attacker’s eyes out (unless that attacker had cat treats). He’s my little kitty jerk.
Because I love this creature, I created Cat Land for his first birthday.
Cat Land is a collection of my cat’s favorite toys. As you see…. most of these things are in fact NOT toys. They are considered toys to my jerk of an animal.
He loves to eat my earphones. Nothing is more enjoyable than running toilet paper all over the house. He loves to test water by placing his paw inside of my water glass, he likes to bat my rings and earrings under the couch, and occasionally he enjoys his actual leopard print cat string.
He also loves to sit on burlap. Because he’s weird.
So. Cat Land.
Play, birthday kitten. Play!
Seriously? Cat Land was a success. Like, major.
Seriously? Cat Land was destroyed. Like, major.
And then it was time for cake.
Why does he look so pissed?
Why does he look so skeptical? He sees me cook everyday!
See? Cat cake!
Cake Cake is made up of plain baked salmon and super cheap Whole Foods dry cat food. It’s totes gourmet.
Happy Birthday Jules.
You light up my life. You scratch my leg. You terrorize me in the dark.
You also make me look like a totally awful cat mom, because you wont let me brush your hair and you messed up your birthday bow. You look nothing at all like those polished cats on Etsy wearing bowties and berets. Ugh!!! But…
This is how we live.
This is how we live.