Internet Speak Strawberry Pies

There’s a thing that happens on the Internet and it happens quickly.  Things change.  The way we communicate morphs from snappy phrases, to simple words, to straight-up clever acronyms.  We’re so busy and hip these days, we hardly have the time to type out the words Be Right Back when BRB is so dang easy to sling and go.  

I made conversation acronym hand pies.  They’re like edible flashcards for the thirty something set.  I sit on the throne of ‘wait… what’s cool?’, so I may not be the authority on Internet Speak Acronyms, but I am the expert of pie and I also never take myself all that seriously.  

 I say this/ make these as a person that would literally expect to watch Netflix if someone asked me to Netflix and chill.  Important note:  no one would ask me to Netflix and chill because I would be most interested in the Netflix and less in the chill.  It’s a vicious loop for the marginally hip and aging.  At least we have pie.  At least we’re smart and clever and still foxy AF.   

Do you need a dictionary for these pies?  

Decoding the most popular Internet acronyms.  After reading this list I still have questions about the usage of THOT.  I don’t want to go throwing that around willy nilly.  

I’m calling these little gems Hand Pies.  You might consider then something more like Pie Cookies, Strawberry Dreams, or That Thing I Ate Four Of With Coffee This Morning.  

Whatever you prefer… they’re fresh strawberry filled and they start like this!  

I thinly sliced two heaping cups of fresh strawberries.  

I’m on a personal strawberry voyage.  You can be creative here.  Fresh blueberries and/or fresh raspberries would also be good thoughts. 

Into the sliced strawberries we add sweetness, a thickening agent (because these things are juicy), and spice.  

A good sprinkle of sugar, a good dose of cornstarch, and a cinnamon cardamom and ground ginger blend.  I also added a sprinkle of fresh cracked black pepper because I’m wild in the eyes.  

This recipe is an exercise in buttery, flaky pie crust.  I made a big batch (which I’ve nagged you about doing before) and chilled it until time for Hand Pie assembly.  

5 Tips For The Best All-Butter Pie Crust aka The Future Is Ours.

The dough is rolled to just under 1/4-inch thick.  Thin enough not to be doughy, but thick enough to hold some strawberry business.  

Cookie cutter tools are important here.  There’s no way around it… unless you want to hand-carve the alphabet and I have to think we have better things do to.  This set of round cookie and biscuit cutters is a staple in my kitchen.  These Alphabet Cookie Cutters are a luxury and make treats more fun.  

Those pale bits are butter marbled throughout the pie dough.  Hallelujah, peace be with you, amen.  

This recipe isn’t a lazy, hang around the kitchen counter recipe.  If you live in a warm climate like I do, you’ll be back and forth to the refrigerator because it’s important to keep the dough chilled.  When the dough gets warm it’s just plain hard to work with.  No one want to fight with pie crust.  Warm, moppy pie crust always wins.  

Once the rounds and letters are sliced.  I place them on a plate and refrigerate for about 20 minutes.  This makes the filling, crimping, and general moving about much easier.  

Pies are lovingly filled with a heaping tablespoon of sliced strawberry mixture, transferred to a parchment lined baking sheet, crimped with the tines of a for, and I used a smaller round cookie cutter to trim and even the edges of each pie.  That last part was extra credit.  

Egg brushed just lightly.  LOLed, FMLed, AFed, BRBed, ORLYed, NMed… I mean let’s just go with it.  

I don’t even know.  

Except I do.  And I don’t take myself too too seriously because PIE! 

Baked to golden brown and bubbling.  The insides are strawberry sweet and lightly spiced.  

The outside almost mimics puff pastry it’s so buttery and flaky.  

Brb.  Need some privacy.  Going to eat most of these.  

For other pie inspired endeavours, see:  Lemon Raspberry Pie Crust Hearts

Internet Speak Strawberry Pies

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• Author: Joy the Baker
• Prep Time: 80
• Cook Time: 15
• Total Time: 1 hour 35 minutes
• Yield: 12 1x

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Ingredients

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For the Pie Dough

• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup unsalted butter, cold and cut into small cubes
• 1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon buttermilk

For the Filling

• 2 heaping cups sliced strawberries
• 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 1 heaping tablespoon cornstarch
• squeeze of half a lemon
• big pinch of salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1 large egg, beaten for egg wash

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Instructions

To make the crust

1. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, sugar and salt. Add cold, cubed butter and, using your fingers, work the butter into the flour mixture. Quickly break the butter down into the flour mixture. Some butter pieces will be the size of oat flakes; some will be the size of peas. Create a well in the mixture and pour in the cold buttermilk. Use a fork to bring the dough together. Try to moisten all of the flour bits. On a lightly floured work surface, dump out the dough mixture. It will be moist and shaggy. That’s perfect. Divide the dough in two and gently knead into two disks. Wrap each disk in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour. Allowing the dough to rest in the refrigerator will help rechill the butter and distribute the moisture.
2. To make the filling, in a medium bowl toss together sliced strawberries, sugar, cornstarch, lemon, salt and spices. Allow to rest in the refrigerator while you roll out the pie crust. The strawberries will get juicy and extra delicious.
3. On a well-floured surface, roll one of the pie dough disks out to just under 1/4?-thickness. Use a 3-inch round cookie cutter to cut about 10 to 12 rounds out of the rolled crust. Place the rounds on a plate and place in the refrigerator while you roll out and cut rounds from of the second pie crust disk.
4. With the pie dough spaces in between the cut circles, use the alphabet cookie cutters to cut out your desired letters. Place the letters on a plate and and place in the refrigerator to chill.
5. You can re-roll the scraps of pie crust if you’d like to make more pie crust rounds. I found it helpful to chill the dough in between rolling it again.
6. After rolling and cutting all of the rounds, you should have 24 rounds. Brush half of the rounds lightly with the beaten egg. Place about 1 heaping tablespoon of strawberry filling in the center of each round. Get as much fruit and go easy on the juice.
7. Lightly stretch the remaining rounds with your fingers. Place the slightly stretched rounds over the fruit-studded rounds. Press the ends together with your fingers. A bit of strawberry juice might seep out of the sides. That’s ok!
8. Place rounds on a parchment lined baking sheet and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Remove the chilled pie rounds from the fridge and use the tines of a fork to seal the edges. Use a small knife to create a few small vent holes on the top rounds.
9. Lightly brush the the tops of each heart pairing with beaten egg. Arrange letters as you’d like over each pie round and brush letters lightly with egg wash. Allow little pies to chill in the refrigerator while the oven preheats.
10. Place racks in the center and upper third of the oven and preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
11. Bake for about 15 minutes, or until golden brown and bubbling.
12. Remove from the oven and allow to cool on the pan for 10 minutes before placing on a wire rack to cool completely.
13. Cookies are best served within 3 days of baking.

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