What we have here is an accidental diary, friends. I really do have to marvel and shake my head in absolute embarrassment at the old posts here on Joy the Baker. It turns out being human together, and on the internet together for so long is both mortifying and comforting.
We’ve been at this Joy the Baker-ing together for nearly 13 years now and just about every post I ever thought to write still exists here. It’s comedy. It’s a disaster.
Recently for Camp Joy, my friend Whitney was deep-diving my site looking for old pictures of my ten year old cat, Tron. She ran across a post that I had completely erased from my brainspace.
EXCUSE ME WHAT? My 29 year-old-self wrote a letter to my 39-year-old-self and here I am – MY THIRTY NINE YEAR OLD SELF.
Oh, this glimpse back is priceless. There is a surety back there that I recognize and also want to add a dash of humility too. There’s a pride I admire but also recognize as fragile. I died my hair with henna – I mean of course I did. Now I don’t dye my hair at all.
Ten years ago I didn’t think the words global pandemic would apply to me in my lifetime. I didn’t know I’d live in New Orleans. I thought I’d be married with children. I don’t know why I thought I wanted to be a spy – I was probably watching a lot of Alias at the time.
Ten years ago I wanted a kitten. I got one. His name was Curtis, then Jules, now Tron. He’s sitting next to me with a blue cone around his head, trying to heal from a few health troubles this week because ten years comes at all of us one way or another.
I feel like I have more capacity for gratitude in this ten year space. I feel like I understand better how wild and precious life is. I’ve learned how to steady myself and speak up for what I think is right. I take deeper breaths. I think I thought I was good and grown ten years ago. Now I feel like growing should never stop.
I just thought I’d pop in and share this with you today. I know you can relate. Maybe just give it all a minute and think about how far you’ve come in ten years.
Thank you for holding space for this tender spot. What a trip.
xo Joy
Pictured above: me @ 39: camping / cooking / smitten/ really very happy.
47 Responses
Well that’s one way to have a bbq and picnic all rolled into one! Looking back on life is always 20/20 isn’t it? Let’s learn to love each day and be thankful for what we have now!
I’ve done these things too in the past and I’m always afraid to open them and read them!
omg thats the cutest. don’t change. :) this brought a smile to my morning coffee. i hope you have a beautiful day joy.
Like wine you and Tron are getting better and wiser with age. Speedy recovery wishes to Tron and did you know itโs International Cat Day? Love your blog, your recipes and especially your Sunday recommended readings.
Keep baking and thank you.
Yep, what a trip itโs been….
Thanks for the surprise post…
Joy, I love you! Iโve been following and reading along on your lifeโs journey for so long that I wouldnโt know what to do if your email wasnโt in my mailbox on Sunday morning, Reflection is good for the soul, so is aging. Itโs always about growth, isnโt it? Iโm a bit older than you, and all the things I thought I would be didnโt Come to fruition, and all the right and wonderful things have. Thanks for the surprise. PS The best is yet to come! And all the best to the kitty with the blue cone?
I appreciate these words so much Clogan! I’m so glad you’re here.
Ditto to all the comments. Perhaps you were named Joy purposefully! Thank you for being you.
My mom had a plan. :)
I’m relatively new to your site, but I like your recipes, really like the person you seem to be and 29 yo Joy sounds like she was pretty amazing too.
I’m so glad you’re her Michele!
OH geez, I remember that blog post! I just turned 41 so I’m a bit older than you but always think of us as the same age. I want to add my appreciation to the chorus, not just for your amazing recipes and cookbooks but the thought, love, and vulnerability you bring to this space. Thank you Joy!
Isn’t it wild Emily!? Also – we’re absolutely the same age. There’s no difference between 39 and 41. :)
Thank you Joy. I enjoy all your posts. The make me think and reflect.
Like many, I’ve also enjoyed your writing for years. I always look forward to your Sunday thoughts (even if I save it to read over my Thursday lunch hour) and appreciate that you’re so candid and open with us. I wish 29 year old Amy had written to 39 year old Amy… but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Happy to live those thoughts through you. Healing thoughts for Tron, happy birthday wishes for you and a big thank you from all of us.
I have thoroughly enjoyed all of your posts, filled with wisdom and good eats.
Thankyou for always entertaining me.
xo,
Karen
this post inspires me to write a future note to self. today is the last day I get to be 30 so it feels like the right move.
Yes, dear friend! You really should! Happy Birthday!
Thank you! Glad we were able to.come along for the ride!
what a journey it has been for you, joy! hope the next ten years bring even more growth and perspective for you.
ten years ago, i didnt think i would ever be gutsy enough to initiate a divorce. today, i am just waiting for my soon-to-be ex-husband to come to terms with it. i feel so empowered by my decision to leave an unhappy and incompatible marriage. i am feeling a mixed bag of anxiety, anticipation, joy, relief and depression all at the same time. i hope the next ten years will be kinder to me and lend more perspective too. cheers to all of us!
I hope you feel proud of your growth zeezee. Be kind to yourself and enjoy it all1
At 39 I was single and living alone, and happy in my Social Work career. At 49, I was 7 years married, and 5 years into a successful jewelry business I started which allowed me to switch to part time social work! I love rereading my journals to see that so much of what I hoped for actually happened. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Amazing. I keep journals for this reason, and there’s something very grounding about looking back at old entries and realizing that I was wiser and more thoughtful than I usually give myself credit for. Life is unpredictable, but we usually end up where we’re met to be. Congrats to you, Joy! Hope the next 10 years bring just as much growth for you.
Grounding is exactly right, Amy!
Joy, thank you for sharing this. I, too, sometimes look back on my personal poetry and you are so correct, ten years bring a lot of change and growth, both good and not so good. Glad you are still here, I think you capture universal feelings and attitudes memorably. Thanks again
I have read your blog for a long time. I remember telling you that someday you would have a washer and dryer of your own. Lol Still enjoy the blog as much as ever.
This makes me laugh so much, Tammy! I’ve got that washer/dryer! I need to remember not to take it for granted because I sure do remember sitting in that laundromat for hours on end. :)
I just turned 30 this year and this makes me want to write a letter to myself at 40. I can’t imagine what a 20 year old version of me would have said… This is a just a nice remember of how impermanent everything is. Can’t exactly remember when I started reading this blog, but I remember the first recipe of yours I ever made was roasted garlic soup with multi-color potatoes. So good! Peeling all that garlic was exhausting.
You should absolutely write that letter! Or make a little time capsule! Also thank you for using the work impermanent. That’s one of the feelings I was trying to put my finger on. Gratitude (and roasted garlic soup) are key.
Oh, Man I love this. I am also turning 39 this year (next week!) and think about 29-year old Chrissy and how FREAKED out she was about turning 29. I’m pretty sure it was because she was in her third wedding in two years and as a single-always girl that was something to freak out about. And now, as a still-single almost-39 year old, I laugh because honestly in the last ten years being single has been the best thing ever. While I don’t have those kids that I’m chasing either like I thought FOR SURE I’d have by now, I do have my furcat friend Crawley, and a whole hella lot of adventures and laughs and best times and best friends and passport stamps that I have instead. And ain’t that the best thing to see when you look back on ten years? CHEERS TO US!
Oh my gosh I remember being freaked out by 29 too which is absolutely laughable now. I’m not freaked out by 39 or 40 so far. I just feel happy to be here. Cheers to your passport stamps and big friendships, and future adventures!
In the words of the almighty Drake – “You the you the best” <3
Now I need to pull out my journal to see what 23 year old Katt was up to. I know I couldn’t have predicted almost anything about life today (I think the only thing I would’ve gotten right was that my then boyfriend would be my now husband). It’s amazing how an entire lifetime can fit in a decade.
You better go dig out those journals!
Please write a letter to 49-year-old Joy, even if it doesn’t end up on the blog. I love letters to future me. They feel so hopeful and naive and supportive from baby me (all younger versions of me are babies)
I started following this blog around that time! I love reading you, you’re a blessing!
Joy, I think I’ve been with you since 2009, so we’ve grown together. I just wanted to say that I still adore reading your posts just as much as I did then, and I’m thankful for your realness and genuine spirit through it all.
I so enjoyed reading your journal giving us a peek into you. Gosh, all of us had such different ideas of what we wanted and life was just… easier.
Your mid week and Sunday posts make my day.
What we think we know if pretty funny in hindsight.
I love this! I am 29 right now, maybe I should do the same? Its so interesting to look back and consider what we had hoped for or expected for our futures. Thanks for sharing this, Joy :)
You should definitely do the same Stacy!
I follow a lot of people on IG, but very few make me pause and reflect like you do. Of course I love your cooking, baking, decorating style and adorable/very cool New Orleans home, but itโs the sometimes simple, sometimes more involved messages and takes on life that you pass along that make me look forward to your posts and stories. ?? and prayers for you and Tron!
I really appreciate your words so much Cathy!
Love all of this…..Your writing is such a gift, and I would love to see your writing in more extended version. I’ll take all your cookbooks, but a reflection book — a memoir??? Gift us more!
Yes please! I love your writing even more than your delicious recipes. You and this blog are a gift to us all. <3
Yes! I enjoy your recipes as well. But you have an even greater gift than your talents in the kitchen and that is your ability to reflect on life with such authenticity. You are so relatable and offer such a sense of calm and peace. You do it without judgement. I don’t think you have any idea what that means to some of us. Keep being you, Joy!
This is so generous Trish. Really it means a lot to me!