Hello friends and Happy Mother’s Day.
Please accept this, my favorite family photo. My parents, as cool as can be, memorializing this sweet San Francisco family vacation while I scream my fool head off for reasons known only to four year olds. My dad is holding me back, I’m pushing my mom and neither of them look even the slightest bit ruffled. I’m thankful for both of my parents but today is an important day to say wow mom, THANK YOU for being so kind and selfless and for the most important things in life: generosity and love and lighthousedness (new word).
This week was like trying to walk through knee-deep sand. Anyone? Anyone? I noticed that I was wrote the same thing on my daily to-do list everyday this week. Just transferring the same tasks from Monday to Tuesday to Wednesday like I wasn’t getting a dang thing done. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it’s the space junk (has that landed yet?) or the impending cicadas.
If you’re a mama reading this I want to wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day. What you do, especially the last year, is incredible and must be completely exhausting and I just want you to know that I root for your efforts. If you’re not a mama for whatever reason, gosh enjoy the fine May Sunday. The older I get the more I understand that this day can be triggery and if it feels that way for you, please know that I understand and I send you my love. It can all be complicated but it can also just be a beautiful Sunday.
The offering this week is below. There is some heaviness and some ease this week. Take what feels good to you. That’s the idea.
• I think we have to be willing to break our own hearts to understand one another. They Were Sons (Vanity Fair)
• Moms! How happy are you? And how many kids do you still have on the family plan? How Adult Children Affect Their Mother’s Happiness (The Atlantic)
• Last night at Target I found myself walking by the teeny tiny baby clothes aisle. I slowed my gate and thought to myself – do these little human clothes make me feel like I’m missing anything? No, they didn’t. Heading down the escalator I saw a mom balancing her toddler on her knee while squatting to find the right size sock pack. It looked like a very experienced mom move and for a brief moment I thought – that’s the sweetest thing in the world I should do that. I don’t know where I’ll shake out with motherhood but I enjoyed reading this peep into another perspective. Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About Child-Free Women (Elle)
• I love this so much: Three Women Share Their Later-In-Life Accomplishments. (Cup of Jo)
• Truly excellent points. I’m Not Languishing, I’m Dormant. This explains my week, trying to flourish when I need to chill. (Austin Kleon)
• Nearly Half of All Americans Believe They’re The Best Person They Know. Honestly, that’s embarrassing. Isn’t there a saying about if you’re the smartest person in the room, you need to find another room? If you’re the best person you know maybe you should get to know some other folks… just to test the borders. (Yahoo UK)
• Vaccine Side Effects Or Have You Just Been Alive For 40 Years. I’m calling it both. (McSweeney’s)
• In things I don’t have time for but aspirer to: Make Your Own Outdoor Cushions (A Beautiful Mess)
• Amy Chapman’s Vegan Macadamia-Coconut Panna Cotta looks delightful to me. Anything with macadamia nuts in it makes me feel like I am wealthy. (Food 52)
• I’ve had this tab open on my desktop for weeks now. Lentils with Broccolini and Feta. I promise one day I’ll reach for the jar of lentils instead of eating the feta plain for lunch. (Bon Appetit)
• Like a sandwich but a cobbler. Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam Cobbler (Joy the Baker)
• There’s a new cutie Strawberry Bandana in The Bakehouse shop! (The Bakehouse Nola)
• Two new classes at The Bakehouse: Virtual Ice Dying and a Pizza and Pint Night. We’ll be adding more virtual and in-person classes next week but I just wanted to give you a peek at these. (Eventbrite)
• Will you join us on May 18th for a virtual event with Williams Sonoma? I’ll be baking cakes at you and answering all your burning questions. It’s free with a purchase of the Chocolate Neapolitan Cake Mix! (Williams Sonoma)
That’s all for today, friends. Have a wonderful day!
My love to you.
xo Joy
Joanne
I LOVE this photo, and in my opinion, you are screaming with laughter. I have lots pf pix with me making this face, and it is always me laughing my head off (usually for no reason other than one a 4-year old would relate to). But when I put my favs on FB, friends ask why I was screaming. I think this is a true expression of JOY
Beth
In my experience, there are not many places on the internet where a gentle conversation can be had about kids/no kids. Creating that space with your post, on Mother’s Day, is a tremendous gift. Thank you!!! And I *highly* recommend the book “The Midnight Library* for a heart-squeezing look at life and regrets. Or fear of future regrets. It has just one line, one beautiful, perfect line, about the kid thing, that I will cherish forever.
Liz
I’m 34 and getting my tubal ligation in June, Joy! So glad I was born in 1987 – thanks for this, Joy!
Jaclyn D Levy
“I still consider myself child-free in the sense that I love my freedom, cultivate my choices, listen to my instincts, chase my dreams, and indulge in plans that have little to do with her. Obsessing over child-free women reminds me of this persistent part of who I am, of who I’ve always been.” This article was amazing. I’m a mom of 2, but I’ve worked damn hard to hold onto myself and reading this was just…balm for the soul. So good. <3
Adriana L
I’m in my early-ish 30’s still but Vaccine Side Effects Or Have You Just Been Alive For 40 Years is hitting my right in the chest, or should I say “achy things all over your body”!!
Paula
The mom squat is functional fitness at its finest. This rumination is very familiar to me, but from the other side. I have one child, who’s 2.5. I spent a LOT of my younger years saying hard no to kids. I don’t really know where I softened my stance; but I do know I don’t want another, even if it would be lovely for my daughter to have a sibling. I love my daughter AND I am often envious of my friends who have no kids — especially this past year. I think that while some people know for certain one way or the other, the rest of us are just out here making the choice that seems right at any given time. There are so many ways to do important things in the world and to spread love; having kids is only one of many.
Sheryl
Could’ve written this myself! I was wishy washy about kids and now I have one 2.5 year old daughter who is the light of my life. I do not want another.
Cory
I really relate to your target moment! I’ve thought since childhood that I never want to have children of my own, and having my biological clock make itself known occasionally is extremely weird! I’ve gone from thinking, when my friends point out a cute kid, “eh, they’re cute if you like that sort of thing?” To “awwww smooshy cutie face!!” My friends’ kids are universally adorable and I love spoiling them. There was a queer eye episode last season or the one before with a single dad and a girl who ice skated, and for the first time in my life I felt OMG WANT HER!!! That feeling led to several weeks of confused thoughts wondering about whether all those people were right, maybe I did change my mind? But I haven’t. I know that what I want from life is different than all the messaging, and that gets confusing sometimes. I want to be auntie to my friends’ kids, and be the person that their moms can lean on when they are so burned out. I’ve had a few friends open up to me about things they never want to say in front of fellow parents, and I’m honored to hold that space for them— they can complain about the things that everyone says they are #blessed to have, and I don’t judge them. Anyway, all of that is to say that we all have our own path, and whatever you do will be amazing, because you are doing it.
Paula
You sound like a GEM of a friend! Your mom friends are so lucky to have you.
joythebaker
Gosh I understand this very well, Cory! I know for sure that I’m an amazing Auntie Joy and the rest will shake out as it does. Thanks for sharing this. It really helps to hear I’m not alone in it.
Dee
Hi Joy…..would you please ask your parents if they can recall why you were screaming…and who took that great photo of your family? You’ve posted the photo in the past….and I chuckled to myself when I saw it again today….
It really is a treasure….
joythebaker
Oh I was talking to my Dad about this picture yesterday. He said that I was loving the trolly ride so much that I didn’t want to get off. Hence the tantrum. I was bummed that the good times were over. :)
Barbara Brawerman
I am 55 years old and child – free. I told a dear friend when I was 40 “…sometimes I wish I was a mother”. She asked me how many hours a year do I wish I was a mother? I replied “hmmm… maybe a dozen”
I was so busy living, loving my life I forgot to have kids
As a child, both parents told me a number of times how fortunate I am to be a woman in this time… that I can do and be whoever I want to do and be. Dig deep, make choices.
With every yes there is a no. With every left we miss all opportunities that would’ve come if we turned right.
Make some noise. There is no wrong choice. Come home to yourself.
joythebaker
A dozen hours a year – that made me chuckle. I love this perspective Barbara – no wrong choice in this big beautiful life we get to choose.
Karen
I married at 40 and was unable to conceive even with IVF treatments. Now 65, I look back on a satisfying and full life with friends who are parents ( now grandparents) and those without children. Do I have regrets? Sometimes. Yet I realize mothering is not limited to caring for a biological or adopted child. I now “ mother”my 89 year old mother with dementia as her primary caregiver. I have played mother ( temporarily ) to nieces and nephews and friends’ children. I consider every act of care ( including cooking and baking for others) as a form of mothering. I think we canthink of the term mother in broader terms.
joythebaker
Every act of care is a form of mothering. I love that Karen, thank you for sharing this.
Christine
Thank you for doing this every week, I really needed a couple of these articles today. <3
joythebaker
I’m so glad you’re here!
Vicki
This picture of your parents is golden! Trader Joe’s refrigerator pack lentils mixed with a jar of Bruschetta sauce is amazing. I can only imagine adding broccolini and feta. I didn’t think this up, a Trader Joe’s staff member did back in the days when they used to have samples, long long ago pre-covid.
Bill
I miss samples :(…
joythebaker
That sounds delicious and sounds like my level of dinner prep right now – thank you!
Chrissy Barua
Happy Cat-Mom Day! The child-free woman article was interesting and I also echo the sort of will-I-or-won’t-I mental state I have about children and I sit here three months away from 40 (I also deeply felt that second dose article because hi- it me) and as single as can be. Am I ready? Will I ever be ready? Or do I want to continue be Miss Independent? I guess time will tell.
joythebaker
I feel you Chrissy – time will tell us. Either way what a beautiful life!