Joy the Baker

The One Thing I’d Tell My Mom

by 62 Comments

the flags

Dear Mom,

Could you tell I was crying as you dropped me off at the airport  last Saturday?  I think we were talking about french toast.  Important stuff.  That was me trying to disguise my tears.

As I got out of the car and unloaded my bags, you could sense the little shake in my voice and I could see the tears in your eyes.  We hugged, you offered wonderful words of encouragement through your tears, and I walked away quickly trying to disguise the tears in my eyes. I left that moment thinking only of how much I still need your love and your lessons. I’m grown, I think I have it all figured out, and I’m just so mistaken.

I was humbled by the reality of how much I still need you.

Then… off to this beautiful Uganda.

hajarah and sumaya

Fast forward to today.

Today I sat in the home of a mother and daughter much like us.  Well, like you and me except their circumstances are different.  Hajarah and her mother Sumaya live in a 5×7′ shack in one of Uganda’s most dangerous areas, the Katwe Slum.  Hajarah is gentle, articulate, curious, and funny.  The truth is, they struggle.  I don’t even know how to talk about the horrors their relationship has had to endure.  Advertising the details here feels like more than I can say.

Circumstance aside (which seems totally hard to put aside) Hajarah is just a fourteen year old girl.  She’s a girl who is carelessly toying with her independence in a dangerous dangerous place.  She’s a girl who likes short skirts despite her mother’s insistence on modesty.  She’s a girl who is vulnerable to peer pressure, wants to skip school, and thinks her mother is 100% not right about anything ever.

I thought back to that time in our relationship, Mom, when I slammed doors, was stubborn and lippy, and thought with all my might that I didn’t need you or the gracious lessons you had taught me.

That’s what I shared with Hajarah.  I just wanted her to know that I understand. I understand how it feels to know that your friends are more important and more correct than your mother.  That I understood that defying your mother feels like it has no consequences, or what it is to take the deep love from your mother for granted.  It’s just that… in her circumstance, the margin for error  in life is much smaller and the consequences are much more harsh.

Hajarah is part of the Compassion program with 251 other children in the Katwe Slum.  There she can get guidance from project leaders outside of the chaos of the slum.  There’s healthcare, spiritual guidance, and tender advice that can cut through a really poisonous pressure and dangers that exists within the slum.  In that way, Compassion supports Sumaya in raising Hajarah.  Being in their house and sharing Sumaya’s tears and concerns, it’s so clear that support is absolutely critical at this point in Hajarah’s life.

I thought back to you, Mom… how much I continue to find comfort in your love.  Thank you!  I want that same peace for Hajarah and other girls like her sooner rather than later.

You can make a difference in the life of a young girl by sponsoring a child.  I’ve seen it work just today.

More from Uganda from Chatting at the Sky, The Nester, Jeff Goins, and Shaun Groves.

Compassion provided me a link to share with you.  I am in no way compensated for your sponsorship or donation.  I love you and I’m glad you’re here with me on this journey. 

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. cheyenne

    beautifully written. if there’s one thing i know for sure, it is that even now at 22, I still need my mom, perhaps more than ever. and i can’t image that changing, ever!

    Reply

  2. Long Distance Baking

    Yep…you succeeded in making me cry! I too, still tear up when leaving my mom at the airport (but try to hide it, of course). Love all these Uganda posts. Thank you for your love and willingness to share this part of your life with us.

    Reply

  3. Maria

    I have to say, that although I really like the help they’re given, it feels a bit like pressuring them into doing what your faith believes to be true. Maybe Harajah shouldn’t be modest, because that kind of seems like you’re asking her to cover up, as if it were the RIGHT way to act.
    I’m really enjoying this posts, Joy. But I’d like to highlight how important it is that people that help, don’t push their faith and thoughts onto others as a way of payment for their kindness.

    Reply

  4. Kristen Strong

    This post just rocked me. This right here: “It’s just that… in her circumstance, the margin for error in life is much smaller and the consequences are much more harsh.” That’s it exactly. Ugandan girls and their moms and western girls and their moms share relational similarities, yet the consequences for poor decisions can look vastly different.

    Thank you for this, Joy. For your words, your ‘yes’, your life. You are an unbelievable gift.

    Reply

  6. Kayla

    Feeling the feels.

    I was awful to my mom when I was younger and while she didn’t let me walk all over her, she took it with grace. Moms are incredible human beings all over the world and I can honestly say I never really thought about the mom/teenager situation in a place like Uganda so thank you for this post.

    Reply

  7. Ashley

    Just signed up to sponsor a child in Rwanda. We’ve known of Compassion for a while, and your trip reminded us of their significance. We traveled to Democratic Republic of Congo in 2010 and know some things of the history of the region. Thanks for having the courage to go and share your experiences with us.

    Reply

  8. theresa

    I like that you’re posting about this. I’d love to see you call more attention to issues at home – especially the global-warming caused drought that’s looking to be the worst in 500 years. Californians need your voice, too. How about a post on water conservation while cooking/baking?

    Reply

  9. Rachel Lam

    Love this post so much with all my heart, reminded of all the arguments I’ve had with my mum about what’s best for me, but also reminded of the times she shared her struggles, past and present, with me, and my love and appreciation for her grows more each day.

    Reply

  14. Brian

    Thank you for your post!

    I love it when tattooed white girls find real connections! Perhaps explanations of their tattoos. I also love it when white girls find their mothers again! Tragedy overcome. Check it off the list. You can live again. You can live the same way that you lived before. You are the same person as you were. Everyone knows. A white girl’s visit to Africa does nothing but enhance the divide between blogs and reality. Thank you for bringing that truth back home.

    Say hello to your mom for me.

    Reply

  15. Mary Hirsch

    I have always read your blog – I write one of my own – but have never commented. I am so loving that your taking us on your journey with you. This is a magnificient program. And, good for you to be a part of it.

    Reply

  17. Lizzie

    Joy, I don’t think I have ever commented on your blog before, so I’m about to tell you bunch of things that I should have spaced out over the last couple of years. Sorry about that. First, your blog is fantastic and at the top of my list to read on feedly. I have now bought three copies of your book (given two away – one for me, naturally) and recommend you to strangers (haven’t done that yet, actually, but it’s only a matter of time). You and Tracy have also totally saved me on countless occasions from data entry-induced hand stapling – please never stop podcasting!

    It’s a weird situation to feel like you know someone you’ve never met, especially when they’ve never heard of you, but I hope you don’t think it’s weird that I’ve been thinking about and praying for you and Emily and co a lot this week, and have been really moved by your posts. I heard Wess speak at a conference last spring and began sponsoring a little girl from Guatemala, but in all honesty haven’t spent nearly enough time writing to her or praying for her. I just wanted to thank you guys for reminding me that sending money every month is great but it’s not nearly enough.

    Thanks for being awesome, Joy, thanks for making those cinnamon rolls with Ree (made them this Christmas – oh boy), thanks for sharing about your faith, and thanks for inspiring me to write more and to be more and to do more; I think I needed that.

    Reply

  18. kate

    thank you so much for sharing this. i have been a Compassion sponsor for about 10 years, and it is truly amazing. it is wonderfully humbling to learn that my measly $20 birthday gift is used to by a table for my child’s home, and several years later, chairs for guests to sit in. i love the power of this story you shared to demonstrate the humanity that binds us all, even to the far reaches of the globe. that teenagers in Uganda, India, Guatemala have just as many similarities as us than differences. thank you for this uncomfortable step to share this with many, many readers!

    Reply

  19. sundiegoeats

    I don’t know whether its comforting or sad to know that the challenges of being a teenager and the angst it causes parents is not specific to the Western world but apparently a universal constant of all families. To imagine my parents had three teenage girls under one roof at the same time…eek.

    Reply

  22. Hilary

    Joy, you inspire me to want to do more. I think this sort of experience would be terrifying (and WAY out of my comfort zone) yet gratifying at the same time, I would love to do something like this.. I only need to find the strength and courage to do so. Thank you for encouraging to think and look outside of my own self.

    Reply

  24. Stella Perez

    Joy, you are so fortunate to have such a wise and wonderful mother ( not all of us are so lucky). It is a testament to unconditional love that those life lessons your mother modeled for you continue to resonate throughout your life. You must make her so proud knowing you have such a compassionate heart filled with grace.

    Reply

  26. Christine @ Glory to God

    You have done a wonderful job this week. Thank you for your hard work and for battling exhaustion in obedience to Him. I am so glad you had a chance to speak some wisdom into this young lady’s heart. I pray right now that she remembers and that the Holy Spirit enters her heart and makes it beat just for Him.

    Reply

  27. Amy

    I guess teen independence (my son called it “chafing”) is universal. Bless you for sharing with this girl. She’ll never forget it.

    Reply

  29. sonalinsana

    That is so beautiful and so true. I think most of us have had a moment like this in life.
    I hope Hajarah gets the time she needs to understand the importance of her mother in her life!
    Thank you so much for sharing this!

    Reply

  31. orchardfarmer

    Thank you Joy. Your posts are always inspiring and uplifting no matter if they involve rising biscuits or experiencing life’s journey, as in this beautifully, touching series. Keep sharing – we love it all!

    Reply

    • joythebaker

      yes Catherine! next up i’m going to come to your house and tell you how awesome it is, and read your child’s letters and help your kids write letters back! that’s going to happen.

      Reply

  34. Trey

    Joy. I never comment on blogs but felt compelled to tell you just how much this post has touched my heart. I admire your compassion and willingness to help someone in need with a selfless heart. This is refreshing.

    Reply

  36. yrwolf (@yrwolf)

    Your words about how you feel about your mother hit home. My mother died 10 years ago and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank her for the gifts she gave me throughout my life. Thank you for your eloquent words.

    Reply

  38. dcole318

    Oh Joy – you have no idea of your impact. I am typing through tears. I was just lamenting to a friend about my struggles of being a single mom to a 15 year old girl that knows everything and does not think she needs me anymore. But I am typing this from my warm comfortable home in Austin Texas. I am fortunate and blessed to live where I do and be able to send my daughter to school in safety. It also brings me back to my relationship with my mother and how awful I was as a teenager. My mother is my best friend now and strongest ally. I actually just got off the phone with her moments ago ~ All of our children are at risk. Some so much more than others. I wish you and all that you are with Joy and Warmth in your missions and travels.

    Reply

  39. Cara

    These posts have me crying like a baby. I sent this to my mom and we both had a good cry/laugh over my difficult teenage years. You are an inspiration, Joy.

    Reply

  40. Maggie Whitley

    Hi Joy! Isn’t Africa a beautiful place? I’m loving your posts and am so happy you’re on this trip. You’re doing great things. Thank you for your commitment with Compassion. xoxo

    Reply

  44. Steve Jones

    Absolutely beautiful post! Thank you for what you have given up this week and how much of that you have shared with us.

    Reply

  45. Domestocrat

    These posts are beautiful, Joy. Thank you so much for sharing this incredible experience. How lucky are these people who get to meet you while you are there? You’ve commented on their modesty and brilliance – but you’re bringing your own light and grace to them, and they are so lucky. They probably don’t even know much about your blog, your podcast, your cookbooks, etc. Everything that we know and love about you. They are meeting a different Joy. The real, stripped down person you wrote about a few posts ago. That is a beautiful thing.

    Reply

  46. Mary

    I am an avid baker/reader of yours and am so enjoying your posts about Uganda. Thank you for this post from a mother who has a daughter rebelling against her right now. Thank you also from a mother of a sweet boy adopted from Ethiopia for shining a light.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Scroll Up