The Best and Worst Marriage Advice from Karlee Sisler-Flores

A Note from Joy

I spent more than a few years wading through the dating pool before I found my way to Will. I’ve never been afraid of marriage itself, but I’ll admit—I’ve always been quietly afraid of an unhappy one. On our wedding night, as the last of the Thanksgiving dishes were dried and put away here in my Bellville kitchen, I turned to my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my sister and her husband and asked a question I probably should have asked before I said “I do.”

“What do people mean when they say marriage is hard?”

I cringed as the words left my mouth, bracing myself for some inevitable truth about hardship or sacrifice. But their answers? Surprisingly simple and comforting: “Marriage isn’t hard if you’ve married the right person.”

While life is complicated and love isn’t a guarantee against hard times, their words stuck with me. There’s a quiet wisdom in trusting the strength of the partnership you’ve chosen.

This idea stayed with me as I shared my thoughts with my friend and photographer Karlee Sisler Flores. Her relationship is one I’ve admired from afar for years, and her perspective on marriage feels like a warm, steady light. Her words resonated deeply, and I’m so excited to share her essay with you here.

We’d love to hear from you, too. What’s the best (or worst!) marriage advice you’ve ever received? Share your gold-standard wisdom—or even your cautionary tales—in the comments. We’re all ears.

Now, here’s Karlee: 

“Here, take this.” My mom said as she lifted a pill out of her small cream-colored box she kept for emergencies. “I think you’re having a panic attack.” 

I was. 

Being just a few short hours away from walking down the aisle, I was scared out of my ever-loving mind. It was cold feet. I was just 24 years old and making a decision that would impact the rest of my life.

I’m writing this, feet warm and toasty, having happily been married to my husband for 15 years. It was the best decision I ever made, and I did it scared.

There is no advice that will guarantee a long and happy marriage. But there is certainly advice that has made my marriage better, stronger even. There’s also advice that could have ruined us. So be vigilant when a well-meaning person gives their advice.

So often, those same well-meaning people, tend to give advice only to the woman while they look at the man and say, “happy wife, happy life.” That is, quite unfortunately, not advice at all. It’s almost like saying – “If the team gets more touchdowns than the other, they’re going to win this game!” While true, it’s not exactly tangible action items. Needleless to say, this post is for everyone, every type of marriage, and every gender. 

So here is the best and worst advice we were told before we said I do.

THE WORST

1. Don’t let the sun set on your anger. Hi – have you met a tired person? It’s like telling someone they have to stop being hungry before they can eat. Almost every single one of our arguments were solved by a little nap or a long night’s rest. Please hear me out on this one – get yourself some sleep.
2. Tie break goes to the man. Yes, this was real advice. I actually don’t think they realized when they said this, that it quite literally means I would have zero say in my own life. Every time I would see things differently, my opinion would be wiped out? Hey! That’s weird. Face adversity with humility. Be understanding of where your partner is coming from. Try to come up with a compromise. But don’t base important decisions off gender. You might end up in a life you don’t belong in. 
3. Arguing is a sign your marriage needs help. I would venture to say, it’s the sign of a healthy one. I’ll go even further to say the unhealthiest marriages I know, are the ones that don’t fight. Someone in that marriage is losing themselves trying to keep the peace. Being comfortable enough with your partner that you feel safe to express an opposing opinion is the sign you’re happily married. What a joy it is to feel safe. How you argue is more important than how often. Are you able to work it out? Good. Are you able to see your own shortcomings and admit when you’re wrong? You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

THE BEST

1. Fight fair. I know this is starting to sound like marriage is all fighting. It isn’t. But knowing someone so deeply, and so intimately means you hold the keys to their deepest insecurities. You could easily say something in the heat of the moment that could tear down the most important person in your life. Don’t do it. In fact, while we’re at it, take out superlatives from your vocabulary. The words never and always shouldn’t be thrown around so lightly. 
2. Still remain your own individual person. Don’t lose yourself in trying to morph into something you’re not. Your spouse fell in love with you, don’t lose that person. If you need alone time, get alone time. If you need to hang out with friends a few times a week, please do that. Stay curious, stay doing the things you love the most. If you have strong convictions that don’t match your spouses, good! Give them the same courtesy of seeing the world differently. I’m not interested in my husband becoming me, I’m only interested in supporting him and letting him grow to his own purpose. 
3. Laugh, kiss and play together. I know this feels so broad, but when you’re in the thick of running around, having kids if you choose, making payments, deciding on the best color for the house, or figuring out if the dishwasher is clean or dirty, we can forget to have a little lightness. I am so thankful that I married someone who can laugh at themselves. Marriage is so often portrayed in our culture as settling down, or the one person you sleep with and have kids with. It is so much more than that. Sure, you can keep date night, and that’s great. But for us, the thing that’s kept the spark alive, is that we still flirt with each other, we still laugh, we still do stupid things like puzzles, midnight ice-cream, cleaning the house to early 2000’s R&B, wrestling or even road trips with our favorite podcasts. And that has made all the difference.

Fifteen years ago, I made a promise to a good man. And that’s the most important advice. Marry someone you’re so proud of. Marry your favorite person and all this advice will come naturally. I couldn’t be more thankful that I get to live this life with Daniel. I could really go on and on because I’m still learning every day. But I’d like to hear from you in the comments. Whether you’ve been married 1 year or 50. What’s the best or worst advice you were given? We’re all at the edge of our seats listening.