Hello friends! Today’s Sunday post is a bit different. I turned 38 this weekend and each new year has me feeling reflective of years past. I stood in my closet yesterday, suddenly deep in my thoughts, staring blankly at a few cotton dresses I might throw on when I thought – wait… did I make like, a five year plan a few years ago? Did I leave a note for myself? I know what I’m doing, right!?
I freaked out for a moment. Then another moment. Then I chose a floral cotton dress and took a deep breath. I’ve been leaving myself notes all along. For the last 11 years. Here, for better or worse, with you.
It’s funny having a record of all the things I’ve been SURE about for the last 11 years, though funny isn’t the right word. The right descriptive word exists somewhere between ‘mortified’ and ‘I-don’t-give-a-f*ck’. What’s that word?
Most of the word I’ve shared here over the years have been about butter, cream, pies, and cakes though some have been about boys, and future-husbands, and potential love interests. I expressed a lot of confidence in the words about butter and cake because I wanted you to charge into your own kitchens with that same fortitude. I felt a lot of hope and surety in the words about my future as though loveandsuch was mine to plan and control.
It’s a wonder to grow older and grow deeper and to have so many more questions that answers. You know?
I left a lot of notes.
In 2009 I left this note to myself (Dear Future Joy the Baker) after my first solo vacation. I took myself on a short road trip up California to finish my first book proposal and I wanted to remind my future self (I thought by then I’d surely be married with children) of what a glorious and freeing time I’d had. I’m happy to still be thriving in that glorious freedom – still buying myself the fancy shampoo – not stopping anytime soon mmkaythanks.
A few months later, in what can only be described as absolute boy-crazy blatherings I wrote How To Impress Boys With Baking. I think my current essay in the same vein would be something like Don’t Let A Dude In Your House – It’s So Nice They Won’t Ever Want To Leave. Which is the truth… hand to God.
In a moment of early social media heartache I wrote I Accidentally Saw A Picture of You. Now, those sorts of accidents are more ubiquitous and we have to stop ourselves from going down a late-night Instagram stalk. Honestly now I know that there’s nothing an Instagram-stalk can tell me that I actually want to know. I would now write the post, Wow I’m So Glad I Didn’t Marry You (or anyone, really). Aaaand, that’s that about that.
I still stand by this advice from eight years ago: In every situation, consider the likelihood of skinny-dipping. Act accordingly.
Other such gems can be found here, Things I’ve Learned In Thirty Years.
At 32 I visited New Orleans with two friends, not knowing that one day I’d live around the corner from where we rented bikes and tooled around. Proof positive that the future is a wonder and a mystery. I also felt really compelled to tell myself how to act in ‘the club’: Upon entering โthe clubโ where people are drinking and dancing and acting a fool (and itโs so much fun), be aware of the fact that you look like youโre in your 30โsโฆ because you are. Youโre not fooling anyone. The 25 year old guy that yells in your ear that you look 28โฆ heโs being nice and heโs a liar. You look 32. Itโs ok. Dazzle him with your awkward dance moves. Heโs 25โฆ who cares (not you!).
I wasn’t wrong. More: Thirty-Two.
Just a few years ago I was feeling pretty content at 35. I bought a house and a pair of diamond earrings. Just things – but that contentment continues and I try to foster it daily. This is 35.
In many ways it feels like Joy the Baker is a space that sort of stands still, but that can’t be true. I’m here swirling around, growing and learning, laughing and hurting – but the root as always been in butter and flour – sharing cakes and cookies. So many of you have been here since the very early days, finding your own way. Graduating and marrying and starting families and celebrating and mourning all that life is.
I hope today’s post inspires you to think back to your growth the past 11 years. It’s momentous – there’s no way it’s not. And for all the cringe, there are signs of growth as we expand the capacity of our hearts and the reach of our arms. It’s real hero-work to be look back and welcome your past self forward.
Let’s high-five and blow out another year of candles because wow what a privilege it all is.
I hope you have a most beautiful Sunday.
My love to you.
xo Joy
104 Responses
You are gorgeous, and generous and gifted!
Many happy returns.
aw happy birthday! i feel like you are part of my daily life because so many of your recipes are (i just made those pull-apart babka muffins dang). glad to be growing and changing right along with you .
Some good advice in your musings. You’re totally right about boys liking tight jeans and casual T shirt. I’ve only just learnt this in the last 6 months. I’m 35. I wish I’d been reading your blog since day 1; I would have learn this a lot sooner. Warm chocolate chip cookies… Sounds like something I should make for myself.. tonight!
Happy Birthday Joy!
Joy,
Long time reader, first time commenter. Firstly, Happy Birthday! Secondly, thank you for this post – it’s absolutely beautiful and really hit home for me. I don’t think we take the time often enough to think about how “momentous” life really is. I needed the reminder.
Thank you,
Amanda
I love your blog. In 2009 I had just had my first (only) kiddo, was soon contemplating (then doing) divorce. At some point I made your “get a guy” cheesecake (exact name of cheesecake is I think mine not yours) and it did get the really super sweet much better suited to me than the first guy guy, who I then had years of on/offs with (excellent cheesecake after all can only be the opener to a relationship, not the closer). I started a new career in real estate because there is nothing like stone cold fear and 100% self employment to fuel fulfillment. I’m sure you’ve written this sentiment somewhere. I’ve baked lots of what you’ve said would be delicious and it was, I’ve bought cookbooks you’ve recommended, I’ve read articles you’ve said were impactful. I just went to Vegas for a weekend with my KG bffs and we all stayed mostly sober by the pool laughing about life because all the cig smoke in the casinos was burning our eyes. We cared SO LITTLE what anyone thought and had so much fun. My 10 year old son loves cheesecake too, and I make it for him sometimes, as I make it for the (same, still, forever) boyfriend, and seriously all is good. Happiest birthday to a fantastic blogger and assuredly a fantastic person.
This means the actual world to me and that is not hyperbolic. I’m glad we’re in this together.
Happy Birthday Joy! Love your perspective on what a privilege it all is :) I’m thankful for your beautiful writing and recipes!
Happy birthday, Joy!
You have no idea how much I needed to read this post today. I feel like it was quite serendipitous to stumble back onto your site and hit this one whilst I’m having a moment of ‘wtf am I doing with my life’ (the answer: lots and lots and lots, when I consider it).
And this: ‘Upon entering โthe clubโ where people are drinking and dancing and acting a fool (and itโs so much fun), be aware of the fact that you look like youโre in your 30โsโฆ because you are. Youโre not fooling anyone.’ I say this all the time to my friends: please let me know when I become ‘that’ person. But really I’m happy to be ‘that’ person, dancing in the club, having so much fun I couldn’t care less if people know I’m in my 30s. Hope to be doing it still in my 40s too.
Again, happy birthday. Will raise a glass to you when I’m on the dancefloor tonight.
I turned 37 on May 26th and Iโve loved coming o this space over the past 8-9 years and Iโve loved your birthday posts. I distinctly remember finding comfort in your turning 30 post (while I was a wee 29 year old). As someone who has also taken the less traditional life path (also not married) thank you for sharing and being you. Donโt ever stop being honest, vulnerable and baking all the things!
Dear Joy,
I felt this post and all the posts linked in it. Thanks for always keeping it real here and on your Instagram. You’re an inspiration in baking and in life. Happy Belated Birthday.
Happiest of birthdays, Joy. I love growing up with you. From accidentally seeing a photo of you on the internet to now, youโre right on time for where youโre supposed to be. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world. ??
I have so enjoyed reading your blog for the past several years. This post is so lovely. Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday, Joy! I am a longtime reader but just now realized you are a fellow Gemini.
It’s a true pleasure to follow along with your thoughts over the years. You make me feel blessed and hopeful to have entered this next decade.
Congratulations on all you have accomplished, this year and always. You bring such JOY to my life!
xox,
A Stranger Named Julia
Totally procrastinated from editing to read this. So sweet and honest. Dinner soon please.
That ‘I accidentally saw a picture of you’ post was everything. You have taken me back to the way it hit my heart when I first read it. Much love to you Joy – I have so appreciated your words over the years – thanks for being consistent, kind and caring always x
I first discovered your blog about 10 years ago while working very late on a project. I was newly graduated, newly employed, newly married. I shirked work that evening to binge your whole dang blog. A lot has changed since then (I’m divorced, I’ve moved cross country twice, I have changed jobs) and it feels a lot like we’ve grown up together. As your walk down memory lane encourages me to meander my own path I can’t help but laugh as I am sitting here, working very late on a project, procrastinating by catching up on your blog.
Happy Birthday, Joy! I am a long-time reader, though this is my first time to comment. Thank you for writing How to Impress a Boy with Baking. Back in the day I was a super shy 20-something. I did indeed make brownies not long after reading your post and lo and behold…they did impress a boy! I’m not as shy as I once was, but I thank you for writing a post that gave me a confidence boost when I needed it. Even now in my 30s, the heart of what you said still rings true–genuine giving is always attractive!
Such an incredibly lovely post. I also turned 38 this year, and I don’t take time to often to look to the past, but you have inspired me to today. 11 years – marriage, international moves, travel, too many jobs to count, love, and sadly loss. It’s been a whirlwind! Happy birthday bella! To many more baking adventures, travels, boys, and notes to your future self.
38 is one great number to be. But worry not, oh pretty one. 40โs and 50โs will be pretty great, too. Hydrate, exercise, smile and eat. You wonโt feel a day over 38 for the rest of your life. Happy belated birthday! Always love reading your stuff.
I’m a bit late getting this comment in, but I just wanted to let you know that your very best years are ahead. I am 30 years older than you. I remember my 38th year so well. I guaranty that your best years are ahead.. You get more confident with who you are and what really matters. You just get stronger and more able to handle life’s challenges. Your wonderful blog is evidence that you are ahead of the curve – so a belated happy birthday, and best wishes for many more to come.