Some days are murky with pain. When battled politics smear together with hatred, fear, and the loss of innocent lives, it’s hard to navigate our feelings of confusion and grief… and do the dishes, fold the laundry, and drive through traffic in a car. At times like these, amid the grief, I find peace in thinking about the things I love about the people I love.
I’ve done a curious thing for most of my adult life: move to a home in a city that is away from my original home. I move, make friends, live and work and learn things about myself, my place, and the people around me. Then I settle into comfort and juuuust when my feet nearly grow roots: I move again. (I’m done doing that, for the record.)
Moving away from your friends is hard. Facetime makes it easier, except when you’re in the shower. Texting makes it easier, except when you don’t feel like texting. Snapchat makes it confusing because we got old I think?… or something like that.
I find comfort in the qualities of my best friends even when we’re miles apart. Bringing those qualities to mind is like rummaging through a toolbox of other people’s sparkle, and picking out what I need to keep hammering away at my day, especially when the days are murky and hard.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned and the qualities I admire in my friends. These are the reminders that I muster into my day-to-day when the brain gets weary and the distance feels far:
• There’s my cheery, positive, do-not-take-yourself-so-damn-seriously friend Tracy who will throw a silver lining on any damn thing I throw at her and it’s a good thing because DANGIT if I’m not good at getting extremely defensive, extremely quickly. Tracy is light-hearted, positive, chill-out, creative vibes when I want to gear up in my defensive armor. Front of the roladex which is why she’s a best.
• When the waves are crashing and you need to be a lighthouse in the storm, there’s Mom and Dad. Parents are friends, right? They’re like having living, breathing lighthouses in your corner to support you, shine the light, and guide the way.
• Really care about people from a place deep inside your heart. I learn this from most of my friends, but my little sister Lauren lives it without faltering. She’s the best among us with the most kindness in her heart. She got all the kindness, and the green eyes… so she wins life.
• Hustle hard and laugh harder is a lesson from my dear friend Whitney. Whether she knows that she inspires me in this way or not… her spirit lifts me up when I need it.
• Take your time, get it right, and keep a GREAT attitude because a crap attitude is just a drag… and other lessons I’ve learned from my friend and fellow vision-worker Jon.
• Be a loyal, enthusiastic, and encouraging friend like my friend Britt. It’s a good reminder when I feel like I want to hide in a hole. Essentially, be the kind of friend you want.
• Be generous with what you know and share it! A lesson from my friend Lauren who is always willing to listen to a hair-brained idea and give me her thoughts. See: Drake on Cake.
• Go out of your way to make people feel cared for is a constant reminder from my friend Jessica who will welcome you to her city, home, and heart like she has room for the world inside of her. She welcomed me to New Orleans like no other.
It’s good to think about, isn’t it? The things we learn, the qualities we admire and absorb, the love we have for the people we keep close.
I appreciate you. I hope this brings the love around you to mind. Make it a lovely day.
xo Joy
Krysten (@themomnoms)
I have a few great friends. But I like you, make friends and then move away.
I feel like for me, doing that is because I never really felt at home anywhere until now.
But some of those friends have stuck with me through thick and thin and I love them.
Such a heart warming post.
Kat
All of this! I too have moved away, twice, and had to find new friends find ways to nourish old across the miles. I wouldn’t trade them for anything!
A Broad at Home
I love this tribute to friendship! I feel like I don’t thank my friends enough for all their support and encouragement and love. I’ve moved a few times as well (and now live overseas) and it can be exhausting to try to make new friends in every new place. But it’s also opened my eyes to new people and new friends who I might otherwise not get to know simply because I’m used to a certain type of friendship circle. You’ve inspired me to tell all my bests just how much them mean to me : )
Grace
I rarely, if ever, comment. I love this post, I think we all need more of this post, and above all I believe this kind of post helps us all realize how hard/how worth it it is to be kind.
searedandshameless
Gosh what a lovely post. My friends are so incredibly important to me, it’s hard to quantify with words.
https://searedandshameless.com
Denise in Austin
Joy ~ another amazing post from out of the blue. This is emotional and telling and real. Many come here for great cooking/baking advice. Amazing recipes! and all that it implies. Today was a rough one for me and this made me value my friends that help carry that load. I feel like this should be a personal email, but it in truth belongs right here in the comments, with everyone else. I found you because of my love of cooking and baking; I stay because of post like this. It reminds me of an older post of yours (2012 – a lifetime ago) titled “I Accidentally Saw . . . ” you know the rest. It is one of my favorites because it it real and true and always makes me cry. Just like this one. Thank you. You made my day better to come home and read this.
Andrea D
I don’t have friends and had convinced myself I was okay with that. This post makes me want to try harder to develop friendships. Thank you.
Chuck
Tho many miles may separate me from old friends, hearing their voice on the telephone instantly erases the years that we have been apart. I treasure those friends from my past.
Diana
I thought this was really beautiful!
xo, Diana
Krisha
I really enjoyed this post. It makes me think about my friends and people i care about. Thank you!
Beth
I don’t think we tell our friends how much we appreciate them enough! I have several amazing friends, from different times in my life. There are Marina and Matt, who I met and have been friends with since preschool. Marina is one of the kindest people I have ever met. From her, I’ve learned to always see the best in others. Matt has always pushed me to be a little less afraid of the rules and has taught me to always have a good sense of humor. My other childhood and high school friends have likewise inspired me in so many ways. I always hear Beth’s sarcastic voice in my head when things aren’t going quite how I’d like. Kristine works hard in everything she does and is disciplined in a way I never have been. Annie and Jesse remind me to be myself and to not worry about what others might think.
My college friends influenced me in a whole other way. Nicole is one of the most self-less people and always thinks of others. Her life goal is to feed those who are hungry. Sara is always thinking of others and puts others’ needs before her own. Jess and Ellie live their life with a passion and have a faith I truly admire.
I grew up around many strong older women. They remain some of my closest friends. They have always made me feel so important and special. They have encouraged me and supported me and make sure I always know I am loved. My grandparents are still alive, and they have been my rock throughout my life. When I got mad at my siblings or my parents, I always knew I had a place to go to find comfort.
Thank you for the reminder that even when there is so much bad in the world, there are also so many wonderful people.
Mary Frances
This is lovely, thank you
Maria
There you go, being generous with what you know and sharing it so perfectly. THANK YOU, Joy. Have a very Groovy day!! :)
sweetteasweetie (@SweetTSweetie)
I love this! I’m so glad that there is a best friends day!!
Kari
http://www.sweetteasweetie.com
Thea M.
This was so wonderful – even better than whisks. (Really – I mean that, no snark intended, because I love whisks.)